When PM came into our life-it’s like a new relationship was needed to be formed between my husband and I.
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Reconsidering infidelity
- Thread starter Well loved wife
- Start date
When PM came into our life-it’s like a new relationship was needed to be formed between my husband and I.
I find it distressing that the idea "they love someone else also and it has no reflection on their love for the first person" never even enters into the discussion :\
From my perspective, any conversation with someone who does not think that cannot find common ground about PM.
As long as we hold on to the mindset that love is finite and relationships must neccesarily harm other relationships, the idea of PM will remain anathema. It's only when we realize that (speaking of Biblical polygyny here so, addressed to men) a man can love more than one woman at once without diminishing his love for either that we start to comprehend that poly might be feasible.
Of course there is also the concept that men were designed from Eden to be poly-capable in their brain structure and leadership role. It's inbuilt: continuing to preach that a man's desire for more than a single woman is evil, or unnatural, or whatever, is only harmful, and keeps our culture locked in this paradigm where monogamy is the only acceptible option and yet we suck at it so badly.
From my perspective, any conversation with someone who does not think that cannot find common ground about PM.
As long as we hold on to the mindset that love is finite and relationships must neccesarily harm other relationships, the idea of PM will remain anathema. It's only when we realize that (speaking of Biblical polygyny here so, addressed to men) a man can love more than one woman at once without diminishing his love for either that we start to comprehend that poly might be feasible.
Of course there is also the concept that men were designed from Eden to be poly-capable in their brain structure and leadership role. It's inbuilt: continuing to preach that a man's desire for more than a single woman is evil, or unnatural, or whatever, is only harmful, and keeps our culture locked in this paradigm where monogamy is the only acceptible option and yet we suck at it so badly.
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If the discussion is about why people have affairs is focused on the needs of the individual, then it's pretty obvious how PM benefits the man. But to try and understand the woman's point of view in PM takes a little more work. Trying to maintain the order of headship, establishing the realm of trust and loyalty to a woman, bringing peace and love to her life, all revolves around what Christ does for the church and what we are to do as husbands. Sure, the old testament version says that a wife most obey. But the new testament version is based on the idea of one will obey because of love, not force.
For a man to benefit from PM, a woman has to know that she is loved, and loved deeper than any love she will ever find.
For a man to benefit from PM, a woman has to know that she is loved, and loved deeper than any love she will ever find.
I have a few minor problems with this but at the same time she makes a lot of sense. The way it was presented I could rewrite it and easily throw a pro PM spin on it.
For sure
Ms. Perel has come up before in this thread. Her other TED talk (referenced in that linked thread) is pretty good, and would benefit anyone in a "long term relationship". Her book is also really good (also referenced in the other thread). Like everything (including the stuff sold at the Christian bookstore...), on the one hand you'll have to filter out some stuff that obviously runs counter to biblical teaching, but on the other, don't let a couple of things you disagree with cause you to reject a bunch of other stuff that is very insightful and useful.
I would suggest that her premise is itself flawed due to her own western worldviee: that is, she is perpetuating the idea that if a married person falls in love with someone else, there must be something wrong (not fulfilled completely) in the first relationship. Which, when we consider God and His 100% love for each of His children, is wrong. So, I would definitely filter that for anyone looking to this video for help understanding plural...it simply doesn't assume that Biblical lifestyle as a valid option. Although certainly her points about non-deceit and realizing our own worth even if the other person doesnt meet all our expectations are certainly good 