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Polygamy and the Military

Jennifer

Jennifer

Member
Female
I need your ideas. As I am sure all of you know, military members have an added barrier when it comes to living poly. It's grounds for prosecution and dishonorable discharge. We want to live as open and as free as possible. So my question is, do you see this law changing, what ideas do you have for affecting such change, and do you know any military members living openly and how do they defend themselves against bigamy and adultry charges? If no one's in your bedroom, how can they prove it? As a military spouse, how would you go about to bring real change? I want to start writing to those who are in a position to bring change. I am assuming to bring about a discrimination lawsuit there has to be some sort of injustice. Does this mean you would have to be a sacrificial lamb?
 
Military regs only change after civilian laws and then only after social pressure. With all the "gender equality" hoopla being thrust upon our military right now, changes to the UMCJ are not likely to be favorable to your wishes. When I was stationed at Fort Campbell I knew an semi "open Polyamorous family" that was pretty much left alone because his direct chain of command was informed of the situation and they and his Battle Buddy kept him insulated from Blue Falcons. That was until they decided to tried to include the additional wife and her children in their BAH. It ended in a 1 1/2 year vaction for him at the lovely facilities at Levanworth and a dishonorable discharge. I'm just saying sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. There's a differenice between everyone "knowing" or suspecting and turning a blind eye because they have that option and your choice to be a polygynist family thrust upon them. It would be great if every polgynist could be open about it expecially in the military where I think the extra support would save marriages in the hard times but it's not likely to happen anytime soon. My opinion, unless your sure there's no Blue Falcons lurking about don't even bring it up.
 
Agreed with @Kevin . Quiet lives, minding your own business with an agreed upon cover story...
 
Jennifer said:
Wow, why would he have tried to put a second wife on the BAH? That's asking for trouble. I would want to first try to change the laws.
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My Guess.

Private First Class(E3) pay of about $22,000 with 2 years of service in 2000, and a poverty line of about 36,000 for a family of 8. People act squirrly when they can't pay the bills.
 
Jennifer said:
I need your ideas. As I am sure all of you know, military members have an added barrier when it comes to living poly. It's grounds for prosecution and dishonorable discharge. We want to live as open and as free as possible. So my question is, do you see this law changing, what ideas do you have for affecting such change, and do you know any military members living openly and how do they defend themselves against bigamy and adultry charges? If no one's in your bedroom, how can they prove it? As a military spouse, how would you go about to bring real change? I want to start writing to those who are in a position to bring change. I am assuming to bring about a discrimination lawsuit there has to be some sort of injustice. Does this mean you would have to be a sacrificial lamb?
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This is another area where I would imagine the polyamorists have already plowed a lot of ground. Labels are very important in the military. I think what you called it and how guilty you acted would go a long way. This is a highly male dominated environment we're talking about and there's not a man in the world who doesn't think poly is pretty cool on some level.
 
I agree with just keeping quiet. Nothing is ever a problem if nobody knows.

If you are dead set on living openly, he can resign from the military whenever that is possible and you'll avoid this issue completely. To be honest, that's probably worth seriously considering anyway when the time comes, as polygamy is a big enough challenge when the husband is home every day - it would be exceptionally difficult when away for months on end.

In the meantime, if it ever did become an issue, you could also explain it as pragmatic contingency planning, which will be well understood by any military commander. E.g. In the event of anything happening to wife 1, there is already another woman who can become a mother to the children, ensuring that husband remains available for military service rather than needing to become a single father... Not the nicest sounding argument emotionally for wife 1, but may resonate with a male strategic thinker if such arguments became needed.
 
And, @FollowingHim the ladies provide support for each other in the absence of the husband.

Key: if there is no marriage license, and you don't call it 'marriage' what can they hang you with? Just don't give them rope!
 
I am a former Naval Officer. The UCMJ is an additional burden that polygamous people who are in the military have to deal with. It is serious business.

As with any legal question, if you are really serious the best thing to do is to retain your own lawyer, or at least do the free initial visit and get a trained legal opinion.

I personally do not know of any direct way to change the UCMJ except that it is Federal law so you can write to your congressman which likely will not do much good because there are just not enough people on this issue to get his or her attention.

I was never tried by anything under the UCMJ, but the military has a mission and my impression is they do not really want to mess with it unless you impact the mission in some way. For example, they really do not care if you commit adultery, but if it gets brought to your commanding officer's attention in some way, or you cause some sort of public shame on the military then you can be tried under article 134.

So laying low might be an option. It also helps to have a pre-arranged defense/plan of action. For example, you have to have a legal marriage to be charged for adultery. So not having one might help. I am not sure the Navy could or would do anything if you just had two "girlfriends" at home.

One warning is that article 134 is sort of a catch all. You do not have to do anything specific. They can get you for anything that is considered bad for the military. If they really want you they can get you.

How badly do you want a military career compared to how badly do you want to be a polygamist? If they found out and you got kicked out how would you feel about that? Would it be ok, or would your life be crushed?

In my experience the best lifers wanted a military career more than anything and could not imagine themselves doing anything else. They tended to fall in line and not want to stick out in any negative way. The free souls that wanted to do their own thing were not the best candidates for the military life.

On the other hand I once had a commanding officer who was gay. I mean this was never confirmed and never addresses directly, but it was well know as it was obvious. This was back in the don't ask, don't tell days (and even before). He did not have a husband (or a wife or children). Nothing could be proved. He loved the Navy, got to be a Captain and commanded a Cruiser. He kept that gay part of himself to himself and he never made an issue of it, never embarassed the Navy and did his job at a high level of competence and ended up having a great career.
 
Discretion is key is the best I can say. Living off base housing away from other military families is the first advice I can give, my time with them has been they are far too nosey and have too much time on their hands. Don't try to get extra benefits for a non-legal marriage, as much as it would suck, especially not being able to get an ID for SW or the health care. I have known plenty of open/polyamorous families when I was in the service. It was those acquaintances that led me on this search for biblical truth to begin with. I only know one polygamous family in the service, and they are pagan. I could ask more about how they deal with the challenges.
 
cnystrom said:
I am a former Naval Officer. The UCMJ is an additional burden that polygamous people who are in the military have to deal with. It is serious business.

As with any legal question, if you are really serious the best thing to do is to retain your own lawyer, or at least do the free initial visit and get a trained legal opinion.

I personally do not know of any direct way to change the UCMJ except that it is Federal law so you can write to your congressman which likely will not do much good because there are just not enough people on this issue to get his or her attention.

I was never tried by anything under the UCMJ, but the military has a mission and my impression is they do not really want to mess with it unless you impact the mission in some way. For example, they really do not care if you commit adultery, but if it gets brought to your commanding officer's attention in some way, or you cause some sort of public shame on the military then you can be tried under article 134.

So laying low might be an option. It also helps to have a pre-arranged defense/plan of action. For example, you have to have a legal marriage to be charged for adultery. So not having one might help. I am not sure the Navy could or would do anything if you just had two "girlfriends" at home.

One warning is that article 134 is sort of a catch all. You do not have to do anything specific. They can get you for anything that is considered bad for the military. If they really want you they can get you.

How badly do you want a military career compared to how badly do you want to be a polygamist? If they found out and you got kicked out how would you feel about that? Would it be ok, or would your life be crushed?

In my experience the best lifers wanted a military career more than anything and could not imagine themselves doing anything else. They tended to fall in line and not want to stick out in any negative way. The free souls that wanted to do their own thing were not the best candidates for the military life.

On the other hand I once had a commanding officer who was gay. I mean this was never confirmed and never addresses directly, but it was well know as it was obvious. This was back in the don't ask, don't tell days (and even before). He did not have a husband (or a wife or children). Nothing could be proved. He loved the Navy, got to be a Captain and commanded a Cruiser. He kept that gay part of himself to himself and he never made an issue of it, never embarassed the Navy and did his job at a high level of competence and ended up having a great career.
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In an admission that will probably shock no one, I did get charged under the UCMJ and subsequently and speedily and disturbingly efficiently tried, convicted and soo-marily punished. I had given a lot of people a little bit of rope to hang me with and sure enough, they hanged me with it. BUT, nothing at all would have happened if I hadn't of lost the trust of the 1st Sergeant. He actually thought my antics were kind of funny. Someone convinced him I was manipulating him and he put an end to my shenanigans. I accepted NJP and ended up with 2 months restriction, 2 months extra duty and a loss of a half month's pay for 2 months. The point of all that is that @cnystrom is right. If you don't go out of your way to be annoying there is a lot of leeway in the military. You know this obviously since your picture implies you're attached to the air wing some how and that mean's you have some rank on you. If you you're squared away, discreet and tactically and technically proficient then I would imagine you'll get left alone.
 
Can't add much to what's been said above, but I'll add what I know.

Knew a Navy family (husband and second wife) that both got discharged (she dishonorably, costing her her career) when a former 'friend' ratted them out over the husband's request to be paid back a few hundred bucks he had loaned the now-ex-friend. This in an environment that featured more than a few openly homosexual and openly swinging personnel. So though I don't have the direct service experience that Chris and Zec have, I would suggest that you should be aware that even if your situation now seems to indicate that you could 'get away with it', you'd be taking an extraordinary risk to try to mix plural marriage with military service. And the odds of a UCMJ change on any timeline that would be useful to you are definitely NOT in your favor....
 
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