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Speaker Listener Technique

sweetlissa

sweetlissa

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Real Person
Female
From a book called Fighting for Your Marriage. at http://www.prepinc.com

This is a technique for communication during an argument. I am posting it because someone asked for some help with communication issues and I thought it might be helpful to others.

The "floor" is a piece of card stock that looks like a kitchen floor. If you wanted to get creative you could use a piece of tile or anything that can be held.

Rules for the speaker
- Speak for yourself. Don't mind read!
- Keep statements brief. Don't go on and on.
- Stop to let the listener paraphrase

Rules for the Listener
- Paraphrase what you hear.
- Focus on the speaker's message. Don't rebut.

Rules for Both
- The speaker has the floor.
- Speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
- Share the floor.
 
:lol:
good one, paul

hmmmm, games to fight by. whatever works :)
 
Bless you Lissa

David
 
You rotten men. Ladies, I think this answers every question we might have had about why we argue with our spouse. Check out response 1 & 2.

David, Thank you for the encouragement.
SweetLissa
 
Wasn't either Paul's or Steve's FAULT, Sweet Lissa. They'd been communing with Sir BumbleBerry and some BlueBerry wine, and their internal clowns were leaking out. :lol: Plus, we had a private BF conference over behind the counter and agreed that we all rather ENJOY pillow fights. Don't you and your family?

Having said that, let me add my approval of your post. And the technique. My first wife and I were taught it and it proved highly effective. May have saved our marriage, making it good enough that I felt ok about seriously checking out PM, which then brought it to an end. I mean, to a loooong temporary hiatus. *sigh*

You're a good 'un, SweetLissa. Don't let our brotherly teasing disturb your peace. Ever. It's the Patriarchal Equivalent of little boys dipping the end of your pig tails into inkwells. :roll:
 
All jokes aside, we find the paraphrasing part to be helpful during our times of "intense fellowship". One of the most difficult things for us has been understanding exactly what the other's point is, and the paraphrase seems to make the connection easier.
 
Cecil,
Have you ever seen an inkwell? Anyway, I am just doing what I am supposed to do. You guys are doing what you are supposed to do (irritate me?) so all is good.

SweetLissa
 
SweetLissa: Yes, actually. a) had one in an old desk used when I was a kid in Minn. b) Also, lived in Korea in the late 70s, and used a dipping pen and ink to write for several months. c) I read Mark Twain over and over when about Tom Sawyer's age.

Never did actually dip a pig-tail, though. But the imagery is pretty vivid.
 
rotten?

naw, that smell washes off :D
 
Steve,
You are too funny for words. Thanks for always being great at knocking me down a peg or two. I love it. Remember, though, I give as good as I get.

SweetLissa
 
sweetlissa said:
You rotten men. Ladies, I think this answers every question we might have had about why we argue with our spouse. Check out response 1 & 2.

David, Thank you for the encouragement.
SweetLissa
Click to expand...


Yep! Kinda says it all. :D Who is Sir Bumblebee? Did I miss something from Kindergarten?

Michelle
 
Sir Bumbleberry is CecilW's alter ego and Steve's 2nd favorite playmate. (Favorite being his wife of course.) Sir Bumbleberry gets everyone in trouble and he is responsible for catching my mind and occupying it when it wanders off. Is that clear enough?

SweetLissa
 
sweetlissa said:
Sir Bumbleberry is CecilW's alter ego and Steve's 2nd favorite playmate. (Favorite being his wife of course.) Sir Bumbleberry gets everyone in trouble and he is responsible for catching my mind and occupying it when it wanders off. Is that clear enough?

SweetLissa
Click to expand...
HA! I thought Sir Bumbleberry was a character from a song. I feel much better knowing he is just CecilW's "alter ego"--I think. :D I just hope Sir Bumbleberry doesn't get me in trouble. I do enough of that on my own.

Michelle
 
More or less 20 years ago, Cecil and his 7 year old son went to clown school and became clowns. Cecil was BumbleBerry.

10 years ago, Cecil joined another, now defunct, online poly group. It could be argued that they took themselves SOOOO seriously, that they went round the bend, or perhaps round the circle (actually, they were located in a town named Circleville), and became another sort of clown school.

BumbleBerry resurfaced as a leavening element amongst all the ponderous pomposity. NOT, mind you, that all were either ponderous or pompous. Many became good friends and many are on this list here, all these years later.

If anything, it was more a defense against becoming too constantly serious and both pompous and ponderas himself. He believes that this whole issue -- Biblical Families -- is sooo important that he tends to get, well, that way, and start preaching in long, dry as dust, exquisitely torturous, I mean "scholarly" arguments that have been routinely used by his darling Mrs. Pussycat as a somnolent (they reliably and quickly put her deeply to sleep. Move over Nyquil!)

Ergo, Sir BumbleBerry the Towering Ponderosa. He likes to drag stuff out of the Ecclesiastical Cupboards, play with it on the floor with his cousin Galahad BumbleBerry, SweetLissa's Wondering Mind, and anyone else who happens to wander past and can be coralled long enough, then put it back on a nice low shelf, where he can pretend it's actually his. Or at least pull it out quickly to inflict on unsuspecting newbies. :lol:
 
Steve = Sir Gallahad BumbleBerry said:
that explanation is a relief

michelle
there are a couple of sirs bumbleberry running around on the board (or under it). the original belongs to that floridian webfoot cecil.
with 7 kids in our family as i grew up we could not afford imaginary friends so i had to wait until now when i have become chums with a distant cousin of cecils lil buddy.
they used to hide behind giant lolipops after making audacious statements that cec and i would not dream of even thinking. for purposes both obscure and reasonable we have removed said lolipops and replaced them with dq blizzards. i guess that when winter comes cec and i will have to remove and properly dispose of the contents so that the little fellers don't freeze hiding behind them.

if you are now completely confused, my work here is done
Click to expand...

I think it is just possible that Steve meant to post this here. Could be wrong.
 
huh, i'm thinkin that sir g bumbleberry was messin with my head and confusin the old feller

great to have ya back, cec
i hope that you have already started a report on the conference somewheres on the board, ali said that it was quite something and appreciated her drummerboy
 
I'm a bit reluctant to do a report, Steve. a) We were only there for the latter half, b) we were both seriously tired and had to miss some while we WERE there, and c) we are/were welcome outsiders. We didn't necessarily understand, and thus couldn't really value parts of what we experienced.

However, I agree with Ali, we did have a good time doing music. I felt as though the Spirit was present and dancing WITH us.

Also, one talk really touched me, and I will start a thread about it after a bit.
 
Steve & Cecil,

You guys are too funny. I appreciate a good laugh when conversations get way toooo serious. I guess the clown school paid off. Are you guys cousins in real life?

Thanks, again for the laugh--I sure needed it today.

Michelle
 
Well, I have to admit that I like Sir Bumbleberry and his cousin better than hubby's alter egos, Mr. Business and Mr. Pompous. T and I agree that with those two in the mix there are two too many husbands.

SweetLissa
 
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