A
Anonymous
Guest
Dear All,
Comparison between wives is one of the most difficult issues that some women face when they join a poly family. Comparison stems from insecurity and a unwillingness to believe the obvious: that they are loved and deeply cared for.
When women compare themselves to other women it is never in a favorable light. Almost always they assume that others are getting more attention, more finances, more time, and better treatment than they are. They always seem to come out on the short end of the stick when they stack themselves up against others.
To be fair, many women have experienced less than ideal relationships; first with their fathers and secondly with other men before they met you. They have learned through a life time of pain to distrust what men say and so when you come into their lives it is difficult to see you as different than the rest. However, women need to face the fact that you married them because you valued and loved them and fight against the insecurity that leads to comparison.
One way to fight insecurity is to simply believe your husband when he says he loves you. The way to fight against comparison is to be happy with what you have and focus upon your own blessings rather than assessing others.
What comparison does to a relationship is it causes stress through a constant and unsatisfiable need for demonstration to the contrary. When a woman compares herself to another then she becomes unhappy and must be reassured through words or deeds that she is valued as much as the one she is comparing herself too. When this becomes a habit it makes anything a man does for her not good enough because she will always need more reassurance the next times she compares. This can become a bottomless pit of insecurity that can never be filled resulting in a woman always being unhappy because she can never have what she assumes the other woman or women have.
It is normal to have some comparison going on between women. However, when it gets to the point that a husband reassurance is not enough then you have a problem. Unfortunately this is common in polygamous relationships and it is the women that have to decide to fight against it by believing, even contrary to their own feelings, what their husband says and does towards them. In extreme cases this deep insecurity can lead to a root of bitterness between your women and bring division in the family.
Polygamy molds men into leaders. The more wives you have the more you have to up your leadership ability. You must mature and become just, fair, compassionate, and resolute in order to successfully lead many women and have a happy household. Women want a strong hand tempered with compassion and understanding and they will respond to you if you stand firm against such things as comparison between wives. They must be educated as to what is going on and then gently but firmly made to understand that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Teach them to focus upon the blessings they have so that they may praise God and honor their husband in all things.
blessings,
Justin
"Listen, Hear,and Obey on time"
Comparison between wives is one of the most difficult issues that some women face when they join a poly family. Comparison stems from insecurity and a unwillingness to believe the obvious: that they are loved and deeply cared for.
When women compare themselves to other women it is never in a favorable light. Almost always they assume that others are getting more attention, more finances, more time, and better treatment than they are. They always seem to come out on the short end of the stick when they stack themselves up against others.
To be fair, many women have experienced less than ideal relationships; first with their fathers and secondly with other men before they met you. They have learned through a life time of pain to distrust what men say and so when you come into their lives it is difficult to see you as different than the rest. However, women need to face the fact that you married them because you valued and loved them and fight against the insecurity that leads to comparison.
One way to fight insecurity is to simply believe your husband when he says he loves you. The way to fight against comparison is to be happy with what you have and focus upon your own blessings rather than assessing others.
What comparison does to a relationship is it causes stress through a constant and unsatisfiable need for demonstration to the contrary. When a woman compares herself to another then she becomes unhappy and must be reassured through words or deeds that she is valued as much as the one she is comparing herself too. When this becomes a habit it makes anything a man does for her not good enough because she will always need more reassurance the next times she compares. This can become a bottomless pit of insecurity that can never be filled resulting in a woman always being unhappy because she can never have what she assumes the other woman or women have.
It is normal to have some comparison going on between women. However, when it gets to the point that a husband reassurance is not enough then you have a problem. Unfortunately this is common in polygamous relationships and it is the women that have to decide to fight against it by believing, even contrary to their own feelings, what their husband says and does towards them. In extreme cases this deep insecurity can lead to a root of bitterness between your women and bring division in the family.
Polygamy molds men into leaders. The more wives you have the more you have to up your leadership ability. You must mature and become just, fair, compassionate, and resolute in order to successfully lead many women and have a happy household. Women want a strong hand tempered with compassion and understanding and they will respond to you if you stand firm against such things as comparison between wives. They must be educated as to what is going on and then gently but firmly made to understand that this type of behavior is not acceptable. Teach them to focus upon the blessings they have so that they may praise God and honor their husband in all things.
blessings,
Justin
"Listen, Hear,and Obey on time"
