Please pray for God to speak to us

[DeathIsNotTheEnd]

Please pray for God to speak to myself, my FW and my PW. Any or all of us. I don't really care, but we need clear direction right now.



Long story:
For the last few months, FW submitted to my request to try and accept the PW and my relationship and work through changing her mindset and her heart. It was hard for her, but she tried every day to push it down and accept this and so on. Meanwhile PW and I grew closer each day, etc. We followed all of the FW's requests about what we would and would not do, in order to be fair to her own progress. Sunday the FW and I spent the day together and had a nice day, Sunday night the PW and I had our first official date night, and it was wonderful. Monday I was supposed to meet up with them both for lunch but the FW was having a bad day (at work) and went to a ladies' lunch instead. PW and I had lunch and I could tell she was on edge and apparently all that day she was feeling uncertain about the future and like all was not well with the FW. She was supposed to come over that night for the 3 of us to spend the evening together.

FW got home about 10 minutes before PW was going to get off work and just exploded. She said it had all been a lie, that her heart wasn't changed, that she would never accept this, etc...and that it is her or PW, now choose. I told her I couldn't do that, that I had been patient and done everything she'd asked except break it off, and she said that as that was, whether she'd been willing to try it or not, breaking our exclusivity vow and she was going to leave. I begged her not to, worst fight we've ever had. But she left. She has never walked out on me before.

I called the PW and told her what was going on (obviously our dinner wasn't going to happen). She was heartbroken for the FW, but said that if the FW leaves because of her she will feel like marrying me is a sin. So she told me to make things right with the FW (even though she was the one who chose to leave). Despite her love and desire to be together, that really felt lonely: that if I couldn't fix everything, PW was going to leave too due to something I have little control over.

FW came back late that night. We talked with Andrew and his family for a bit. FW still feels that the exclusivity is required for her to love and feel loved by me. That she won't leave, but our hearts will be separated because of her pain (emotionall divorced for all intents and purposes). It is true that I broke that part of our vows (although I continued in this because I trusted her word that she was ok with it). In trusting the FW, as the PW and I got closer we had a number of intense discussions, and twice I felt very clearly God telling me to take care of her and love her. I promised to always love her, to not abandon her, and to always seek for and hope for a future together. It is true that those promises, from FW's perspective, are contrary to our exclusivity promise, but I made them at the time in good faith, trusting the FW's 'permission' so to speak. My conscience in clear in making them.

Because of that, (TLDR; ) I feel that whichever of my wife's ultimatums I choose I would be sinning. Either I would be sinning in abandoning the PW and ruining her hopes and dreams and future and disobeying God's command to take care of her, or I would be sinning in breaking my exclusivity promise to my FW when she is not releasing that, abandoning her (at best) to a life of disconnectedness, unlove, and lack of intimacy.

Neither of those choices are ones I can make. This seems so impossible. I feel like all the happiness we had is gone, dust, crushed. The dreams and future we all had are likewise destroyed, like a lightswitch was flicked off, just snuffed out. I don't feel God's presence at all. I don't feel like I've heard anything clearly from him. Monday I spent the entire day praying and fasting, on my knees, singing, crying, and just listening for Him. Prayer journaling. I felt like I had a number of images, but most of them were just things I've already felt that could have just been me (I need to love and comfort and hold the PW, I need to love and reassure and not abandon the FW, etc). The only two things that I felt were clear were that the FW is afraid of being alone and I need to help her know she is not alone, and to 'be patient'. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm being patient for. I don't see any hope. I don't see how God can possibly fix all this mess. I don't see how any of us are getting through this together. But I am not going to move until He directs. I am tired of making my own choices.

The women and I are praying all day apart and every night together for God to speak to us and give us direction. For God to change the FW's heart if she needs to. For Him to speak to all or one of us clearly. So far not much. FW felt like she heard last night that God sees our pain. SO WHAT. So what. It doesn't help anything. If He sees, He isn't helping much. PW felt like we need to wait. WAIT ON WHAT. I don't feel Him at all. But I will remain faithful. I will keep loving both women, I will keep loving Him. I will keep praying and seeking Him and waiting on Him to direct us, because I can't do it myself anymore.

So please, for the love of the Lord Jesus, pray for all of us. T.T

 

[Cap]

But I will remain faithful. I will keep loving both women, I will keep loving Him. I will keep praying and seeking Him and waiting on Him to direct us, because I can't do it myself anymore.

I know there will be more here to come to you and your families needs, but I know where you are, been there, am there, and I will be praying for you my friend. I feel your pain.

 

[rockfox]

Praying.

 

[MaryandJim]

Praying

 

[Isaac]

I will most certainly be praying for each of you and your situation.

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

If your wife needs support, feel free to have her reach out again.

 

[steve]

I have a word for you.
Patience.

Quit making this about you.
Stop with the either/or mentality.
Continue loving them both (keeping it pure with your intended) and let the Earth continue to travel around the sun.
Pray that each member of your family walks where YHWH draws them, make building His Kingdom in your family your priority.
Impatient patriarchs don’t work out well, my go-to is Lot.

I am praying that these circumstances will build each of you into the people that YHWH dreams that you can be.

 

[FollowingHim]

Praying for you all also.
Steve's advice is exactly right.
The faster you go, the slower your progress will be (to the point that if you go too fast, you'll end up going backwards).

 

[WifeOfHisYouth]

After re- reading your post I see a common theme, you need to be PATIENT and WAIT.

Seeing my husbands patience with me and his patience in the whole situation moved my heart more than anything else (aside from God obviously).

Seeing he was steady, patient and honorable- not a wave being tossed to and fro with just the desire to have sex with other women moved mountains in my acceptance in plural. He guided, he didn’t push, he encouraged, he didn’t demand.

There is no reason anything needs to happen right this moment.

 

[FollowingHim2]

EternalDreamer, in your previous posts, right from the beginning until now, you've been given the same advice. The advice was to slow down, to be patient, to wait, to not rush anything.
When things started getting difficult with your wife the advice was to love her and reassure her to the best of your ability.

PW felt like we need to wait. WAIT ON WHAT

There it is again, to wait. What are you waiting on? You're waiting until you learn patience.

and to 'be patient'. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm being patient for.

To learn it, that's what.

I felt like I had a number of images, but most of them were just things I've already felt that could have just been me (I need to love and comfort and hold the PW, I need to love and reassure and not abandon the FW, etc)

Well, then, do that. You're asking for direction and you've been given it. Do it, and do it until you've learned patience.

FW felt like she heard last night that God sees our pain. SO WHAT. So what. It doesn't help anything. If He sees, He isn't helping much.

So what? Did you think that growing was going to be easy? Oh no Sir, it hurts, it can be intensely painful. God isn't looking down at you and smiling at the pain you're going through, he sees it and He knows it's a fire you must all pass through for the better.

I'm praying for you all.

 

[Nikud]

Father G-d, our strength, our refuge,we ask in Yeshuas name that Eternaldreamer be given clarity of your will. We ask that You comfort him and grant him peace of mind. We ask that You grant him the strength to weather all storms which besiege his life. The Hebrew word for patience is savlanut, which also means "tolerance." We ask that he be granted peace and understanding of this lesson in tolerance. The same root gives rise to words that means "suffer" (sevel) and "burdens" (sivlot). We ask that his wife's suffering in her struggle to understand your will be short. Let this trial not be a burden to Eternaldreamer. Let your peace extrnd to the lady he wishes to bring into his family. We know that patience is not a necessarily a pleasant experience. We should expect patience to be the hard work we usually find it to be. Abba, let their family be strengthened through endurance and tolerance, and may the experience bring them closer to you.

 

[frederick]

Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus,
that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 15:5-6).

God has spoken, and He's had it written down for us to read and learn from. It's everything we need so that we can be fully equipped for every good work (cf. 2 Tim. 3:16-17). It's through reading and studying what He's said that we've come to know polygyny is right in the first place and it's through His written word we seek to teach others; it's through the presentation of the truth of Holy Scripture. Hold fast to the truth my friend.

Oh, and by the way, don't forget what He said in Romans 5:3-4; And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Shalom

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

What I’m about to say is going to be very direct. I hope you do not take it the wrong way. Remember that the wounds of a friend can be trusted.


You asked what you need to be patient for. I will tell you. You haven’t built a foundation. You are trying to build your house without a foundation and it won’t work. It’s will collapse. Building a foundation sucks, i know, I’m a carpenter. But, if you don’t take the time to build your foundation solid, level, and square your house will be, at best, like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It will be something people gawk at and use as an analogy of how not to do it. At worst it will entirely implode. You will lose everything. You will lose your wife, your potential wife, potentially any children you have or will have, the respect of your extended family (which you would probably lose anyway, because of plural, but in this case you would have nothing to show for it). You will have the rug ripped out from under you financially, and you will bear the pain of the carnage for the rest of your life.


Building a foundation is going to take time... TIME. When i say TIME, I don’t mean, look at the clock. I mean more like look at the calendar, or better yet leap years on the calendar. Slow it down and take your TIME. Read and study the Word of God, pray that God will give you wisdom. I know you are in the thick of it right now and you’re probably saying how does this help me right now?! Stop moving forward with the relationship and let everyone catch their breath. While they are doing that, you spend copious amounts of your free time reading God’s Word. Start in Proverbs. There is lots of wisdom in there that was written by a man who had a thousand wives. Instead of desperately begging God to give you direct revelation in the next five minutes, start using the brain God gave you and start looking at your situation and thinking how can I apply the wisdom from God’s Word in this situation right here.


My prayer for you is that you will listen to the advice that the good people here are giving you and that you will not destroy the lives of everyone you are supposed to be leading. I do pray that God will grow and build your family and that you will be successful with your family, but i pray that He won’t let you take on so much that it destroys you and them.

 

[mystic]

"Be patient" is related to "wait" but does not necessarily involve waiting. I notice that the man in this thread with at least two wives has said be patient. And he suggested specific steps to take without delay. I like that.

I've also noticed that "wait" is really popular advice from pro-polygamy guys with one wife.

 

[rejoicinghandmaid]

I'm so glad @EternalDreamer that you've found time to talk with Andrew and his family. Might I also suggest you consider talking with vv76 and WellLovedWife. She has quite a moving testimony as to how God worked in her heart moving her to desire to release vv76 from original vows. Together they made new Biblical vows, and it's helped mold the amazing relationship they now share embracing BF. I've heard vv76 talk of how he knew there were times he needed to slow down, to bring WLW along, and give her time to catch up to where God had him. I know both of them would consider it a privilege to visit and share with you, FW, and PW. Sometimes the only way to gain ground and move forward is on your knees--that automatically slows you down.

 

[cnystrom]

So she told me to make things right with the FW (even though she was the one who chose to leave).

Which, of course, you were going to do anyway right? You make it right or you die trying, I think.

Despite her love and desire to be together, that really felt lonely: that if I couldn't fix everything, PW was going to leave too due to something I have little control over.

One thing I learned when I went through a similar ordeal last year is that I basically had NO CONTROL over anything. Wife is her own person and is going to do her own thing and the PW is her own person and is going to do her own thing. So what I reverted to was just trying to do the right thing by God. How do I please God? And the answer that I came up with was that I was to do the right thing toward each lady as much as it was possible for me to do so and not worry about the outcome that I had no control over anyway.

FW came back late that night.

A good sign I think.

...That she won't leave,...

Another excellent sign.

It is true that I broke that part of our vows (although I continued in this because I trusted her word that she was ok with it).

So its not like you broke them unilaterally. It is more like your relationship is growing and maturing and you are working through together what they mean to both of you going forward. And apparently she led you to believe that they were no longer binding in this area?

In trusting the FW, as the PW and I got closer we had a number of intense discussions, and twice I felt very clearly God telling me to take care of her and love her. I promised to always love her, to not abandon her, and to always seek for and hope for a future together. It is true that those promises, from FW's perspective, are contrary to our exclusivity promise, but I made them at the time in good faith, trusting the FW's 'permission' so to speak. My conscience in clear in making them.

All good so far. God told you to do something. You did it. Your conscience is clear.

Because of that, (TLDR; ) I feel that whichever of my wife's ultimatums I choose I would be sinning. Either I would be sinning in abandoning the PW and ruining her hopes and dreams and future and disobeying God's command to take care of her, or I would be sinning in breaking my exclusivity promise to my FW when she is not releasing that, abandoning her (at best) to a life of disconnectedness, unlove, and lack of intimacy.

It sounds like you are a little fuzzy on whether your wife released you from your vows, or not. From above you said you had her word that she had released you. but here you seem to think you are still bound. If she released you she can not take it back. That would force you to mistreat your PW.

Do you believe that God wants your wife to give you ultimatums and that you should follow them? Is that God's will for you?

Neither of those choices are ones I can make.

What happens if you do not make them? Is it possible that it is God's will that you do not make either one of those choices? If they are both wrong then that must not be the right way... right?

This seems so impossible.

God delights in the impossible.

I feel like all the happiness we had is gone, dust, crushed. The dreams and future we all had are likewise destroyed, like a lightswitch was flicked off, just snuffed out.

That is funny. In another thread I mentioned how God closes one door and then opens another one, often a much better one, that we were totally not expecting.

I don't feel God's presence at all. I don't feel like I've heard anything clearly from him. Monday I spent the entire day praying and fasting, on my knees, singing, crying, and just listening for Him. Prayer journaling. I felt like I had a number of images, but most of them were just things I've already felt that could have just been me (I need to love and comfort and hold the PW, I need to love and reassure and not abandon the FW, etc).

Those both sound like excellent things to do. It appears to me that you have your marching orders.

The only two things that I felt were clear were that the FW is afraid of being alone and I need to help her know she is not alone, and to 'be patient'.

Wow. Again very specific marching orders for you.

I don't know why. I don't know what I'm being patient for.

You do not really need to know the why part. You just have to know enough to obey. Often the why is best seen and known in retrospect. But it is not the important part. There may even be some things that we will only know when we meet him face to face and we can ask.

I don't see any hope. I don't see how God can possibly fix all this mess. I don't see how any of us are getting through this together.

I do not pretend to know your future, but maybe God will show you something powerful? Maybe he wants to show you how he can fix messes, really bad messes, so you will believe?

But I am not going to move until He directs. I am tired of making my own choices.

Ah! It looks like this ordeal has already taught you a very important lesson! You never could have learned this if everything had been peaches and cream.

The women and I are praying all day apart and every night together for God to speak to us and give us direction. For God to change the FW's heart if she needs to. For Him to speak to all or one of us clearly. So far not much.

From what you have written it seems like more than you realize.

FW felt like she heard last night that God sees our pain. SO WHAT. So what.

Pain teaches us empathy. It also lets us know that we really love. If you all did not love the pain would not be so bad. It is a confirmation of your love. You might even say that the more pain you have the more love you are dealing with.

It doesn't help anything. If He sees, He isn't helping much.

I doubt this is true.

PW felt like we need to wait. WAIT ON WHAT.

Why not wait and find out? What is the hurry to do something? It seems to me you should just keep doing what God has already told you to do. See above.

I don't feel Him at all. But I will remain faithful. I will keep loving both women, I will keep loving Him. I will keep praying and seeking Him and waiting on Him to direct us,

An excellent plan going forward I think.

...because I can't do it myself anymore.

An excellent lesson to learn that pretty much can only be leaned the hard way.

So please, for the love of the Lord Jesus, pray for all of us. T.T

Will do brother. If any of this seems judgemental, it is not intended. Believe me, I have been there. I think you are doing better than you realize.

Lord, Please bless EternalDreamer and his family. Wrap him in your love. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

 

[cnystrom]

So she told me to make things right with the FW (even though she was the one who chose to leave).

Sorry I had to say something more about this. No woman of quality wants to be a home wrecker. They fact that she is concerned about this shows a high degree of chracter in her and shows that you probably have a winner here. You want a family where everone is pulling for everyone else. The fact that she cares enough about your wife to even give you up if she has to to protect her says a lot. A whole lot. You might also point this out to your wife.

The women that I proposed to last year seemed ok with driving a wedge between my wife, and I and would have been happy enough if my wife just went away. Not the kind of woman you are looking for. It is one of the factors that make me think now that I dodged a bullet last year.

 

[eye4them]

@EternalDreamer,

I've been given to find that certain foods can have a strong impact on my outlook and just how rough of a time I have with things that happen. If my outlook is excellent, "things" either just don't even happen, or are literally a fun challenge rather than seeming grievous. These things work for me, and others who I know. I hope they can work for you also to make your situation more bearable, but perhaps especially your FW, and PW also. I am praying for you all, brother.

1) Get more magnesium into your diet. This is readily done with organic canned beans (the legume type, not green beans), preferably black beans, and absolutely no soy anything ever. Organic chocolate is another option, it should have only chocolate/cacao in the ingredient list, and nothing else. You may have to look in the natural/organic section of a larger grocery store to find this, and even then, not every grocery store is going to have a suitable chocolate option. If it contains anything but chocolate/cacao, presume it is likely to do more harm that good (it is beyond the scope of this post to describe what added things might be OK). Another good option for magnesium is organic raw (not roasted) cashews.

2) Eat fish, specifically Alaska salmon. Frozen Alaskan USA wild caught sockeye salmon is excellent. Sam's and Costco have this (at least where I live). Canned salmon is fine, but *DO NOT* eat the bones (the calcium will almost surely make matters worse). For canned, I prefer "Natural Sea", but "Crown Prince" is OK, as is Costco's house brand in the 6 pack. Critical go/nogo items for *any* fish; wild caught, pacific. Atlantic or farmed is absolute no go. If it lists any Asian country anywhere on the package/label, put it back (the health standards are not trustable). If it has anything but the fish on the ingredients list; put it back. The canned fish may also list water and salt, but *nothing* else, and absolutely no "broth".

3) Eat organic raisins. I have not been able to determine what exactly the "special sauce" is in raisins other than boron and magnesium, but there is something remarkably powerful about them, and I'm pretty sure it's not specifically the boron or magnesium. But they are a good source of magnesium.

4) Go Raw brand organic sprouted raw sunflower seeds. Raw is important here so it's not roasted where the oil/s could have turned rancid.

5) Organic grass-fed cultured unsalted butter (it has Vitamin K2).
6) Liquid vitamin D3. (quality brands; NOW, Throne Research, Pure Encapsulations, Douglass Labs, Life Extension)
The magnesium, D3, and K2 help to get calcium out of where it shouldn't be (and is causing all kinds of problems), and to where it belongs.

Limit or eliminate from your diet cheese and milk. These are high in calcium, and calcium is trouble.
Pork is high in omega-6 (that will make you fell lousy all by itself). Eliminate pork from your diet; it's bad for you.

No elaborate time or effort consuming preparation is necessary; eat the beans and canned fish right out of the can. The frozen fish is almost as easy; put it frozen into a covered pan with a half inch of gently boiling water, and it should be done in maybe around 10-15 minutes. Once it easily breaks up with a fork, it's done; pull it out of the pan, add some salt/pepper, and enjoy.

There are many other dietary matters I could discuss, but I will keep this message short. When you feel like taking the time, I would direct you to my other posts concerning diet.
http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/hello-again-from-mid-coast-maine.13469/#post-149063
http://www.biblicalfamilies.org/forum/threads/polygamy-for-procreation.13745/#post-154423

I would also recommend doing a self deliverance, which goes something like this;
Make a statement to God of forgiving everyone who is (and now was) your debtor, then say a prayer asking God to forgive your debts, and then perform the self deliverance where you command in Jesus's name that all evil spirits present leave immediately and never return. You can do this for yourself, and the deliverance portion for your FW and PW. Though, I'd recommend that they do the whole thing for themselves also. You can do this daily and even multiple times per day as it seems necessary.

Here is a short video covering the process.

Now, may the only living, and merciful God, to whom belongeth glory for ever and ever; multiply peace and blessings to you and yours brother EternalDreamer, and may He continue to richly bless us all, and even exceeding more abundantly forevermore. Amen.

 

[Asforme&myhouse]

@EternalDreamer

Here is a short video covering the process.

So, what does it mean if I’m throwing up after watching the video?