So for full clarity, which I am a fan of... I thought it might be productive to open a thread on the differences of standards vs. nurturing. And because the English language is a funny thing these days and words don't mean the same thing to everyone, I am enclosing dictionary definitions (dictionary.com). Not because I'm trying to sound overly intelligent or something, but just for the sake of clarity and so we can all be on the same page.
Standard:
noun
-something considered by an authority or by general consent as a basis of comparison; an approved model.
-an object that is regarded as the usual or most common size or form of its kind: We stock the deluxe models as well as the standards.
-a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment: They tried to establish standards for a new philosophical approach.
-an average or normal requirement, quality, quantity, level, grade, etc.: His work this week hasn't been up to his usual standard.
Nurture:
verb (used with object), nur·tured, nur·tur·ing.
-to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
-to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
-to bring up; train; educate.
So standard is mostly used to judge with. While nurturing is an action used to grow whatever it is in our care.
Previously in another thread I had basically made a comment that one's standard for their wife was that they had married her. Here is what I mean:
What was Christ's standard for us to become His bride? He required a set standard for us to become one with Him. We need to believe that He died for our sins and three days later rose again. That is the standard for our salvation. Once we have obtained it, we have it. He will never leave us or forsake us. We are now Christ's bride, as He saw that we met the standard. Now, I am not saying that He leaves us there and says we can now do whatever we want because we met the standard. He is always in the process of growing us. He knows what fruit we can bear with the right pruning and care and He will go to whatever lengths it takes to nurture our growth. When I fail Him, He does not think I am no longer His standard- He took me as His bride and I am His. He is faithful to forgive me and continue to nurture me. Which is quite interesting to think about; if Christ who is almighty God can still love us for the most outrageous sins we have and could commit against Him, He remains faithful to act in all ways as the perfect husband to His very imperfect bride(s). So I find it very interesting that Proverbs says for a man to be satisfied with his wife, and gives no list of standards. He is to remain as satisfied as Christ is to His bride. The standard was met when He saw the standard was met and He turned us into His bride. So a human husband can be nurturing yes, but not allowing his own standards to judge whether or not she is worthy to partake in the number one duty of marriage. That does not follow the model Christ set for being a husband. Christ doesn't continually change the standards after we marry Him, once we marry Him we are one with Him and He is faithful to remain our husband.
Here is a visual explanation of what I mean as well:
Standards
_____
- size 10
- size 8
- size 6
- size 4 <----- my standard
- size 2
-size 0
________
= anything above by the definition of standard means: below comparison and not acceptable; below a grade requirement, not normal. So this is literally saying if standards aren't met the man is not required to fulfill martial duties, because his wife is now below the requirement for him maintain the marriage contract.
But we have met the requirement with Christ, He married us. He sealed it. He hates divorce. We have been found acceptable and He approved of us when He set the standard to be married to Him.
Nurture
_______
- a healthier lifestyle
- more time in prayer
- learning new skills
- being less busy so there can be more quality time
- correcting wrongs
- having a gentler spirit
- submitting more
___________
These are all examples of how to nurture someone. All of these fall under the duty and responsibility of those under your authority to grow them into the best things you can make them. None of these say that if you fail to keep a requirement you will lose your place. They are all manufactured out of love. And yes, I even consider that discipline can to be a facet of nurture.
So that is the clarification I wanted to make concerning the word 'standard'. I have also said there should be no expectations. Let me clarify this as well. What I meant was "One should not have expectations met in order to give their spouse love." In this usage it is pretty much the same thing as standards. However, unlike standards, expectation can take on a positive tone, "I expect you will see results from all the hard work we both have been putting in."
Also something that may be of some mediating; The Lord has said that with the same judgement we judge others, it will be judged unto us. I am not saying this as a way of condemning anyone, but it just struck me as writing how very thankful I am that Christ does not consider breaking my marriage with Him as a threat every time I fall short of His nurturing.
Standard:
noun
-something considered by an authority or by general consent as a basis of comparison; an approved model.
-an object that is regarded as the usual or most common size or form of its kind: We stock the deluxe models as well as the standards.
-a rule or principle that is used as a basis for judgment: They tried to establish standards for a new philosophical approach.
-an average or normal requirement, quality, quantity, level, grade, etc.: His work this week hasn't been up to his usual standard.
Nurture:
verb (used with object), nur·tured, nur·tur·ing.
-to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
-to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
-to bring up; train; educate.
So standard is mostly used to judge with. While nurturing is an action used to grow whatever it is in our care.
Previously in another thread I had basically made a comment that one's standard for their wife was that they had married her. Here is what I mean:
What was Christ's standard for us to become His bride? He required a set standard for us to become one with Him. We need to believe that He died for our sins and three days later rose again. That is the standard for our salvation. Once we have obtained it, we have it. He will never leave us or forsake us. We are now Christ's bride, as He saw that we met the standard. Now, I am not saying that He leaves us there and says we can now do whatever we want because we met the standard. He is always in the process of growing us. He knows what fruit we can bear with the right pruning and care and He will go to whatever lengths it takes to nurture our growth. When I fail Him, He does not think I am no longer His standard- He took me as His bride and I am His. He is faithful to forgive me and continue to nurture me. Which is quite interesting to think about; if Christ who is almighty God can still love us for the most outrageous sins we have and could commit against Him, He remains faithful to act in all ways as the perfect husband to His very imperfect bride(s). So I find it very interesting that Proverbs says for a man to be satisfied with his wife, and gives no list of standards. He is to remain as satisfied as Christ is to His bride. The standard was met when He saw the standard was met and He turned us into His bride. So a human husband can be nurturing yes, but not allowing his own standards to judge whether or not she is worthy to partake in the number one duty of marriage. That does not follow the model Christ set for being a husband. Christ doesn't continually change the standards after we marry Him, once we marry Him we are one with Him and He is faithful to remain our husband.
Here is a visual explanation of what I mean as well:
Standards
_____
- size 10
- size 8
- size 6
- size 4 <----- my standard
- size 2
-size 0
________
= anything above by the definition of standard means: below comparison and not acceptable; below a grade requirement, not normal. So this is literally saying if standards aren't met the man is not required to fulfill martial duties, because his wife is now below the requirement for him maintain the marriage contract.
But we have met the requirement with Christ, He married us. He sealed it. He hates divorce. We have been found acceptable and He approved of us when He set the standard to be married to Him.
Nurture
_______
- a healthier lifestyle
- more time in prayer
- learning new skills
- being less busy so there can be more quality time
- correcting wrongs
- having a gentler spirit
- submitting more
___________
These are all examples of how to nurture someone. All of these fall under the duty and responsibility of those under your authority to grow them into the best things you can make them. None of these say that if you fail to keep a requirement you will lose your place. They are all manufactured out of love. And yes, I even consider that discipline can to be a facet of nurture.
So that is the clarification I wanted to make concerning the word 'standard'. I have also said there should be no expectations. Let me clarify this as well. What I meant was "One should not have expectations met in order to give their spouse love." In this usage it is pretty much the same thing as standards. However, unlike standards, expectation can take on a positive tone, "I expect you will see results from all the hard work we both have been putting in."
Also something that may be of some mediating; The Lord has said that with the same judgement we judge others, it will be judged unto us. I am not saying this as a way of condemning anyone, but it just struck me as writing how very thankful I am that Christ does not consider breaking my marriage with Him as a threat every time I fall short of His nurturing.
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