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polygyny, calling or choice?

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faithfulfatherof9

New Member
Over the years since i accepted polygyny as a Biblically sanctified form of marriage, I have noticed that many feel they are "called" by God to be polygynous. I wonder tho, is polygyny a higher calling, or is it simply another choice in life that we make. Does God predestine, or predetermine that we are going to be celibate, monogaous, or polygynous?

And a bit of a follow up question, Is polygyny a higher calling than monogamy, or celibacy, meant only for those who have a more Spirit filled life, or a higher purpose in life?

Paul
 
Great questions, I believe that plural marriage is a choice not a specific calling to some and not others. That is an act of our will, as volitional creatures. Without the volitional will, relationships become machanic and lose the personal aspect of it. which is why god gave us freedom to chose because he disired personal relationship himself. With that said it does'nt negate the idea of it being a calling because a calling still requires a will to respond to it, but in the end its still choice not preordaination. Enough of that let me express my personal opions. I believe it is a personal choice that is not more spirituel than other states, such as monogamy or singleness. Plural marriage is not mentioned as a third way. There is married or single however in 1 Cor Paul does say say that some have a gift of singleness and Jesus also. The bible presents it like this marriage is a blessing and singleness is a gift both are spiritual and both are from the Lord.
 
Good question, Paul.

Since I know of no scripture with which to address this issue, I'll offer an opinion, which is ...

Some folks are suited, by temperament and life experiences, to drive trucks; others convertibles.
Some are comfortable wearing suits; others jeans; others robes. (Sir BumbleBerry is over in his corner shouting "loin-clothes", but I'm not sure I should include them.)

When I first started studying PM, I got real excited real fast about the relationship solutions and possibilities that PM provides. Went evangelistic, (That's the holy version of going postal :lol: ) and told my two brothers about it. Same parents, same genes, see us together and everyone says, "Well YOU three are obviously brothers". (Scary, huh?) They both looked at me, absolutely aghast, and said, "Why would you want to do THAT?!"

I conclude that some of us are suited, by temperament and life experiences to lean towards, be interested in, and/or pursue PM; others are doing good if they can successfully manage monogamy; others really should "just say No", every time!

Having said that, I also believe in God's calling. It occurs to me that if it was all about simply choices, God would never need to call anyone to anything. But instead we often find Him calling folks to step up and do something that they wouldn't have chosen to pursue otherwise.

Especially if He has a specific purpose in mind, and it's going to be a bumpy ride, I think a calling proves valuable. It gives a sense of purpose and staying power when the road gets rough and temptation says "Give up."

As to "higher calling"? I'll leave that for those who are worried about relative position to figure out. I venture to suggest that it is more complicated in some ways, but also more rewarding, and that's good enough for me.

Finally, I think that all of us who have come to wrap our minds around a Christian polygynous mindset, whether our marriages at present are describable as polygynous or potentially so, will agree that there are wonderful SPIRITUAL lessons we've learned just from the process of study and acceptance that we never would have seen, or been taught, in the mono-only world.
 
Very good, Cecil; I agree...again. ;)

I would add this, however (and it's not new, since it's become a common theme of mine).

It's not that "polygyny is a higher calling" at all. But I DO contend that the issue is whether we accept Him at His Word -- or not. And it's at the very LEAST disingenuous to claim His Word says something that it does not.

The Big Distinction that I draw is with respect to His character -- since EVERY single relationship that He describes in Scripture is of what mathematicians call the "one-to-many" type:

One King - multiple subjects
One Father - multiple sons (and daughters)
One Master - multiple servants
and
One Husband - multiple wives.

The irony, of course, for those who understand marriage in the best Scriptural sense, is that EVERY marriage is a "one on one", one flesh, literally echad union. That is what we seek with Him, and what we look forward to in the "marriage feast of the Lamb".

Those who expect to be the sole, singular "bride" may be disappointed.



Blessings,
Mark
 
Mark C said:
Those who expect to be the sole, singular 'bride' may be disappointed."
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Indeed:
The Apostle Paul said:
I am jealous over you (the Corinthian Church) with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ."
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No matter how you cut it, Paul is speaking of the Corinthian Church individually, in isolation, separate from and apart from the other churches.

As a bride.

If this is so, what are the other churches? Chopped liver? :o
 
Very good subject Paul. I think that's definately something that we all need to comptemplate.

I used to think that plural marriage should be a calling, but I'm starting to lean the other way now. I think my previous opinion was based more on making sure that people were doing it for the right reasons instead of selfish motives. I really believe that people should think through and study up on plural marriage before they make a decision as to whether or not to go through with it. And always, you shouldn't go for it with the "pot of gold" attitude. In other words, if there is an issue that you have with your wife, you shouldn't think that marrying someone else will correct that or that someone else will be any better. You should seriously consider that the problem is yourself and appreciate what you've already got and correct that before moving on. You should be doing plural marriage for the right reasons. (Ok, I'm starting to ramble now.............)

Plural marriage is definately not a higher calling. Plural marriage is marriage all the same just as monogamy is. And of course singleness is just as righteous as marriage.
 
Hugh McBryde said:
If this is so, what are the other churches? Chopped liver?
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Mmmmmm........chopped liver.
 
Mark C said:
........what mathematicians call the "one-to-many" type:
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I've heard it said before, but I can't recall exactly how someone put it. "Singular indicative of the plural", maybe?
 
[quoteEspecially if He has a specific purpose in mind, and it's going to be a bumpy ride, I think a calling proves valuable. It gives a sense of purpose and staying power when the road gets rough and temptation says "Give up."
][/quote]

Yeah Cecil, In the beginning, when i was faced with the decision of accepting my wife's girlfriend into the family, or throwing both her and my wife out, it was simply a choice. I certainly did not think of it as anything more than just a choice i had to make. 10 years down the road now, and i can see that God was showing me and a lot of people around us some important principles of marriage, family, and relationships through the chain of events that followed. It has definitely been a bumpy ride. I learned that the most important thing about being a husband and father is to NEVER say "I give up". We are to be faithful to our covenant to be there for those you have pledged yourself to and for the children.

These past two years as i went through the court proceedings and investigations as the mother of 7 of my children chose to become lesbian and fight me for custody, our friends and family and community have seen the distinction between polygyny and gay marriage. My wife of 29 yrs and her lesbian lover wanted to prove that their monogamous lesbian relationship was a better environment morally in which to raise our children, than with me , a professed publically practicing polygamist. It was shown that polygyny did not threaten to break up the parents and family of our children, but their mother's choice to become lesbian did.

I can now look back and wonder, "did God put me and the kids through all this just to give an object lesson to those around us?" Was it a choice? or a calling?

And, maybe it aint over with yet. Life goes on, manure occurs, and out of it new things grow and flourish.

Paul
 
when i was faced with the decision of accepting my wife's girlfriend into the family,
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Paul,I say this in all Christian love, and don't mean in any way to criticize a choice you made that I am completely outside the dynamics of. That said, it's my strong belief that a marriage between two Christian people should be very healthy before entering into a plural marriage. It seems to me that if your first wife was choosing to experiment with a lesbian (or bi-) lifestyle, she was already having trouble with her walk of faith and her marriage. Just MHO but sadly your case may serve to remind others that our marriages MM or PM need to be strong in the Lord.
 
It seems to me that if your first wife was choosing to experiment with a lesbian (or bi-) lifestyle, she was already having trouble with her walk of faith and her marriage. Just MHO but sadly your case may serve to remind others that our marriages MM or PM need to be strong in the Lord.
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Yes, the ideal would be for each spouse involved to have a strong faith and a good comprehension of scripture. In our case, my first wife never did have her own appetite for searching out spiritual things. For 29 years, she just relied on me to establish our family doctrinal understandings.

Now, the ladies who have chosen to be my wives have their own desire to search out truth. My original wife and her lesbian girlfriend are reaping the consequences of their actions. I have custody of the minor children and all assets of the marriage. Over half her income is being garnished for child support. She is missing out on watching her children and grandchildren as they grow and mature since she lives 1300 miles away now.

paul
 
Paul,
I am very sorry for the heartache and pain that you have experienced. It seems we never progress very far in our growth in Christ before we encounter His tool of brokeness. It works and though it is painful, we are better off because of it. To relate to your original question, regarding choice or calling, let me respond by saying that it may well be both. We are all given the liberty of choice as to whether we will marry, mono or poly. However, there are cases in the Word where God specifically instructs men to marry again. I think Hosea and Gomer are a good example (I am plagued by the face Gomer Pyle when I read this) :? . There is no reason to assume that Gomer was Hosea's first and only wife. He was instructed to take her for his wife and to allow that marriage to be a message to the nation. Choice is a normal option for us, but God reserves the right to call people to a specific purpose, at His will.
 
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