Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not leaving

[cdonport]

I just want to say that I came here looking for support bc we are first timers making lots of mistakes along the way. However, I was only judged and condemned on one of my first postings here that I wrote seeking help for....

I feel very sad. I thought this was a loving environment of other Christians.....

Thanks though. I would just suggest not being so judgmental of newbies who are trying to learn... and grow in Christ.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

I just want to say that I came here looking for support bc we are first timers making lots of mistakes along the way. However, I was only judged and condemned on one of my first postings here that I wrote seeking help for....

I feel very sad. I thought this was a loving environment of other Christians.....

Thanks though. I would just suggest not being so judgmental of newbies who are trying to learn... and grow in Christ.

I'm not really seeing where people judged you and certainly no one condemned you.

 

[CecilW]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

Please don't leave, cdonport. Whatever has been said, I'm sure that we can work this out.

 

[cdonport]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

maybe you're right. I've had an emotional day and Isabels words really hurt me. Like I said, this has been a roller coaster ride that I struggle with daily. I came on here to learn to make sure what happened would never happen again. Whether with our estranged sister wife or with someone else... I've had to hold so much inside because everyone doesn't yet know about our lifestyle so I've had know one to talk to. This is my first time reaching out for help and there's a lot of buried emotions.

 

[rycast]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

I just got caught up on your post and the issue at hand. This is a sad situation and like the Fourth families that I have seen break up this year. This produces lots of strain on both sides of the family. her as well as your husband and you. The number one thing that needs to be done is Your Husband needs to research his heart with God and pray about what all has gone on. lots of time when women seek to become a sister-wife and join a family it's under less then desirable circumstances. This is when we need God the most to show us the way and not to rely on our weaker emotions.
We have all have committed sin in our lives, it's nothing to be proud of, but we need to seek the Lord's will. I wish you and your husband well and many prayers.

 

[ylop]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

ylop wrote: I will start off by saying, THANK YOU FOR SHARING, I really appreciate it. I hope to learn from your situation. And my analysis below is to clarify my own thoughts and possibly help others.

Hi again cdonport.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

It is through sharing our experiences that we all learn to navigate in largely uncharted waters.

Please perservere with Biblical Families.

I would like to see your situation work out well for all involved.

Best regards,

ylop

 

[cdonport]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

Thanks you all . I'm new here so maybe I took it too personally.

 

[Oreslag]

Re: LEAVING YOUR FORUM

I just want to say that I came here looking for support bc we are first timers making lots of mistakes along the way. However, I was only judged and condemned on one of my first postings here that I wrote seeking help for....

I feel very sad. I thought this was a loving environment of other Christians.....

Thanks though. I would just suggest not being so judgmental of newbies who are trying to learn... and grow in Christ.

I'm not really seeing where people judged you and certainly no one condemned you.

In considering the following from the original thread (OT):

I am simply judging your husband by his act of using and then discarding a woman. This doesn't seem very Christian if you ask me. Now you say she misrepresented but personally, I feel that is a convenient excuse to absolve him from the guilt of taking and abandoning a woman who cared about him. Not only that, I think it is shameful of you to claim now that she probably just wanted taking care of. This is a cycle of re-writing of history that places blame squaring on the dismissed wife, leaving you free to start dreaming of the perfect sister/second wife all over again.

I just think it is a crying shame is all, I am sorry you feel judged but as an unmarried woman, I find your attitude irresponsible and I don't think that is good for the Polygamy movement.

Bels

I too find this response judgmental. In particular, all the emboldened statements require the author to have objective knowledge of the hearts of all the participants; which is a perspective that only God possesses. Without such a perspective, all we can do is speculate as to the motives of the individuals. For example, on what basis does Isabella conclude that he 'used and discarded' her rather than 'obediently reversed his course based on the new information at great pain and cost to himself and his family'? Thus, I find the claim that cdonport was not being judged or condemned indefensible. Indeed, I find this post inflammatory and insulting in addition to being judgemental.

Perhaps also noteworthy, judging another is certainly not Christian, for the scripture says God alone judges. The extent of our judgement should always be limited to what is borne out in evidence and can be compared with God's Word. As an example, if witnesses observe a man stealing from his neighbor, God has judged this man based upon the comparison of His Word to the observable actions as testified by the witnesses (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew 18:15-17&version=ESV). However, if the sin is a condition of the heart and cannot be observed in individual behavior (e.g. harboring a lustful attitude toward another man's wife), no witnesses are available and judgement is held for God.

Thank you Fairlight, you are right, it is not my intention for anyone to feel unsupported (and I feel the first few posts on this thread were very supportive) but given the follow up posts on this thread and some other posts made by the OP. I felt it important to point out that being brutally honest and self analytical about a failed relationship goes a long way to prevent making the same mistakes over and over.
When it comes to relationships, especially when there are children involved, don't you think it is a little more important to take the hit now, so you will not get into similar situations again, how painful for all involved adults AND children?
We have a responsibility to children especially not to be irresponsible and if we are, and if people tell us we have been, than the least we can do is be adult, suck it up and think about what "we" did wrong, not 'what someone else did to us which means it is not our fault really and besides next time when we have different sleeping arrangements won't everything be swell.......'.

B

I offer this critique in the spirit of Isabella's suggestion that brutal honesty might prevent the same mistakes being made over and over. Indeed, to the emboldened italic, I find that the spirit of judgement persists into this post as well, so perhaps being brutally honest and self analytical about the tone of her own posts would benefit us all.

IMHO, it seems abundantly clear to me that points of genuine criticism could have been made much more graciously (i.e. less brutally) in this case.

 

[Oreslag]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

Thanks you all . I'm new here so maybe I took it too personally.

I'm new here too, but I don't feel you took it too personally. Though the posts weren't directed at me, I found them to be offensive as well; in a 'personal attack' sort of way instead of a 'controversial topic' sort of way. I'm glad you're sticking around.

 

[cdonport]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

Thank you all. Separations are hard- and devastating. Some of the comments could have been said with more grace. Any break up, divorce, or separation in a monogamous or plural relationship is just as equally devastating for ALL parties involved. My heart is still vulnerable at this moment and that is the main reason I reached out to this website. I knew the only way to heal was to talk about it, grow, and learn with others.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

I'm new here too, but I don't feel you took it too personally. Though the posts weren't directed at me, I found them to be offensive as well; in a 'personal attack' sort of way instead of a 'controversial topic' sort of way.

Yes you are new here.
I've been around here for awhile and this thread is tame compared to many I've seen. (I think Bels would agree with me on that one !!! :lol: )

Personally I feel her husband acted appropriately based on the information given. And FTR, no one was attacking her.

 

[Doc]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

CD,

Please also keep in mind that the posts of one person do not reflect the views of EVERYONE. You will find a whole lot more people on here who desire to help you in the healing.

Keeping you and your situation in prayer, and you are not forgotten.

Blessings,

Doc

 

[Isabella]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

I've been around here for awhile and this thread is tame compared to many I've seen. (I think Bels would agree with me on that one !!! :lol: )
.

Oooh yeah............

And, as previously stated, lots of the posts...including mine have points that are personal and general too, we have seen these situations here quite a lot. I think it is very human to assume that our situations are so particular that no one would 'get' it, but we do. If you stay around here long enough you will see it all again too.

Bels

 

[cdonport]

Re: Thanks for putting things in perspective.... I'm not lea

Actually, after much soul searching, Isabellas post help me look at things outside the box. I knew what was in my heart, and that's why the way she portrayed things stung so hard. However, I can see now how another might look at the situation from the outside looking in.