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Please help

M

Moses777

New Member
I have recently come to the conclusion that PM is biblical.. I am presently single, and I may be going out on a date with a potential young lady in the near future. How do I go about telling this young lady about my beliefs in PM?

I have read posts on this issue and someone on here mentioned that they mentioned it straight away before they actually went out on their first date, as they mentioned this in their craiglist personal. I agree with this persons method as theres no deceptiveness, and its straightforward honesty with no surprises.

Any advice or help appreciated.
 
I'd just get to know her. As you discuss all sorts of things, you will learn many things about each other. Your views on marriage will be one thing that comes up in conversation at some point - and there is a lot to discuss there, not just PM. Make sure it does come up of course, don't hide it, but there's a lot more to learn about each other than just this one issue.

If you have just "recently come to the conclusion that PM is biblical", do you have the solid scriptural knowledge of it to counter any concern about it she might have? Or do you feel like you're still figuring out all the reasons for it yourself? If you were to bring this up on the first date, would you be able to back up your views?

Far better in my mind to get to know her and study scripture together on a range of issues, including this one. Far less confrontational, and it will teach you a lot about her also.

Others may disagree with that approach of course, I'll be interested to see other's responses.
 
To clarify, I don't see it as a massive issue requiring immediate "disclosure", because there is a big difference between "this is the right way to understand scripture" and "this is God's plan for our lives". You know the first, you don't know the second.

There are plenty of other "scary" views you could have about marriage too - believing you shouldn't use contraception for instance, maybe you're strict on head coverings - but all these will come up in conversation at the right time if you are truly getting to know each other well enough to consider marriage.
 
FollowingHim said:
To clarify, I don't see it as a massive issue requiring immediate "disclosure", because there is a big difference between "this is the right way to understand scripture" and "this is God's plan for our lives". You know the first, you don't know the second.

There are plenty of other "scary" views you could have about marriage too - believing you shouldn't use contraception for instance, maybe you're strict on head coverings - but all these will come up in conversation at the right time if you are truly getting to know each other well enough to consider marriage.
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Thankyou for taking the time to share with me, I appreciate it beyond what you can imagine as its not easy doing this alone. I think you make some good points that its probably best to get to know her first before bringing this issue up, if you can keep me in prayer I would greatly appreciate it. I will be praying about your advice and please if u have anything else to share please do so. I am currently attending a church that doesnt believe in PM so Im not going to get advice from there, basically this board is the only place I can get advice on this issue. I value your advice dearly, thankyou so much.
 
Just because you believe PM to be biblical does not mean you will be living it, some people believe it to be biblical but they do not want to live it, However if you want to live it, then it is more inportant to talk about.
 
Hello Moses, I agree with FollowingHim, because you are single, you have plenty of time to discuss these things in a budding relationship. Of course, at some point you will need to, unless you plan to hide your beliefs, and certainly before you are talking marriage would be good, but hopefully that process would take months and you will have built her trust in you and your faith, making it much easier to bring up.

Now, the married guys, they have a much bigger dilemma! When to tell a potential second, or someone they would like to court, without driving them off immediately, but without waiting so long as to be perceived as a 'cheater'. I think the first date, if not before, is important there.

Good luck on your date!
 
Moses, we're all alone too (except there are two of us!). As far as we know we're the only people in our entire country thinking this way. It's rather depressing. But BF is a wonderful resource, we have received a lot of encouragement from it and I am glad to help you.

Nathan, you're dead right that it's tougher for us married guys. You don't know how lucky you are Moses! :D But then again, us married guys ARE married already, so maybe it's not that bad after all. ;)

Moses, my wife says you need to marry two women at the same time. Then you can avoid the tricky situation most of us monogamous men are in - all the women you get to know will immediately know you're happy with more than one wife and you'll get past this issue immediately. (note - THIS IS A JOKE! hence the laughing face as requested by my wife: :lol: ).
 
Moses & Samuel, I consider it both a serious and viable suggestion. Instead of looking for one girl to date, why not have an eye out for a pair of best friends? If it will be a first marriage, and this is how you want to live, why not?
 
Get to know her first, show that you care about her, and if she cares about you. You can tell her later and then she can make a choice.

It's not being deceptive. I don't tell girls I snore on the first date, either.

Doc
 
CecilW said:
Moses & Samuel, I consider it both a serious and viable suggestion. Instead of looking for one girl to date, why not have an eye out for a pair of best friends? If it will be a first marriage, and this is how you want to live, why not?
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I agree its a viable suggestion
 
Ahhh you are talking about my post under my old screen name, lol. Yes I was straight forward with my first wife. I was also straight forward with my second wife as well. Though at the time my second wife said no way no how! lol. After time however my second wife became friends with first wife then best friends then some how feel in love with me in the process of it all over the next four years we have been talking on and off about it until finally I started thinking it was never going to happen and let her know I was thinking of pursuing someone else cause it wasn't going any where. That's when she told me how she felt but said her family wouldn't understand and so on but she was ready to take the plunge cause she wanted to be my second wife not someone else and here we are now married. The three of us have our moments, but all in all we are happy! Honesty to me always seems like the best factor.It certainly helped me weed out the ones that weren't for me. Like I told my first wife the day we met I may never live it, but I do not need a woman who is always going to down me for supporting it. But I will say though many times when I was single many women didn't like the fact I believed in it so I wouldn't date them. To me it was more of a being supportive of my beliefs issue and the way I was raised. I have a few polygamist in my family. If we ever went to visit I don't want someone who will hate my family on polygamy alone. Cause what family I do get along with I do not want to lose because who ever I am with doesn't like PM.

I am glad to this day I was honest with Becky and everyone else, because the others left and Becky has stuck around. I am not going to say it has always been easy on her, but she has supported me and our beliefs in PM! To me this is why the honest approach is always best cause then later on you cannot be accused of lying or using them. When you are open no one can fault you!
 
My only problem with this is when people tend to wait, they wait too long. Once feelings are there and you bring it up it can cause a lot of hurt feelings and a person leaving forever feeling deceived. Sure it doesn't have to be disclosed as the first thing but with in the first date or even before then I think it would be good to get it out of the way so you can see right away where she stands. At least she will know and be able too study it with you and see if this is something she can really deal with. I have seen a lot of bad endings in a relationship when people tend not to tell a person right away what they believe.
FollowingHim said:
To clarify, I don't see it as a massive issue requiring immediate "disclosure", because there is a big difference between "this is the right way to understand scripture" and "this is God's plan for our lives". You know the first, you don't know the second.

There are plenty of other "scary" views you could have about marriage too - believing you shouldn't use contraception for instance, maybe you're strict on head coverings - but all these will come up in conversation at the right time if you are truly getting to know each other well enough to consider marriage.
Click to expand...
 
Really in NZ??? I know a few from there most are Maori, but yeah you are most def not alone! I am half Tongan and have lots of fam with more than one wife!
It could just be a poly polynesian thing, lol.
FollowingHim said:
Moses, we're all alone too (except there are two of us!). As far as we know we're the only people in our entire country thinking this way. It's rather depressing. But BF is a wonderful resource, we have received a lot of encouragement from it and I am glad to help you.

Nathan, you're dead right that it's tougher for us married guys. You don't know how lucky you are Moses! :D But then again, us married guys ARE married already, so maybe it's not that bad after all. ;)

Moses, my wife says you need to marry two women at the same time. Then you can avoid the tricky situation most of us monogamous men are in - all the women you get to know will immediately know you're happy with more than one wife and you'll get past this issue immediately. (note - THIS IS A JOKE! hence the laughing face as requested by my wife: :lol: ).
Click to expand...
 
Gillfam, if you can put us in touch with any polygynous families over here it would be absolutely awesome. Many polynesian cultures were traditionally polygamous, I just don't know of anyone living it, no doubt it is kept very quiet. Would love to meet anybody you know, even if I need to fly to Auckland to do so. I'm in Hamilton tomorrow night actually, you don't happen to know anyone up there? Send me a private message or email samuel@biblicalfamilies.org.
 
I sent them emails inviting them to join the forum. Most aren't on everyday, but hopefully they will read it soon!
 
Hey they said something about a cop being on here? They were a little put off by it. I mean I know everyone has to work, but yeah I can understand why they are worried to be on a site where the cops are members. I am not worried but I can understand why they would be.
 
Gillfam said:
Hey they said something about a cop being on here? They were a little put off by it. I mean I know everyone has to work, but yeah I can understand why they are worried to be on a site where the cops are members. I am not worried but I can understand why they would be.
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Is there? Or is it that crazy rumour that I am an FBI agent or something (despite not actually being American)? Got to love the paranoia and the rumour mill!!!!

Bels
 
And even if Bels is an FBI agent, she's got no jurisdiction in New Zealand anyway...

But you do know that every NZ cop has this website set as the screensaver on their computer and has to read every new post three times before they can go home? By law. Or be beaten with liquorice straps if they refuse.
 
FollowingHim said:
And even if Bels is an FBI agent, she's got no jurisdiction in New Zealand anyway...

But you do know that every NZ cop has this website set as the screensaver on their computer and has to read every new post three times before they can go home? By law. Or be beaten with liquorice straps if they refuse.
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But I am not FBI, I am CIA, Interpol, Mossad and that one in Russia, I am that one too...in fact, I am the one doing the liquorice whipping in NZ. I travel all over the world making sure security forces keep an eye on the major international threat of people making their own relationship choices!!!! :o :o
This can't be allowed to go on.... :shock:

Bels
 
:lol: You guys are hilarious with the cop, FBI thing. I wonder... well, it is what it is, if Cecil is undercover then so be it. ;)
 
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