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Prayer for my son

L

Love

Member
Hello Brothers and Sisters,
I am writing to ask for prayer for my 14 yo son.

When his father left the family over 5 years ago, my son perceived this to be a rejection of himself and since then, his father has been preoccupied with all of the fun things that one can do when you don't have the responsibilities of children...like ski trips, wining and dining...all the things that don't involved dirty diapers, fevers, toys or picky eaters. So since he so rarely sees his Dad, this has confirmed in his mind his original perception that his father has rejected him and this seems to color every aspect of his life. So where we are today is that because of this situation affecting his academics, he has been homeschooling this year. I have seen this as a help because when negative or painful feelings surface, he and I can talk about them right away and pray together instead of him going a whole day and not being able to focus at school. But for a 14 year old to suddenly start homeschooling brings it's own set of challenges and he is really struggling right now. On top of that he is suddenly asserting a new kind of 14 year old independence...when his father (a couple of times a year) suddenly remembers he has children and wants to spend a couple of days with them (2 is the most days he can handle and that is if it involves a girlfriend and at least one nanny to help)...my son says no, sorry...no can do (and there is nothing I can do to change his mind).

This year we HAVE seen a lot of spiritual and emotional healing for him and I am so thankful. I fasted and prayed for him in blocks of time over the summer and really saw a change in him. However, his feelings of pain and anger toward his father seem to come in waves and yesterday afternoon was a particularly difficult time. I also get to a point where I just don't know what to do anymore and feel all alone in dealing with this, so I am starting another period of fasting and prayer for him and just turning this over to the Lord (since this child belongs to Him in the first place).

P.S. Here is my 7 year old's solution to this issue last night: "all we need to do to make Josh happy is to have a family party! We'll just surround him with teddy bears and have some ice cream and gummy worms and then he'll be happy again...oh and then we can just give him hugs when he is done with his ice cream"

Ah, if only being surrounded by teddy bears and ice cream solved the problems of this world. :D

Thank you so much in advance for your prayers...it means so much to me that I have a place to go to ask.
 
Greetings Love,

My heart goes out to you during this challenging season of your life. I will do my best to cover your family in prayer. I also have a teenage son whom we've just graduated this past summer from our home school program. He was in a charter/public school system until the end of his 7th gr. school year. So through much research, testing, lots of prayer seeking Yeshua's will for this, we decided that home schooling was indeed in Yeshua's will for our family. Now mind you, we have three sons. Again our eldest is 18, turning 19 in Feb & going into the Marines next Spring. Our middle son is 12 with lots of "teenage issues already!" :o Then our youngest just turned 9 this Oct. So whew, has Yeshua given me quite a full plate of issues to deal with! :lol:

Before I knew the Lord as my Savior, and was very young & naive I met my eldest son's father and thought that I had feel in love! Well what I knew of love, coming from an abusive/disfunctional family. Needless to say and long story shorter, we made allot of immature & selfish mistakes along the way! However my heart and determination was in it all right from the get go, but sadly enough his father wasn't! I tried for 3yrs to make it work with his father, and we luckily we're never married. Which is a whole other topic in itself. During those 3yrs I continued to feel God tugging at the strings of my heart. I was a single mom for a while, until God brought us to my now dh's path. He was and is a good father to my eldest son, whom he considers as his own. However, my dh isn't fully surrendered unto the Lord alone and struggles in certain areas with our marriage and his position as a father. None the less, Yeshua has been blessing us with much healing, learning, spiritual growth and restoration to our family as a whole!

All this to say that some of these life/family issues have impacted our eldest in many ways, from time to time. Which also effected his attitude towards our home school, etc. So my heart goes out to you with complete sympathy & total understanding. :) Teenager's go through so much in their young lives, that usually don't include much Godly wisdom or experience. So much confusion of who they are and where they want to be, & who they are in Christ. Not an easy season to live through for any of us. So on top of all of the usual teenage issues, they sometimes have extra life issues of family disfunction and hurts to deal with as well. Very wise and compassionate of you to keep him lifted in prayer, as that's the best thing we can do for them as parents. Every so often, I make it a point to not only pray for them but to rededicate them unto the Lord for His hand of protection, love and direction to be upon their lives. And then to the best of my abilities, but through His Might & Power I do my best to press forward for that which lies ahead in Christ Jesus! Which if you've truly felt led/called of the Lord to home school, just continue to step out in faith, trudging along in the trenches of home schooling! ;) Besides, that which He calls us to do, He also equips us to do if we stay close to His side & seeking His will.

Btw, do you belong to any good Christian Home School Support Groups for Moms? Are there any good Christian H.S. Co-Op groups for your kiddos to participate in that aren't too costly? These are two areas of support that have been such a source of encouragement for our family as well. Bless your heart for stepping out in faith to support, encourage, protect, love and offer a safe haven of Godly education and emotional security for your teenage son at this time! :) Take care and Keep on Keepin on with God, family & friends. May you connect with Yeshua at all times, seeking His will and finding security, comfort and joy for the journey!

Warm Wishes,
Faithful Servant

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST JESUS WHO STRENGTHENS ME!
PROVERBS 3:5-8 :)
 
I have a 13 year old and have found that nothing I do makes as much difference as when I pray consistently for him. I know that you do this so I am not trying to tell you WHAT to do, only trying to encourage you by letting you know that my situation is similar, and that God works in the lives of our teenage sons, even if it takes weeks or months to see the difference.

When I have been diligent, I have seen that God has worked in his life, even to the point of him wanting to get up at 5 am to go to men’s prayer meetings with me before school. As you know, a teenage boy of this general age will NOT do this naturally, but has to have a supernatural reason for getting out of bed at 5 am on a Monday morning. It is agonizing to see a young man trying to work his way through the early manhood years without direct leadership and instruction. I sympathize with your situation and we will be praying for you and him, and I hope to encourage you by sharing that we have seen God work in the life of our teenager. He is God’s child just like all of us, and my prayer for your son, just like mine, is that God will visit him where he is, and fill the gap that is causing him such a difficult time.
 
All I can say is that you guys are amazing. Thank you SO much for sharing your experiences with me...I am hanging on your every word! Tears sprang to my eyes when I read your post, Paul and I am very very encouraged that all of you are praying for us.
 
Love said:
Ah, if only being surrounded by teddy bears and ice cream solved the problems of this world. :D
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Well, it may not solve all the problems of the world, but it sure doesn't hurt.

Been there (the 14 year old teenager in this situation), done that, carry the scars. You and your children have both my sympathy and prayers.

Let me second what was written above, especially the part Paul wrote about consistent prayer over time. I'm also helping to raise a 14 year old young man in a similar situation, (my wife's son), and can testify both to the eventual progress and to the sometimes agonizingly slow pace thereof. *sigh*

To what was written above, I'd like to add the following from my own observations, reading, and experience ...

Parental rejection, particularly from the father, is horrendously damaging to anyone. In fact, there is evidence that it is at the psychological root of diabetes and possibly other later life diseases. I learned this the hard way.

The good news is that God is your son's true Father. His dad is just the Failing Earthly Example. That is not to downplay an earthly father's role, but to elevate that of his Heavenly Father to that of the True Gem, of which we men can ever only be a pale model.

And the best news is that his Heavenly Father does NOT reject him at all. Instead, He walks with your son through every moment, every feeling and emotion. He collects ALL of his tears in His bottle, both those that slip out and those he struggles so hard as an emerging young man to hide.

His true Father put within his heart an absolute ABHORRENCE of child neglect and male irresponsibility, as exemplified by his earthly Dad. That's God inspired, and should be carefully NURTURED so that when he completes the process of becoming his own man he will become himself a protector, rather than perpetuating the abuse of rejection. However, it can and should be also trained along the way.

The goal, of course, is to be able to say without rancor, "Father, forgive Daddy. He doesn't know what he's doing." and "Besides, he's missing out on lots of fun with one neat kid -- ME!!!"

Steps along the way should include constant reinforcement of the ideas that ...
** When someone rejects you, that has absolutely NOTHING to do with who you are, and EVERYTHING to do with the mess inside their own head,
** You do NOT bear responsibility for your Dad's poor, rejecting choices, (Eldest children are well known for doing so emotionally. They/We most completely bear our parents' pain and assume (wrongly) their guilt.),
** The best "revenge" is to have yourself a great life regardless, and
** God is looking down at you with pleasure, having created you just the way you are. He didn't make you like the kid in the next seat in class. He didn't make you like your younger brother. Or your Mom or Dad. He made you like yourself, because He has plans that only you can do with your unique mix of skills, talents, experiences, wisdom and energy. He's preparing and polishing and shaping you for this life task even now. He cries with you over the pain, but rubs His hands in glee over what you are becoming -- a truely magnificent jewel. So, relax a bit. and,
** How sad that Daddy's own boyhood, life experiences and choices left him so messed up that he thinks the joy in life is found in dining with the Bimbo-of-the-Month instead of his wife and kids. Poor guy! What a bummer!

Finally, if you haven't talked with him (your son) yet about your hopes to find a family, it probably won't hurt to do so. Yes, you are looking for a husband for yourself, if I remember previous posts correctly. But you are also looking for a man who has joined God's Team in the Fathering Department, who is committed to exemplifying Father God in the here-and-now physical world, and who is willing specifically to do so with your sons as well as his own kids. I was fortunate enough to have a step-dad AND a totally unrelated man who have done that for me over the last 30 or so years, and it has made all the difference.

What I'm getting at here, or trying, is that part of your son's training may well be the process of learning what the Bible says about how Father God fathers us, and "helping" you in your search for a family by doing some evaluating on his own while understanding that none of us fellas are perfect.

In the meantime, or along the way, don't be shy about applying Teddy Bears and ice cream. He is, after all, a YOUNG man. And that's a potent prescription, even with us older young men.

Ok, I know that's a whole lot of stuff to up and say on the basis of one short post, without knowing you guys a whole lot better than I do. So please forgive me for any erroneous assumptions or errors or ideas that you can clearly see do not apply. But if not, I've got Freddie Teddy here for consolation. ;)
 
No, Cecil, you have hit the nail on the head with amazing accuracy. Thank you so much for some ideas on what to do...it's amazing how most days I just want someone who will tell me what to do..and voila...here it is!

I have seen the difference your prayers have made in the last 24 hours...thank you so much.
 
My wife, CindyW, read this and, nearly in tears, asked me to write:

The problem is, when teenagers have been hurt badly by the man in their life, they take it out on everybody. And they don't trust ANY man. It's hard for them to understand that any man could be different because that's the way their father was. And sometimes they act out because they don't know how to deal with those feelings.
Click to expand...

She also wanted me to write that she'll be praying for you as well.

That describes our experience. 3+ years into having them in our home, we can see real, true progress. A long way to go? Yes, their really abusive dad created lots of inner mayhem. But the progress is nevertheless real, and measurable.

There is another piece of Good News: The best child psychologists I know (www.loveandlogic.com) say that if you have a decent working relationship with your kids through around age 10, the teenage years may get a bit bumpy but in the vast majority of cases they'll come out alright in the long run.

Oh, if you have the time and inclination to do the reading, "The Birth Order Book: Why You Are The Way You Are" by Lehman would probably be immensely helpful for both you and your kids in understanding their differences and different reactions to this whole bitter experience. Well, it helped me. *grin*

We're very glad that you're seeing differences already. Don't be surprised if it soon looks like 3 steps forward, 2 or 5 steps back, however. The devil is not exactly gracious about giving up territory! But that ok. Just part of the story. Cause you already know the end of the story. WE WIN!

Ps 34:19 -- Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord (YHWH) delivers him (her) out of them ALL!!! (emphasis mine, of course)

Is 54:13 -- All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children.

and my personal favorite, my anchor with a big strong iron ring in it for me to tie off and rest my weight, and hold onto for my own 2 biological, 2 adopted, 4 step (so far) kids along with their assorted spouses and now 4 wee grandkids ...

Is 49:25 -- But thus saith the Lord (YHWH, The I Am) ... I WILL contend with him who contends with you, and I WILL save your children. (Again, my emphasis. Note it doesn't say "might" or "will try to" but "WILL"!)

So sit back, emotionally, and enjoy the drama, mother heart. It's no'but a good movie, an' ye already know it comes out right in the end.

(The advice is for us as well. Tisn't easy to follow while in the midst of a teenager's raging fit. We know. Do they LOOK for drama intentionally?)
 
Thank you so much, Cecil...and Cindy, for your compassion. I think that my son just craves connection with a man he can look up to...he really opens up and talks to my Dad when my Dad visits and is a completely different kid after just that much interaction. My brothers are busy business men with families of their own. Three years ago, I signed both of my boys up to be on a waiting list for a mentor, but so far there has not been one...plus, I have since rethought that decision, as I'm not sure the volunteer they assign would be a Christian.

In any case, my heart goes out to him and to all teenage boys who long for a father...I know that God will provide one and in the meantime He will be the father they are missing. God bless you, Cecil, for bravely taking on the parenting of someone else's children...many amazing and wonderful men I know would shy away from such a challenge.
 
YW, Love. I'm glad your son has his Grandpa to talk to. That has to help. The mentor thing? *shrug* Who knows.

As for me doing anything unusual, I'm the lucky one! Any amazing and wonderful men who are NOT stepping up to the plate on this sort of situation are truly missing out!

Just THINK! Getting the privilege of partnering with God to heal broken hearts and horribly distorted perceptions of Fathering! Any better jobs around? I don't think so!

Not that I do it that well, mind you. But I guess God works with it. Definitely blessed!

Of course here, on this site, you're just about awash in men eager to do the same thing (I assume). And most of 'em prolly better at it than me. Cool, huh? I can't wait to hear how God works it out in your family's life!
 
Awash? No, actually. But that is ok...all in good time.

I have had an idea for my son. I was thinking of setting up a couple of accountability partners for him...where he has to call them and report in about his day. He agrees that this will help...I was thinking my Dad and one other guy...still trying to think of who, but I will let you know how this idea works...and of course, we will continue to pray.
 
Greetings Love!

Oh may I just say that is an Awesome idea Sister! :D The church we use to attend, until God called us elsewhere for many reasons had once tried to set up a "Big Brother/Big Sister Mentoring Program," for all of the kiddos in our church as well as for kids in our surrounding community. A program for precious kids who have fathers at home that aren't Saved or Fully Surrendered, from divorced homes with neglectful fathers, & especially for those with abusive fathers in the home. However sadly enough that program never quite got off the ground! :?

I do wonder if there would be any churches or Christian led groups such as this type in your community or surrounding areas? Do you attend a church that may be open & willing to possibly start such a group of their own? Something to research and pray about for sure. I know that as my dh is greatly growing in the Lord and we love him dearly, he still as of yet hasn't "fully stepped up to the plate as our Spiritual Head of our family in all areas." I do however respect, love, honor and submit to him as though he already has though. :)

I will usually do devotions with our kiddos in the morning before our school day begins. We've read many books on how to be young men of God, which of course includes our Bibles most importantly. I've exampled a prayer life with them as well, which includes prayers for daddy especially without complaining or tearing him down. Sometimes dad will lead us in prayer before meals, and will read with them when he helps to tuck them in at night. My dh does encourage them and takes them to their mid-week childrens & youth group at our Wed.night church program, while we go to whatever study is going on at the time. We are currently doing "The Truth Project, by Focus on the Family." Which I might add is amazing, minus the biblical truths of pm of course. But I don't usually make a point of throwing the baby out with the bath water, in cases like this! We have to remember that most of the Christian world is still in the darkness of biblical pm, and they are still our brothers & sisters in Christ whom need much prayer, mercy and grace. Not condemnation. My hearts prayer of course, is that in God's timing He alone will bring my dh where He wants him to be according to my dh's position of the Spiritual leader of our family. And when such time has come I'll be rejoicing as my dh fully takes over all of our kiddos studies, devotions, prayer time and worship. In the mean time, I do make it a point to ask for my dh's input or any ideas he may have or wishes/instructions for me in regard to any biblical training with our boys. Right now my dh doesn't mind me fulfilling these duties. Although in my heart, I do feel as though he should be the one leading in these areas.

Again coming full circle, I could see a "Big Brother/Big Sister program," being a help and a blessing to both my family situation and yours. You are a child of God, you are the head & not the tail and you are able to do all things through the Lord Jesus Christ, who Strengthens you (us all)! My heart and prayers will continue to go out to you and your family. You do have a heart for God and your precious family, as you are also a sweet & wise woman in the Lord! :) The Lord hears our cries and will not leave us nor forsake us. Continue to stay close to Yeshua on the path He's placed you on, seeking His will & direction for your familie's life. I pray that there are other loving, wise and encourging Christians that God will place on your path & surround you with His love, protection, wisdom, mercies & grace now and always! :)

Warm Wishes,
Faithful Servant
 
Love,

Another point I'd like to add, is that my dh came into our lives when my eldest was only 2yrs old. At that time neither one of us were saved, nor did either one of us come from Christian homes, let alone safe or healthy ones. So all this to say, that even though I was not saved until about 6months after our wedding and dh much longer after that, he still had a huge heart of compassion for my son! He did his best in his own might & power, just think if he'd just team up with God in God's Might & Power how much more he could do, but none the less loved on my little precious boy as if he were his own flesh & blood! My son right away felt his love and received much security from my dh, and of his own will immediatly called him "Daddy!" My dh has the right heart, now if he would only fully allow the Holy Spirit into his heart what true healing and growth we could all have! But no complaints here, we're all just doing our best to Keep on Keepin on with God, family and friends and being thankful for what we do have! :)

I do pray that through your son's grandfather and anyone else whom God sees fit to enter his life, that they will have a profound, meaningful and Godly effect on your son's heart and life. Your son does seem to have an open heart for God and healing in his life. Poor guy, kids and especially teens have so much already on their plates to deal with, without having other heart wrenching issues to deal with! But again, God is bigger and better able to bring us through any and all problems in this life. God has already blesssed you with a lovely family, and will bless the motives of your mommas heart, being the kiddos Abba Father in Heaven. I know that some seasons it would be much better to just have Jesus with some skin on in our life, but He does place others in the flesh(human form), to administer His love, grace and wisdom for our lives. God has bigger and better plans than we could ever come up with on our own. My prayer is that He will see fit to bring in just the right and best man for the job, a good Godly husband and father! :) Not sure, but if you feel that God may be directing you towards pm, that there are many good/Godly & loving families here as well as elsewhere. But mainly wherever Yeshua leads you, is what will be best! :) Take care Love, I hope you find Yeshuas security and joy for the journey.

Warm Wishes Again!
Faithful Servant
 
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