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reasons for wanting a sister wife that are deal breakers

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Something I was thinking about while reading various articles and being
asked the question of why pleural marriage. These are some answers that
would be deal breakers and a no go.
1. My libido is not what it used to be and my husband's is still high, so he needs another wife to help in that area.
2. I am going crazy with job and home and need help with the cleaning and cooking and children( if there are any) Yep I would jump on that chance to be a part of that family. Can anyone say live in housekeeper.
3. I finally beat up my husband (figuretively) enough so he finally agrees that we need to try polygamy. I would love to be that experiment! Not
I'm sure there are more, but I ran out. Can anyone add to the list. dd
 
You are in essence on the right track with those thoughts which reveal some problems. Men of character who are mature in love and leadership skills would be leading the way whereas in those reasons as listed it is the woman who is leading the way, which is a total reversal of roles. There are a myriad of reasons as to why people seek or go about any union the wrong way.

Ultimately for a believer the goal to grow a family will be so that the gospel can be spread and the Great Commission work accomplished. But in contrast to that Satan and his kingdom will sow a thousand other ideas into the mix as to why one needs to grow their family yet for the wrong reasons. Some of those wrong reasons are things like:

-it is all about more sex

-it is an ego boost

-it is primarily about self instead of serving in a stewardship as one grows the lady towards Christlike character

-it is because one has "fallen in love" instead of the biblical precedent which is about "growing in love."

Just a few of the many many bad reasons.
 
mo.nurse said:
Something I was thinking about while reading various articles and being
asked the question of why pleural marriage. These are some answers that
would be deal breakers and a no go.
1. My libido is not what it used to be and my husband's is still high, so he needs another wife to help in that area.
2. I am going crazy with job and home and need help with the cleaning and cooking and children( if there are any) Yep I would jump on that chance to be a part of that family. Can anyone say live in housekeeper.
3. I finally beat up my husband (figuretively) enough so he finally agrees that we need to try polygamy. I would love to be that experiment! Not
I'm sure there are more, but I ran out. Can anyone add to the list. dd
Click to expand...

Oh wow, I have heard all of this along with recently; "My wife wants to go back to work, so we want someone who will stay at home" The joke here is that they feel it is totally reasonable to look for someone who will serve a function, like a member of staff (2) No sense that she is a real person with equal input in what she wants to do with her life.

Bels
 
mo.nurse said:
Can anyone add to the list. dd
Click to expand...

I love lists, you did ask, and I am in a playful mood:

4. Homeland Security have discovered that our maid is not a US citizen, but I really want to keep her around home and the children adore her. Husband, would you please do the honourable thing and give her a ring?

5. Honey, since we moved to Colorado City five years ago for that job transfer, we just haven't fitted into the community. I am tired of wearing jeans and a t-shirt, only taking up one row at church, and having the shopkeeper stare at me when I buy just one bag of groceries. Can you please get me a sister wife to remove my shame?

6. If there is one thing that will finally get his mother to like me...

ylop
 
Everytime I've read 'I'd love to have someone to ''help with house stuff, taking care of my kids, etc.', I've thought to myself "geeze I'd never want to do get to know that needy family, they just need to hire a babysitter or housekeeper'. Wonder why they'd thing that would be attractive to anyone???
 
That is funny maddog. Anyway I agree some people have the wrong motivations. They are thinking only of the obvious benefits of the arrangement and are not thinking about family-growing really. However some women like to stay home and take care of house and kids so there will be some who don't mind that the family thinks of these things as a benefit. The benefits should not be the end goal though as others have said on here.
 
some good stuff here, but just a few things to consider:

when a guy decides that he is ready to start a family will he not be looking for a woman of like mind? a dyed-in-the-wool, full-bore career-oriented woman would be judged as not fitting the profile? why would a new member be different?

families are teams, or in my opinion should see themselves as such. is it not wise to consider the strengths and weaknesses of the team when considering adding another member.

wouldn't women have some preferences? are they really open to just any situation? proly not. not all prospective families are independantly wealthy and can give all members the opportunity to live as they desire.

is it not all about finding the right fit between the needs and desires of both the family and the sister-wife?
 
I want to thank all of you for this list. We are adding a new sister wife to our family and I have been doing a lot of soul searching to make sure this is right for us. I have four children and she has two so I want to know this will work before hand so the children aren't hurt. I feel that joining our families is what God wants, we just have to go about it the right way. I want my sister wife to have the same relationship with our husband as I do, well you know what I mean, to be loved unconditionally, to have stability, to grow with us. The things every one has listed do come into play in a relationship but should not be the reason you enter into polgyny. We will end up sharing the responsibilities of children and home but for me to say oh you stay home im going to work is an outragious idea. the people who chose polgyny for just those reasons are setting themselves up for faliure and they need to think how they would feel in the new wifes shoes.
 
This is a brilliant thought provoking thread, especially in light of my own recent decision to take plural marriage for our family into serious consideration! 8-)

In response to the reason of wanting to have a sister wife for the purpose of relieving one's own over-whelming child-rearing and housekeeping responsibilities, I must wonder if there are a lot of folks who get into polygamy for the parallel reason--- that is, of seeing a single parent family in need, and desiring to reach out and lighten their burden? Or am I just weird? :?:

On the other hand, if one looks at a single parent with several unruly children, and an unkempt house, and judges her as being a "less-competent" parent, and desires to combine families in order to take control of the situation and "show her how it's done," then that would be, in my opinion, a wrong, and insincere motive, and a disaster waiting to happen.
 
Seeing the person in need, and desiring to help is a GREAT reason.

That's the very definition of Compassion, the emotion that moved our Lord to so many healings, deliverances, and even having 5000 men and their families over for a picnic.

But you're also right ... wanting to take charge and straighten someone out? Sucks eggs!
 
do you have something against raw eggs, sans utinsels?

if you can get the fam trained, no breakfast dishes ever again :!:
 
steve said:
do you have something against raw eggs, sans utinsels?
if you can get the fam trained, no breakfast dishes ever again :!:
Click to expand...

All you need is a bushy tail, and a hairy, multi-colored back. (Skunks...) :lol:

I do try not to have that description quite fit either myself or my family. ;)

Wait a minute ... Is raw eggs something you've been fermenting? Eeeewwww! :o
 
mo.nurse said:
Something I was thinking about while reading various articles and being
asked the question of why pleural marriage. These are some answers that
would be deal breakers and a no go.
1. My libido is not what it used to be and my husband's is still high, so he needs another wife to help in that area.
2. I am going crazy with job and home and need help with the cleaning and cooking and children( if there are any) Yep I would jump on that chance to be a part of that family. Can anyone say live in housekeeper.
3. I finally beat up my husband (figuretively) enough so he finally agrees that we need to try polygamy. I would love to be that experiment! Not
I'm sure there are more, but I ran out. Can anyone add to the list. dd
Click to expand...

I do not see anything wrong with reason 1

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1 Corinthians 7:9
 
ylop, you may have just made my day! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Very cleaver

Needing a maid/nanny are terrible reasons to have a monogomist wife too! My boyfriend once had a woman say " I need some one to pay my bills, I'll do the dishes, I'll wash your laundry." He was so discusted! But a husband and wife may very well serve these functions. It's the intentions that matter.
 
Thanks FunGirl.

If you want some serious entertainment, look up the thread 101 Things To Do While Waiting for a Second Wife.

ylop
 
Regarding the "wanting someone to help with childcare / housework" reason, I think this is all about balance, and I like Steve's post. There are practical considerations to this arrangement, and I would be surprised if anybody did not think of them when considering it. A second wife will be a help to the family just as the existing family will be a help to her. Any man should be able to see the gaps in skill / interest / time etc in his family that could be filled by another wife, just as a single man sees the gaps in his life that a first wife would fill.

It is perfectly reasonable for a single man to recognise the big pile of washing in the corner, his bachelor's diet of bread and noodles and the fact he always forgets to shower as PART of the reason to want a wife, why can't the man looking for a second wife also recognise related issues? :D

Obviously a single man marrying someone just to wash his laundry would be wrong, but marrying somebody who he loves for many reasons and will also wash his laundry is a brilliant idea.

So I think it is perfectly reasonable to want a second wife for practical reasons, whether they be housework, childcare, fertility, or even to have another income outside the home. It would be wrong to think that you can get those benefits while giving nothing in return, or to expect that the wife God provides will be exactly the person you have imagined - God's view on what your family needs might be quite different to your own...
 
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