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Rebellion

sweetlissa

sweetlissa

Member
Real Person
Female
What if a wife is constantly rebellious? If a husband has tried everything he knows to guide her, how long should he continue to allow her to be in rebellion. Scripturally, what must a husband do if his wife is not immoral but refuses to obey him?

This recently came up in a discussion and we cannot find the answer. Can you all give us some input?

SweetLissa
 
When a woman rebels against her husband she is in violation of numerous commands including:
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
Not to mention that it is likely that she has broken her wedding vows stating that she would love, honor, and OBEY her husband. Breaking a vow is not the same thing as breaking the marriage covenant, but it is not far from it either.
There are numerous causes for this, however until the woman realizes her error and repents there is little anyone can do. The scriptures tell us to overcome evil with good, so my first thought was for the husband to show her that he loves her whenever and however possible. He should continue to honor his covenant with her to the best of his ability, but should also be exploring options for himself and if possible any children that may be involved.
In Exodus we are told that God hardened Pharaoh’s heart and at other times that Pharaoh hardened his heart. There may be an unknown reason that the Lord has chosen to harden her heart, or she may have hardened it attempting to control her husband. God can harden a person’s heart in order to cause another person to move in a direction they might otherwise resist. This has been true in my life, and in the long run it has always worked out for the best.
 
Hey sister,

This may be too simple but if we turn the question around I think it will make a bit of sense.

How long should Christ tolerate sinfulness in his bride, us the body of Christ? How long should he love us, put up with us, tolerate us, and love us while we still struggle with sin?

If we take two motifs of Scripture, love and Christ's love applied to the church, his bride, then I think we arrive at the right position. Christ is dedicated to his bride with an eternal love, an unconditional love. A reading of 1 Cor. 13 on love shows us just how unconditional love really is.

Now if a women is totally and forever rebellious it is a sign of an unbeliever (see 1 John 3:9). But we can't see what struggle is going on in the heart and there may be fruit in one area along with sin in another area. But even if this is the case then the man cannot leave the woman as Paul prescribed in 1 Cor. 7. If the unbeliever leaves the believer let it be, but the believer cannot leave the unbeliever.

Furthermore, in reality, a man who marries a woman must accept what he has chosen. This is why courtship and time are the best friends to any person seeks to take another to himself or heerself. Time shows if a person is truly submissive to Scripture, or at least in most cases it does as that is the norm.

A man who has a rebellious wife does have some resources though. He can exercise discipline upon her through the church (Matthew 18) if she continues to live in sin. But for those that may not be in a local body it could mean others brothers and sisters coming into to address the issue (accountabilit and discipline from the larger body of Christ). But then a husband must be strong enough to take this step. Some are and some are not. This is the principle that Jesus taught as well as the apostles in regard to brothers and sisters holding one another accountable. Counseling might be of help as well.

Hope this is of some help.

Dr. K.R. Allen
 
Ideally a man that has plural beliefs and has a rebellious wife should not be in overwhelming emotional pain as the truth gives him more options. Even though in this society it is difficult, he might be motivated to seek another lady. Rebellion should not be given power over the home. Her problems are an unfinished work and she will hopefully finally return with God or she will finally depart sinfully. Alone, she may feel free to find another husband but it is only an excuse for "legal adultery".
 
A husband, in this case, should do his up level best to reassure his wife / first wife of his love for her and spend lots of time in prayer, not only for his own wisdom in how to handle this, but for his wife / first wife as well. I see the following ways of taking care of this and that is :
1) The husband try his best to assure his wife of his love for her and to lovingly instruct her on what Gods word has to say about PM and marriage in general, thus allowing him to rest in the knowledge of said word should he have to resort to the next step.
2) After attempting to do all of the above and said wife is still in rebellion, then he should send her away for a time, ( said time to be determined on a case by case basis ) to allow her to contemplate on what her roll is as wife, what her place is in their marriage and to realize who the husband answers too.
3) If the wife, after all of the above, still wishes to remain in rebellion, then the husband can extend the time apart, he should continue to pray for her and continue to send her Godly instruction from HIS word, in the hope of redeeming his wife.
4) Should at a point in time, the wife becomes involved in or does things that the husband believes meets the criteria of giving his wife a written decree of divorcement, then and only then should he do so, but, only after much prayer.
 
Sorry Lissa,
Guess I just assumed that is what was alluded to in your first post....but you know what they say about assuming things. Any who....my response would still be the same but just remove the reference to PM for my response would, I think, still apply to any situation concerning rebellion from a wife.
 
Last night I went to a local bookstore and purchased a copy of "Created to be His Help Meet" for my daughter. She is 15 (no she is not married yet...and probably won't be for many years) and this book will help her learn and understand things I could never adequately explain to her as her dad. If the woman has not completely "turned to the dark side" this book could possibly be the wedge that keeps the door from slamming shut, and possibly even be the very thing that opens the door back up. I noticed this book from an earlier post on this site so decided to check into it...seems to be a very powerful piece of literature.

http://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/createdtobehishelpmeet/
 
Okay, I will refine the question:

Suppose in an ongoing leadership struggle between a husband and a wife the wife decides she doesn't have to follow his leadership anymore. She leaves his home and has abandoned her wifely duties, but expects him to continue to provide for her. What is the biblical obligation of the husband. Should the husband continue to financially support her, even though she is in rebellion but has not committed a sexual sin.
 
Yes. He is obligated to her by covenant. Two wrongs do not make a right.

1 Corinthians 7:10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Even our heathen courts cause a man to provide for his wife (and children) when there is a civil divorce. But in the civil and Biblical case if she remarries there is no further obligation because civilly her new husband is now to take care of her, and Biblically what she has done is an abomination and he is not to take her back.
 
Welltan, I think you had it right at first, obligated, but on his terms. He is, after all, the head of the household. I think he must provide a sheltering place for her - in his home; food for her - in his home, with the rest of the family; transportation - not required; companionship - certainly, as she seeks him out. If a woman insists on acting the spoiled child, she should be treated as such. After they were very small, I never found corporal punishment required for my daughters, but they knew and largely obeyed the rules of the house. I guess I'll hopefully never be so foolish as to marry a woman more immature than my teenage daughters.

It also sounds as if she has more issues than merely being resistant to her husband's headship. It sounds to me as if she were badly neglected or abused during her childhood and is acting out against her husband because it is safe to do so. In such a case, her husband would be wise to back off the control issue and work on establishing a trusting relationship wherein she would feel safe and comforted in following his lead. I bet the courtship wasn't very long and she didn't understand the relationship she was getting into or what her new husband would expect of her and why. When dealing with a victim, these things take lots of time and emotional investment.

Dave
 
I was searching for an already posted topic relating to what I wanted to post, without starting a new topic, and I think I found one.

I have been married for almost 6 years now. My husband has been the head and leader of the family during the majority of that time...and sometimes a good one and sometimes a bad one. I've always loved doing things for him though, and am always thinking of him. Co-workers at work call me whipped. Anyway, He hurt his knee about two months ago and caused him to change professions from plumbing and being home everyday to truck driving and haven't seen him hardly in those two months. I am very sad and lonely. We have a 2 year old little girl and was kind enough to get me knocked up again before leaving, which will come in August. I feel like a single mom, although he says he'll start being home more in a few more months. I don't consider myself a rebelious wife, but I feel lost and abandoned, even though I talk to him everyday. I'm sorry that I've turned this into a "woah is me" post, but I've been holding this in for sometime. I feel like I don't have a head anymore and am just mourning him, while at the same time I know his heart is in the right spot by doing what he's doing and trying to take care of his family, but to leave me alone for two months with our daughter and pregnant again is almost unbearable...ok I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep now...
 
Oh Lisa...I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. It is hard enough to have a small one at home and have another on the way and feel like you are totally alone. My husband has worked in a field that took him away from home the majority of our marraige. I did everything by myself, paid bills, tended to the children,worked around the house ect, I had five kids at home!I would get so angry at him and when he came home it was nothing but upheavel, which really upset him. I was the head of the household(or so I thought), I took the kids to church,sunday school,ball practice,doc appointments...put on a cape and I was super woman!lol It wasn't until I had a real heart to heart with him and told him how I felt...the money wasn't worth our family. I told him I NEEDED him to be the head of our home in every way. I did not want to assume those roles and he didn't want me to either. He felt like he was doing what he needed to for his family, he was working to support us, to provide for us. Men see things different than we do, women are more emotional about our lives and men are more practical...NOT ALL WOMEN AND MEN ARE THIS WAY. I have friends that think I am old fashioned...but this is the way God intended us to be...men are the hunters and gatherers so to speak and we are the care givers and nurturers. I do understand how hard it is to have a small child and have one on the way, and when the husband isn't there you can feel awfully lonely and upset that he is missing out on your pregnancy. There is NOTHING greater than the birth of a child....I would have had 20 if I could have...unfortunately my body let me down and those days are behind me. Just know that he is working hard for you and your children...while is doesn't help with the loneliness, maybe it will help you see why he has to do as he is doing. If you ever wanna chat just send me a message. I live a little north of Houston in Montgomery Co. Take care honey and big hugs for you and your little girl....and CONGRATS ON THE BABY!!!!!

Shannon
 
Lisa,
I am not trying to downplay what you are feeling right now, but rather hope to help you change your perspective. There are many on this site and in this country whose husbands are not working right now. Praise God your husband has a job. As far as that wonderful baby in your belly, God again deserves so much praise for blessing you with another child. I am sure there are many of us who wish we could be pregnant. I recently miscarried after eleven weeks and while I know that God is in control - I still wish the baby didn't have to be taken away. So give your daughter a big kiss, rub your belly, and when you see your husband next......well I'm sure you can figure out how to make him happy!!
Much love, AnneMarie
 
I'd say it's the church's job to point out to her she is in rebellion.
 
lisarp03 wrote,
Anyway, He hurt his knee about two months ago and caused him to change professions from plumbing and being home everyday to truck driving and haven't seen him hardly in those two months. I am very sad and lonely.
Click to expand...

Lisa, I believe, after reading your letter a couple of times that the above quote is the heart of the issue. Change is always difficult and your family has experienced some major change. I am certain that both you and your husband are really good people, trying to make the best of the situation that has arisen. Your feeling of being sad and lonely is very normal and righteous. I would be concerned if you didn't feel that way with your husband and head on the road. If it helps any, I am equally certain that he too is feeling the separation pangs that you are, but expressing them differently. Add to the separation, the chemical and emotional changes that take place in a womans body and mind while performing the wonderful miracle of producing a marvelous human being and you have the situation that you describe. Your sense of loss and isolation is normal, but please remember, this too shall pass. Hang in there, things will be better soon! You can do it. Thank God for your sensitive spirit and for a godly husband that will do what he must to provide for his family. That is one of the ways men show love.
 
this is an interesting thread to choose for the post.
in regards to that, i am not sure what you are really asking. is the heart of your question being understood and responded to?


as a truck driver myself, i can understand that if you are working full-time (even part-time), pregnant, AND have a 2yr old with no physically present house-band, your situation is borderline impossible.
are there things that you guys can do (get out from under car payments, downsize the house, etc.) that could release you from the job? that might be of some help.

please understand that driving over-the-road is very lonely for him also. (being "owned" by the training company really stinks, but he has to "do his time" as it were) worse still is the feeling of helplessness as he senses your need and is unable to be there for you. he may very possibly act in a defensive manner in reaction to it.
 
thanks for all your comments. tylersmom and John thank you for your uplifting words, and thank you chapman for showing me it could be worst. and steve I realize the actual point/question of the post might have been a little vague..
the point hiding under all the pain i was feeling last night was really about the wife assuming all the roles as the head when no head is found and does a wife rebel by assuming those roles which really aren't meant for her...and has it been responded to? I'd say so since the response I got for the most part was hang in there, and not preach to him next time he calls and tell him how much he's abandoned his family and should come home...
 
i hope that you check out what i was adding at the time that you were posting :D
 
well right now JW (his name) is training and is not making very much while training. I am working fulltime at the moment, because it is much needed while he is training, because he is not making the full wage I think of a truck driver while he's training. But he has one more month of training and I expect that he'll be making alot more then. I've already talked about going to either part time or quiting altogether when the 2nd baby comes along with him...and he has also stated with 2 kids I might better...cause with one it was ok for Grandma to watch her while I worked, but I can't ask my mom to watch both my kids while I worked. So yes we've pretty much decided that I need to gradually be thinking bout cutting back hours and eventually quiting. My dad has a home video of me when I was about 5 where he asked what I wanted to be when I grow up and I said "When I grow up I wanna be a mom". So believe me when I say simply being a mom and nothing else would bring me the most happiness ever and I pray that dream will soon become reality.
 
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