Overcoming Objections To Plural Marriage: Topic 2

[Doc]

Polygamy and its practice inevitably create conflict and crisis among families who practice it. The obvious examples of the terrible consequences of polygamy are Abraham, Jacob, Elkanah, David and Solomon. Abraham's bearing a son by Hagar brought nothing but trouble for everyone involved. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah, creating competition. Elkanah loved Hannah more than Peninnah, showing favoritism to Hannah and creating bitterness for Peninnah, and stress for Hannah. David has numerous wives and concubines, but is still not satisfied, pursung Bathsheba. Finally, Solomon's spiritual bankruptcy is brought about by his many foreign wives who turned him from the Lord and into idolatry.

Responses?

 

[Mark C]

Monogamy and its practice inevitably create conflict and crisis among families who practice it. The most obvious example, of course, is Adam and Eve, arguably the most infamously failed marriage in all of human history, and the awful union "by which sin entered the world". Their son Cain was the first murderer as well. This is probably why Paul (whose advice is generally accepted without question when it comes to questions of "the law") advised against it, and added, "I would spare you" the inevitable problems.

While perhaps there are a few examples of men about whose polygynous marriages very little of a negative nature is said in the Bible, (Caleb, Gideon, the "men of Issachar", and the prophecy of Isaiah 4:1) most people are hard-pressed to name an undeniably "monogamous" union in Scripture without grief or strife.






Blessings,
Mark

 

[CecilW]

Much of the answer is found within the objection: The problem is not with PM, per se, but with FAVORITISM.

Favoritism always makes trouble, not just in marriages. Makes trouble with kids, too. Anyone remember Joseph with his coat of many colors?

In most of the cases mentioned, favoritism can readily be seen as a/the root cause of the problem. Granted, David and Bathsheba had other issues going on, and Solomon clearly went to an excess with foreign women which contravened God's instructions for kings. But those were special cases.

We can also talk about the blessings that came from those plural families. And mention that God chose to honor them. He has even named the gates of the Holy City after the 12 offspring of a polygynous marriage!

And need we mention the problems in monogamous marriages? Ahab comes instantly to mind.

So it seems better to redirect our attention to the true lesson in each story rather than trying to fit them to a theory (PM is the cause of the problems) that has so many holes.

 

[Mark C]

Great point, Cecil. Anyone with more than a single "only child" should be able to relate to the favoritism issue, even if they too often try to ignore the lessons.

(Ironic, isn't it, that people who will criticize another couple for having "only one" child -- you know, 'socialization' -- won't apply that same argument to the obvious corollary. )

It was your closing that really struck me as funny, however.

Come to think of it, Ahab & Jezebel may the example of monogamy that exceeds even the "marriage by which sin entered the world" for infamy.

 

[Shimon]

Favoritism always makes trouble, not just in marriages. Makes trouble with kids, too. Anyone remember Joseph with his coat of many colors?

Having 5 children, I can attest first hand to the dangers of favoritism. I worked hard to avoid it but sometimes things happen that create the appearance of favoritism. For example, one of my son suffered from ADHD and chronic depression during junior high. He was even hospitalized at one point due to suicidal ideation. because of this, he required more attention and his siblings felt left out. This led to problems between them that exist to this day.

I feel that a husband's duty is to treat each wife equally and to intervene at once if some sort of rivalry develops between them. Of course, rivalry isn't the only issue. A husband must lead by being in tune with his family and helping them to work thru any issues that arise. Unfortunately, a lot of men are not up to this task. These men should probably not engage in PM at all.

Just my thoughts.

Dave

 

[sicouple]

Christ was born through the linage of a PM and without the sacrifice of Christ you wouldn't have the chance to reconcile with the Father.

How sure are you that your not also a descendant of a plural union? If that union were sin wouldn't that mean you should never have been?

 

[Moses777]

Favoritism always makes trouble, not just in marriages. Makes trouble with kids, too. Anyone remember Joseph with his coat of many colors?

I feel that a husband's duty is to treat each wife equally and to intervene at once if some sort of rivalry develops between them. Of course, rivalry isn't the only issue. A husband must lead by being in tune with his family and helping them to work thru any issues that arise. Unfortunately, a lot of men are not up to this task. These men should probably not engage in PM at all.

Just my thoughts.

Dave

Very good point. I think keeping rivalry between wives in check would be a big issue with PM. Thanks for your contribution.

 

[Ephraim's D]

Put Christ First. If people don't put God first in there marriage, there is bound to be problems. In a PM, choosing "favorites" is not an option. All sides need to work on the marriage. A good marriage takes work, whether it a mono marriage or a plural one.

 

[captainjonathan]

Okay, if favoritism is bad, why did Christ have a favored apostle? I don't see "favoritism" in the ten commandments as a bad thing. In fact God demands to be first. Ah , but on the other side of the coin we find JEALOUSY. Jealousy and coveting are mentioned in the ten commandments. It is mentioned repeatedly as sin. When we are jealous of the differences in others we get problems. God sees fit to bless people differently. Do we have a right to be covetous of others because they are smarter, better looking, stronger? No, don't these gifts show favoritism by God? Or is it that He loves the differences? Does He like us like to have someone to cut up with, someone to cry with, people to play sports with etc?

Because God loves us.... He loves us all and that is enough for me. I need not be covetous of the others He loves and the gifts He bestows on them. Rather I need to revel in the fact that He loves me.

 

[CecilW]

It's a directional THANG. God is upward. Favoritism upward is good -- actually demanded. Favoritism downward (wives, children) is bad, as illustrated by every single instance in Scripture.

We are within God's circle of those who owe allegiance to Him. Acceptable Biblical and Godly jealousy is downward, a sort of possessive protectiveness over those within one's direct circle, those who owe you allegiance. Jealousy upward, as in a wife being jealous of her husband and trying to restrict his love for another, or us trying to exclude others from God's care, is bad. One might even suggest that it is a species of treason, though admittedly may be done in ignorance of the implications.

Every person who wrote portions of the Bible was human and had personal idiosyncrasies of one sort or another. The only person who claimed that Jesus had a favorite disciple was John, claiming he was it. Hmmm. Elsewhere, however, it says that God is NO respecter of persons. That seems to eliminate favoritism, but does allow for a clear understanding on His part that this or that person has grasped and adopted His own attitudes and heart more than another.

Please don't make me defend the above. I'm too tired right now. But many of us here can and have.

 

[captainjonathan]

Cecil, I hope I didn't frustrate you. Not my intention. I did mean through a change of paradigm to offer a different perspective. I don't think favoritism is good. I think equality is not similarity. It is a matter of semantics. I respect your thoughts and opinions as I have found them to be well founded and well thought out. What are your thoughts on God having a chosen people? Are they not favored above others? What about Mary, was she not favored above other women?

As you requested not to respond due to being tired? Can you answer this immediately please? time is of the essence. Just joking, have a wonderful night. God bless you. I hope to meet you some day.

 

[CecilW]

Ooookay,Johnathon: *grin*

Cecil, I hope I didn't frustrate you.

Not frustrated. No problem.

All the instances where folks say, "See all the problems caused in Bible families by PM?" can be chalked up to favoritism. Check it out.

I did mean through a change of paradigm to offer a different perspective. I don't think favoritism is good. I think equality is not similarity. It is a matter of semantics.

So sorry, but I have NO IDEA what you just said.

What are your thoughts on God having a chosen people? Are they not favored above others?

Chosen <> Favorite. If I choose my son to carry out the trash, he might well prefer I chose his sister. God said plainly that it wasn't on account of them -- they were a rather no-good lot. It was on account of His covenant with Abraham, a man who responded well when chosen.

What about Mary, was she not favored above other women?

Again, chosen <> favorite. Even favored <> favorite. Favored = "chosen for something GOOD", as opposed to "chosen for a chore".

I maintain my stance, and can do the whole thing if I really must, that favoritism downward always causes problems within the family.