Months ago I brought up the topic of plural marriage to my wife as a possibility for our family.
We did not get to talk about it rationally. She was very upset and very angry. I understood this, and didn't want to hold this against her since she grew up in a fairly standard American home. Unfortunately she left for a few days and then, thank God, she came back.
She wanted me to meet with a family friend (an older man) who is a believer we both have some respect for.
I was happy to meet with him. He was cordial and gave me the first couple articles he had found on Google about why polygamy is wrong. We talked through them and I got him to agree that they weren't scriptural articles and that they were all built on inferetial teaching rather than exegesis. I talked with him about the kinsman redeemer, the amount of the Bible that was written by polygynists and how the scripture said that God gave David his wives (plural). He said he hadn't really heard of all those scriptures. I thought we might be approaching an agreement on the scriptural basis for polygyny. Then he said my argument was possibly a vain philosophy that could draw me away from the truth. At that point I stopped trying to reason with him altogether. What he had said seemed so insane to me that I felt it was better to just ask to pray the Lord lead both our families and not try to work out any agreement on the scripture for the time being. However I didn't realize how our conversation would change our relationship. To be honest I dont trust him anymore. I feel strongly that he didn't believe his own words and that he was just trying to "bring me into line". Now I feel that his love for respect supersedes his love for truth and that he is making a conscious decision to avoid being associated with the truth on this issue.
I came back to my wife and she was glad that I had met with him. She didn't care that we didn't agree, she was just happy that we prayed together and didn't have any fight over the issue. (I think maybe she was also relieved that someone had heard her husband thinks polygamy is ok and yet nothing blew up and our old friends didn't totally freak). My wife was still very much keeping her distance from me, both physically and emotionally. I can say again that I think I should have plenty of patience for her to work through the lies and doubts that come up in response to this issue. I will also keep speaking the truth to her and praying her through these issues as we go. A couple days later she told me that she knows other people's arguments aren't scriptural but that she would feel tricked if I took another wife. She said she had thought it was well understood when she covenanted with me that we were going to be exclusive for life and that she would have never agreed to marry me if she thought I might take a other wife. That did make sense to me and i think what she said is accurate. I told her that, yes I think we did have that understanding. So I'm not sure but I think I may be in a situation where if I am to take another wife I would want her to release me from the understanding on which we made our covenant.
My wife has calmed down over the last few months and I have disciplined myself not to talk about polygyny. I thought God wanted me to give her time to do one on one business with Him. I have seen her start to trust my teaching at home over other christian teachers. She is acting less bothered when I take decisive leadership in our house (even appreciating it sometimes). Sometimes she asks me to teach her about specific scriptures, which is new. Also she has started rejecting openly the idea of female pastors and church leaders.
For a while I thought maybe this polygyny thing had just been something God brought up to show us some things about ourselves and clarify to us how far "Christian" culture had wandered from the word. Now I am starting to think again there are more direct reasons he brought it up haha. I have known lots of believing women who have been looking for Christian husbands for years. We have been sort of a second home to six or seven of these women. They have even done holidays with us and told us we are like family. Over time what has grieved me is to see most of these women walk away from the Lord the more aggressively they look for a husband. Many of them either end up with unbelievers or men who seem to be "escaping as through fire". Not one of them has found a strong believing husband as far as I can tell. These are Gods daughters! The heart behind the command for the kinsman redeemer seems to be speaking to me about women who need a covering and a leader so that they can be faithful to follow Christ.
This brings me back to the reality of where I am now. We have been steadily losing our trust for many of our previous church friends (we left the Methodist church because of ungodliness in the leadership) My poor wife's dad may be dying (the medical issue came up suddenly last week). Also, on another note, we just found out we are pregnant with our third!! Yeah! We are at peace with one another and I know that she is thinking through deep waters regarding our relationship and the doubts brought up by polygyny talk. She is growing in her obedience and respect for me and I know that somewhere in her head she has to be thinking something along the line of "How can I be growing in my respect for him a few months after he brought out that polygyny disaster?" I also think she hears whispers (arrows) from the enemy attacking her thought life at times. I know at some point the Lord wants us to talk about this stuff head on and for her to follow me through it just as the church should follow christ. I have no idea when that will be. I want so badly to have the issue resolved in her mind and to be able to address this directly. Please pray for us and for God to open an opportunity where she can follow me through a direct conversation without her being emotionally overcome. Pray that I lead her well and that I don't speak a selfish word.
With her dad's health and the baby on the way I will wait if it's the Lord's will, but I am hoping the Lord opens a peaceful conversation before much more time goes by.
Bless you all and thanks to anyone who read all that!
We did not get to talk about it rationally. She was very upset and very angry. I understood this, and didn't want to hold this against her since she grew up in a fairly standard American home. Unfortunately she left for a few days and then, thank God, she came back.
She wanted me to meet with a family friend (an older man) who is a believer we both have some respect for.
I was happy to meet with him. He was cordial and gave me the first couple articles he had found on Google about why polygamy is wrong. We talked through them and I got him to agree that they weren't scriptural articles and that they were all built on inferetial teaching rather than exegesis. I talked with him about the kinsman redeemer, the amount of the Bible that was written by polygynists and how the scripture said that God gave David his wives (plural). He said he hadn't really heard of all those scriptures. I thought we might be approaching an agreement on the scriptural basis for polygyny. Then he said my argument was possibly a vain philosophy that could draw me away from the truth. At that point I stopped trying to reason with him altogether. What he had said seemed so insane to me that I felt it was better to just ask to pray the Lord lead both our families and not try to work out any agreement on the scripture for the time being. However I didn't realize how our conversation would change our relationship. To be honest I dont trust him anymore. I feel strongly that he didn't believe his own words and that he was just trying to "bring me into line". Now I feel that his love for respect supersedes his love for truth and that he is making a conscious decision to avoid being associated with the truth on this issue.
I came back to my wife and she was glad that I had met with him. She didn't care that we didn't agree, she was just happy that we prayed together and didn't have any fight over the issue. (I think maybe she was also relieved that someone had heard her husband thinks polygamy is ok and yet nothing blew up and our old friends didn't totally freak). My wife was still very much keeping her distance from me, both physically and emotionally. I can say again that I think I should have plenty of patience for her to work through the lies and doubts that come up in response to this issue. I will also keep speaking the truth to her and praying her through these issues as we go. A couple days later she told me that she knows other people's arguments aren't scriptural but that she would feel tricked if I took another wife. She said she had thought it was well understood when she covenanted with me that we were going to be exclusive for life and that she would have never agreed to marry me if she thought I might take a other wife. That did make sense to me and i think what she said is accurate. I told her that, yes I think we did have that understanding. So I'm not sure but I think I may be in a situation where if I am to take another wife I would want her to release me from the understanding on which we made our covenant.
My wife has calmed down over the last few months and I have disciplined myself not to talk about polygyny. I thought God wanted me to give her time to do one on one business with Him. I have seen her start to trust my teaching at home over other christian teachers. She is acting less bothered when I take decisive leadership in our house (even appreciating it sometimes). Sometimes she asks me to teach her about specific scriptures, which is new. Also she has started rejecting openly the idea of female pastors and church leaders.
For a while I thought maybe this polygyny thing had just been something God brought up to show us some things about ourselves and clarify to us how far "Christian" culture had wandered from the word. Now I am starting to think again there are more direct reasons he brought it up haha. I have known lots of believing women who have been looking for Christian husbands for years. We have been sort of a second home to six or seven of these women. They have even done holidays with us and told us we are like family. Over time what has grieved me is to see most of these women walk away from the Lord the more aggressively they look for a husband. Many of them either end up with unbelievers or men who seem to be "escaping as through fire". Not one of them has found a strong believing husband as far as I can tell. These are Gods daughters! The heart behind the command for the kinsman redeemer seems to be speaking to me about women who need a covering and a leader so that they can be faithful to follow Christ.
This brings me back to the reality of where I am now. We have been steadily losing our trust for many of our previous church friends (we left the Methodist church because of ungodliness in the leadership) My poor wife's dad may be dying (the medical issue came up suddenly last week). Also, on another note, we just found out we are pregnant with our third!! Yeah! We are at peace with one another and I know that she is thinking through deep waters regarding our relationship and the doubts brought up by polygyny talk. She is growing in her obedience and respect for me and I know that somewhere in her head she has to be thinking something along the line of "How can I be growing in my respect for him a few months after he brought out that polygyny disaster?" I also think she hears whispers (arrows) from the enemy attacking her thought life at times. I know at some point the Lord wants us to talk about this stuff head on and for her to follow me through it just as the church should follow christ. I have no idea when that will be. I want so badly to have the issue resolved in her mind and to be able to address this directly. Please pray for us and for God to open an opportunity where she can follow me through a direct conversation without her being emotionally overcome. Pray that I lead her well and that I don't speak a selfish word.
With her dad's health and the baby on the way I will wait if it's the Lord's will, but I am hoping the Lord opens a peaceful conversation before much more time goes by.
Bless you all and thanks to anyone who read all that!
