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Prayer for a relationship

Paul not the apostle

Paul not the apostle

Member
Real Person
I had a rather substantial disagreement with a friend yesterday. I have been helping him through his struggles which involve mainly just being available to listen to him (at all hours of the night) and put up with him as he fumbles through his life. I revealed something about myself that was personal in order to help him feel like he was not alone in his struggles, so that he was reminded every christian has areas that are difficult to navigate. I told him in confidence and he specifically said that he would not mention it to anyone.

The next day I was approached about it by a person known to both of us. I was not happy. I called my friend and he denied it and became extremely abusive on the phone. I then I conferenced the two of them and the fireworks started which included threats of physical violence against me and it was pretty intense for a while last night not knowing if he would show up at out house. The disagreement ended with him throwing everything that he had of mine on our front driveway and then leaving.

Please pray that the relationship is restored and that my heart is not hardened. At this point I do not want him near my family, and I don't want any contact with him. It is one of those relationships where I am his friend and there is proof of that, but the only time he contacts me is when he needs help, or a shoulder to cry on, that type of thing. I can say that I could use a break from the drama for a while, but want to serve the Lord and not my flesh in this matter.

Paul
 
Wow, that stinks. The old the "with friends like these...".
Well pray it's quickly behind you, with no ill consequences, and for new friends!
 
dittos on what nathan said
and remember;
no good deed goes unpunished ;)
 
I am certain that things will work out for your best according to the promise. However, sometimes we have to let things go to allow the other party time to see the error of their ways as God begins to work in their heart. I have prayed for you.

Be blessed,

Ray
 
You are in our prayers as well, Paul.

I will add as well that it has been my observation over a number of years that these events are not random. The Adversary knows when some types of attacks will be most effective, and "does not play fair".

Know and remember that God has "all things" worked out for our good, when we are called according to His purposes and seek to serve Him.


Blessings in His love,

Mark
 
That's a tough one. I've come to the point where I won't be a shoulder to cry on unless the person is showing some effort at self-improvement or shows a real desire to get it together. I've found that unless that is there listening is just giving them a pity party, and I've had to learn the hard way that cut some people loose. I hope you're freind is making an effort himself, but as he has come to the point of being dangerous just thank God you're ok and consider it a wash. If you are going to have a hand in helping him in the future God will send him back to you with some mark of being changed, unless that happens just praise God you got the chance to try and help and leave it at that.

Like Ray said, sometimes you have to let things go until God works in them.
 
He sent me a long email explaining his right to be angry, and did not apologize at all for the breach of his word by talking to others about our conversation. I don't think that he is going to change. He is the one that I told to pray for his wife 3x a day, FYI. I need to pray for him, I have stopped and if I don't pray for him, it is easy to justify my feelings in this matter. Thanks for the prayers.

Paul
 
Paul:

Lots of fellas have weighed in with hopes that this relationship will be restored. So sorry, but I have to weigh in with hopes that it will END entirely until this man gets far more serious help than most folks can provide, or than he is likely to accept just now.

Sounds out of character for me, doesn't it? *sigh* Let me tell you about the "Cycle of Abuse". Read more about it at http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page5.html . While most often directed at women and children within the family, some are so out of control that it gets directed everywhichaway. Here goes:

Phase 1: Tension Building
Tension builds, communication breaks down, you are trying to placate and mollify the abuser and keep him from "blowing".

Phase 2: Incident
Verbal, emotional, physical abuse. Anger, blaming, arguing. Threats, intimidation. Perhaps more.

Phase 3: Reconciliation
Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, may deny the abuse occurred, or claim that it wasn't as bad as the victim claims.

Phase 4: Calm
Incident is "forgotten", no abuse is taking place, things seem to be good, sometimes called the "honeymoon" phase.

Repeat in a downward spiral, getting worse and worse, until someone gets OFF the merry-go-round.

Do you see how this can start mild, be forgiven, and get worse as a pattern is established, while at the same time insiduously damaging the self of the victim?

Does any of this match your experience with this fella?

In this last incident, he threatened the sanctity of your home, threatening to come over and enter into physwical violence. Where would your actual breakoff point be? Think back 5 years. Would it have been before or at this point?

I see no place where God asks you to continue in relationship with such a person. Pray for them, yes. Forgive them, definitely. Open yourself, your family, or your home to further trips 'round the cycle? Somebody give me a text. I can't find one! What I find is something about shaking dust from shoes.

Let me step out on a limb. To the contrary, this is the sort of situation where I think that men and women in the Body of Christ need to do some serious intervention. For if this man is bold enough to act like this OUTSIDE of his home, it is almost certainly because he practiced and learned how to get away with it INSIDE his home. That means that there are likely a woman and children in absolute need of rescue.

And no, for the record, these ideas and opinions were not formed entirely from textbooks. Among others, one of those ladies who I've mentioned as being in our home for an extended period? Instead of divorcing her husband for his repeated abuse, she went back to him one more time. He tried to drown her in the bathtub with her 8 year old daughter looking on, screaming. Narrowly failed. That's what it took for her.

What's more, this same cycle, as well as your recent experience, could have been written about Cindy's ex. To a tee. We've been together over 6.5 years, and we're STILL dealing with fallout in her life as well as ALL 4 children.

Ok, I guess today's my day to wax passionate. Sorry if I overstep. Love you guys!
 
Cecil,

Here is a scripture for you that most people choose to ignore...

I Corinthians 5:11 -
11But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.
The Holy Bible, New King James Version, (Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson, Inc.) 1982.

Reviler - (Merrium-Webster Online Dictionary) -

Main Entry: re·vile
Pronunciation: \ri-ˈvī(-ə)l\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): re·viled; re·vil·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French reviler to despise, from re- + vil vile
Date: 14th century
transitive verb
: to subject to verbal abuse : vituperate
intransitive verb
: to use abusive language : rail
synonyms see scold
— re·vile·ment \-ˈvī(-ə)l-mənt\ noun
— re·vil·er noun

From: http://mw1.m-w.com/dictionary/reviler

Good word.

Be blessed,

Ray
 
DrRay777 said:
Here is a scripture for you that most people choose to ignore...

I Corinthians 5:11 -
11But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.[/i]
Click to expand...

*grin* Thanks, Dr. Ray.

What I meant was that if anyone felt I was being to strong, please show me a text that we SHOULD stay in fellowship with such a person. I don't believe it exists.

But this one was great, driving home my own point. From such a one, stay away.

It is fine to go to him with the elders and point him towards healing. If he truly wants it, I'd very stronly recommend his reading "Free At Last" by Larry Huch, a pastor who was set free from the same problem.

But barring that, I'd say 1Cor 5:11 just about nails it.

Thanks again, DrRay.
 
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