As I mentioned in my introductory thread, I am new to the idea of a Poly lifestyle having only seen television shows about it previously until I was approached to be a potential second wife. Prior to my being approached with the idea I didn't think it was for me based on what I saw on television and only having been involved in monogamous relationships in the past but now actually praying through it and getting to know my potential future family, I am feeling more lead to this lifestyle.
The more I am exploring, experiencing, and praying it through though, I realized I do have a few insecurities that I am left with that I didn't previously consider. In the case of my potential family, it wasn't the husband that had the idea of a sister wife it was the first wife. She likes the idea of a second wife (and only a second wife) for multiple and very valid reasons and he was the one that actually needed more convincing on the matter.
The husband and I have had conversations about that and he has said in the past that when she first approached him with the idea he wasn't sure what to think mainly because they have been married for 20 years and to him, she was the only one he had ever wanted and had never considered another woman. Although prior to even meeting me, his mind was changed about the subject and he is all for it now as well; I guess those words have sort of stuck in my mind that she was all he had ever wanted and that he had never considered anyone else. Although he has done his best so far in our courtship to treat me just as fairly and equally and has tried to get to know me for me and enjoys spending time with me, I am still left with some insecurity in terms of how what I can actually offer to him in this relationship.
I know that I have a lot to offer to a future husband in plural marriage or otherwise but if he finds her so great, what could he possibly need from me? I am not trying to compare myself to her in any respect because I know the comparison game is deadly in these relationships and because she and I are two very different people with two very different personalities there really can be no comparison, it would be like comparing apples to oranges-both being fruit and with some similarities but with also many differences. It is more so the thought of "if he already has an apple that he is so in love with, then what interest or need would he have in an orange?" He jokes and says that he likes oranges too, but really, could he ever love and care for me as much as he does for her? Could we ever truly be equal in his eyes with their 20 year background and him not initially wanting anyone but her, or am I just letting my insecurities grow into something bigger than they need to be? I'm praying through it but I am interested to hear thoughts and suggestions from others.
The more I am exploring, experiencing, and praying it through though, I realized I do have a few insecurities that I am left with that I didn't previously consider. In the case of my potential family, it wasn't the husband that had the idea of a sister wife it was the first wife. She likes the idea of a second wife (and only a second wife) for multiple and very valid reasons and he was the one that actually needed more convincing on the matter.
The husband and I have had conversations about that and he has said in the past that when she first approached him with the idea he wasn't sure what to think mainly because they have been married for 20 years and to him, she was the only one he had ever wanted and had never considered another woman. Although prior to even meeting me, his mind was changed about the subject and he is all for it now as well; I guess those words have sort of stuck in my mind that she was all he had ever wanted and that he had never considered anyone else. Although he has done his best so far in our courtship to treat me just as fairly and equally and has tried to get to know me for me and enjoys spending time with me, I am still left with some insecurity in terms of how what I can actually offer to him in this relationship.
I know that I have a lot to offer to a future husband in plural marriage or otherwise but if he finds her so great, what could he possibly need from me? I am not trying to compare myself to her in any respect because I know the comparison game is deadly in these relationships and because she and I are two very different people with two very different personalities there really can be no comparison, it would be like comparing apples to oranges-both being fruit and with some similarities but with also many differences. It is more so the thought of "if he already has an apple that he is so in love with, then what interest or need would he have in an orange?" He jokes and says that he likes oranges too, but really, could he ever love and care for me as much as he does for her? Could we ever truly be equal in his eyes with their 20 year background and him not initially wanting anyone but her, or am I just letting my insecurities grow into something bigger than they need to be? I'm praying through it but I am interested to hear thoughts and suggestions from others.