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Reversal Surgery

M

maddog2

New Member
Hello Men, I tried to post to the men's section but could not so here goes...
I am now at a point in life where I can consider having reversal surgery for my 1988 vasectomy. Since the original surgery I have had repeat regret for my decision. I now believe it was wrong for me to do this based on scripture which says that children are an inheritance from God. I read that God blesses his followers with little ones. Here are a few of the "societal issues" that come with this and I wish your feedback. I am now 50 years old and any child would not graduate from high school until way after retirement age. The ability to "run and play" with my young children is not there like is was as a young man and many say that cheats the child out of having a normal parent-child activity. Similarly, the late nite feedings and care for the youngun's is more difficult at our age.
Secondly, my wife cannot have children due to a hysterectomy before we met. Additionally, she is not on board with this whole polygyny life. She is however in favor of having another child cuz she loves babies, and I think she would do well second time around. For both of us this is our second marriage and all the children(7) are grown and most are married(6). We have grandchildren but they live 500 miles away and their parents really don't speak with us anyway(long story).
Our counselor says we should just stick with our dogs as they are like our children anyway. (Side issue: all the worlds children would do well if they lived as comfortable as our dogs.) However, my heart desires to be "dad" again. I didn't do a bad job last time- all our kids are productive members of society. It's just that as a young man we had no money and had children and now that we have money we have no children. I have a problem with adopting in that I would rather have my own biological children. What do you men think? Ladies, you can chime in too.

Maddog2
 
Off the cuff: By all means explore reversal. BUT, ask God if He wants to place love in your heart for step or adopted children, then that is ok with you too, but He'll have to do it. THEN sit back and see what happens!
 
had reversal at about the same age
recommend returning the plumbing to the way that you were created
having more children is a separate issue
 
Maddog2 said:
Secondly, my wife cannot have children due to a hysterectomy before we met. Additionally, she is not on board with this whole polygyny life.
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There is a more fundamental issue here than just surgery. If your wife cannot have children, the only way you can morally father more is through polygyny. And she's not keen on that idea, so that option might not be conducive to maritial harmony...

I'd solve that issue first. Regardless of the fact that you now regret your vasetomy, reversing it will make no practial difference to your life today, unless you get another wife, so you'd be wasting money and pain pointlessly. Wait to see if God puts a second wife into your life, which may also involve Him bringing your current wife around to the idea. If He does (and she is able to bear children, and you decide to have children with her etc...), I'd consider the reversal then. Just being pragmatic.
 
My first thought would be to seriously consider if you could find it in yourself to consider adoption. Considering that your wife is not on board with having a sisterwife and neither of you can physically have children without extensive medical intervention, this would seem to be the obvious answer.

I too have had a vasectomy, and not a day goes by that I do not regret that decision. I felt regret even before I got my clothes back on after the procedure. I seemed so numb prior to the operation, but the moment it was done, I felt as though a great dark sword had been driven through my soul. I cried silently for months, realizing that I had voluntarily cut myself off from future blessings that God may have had in store for my family.

Seemingly to make things worse, around this time I had a very lucid dream on two separate nights. I had a little girl (I only have boys) who was about four years old, laying in the crook of my arm, snuggled against my chest. Somehow, I knew her name was Musette (Not a name we had ever considered before). There was very little interaction in the dream, just feelings, mostly. But MAN was it ever real! I could feel the warmth of her body, the silk of her hair, the rise and fall of her breathing. I could smell the hint of lavender in the lotion she had rubbed on after her bath and the clean, sweet scent of her breath. We just laid there in the early morning light...happy and content. I felt more at ease with this beautiful little blonde headed, blue eyed bundle laying against me than at any other time in my memory.

And then I awoke....The comforting weight of her against my chest suddenly magnified to an intense pain of panic as she and all the sensations of her vanished. For a moment, I tore the blankets away, looking for her. I swear I could still feel the warmth of the sheets where she was laying. Then I fully realized that it had all been a dream. The overwhelming sense of loss that I felt in that moment haunted me for the next three months. About a week later is when I dreamed of her again. She was just as real, and when I awoke, she was just as "gone". I wept into my pillow until I could find the strength to put on my mask and go about my day.

Do I regret my Vasectomy?...Yes!
Do I still long to hold Musette in my arms?...With every fiber in my being!
Will I undergo a reversal surgery?...Probably not.

I believe that I can still hold my Musette. That I was shown the fullness of my destruction and given such a longing for her so that I might comprehend the fullness of my blessings. Musette may come to me as a "miracle" baby....Vasectomies are not flawless, after all. In years to come, I may find her as a grandchild from one of my three boys. Or she may come to me via adoption. Any of these would give glory to God, but I feel that the last option would bring Him the most. Adoption is His perfect providence in an imperfect world. Adoption sets the solitary in families (Psalm 68:6). It provides for orphans in the same way that plural marriage can provide for widows (James 1:27).

If I am not to know the comfort of holding her in these ways, I will continue to hold her in my heart and share her with others so that my loss can be their gain. Seventeen and a half million children have been slaughtered since Roe V. Wade. Most think that it is chiefly women who know the regret of interrupting the creation of life. Surely, my regret for cutting off life before conception is nothing compared the pain that a woman feels after having aborted her living child. But if I can share my pain at the loss of Musette as a warning to those men who are considering the same decision, and it changes even one mind, resulting in the birth of one beautiful child, I will gladly bear it.
 
Thank you, Taller. Though I don't have your story or a dream of the specific children I missed, I share your pain, and have cried out for healing and divine reversal of my youthful, ignorant but nonetheless HUGE mistake.

Unfortunately, in my case, it would take more than a simple reversal. It would require Divine intervention. But I would do it in a heartbeat, regardless of expectation of having a future biological child. I am firmly convinced that it DOES affect us negatively, regardless of what medicine says. It has been wrong about such things before.
 
I'm female, so had the companion surgery to what you had, but here is my testimony on the subject, and my humble opinion... I realize you really long for biological children, but, truly, isn't ANY child a gift from God? Regardless of whose genes it carries? ;)

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I had a vasectomy in 1986 and a reversal in 1991. God made it possible for me to get the reversal through a Christian Urologist in Texas who specialized in reversals. I had been pressured by my wife at the time, to get the vasectomy. I soon realized how that I had cheated myself out of a very cherished gift from God. When I recognized my mistake, I prayed a prayer of repentance and told God that if he would help me reverse what I had done, I would be forever grateful weather or not I ever had another baby. I now have three adopted children. I have not yet fathered another biological child. My reversal was a success as it was tested in the same way we tested it post vasectomy. I had swimming seed. My wife lost her reproduction organs in 1987 before I knew her due to stage 3 ovarian cancer. We adopted the three we have now. God gave her a dream before we were married, that we had a miracle baby that she had conceived, carried and delivered. In her dream, she gave testimonies in church services about having this miracle baby. This has not happened to date. My wife has rejected biblical polygamy and I have placed it entirely in God's hands. I believe the restored Church is coming to a place in the near future, where believers will be made whole in every way, body, mind, and spirit. I believe that the aged will reproduce even as Abraham and Sarah had Isaac in old age. Our youth will be restored, and we will have the energy to keep up with our offspring. I also believe that babies who are aborted in the womb, go to be with Jesus. Many women have lost babies through no fault of their own. We have to ask ourselves, at what point does God recognize a baby in the womb. Personally. I believe a life is formed the second the seed enters the ovum and the spark of life begins. Many of these fertilized ovum never attach themselves to the uterine wall. They abort with the next cycle. I believe heaven is filled with these children and that they will be with the saints who accompany Jesus to set up the earthly messianic Kingdom. "Taller on my knees" may have seen one of his little girls whom he had already fathered, when he seen Musette. It is one possibility. I know I saw one of mine and I was given to believe there are many more I have not yet seen. I will provide only one scriptural reference at this time, God told Abraham his seed would be as the stars of the heavens and the sand of the sea shore. I wonder how many babies who never made delivery here, comprise that infinite number over there. I firmly believe in sewing your seed. It is a gift from God. Don't have vasectomy's, and if you can get them reversed go for it. If you can't afford it, ask God to reverse it for you. I hope my thoughts have not offended anyone. Blessings to you and yours.
 
Besides the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" aspect to this topic and all that it entails, (from the longings for Musette to the repentance and restoration that results in blessings even if there are no more children conceived,) there are also very real health reasons to have the reversal surgery, including but not confined to prostate health. As my husband and I were looking into this before he had his reversal, we were quite surprised to find out that more gets damaged in a man by messing with his reproductive system than one might think. For one thing, it is not at all uncommon for there to be a rupture where the "knot" was tied in the "fire hose," and when sperm gets in the blood stream, the body looks upon it as an invader and goes into auto immune response. Not a good thing at all....
 
Hmmm, 1988, my husband had his vasectomy in 2002 and when we went to see the urologist about a reversal just last year, the prognostic of having a successful reversal was not all that great 60% and it decreases with each year you wait. Have you talked to a specialist to find out what your success rate would be? I simply pray and stay open to life. If the Lord wills it, we will have another with or without a reversal. If he does not than perhaps our ministry lies with helping other children that are not our own.
 
I'm trying not to be an apologist in writing this. I regret my vasectomy, it was a painful decision that I regret especially considering the fallacy of it all. I was married for about 9 years at the time and really wanted another child. My wife agreed if I quit smoking for 1 year we could. So I quit smoking, then she waffled. She then took it to another level, if I got her pregnant she would get an abortion and there was nothing I could do about it, not wanting to estrange my marriage and knowing I simply couldn't live with the idea that a child of mine could be murdered by an overly expensive blender I got a vasectomy. I'm hard to medicate, I kid you not that I felt the pain of the cuts. But it was nothing compared to the regret - especially after we got a divorce. I was in China when that happened. We had agreed to move here, then she abandoned me. Living here to be considered as a mate children are THE most important as Chinese are only allowed one. I met my beyond incredible wife knowing that this was a deal-breaker. We dated for awhile and I waited to tell her, but I felt it was dishonest and had a talk with her. I explained the Vasectomy, why I had one and the ramifications it had for us should we get married. I sat there feeling the most terrible angst of my life sure that this kind, beautiful and frankly every dream I had for a wife was going to tell me that she had to move on. It was compounded by her not saying anything right away. It took a few seconds for her to realize I was expecting a response, in her thinking there was no question she just thought I was informing her and was expecting me to tell her my plan for us to have children - for her there was no question that I would be her husband. I thought I was completely floored when I had this realization.... then she really floored me, she said, "You really are a good man". I've loved the Lord all my life, like other men I've faltered many times in applying him to each and every instance of my life but at that moment, the first thing that came to my mind was "This is the woman he has brought to share my happiness and burdens". It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. I have never had happiness that comes close to what I have today. I feel more right with God than I have before, and no, not because I married her - but it's certainly part of the package. I may not have much in the way of money now, the divorce and relocation hit me hard. But, I know the Lord has me covered.I will try for the reversal this year and failing that a direct transfer - I don't really care about the pain, it will be far less painful than the regret I've felt over my stupidity in the first place. But hindsight is 20/20. :ugeek:
 
POLYMISS said:
Kids are annoying baggage. Get a dog, they're less complicated and less demanding.
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Don't get a dog,, they are blindly loyal and too simple....get a cat.

Don't get a cat, their litter trays stink and they leave fur everywhere.

Get a goldfish....actually...never mind.

Don't get anything, live your life by rules and opinions stated on some website, by somebody, somewhere...

B
 
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