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SYOMQ: Marrying a divorced woman

macike

macike

New Member
Still Yet One More Question: Divorce and Remarriage.

I am sure these questions have been answered elsewhere but my search terms are to general, if someone could point in the right direction.

We met 10 days ago and wrote emails back and forth for three days. And if 11 days ago you told me this was even possible, I would be floored. Polygamy no problem. But this is just wow.

Here is the situation.

She is still married and will be divorced in October. Her sperm donor moved out and abandoned her and his kids about 18 months ago after 8 years of marriage. He has moved half way across the country with a new sweetie. She is a Christian and he is not. How should this be handled?

Clearly nothing till the state sanctioned divorce is legal. So If you can point in the direction for the discussion that
has taken place or somewhere else, I would like that.

My assumption is that since he left as unbelieving spouse she is free to marry
 
She is available...

1 Co 7:13-15 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.
 
I agree with Scarecrow, that yes, she is available, but keeping the following in mind:

1 Corinthians 14:40 ~ "Let all things be done decently and in order."

Whereas Paul was speaking to the congregation at Corinth about behavior in church services, the principle is the same in all areas of our walk.

My recommendation to you is to proceed VERY slowly. Do not let that 'new relationship energy' overwhelm you into moving too quickly, and thus causing damage not only to this developing communication, but also to yourself and your current covenant.

Because in the eyes of the law she is still married, I would ask you to hesitate into entering into any sort of covenant with her until this situation is taken care of. This is coming from someone that does not believe that a piece of paper from the state makes you married. However, if you were to venture into any kind of relationship with this woman before those legal ties were broken, it could have a detrimental effect on things such as support, custody, property, et al.

But the guy is a loser? Even more so to be VERY CAREFUL. If word were to get to him that his legal wife was in some sort of 'illicit' (not my view, but of others) relationship, he might just have enough of an evil heart to use it against her, and by proxy, you as well.

Besides, waiting until these hurdles are out of the way will give you sufficient time as a family to get to know her better. If God is in it, He will still be in it when the legal situation is taken care of.

Jesus says in Matthew 10:16:

"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.

We must recognize that we live in a fallen world, and we must be aware of the world's tactics. In addition, by showing honor to the demands of the legal system, we are also showing honor to the Lord who established that authority.

Blessings, and I hope that it all works out for His Glory!

Doc
 
I agree with the two responses so far, and will add the following:

Her sperm donor moved out and abandoned her and his kids about 18 months ago after 8 years of marriage.
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I think that the "sperm donor" was more than just a sperm donor. They were married for 8 years and he is the father of the children, it is not like he got her pregnant and then disappeared.

Be very careful about accepting one side of the story as FACT, it might come back to bite you. IF he was married for 8 years, he might be more of a father than is being presented, and if this is true, then Doc's advice is very valuable. The father might change his mind at any time and want to have a relationship with his children, especially if there is another woman involved now. I have seen this very situation before, the new woman wanting to see this man be a father to his children so that she is reassured that he will be a good father to any children that THEY will be having.

Just be careful brother, time allows you to let the emotions settle, and the brain can begin to function properly again.

God Bless
 
I am a little confused about the passage you use to say she is free to marry. Doesn't the passage simply give the wife the right to divorce. Even after a divorce, there is no passage that allows a divorced person to remarry. Shouldn't she remain single and celibate for the rest of her life?
 
"In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace."

They are not bound to the marriage (enslaved) and are therefore free to marry again (at peace). If a person is not eligible to marry we are told that is the case - like in these verses:

1Co 7:10-11 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
 
Of course, all this must be taken in proper context as well. Note particularly, for example, that: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy 24:1-4&version=ESV reveals that it is not an abomination to marry a divorced woman (indeed, I believe divorce was instituted for the protection of husbands, wives, and future spouses against the hardness of heart of at least one of the two individuals in a marriage that cannot be reconciled in peace, just as Jesus declares), but rather to remarry a woman you divorced previously. Presumably this is because you shouldn't be divorcing her in the first place if she was acceptable to be married to (e.g. was not an unrepentant idolator or unfaithful spouse or similar).
 
"to remarry a woman you divorced previously"

This is not prohibited unless she has remarried.

Deu 24:1-4 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the LORD. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the LORD your God is giving you for an inheritance.
 
Scarecrow said:
This is not prohibited unless she has remarried.
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Of course. I was assuming the situation described in the passage (i.e. I was assuming remarriage to a previous wife after she had been remarried and again divorced) but thank you for pointing this out since I did not make that clear.

However, my point in using this passage was highlight that nowhere does it suggest that the divorced woman marrying another man is wrong.
 
Back to MacIke's issue (looks like we're sidetracking onto the Technical Query on Adultery topic

MackIke,

In strong agreement with Scarecrow's, DocInKorea's, and Paul not the apostle's posts. For added oomph, check out One Cookie Or Two.

Go for it! But do it right, and earn a life-time of bragging rights that those of us who didn't can only envy (and resolve to learn from and emulate if faced with the same situation in future.)
 
I think anyone, man or woman, needs to check the whole elements given in the scriptures, concerning who is eligible to be married, and to whom. I have done this study, and it is interesting. It may not be as You think.
The belief held by many professing christans, that a divorced woman cant remary, is false, it just is conditional. Anyone considering this is highly advised to know those conditions, so as not to commmit adultry with another man's wife, which is a capitol crime.
The scripture is plain on this subject, if You let it be. SEE: Duet. 24:1-2.
The law is the same today as it was at that time, and will be forever.
I personally dont believe that the State Divorce has anything to do with what the Creator thinks about this subject, since the three way contract with the State, called a marriage license is a crime in the sight of the Creator.
If You follow what the Creator's law says, He'll be happy with You.
The scriptures plainly says the woman must have a Bill Of Divorcment from Her Husband Who divorced Her. If You study this further, there's a reason for this, in law. It is, the Man has a Property right in His Woman and His Offspring, the Bill of Divorcement is the same principal in law, as a Quit Claim Deed to a piece of land, which is Property, they both are the evidence that someone relinquished their Right in some Property, to someone else.
The Creator set all law in motion, and explained it to all who will study to be approved. "May You all have a Happy Godly Marriage"

EJ.
 
ChrisM:
I think in both cases Deuteronomy 24:1-4 is critical. It all comes back to whether she has a "certificate of divorce" from her husband - in other words if her husband has released her from his ownership. So my reading of the situations, which could well be wrong, is as follows:

In your case, as you divorced before understanding all of this, I suspect you did release her in this way (although you didn't recognise it as such at the time). In that case she was free to remarry, and is no longer available to you.

In your parents' case, it comes back to whether your father divorced her or not (I'm not talking about the state paperwork, I am talking about his understanding of the situation and how he expressed it to her).

If he divorced her for her sexual immorality (which he was clearly entitled to do, Mat 19:9), then he has released her from his ownership and no longer has any claim over her. She is free to remarry, and that marriage would not be a sin. That obviously does not mean she is sinless, the adultery she committed before he released her is sinful, but her behaviour after that is not adultery. On the contrary, if she is now with another man he would be sinning were he NOT to marry her.

If she obtained a state divorce of him against his will, and he remained willing to forgive her and keep her as his wife, then she has not been released. All sexual behaviour by her to this day has been adultery, and will continue to be so. I would argue that she does not have the authority to remarry because she still belongs to your father, and even if she were to "marry" this would in reality be just a long-term adulterous relationship.

Does this sound a reasonable interpretation to others?
 
FollowingHim said:
Does this sound a reasonable interpretation to others?
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Yup. Pretty accurate.

Sorry to hear of your heartache, ChrisM. May I offer a suggestion? Cast whatever lust demon is driving your mom OUT! Without her permission? Sure. If she decides she really wants it, she can get it back easily enough. But in the meantime, she'll have freedom to reflect and decide without interference.
 
Hi All, as I have said, I have done a study on this subject, for to satisfy an arguement between two of My Christan friends. One was absolutely sure a divorced woman cannot remarry, the other expected Me to answer the question, When I couldn't positavely answer the question, it bothered Me that I did not know for sure. So, I had to search it out, that's what I do best, is research on many subjects. Especially, Religon, Law, and Medicine.
I find that the Scriptures is written to and about one group of people. The Law that the Great Creator God gave to Moses and the people, is just as much the law today as it was then, the law has not changed. The Covenant was changed, but not the law. Another consideration is that all the references to the Scriptures and the law, appearing in the New Testament
are quoted from the Old Testament, since the New Testament had not been written at that time. The rules stayed the same then even now.
In My study I used the Old King James version of the scriptures, which contains many misprints, and a Strong's concordance. I don't use the new versions of the scriptures for I find them worse than the King James. I prefer the 1599 Geneva Bible. With those tools and a little time, You can learn a lot.
What I learned:
1. Adultry committed by a woman, is not grounds for a divorce, the penalty is much worse, but the man she committed adultry with, has to be included.

2. A man and woman are married at the time they have sexual intercourse, in God's eyes.

3. A man can give a woman a bill of divorcement and put her out of his house, just because He finds fault with her.

4. When the woman has the bill of dovorcement in her hand she can go and be another man's wife.

5. I cannot find any condition under which a woman can divorce her husband.

6. On this subject, The King James Bible has a few misprints, or mistranslations. The term "Put Away", and the word "Divorced" are not the same meaning, neither was the same word used in the origonal scriptures.
Once this problem is corrected, the scriptures speaks plain.

7. A man can only commit adultry with another man's wife, not a single woman.

8. A man can marry as many women as He can support, lot's of conditions on this one.

9. A man cannot have any relations with a woman that is "put away", not divorced, she's still the property of someone else.

10. The Offspring belongs to the man. "Property Rights"

11. A man cannot take back a wife who He has divorced, if She has had sex with another man She is married to the other man, in God's eyes.

I would give You'll the chapters and verse, but if I do You'll never look it up for Yourself, if I don't give You the chapter and verse maybe You will look it up for Yourself, and be glad You did.

I enjoy reading Your posts when I have time.

May the Almighty Creater bless You All.

EJ.
 
but it appears that since she has remarried I could not marry her again.
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my own personal belief is that she could not expect you to take her back, but YHWH would not consider grace and mercy toward her a sin.
 
@ Jack,

Good study, if I may:


1. Agreed

2. Betrothal deserves mention here. As sleeping with a betrothed woman = adultery. I'd say they are married when they enter a contract with each other, sleeping together mandates that a contract be made.

3. Generally agreed. What faults are valid is a touch and go matter though, it has to be something that constitutes impurity or uncleanliness.

4. Agreed.

5. Lack of provision is often cited, though its on shaky grounds, as that is a special case in the law.

6. Yep.

7. Yep.

8. What conditions? Most of the conditions are fairly situational. The only universal one that comes to mind is that he can't change the course of inheritance.

9. Agreed.

10. Meh, its his household, everything stays with him except what she had before the relationship started. The kids come after the relationship started, so yeah.

11. It goes a bit further than that, even if she is divorced again she still cannot return to the first. It's a special case law.
 
@ Jack interesting observations. With regard to point 2, I would tend to agree more with Tlaloc's point and reference Ex 22:16-17 as support. These verses would seem to suggest that they aren't married even though they'd slept together. The man is required to marry her if her father allows it.
 
jack said:
1. Adultry committed by a woman, is not grounds for a divorce, the penalty is much worse, but the man she committed adultry with, has to be included.
...
3. A man can give a woman a bill of divorcement and put her out of his house, just because He finds fault with her.
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Good points. Just a small comment on these ones. I agree with Tlaloc that the reason for divorce must be due to "uncleanness". I must add that adultery is actually a good example of uncleanness and solid grounds for divorce. Although the just penalty is obviously more severe, we can see from many examples that it was not necessarily applied. When Joseph thought Mary had committed adultery, he "had a mind to put her away quietly", not to stone her. When the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus, he did not require the penalty be administered. And God Himself describes himself in parable form as divorcing his two adulterous wives, not stoning them.

Although stoning is the just penalty, a merciful husband is more likely to divorce for adultery. An even more merciful husband may forgive and keep her. As Christians we are to show mercy just as Christ has done for us, so it is these two merciful options which we can follow.
 
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