I have noticed concerning patterns after reading following threads:
Problem with threads like first is giving up of goals. What happens here: Husband finds polygyny, tell wife, wife wants divorce, advice is same family.
There is some value in saving family. Notice that advice given up implies giving up polygyny. But more proper advice would be give up polygyny for now. Emphasis: for now.
Notice that in my variant goal of polygyny isn't given, just delayed.
There is bad practice in Western strategy practice. It has with realistic goals. There is tendency when there is mismatch between goal and resource, to be "realistic" and lower goals. However, it's also possible to keep same goals and "stretch" existing resources to achieve goals.
Regarding threads like seconds is delusion on one thing fixed all. In this case it's arranged marriage by father will sad situation of current marriage culture. Sadly, it's doomed to fail.
First reason is that in any more complex situation there will be multiple causes which implies all causes must be taken into account for success. If you want a job, it's not enough that you have needed skills. There must also be demand for those skills, business willing to pay acceptable wages for those skills, you and business can find each other, you and business need each other rather soon......see many factors.
Yet, for marriage we remain so much blind towards those factors. What can those be: attraction, communication styles, attachment style, libido level, life goals, desired lifestyles etc...Notice how any of mentioned factors can sink marriage? Do you truly believe that by making just one change marriage culture will be fixed.
It think this is consequence of bigger meta-pattern. You see, we treat society like technocrats. If we do these intervention or max 2/3 we will be able to fix following issue1, issue2 and issue3. Arranged marriage by father is case of those sickness here on forum, but it generally widespread. Notice how in such cases, how much is left to complexity, for individuals to learn and find their own path. Notice how it's all "leave it to experts".
Also, this isn't theology post. I don't claim arranged marriage is or isn't biblical. What I'm claiming it's very bad to "read" arranged marriage into bible, get into "expert knows everything mode" and insist arranged marriage is only proper path.
There is also another issue, affecting more males than females. Finding sexual partner take some time (for humans year or two to learn "courtship") to acquire proper skills. Some of those are very damaging to start acquiring at start of marriage which arranged marriage where father "takes care of everything" will cause. I'm not joking.
Learning how to tease women can be done without marriage. Confidence building and how to notice interest of other sex is way better to learn before marriage. Regarding sex, I heard rabbis teaching couples to be married how to achieve sexual pleasure.
Problem with threads like first is giving up of goals. What happens here: Husband finds polygyny, tell wife, wife wants divorce, advice is same family.
There is some value in saving family. Notice that advice given up implies giving up polygyny. But more proper advice would be give up polygyny for now. Emphasis: for now.
Notice that in my variant goal of polygyny isn't given, just delayed.
There is bad practice in Western strategy practice. It has with realistic goals. There is tendency when there is mismatch between goal and resource, to be "realistic" and lower goals. However, it's also possible to keep same goals and "stretch" existing resources to achieve goals.
Regarding threads like seconds is delusion on one thing fixed all. In this case it's arranged marriage by father will sad situation of current marriage culture. Sadly, it's doomed to fail.
First reason is that in any more complex situation there will be multiple causes which implies all causes must be taken into account for success. If you want a job, it's not enough that you have needed skills. There must also be demand for those skills, business willing to pay acceptable wages for those skills, you and business can find each other, you and business need each other rather soon......see many factors.
Yet, for marriage we remain so much blind towards those factors. What can those be: attraction, communication styles, attachment style, libido level, life goals, desired lifestyles etc...Notice how any of mentioned factors can sink marriage? Do you truly believe that by making just one change marriage culture will be fixed.
It think this is consequence of bigger meta-pattern. You see, we treat society like technocrats. If we do these intervention or max 2/3 we will be able to fix following issue1, issue2 and issue3. Arranged marriage by father is case of those sickness here on forum, but it generally widespread. Notice how in such cases, how much is left to complexity, for individuals to learn and find their own path. Notice how it's all "leave it to experts".
Also, this isn't theology post. I don't claim arranged marriage is or isn't biblical. What I'm claiming it's very bad to "read" arranged marriage into bible, get into "expert knows everything mode" and insist arranged marriage is only proper path.
There is also another issue, affecting more males than females. Finding sexual partner take some time (for humans year or two to learn "courtship") to acquire proper skills. Some of those are very damaging to start acquiring at start of marriage which arranged marriage where father "takes care of everything" will cause. I'm not joking.
Learning how to tease women can be done without marriage. Confidence building and how to notice interest of other sex is way better to learn before marriage. Regarding sex, I heard rabbis teaching couples to be married how to achieve sexual pleasure.
