I just got an email from my son's school. They want to talk to my wife and I about polygamy. We only have 4 months left in the school year. Pray that we can resolve this without having to find another school for him in the middle of the year.
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Prayer request My son's school
- Thread starter Daniel DeLuca
- Start date
I pray you crush it like a boss Sir Daniel, Patriarch of Clan DeLuca 
#PatriarchTeacherConfrences
#DaddyDanielEducatingTheEducators
#PatriarchTeacherConfrences
#DaddyDanielEducatingTheEducators
Your son's school does? That seems strange. What tipped them off?
You frighten my wife when you bring up CPS. The public school system could care less what I believe and teach my son, but he is not in a public school. The Christian School that he is enrolled in DOES care about that sort of thing, and he talks, and I talk, and you know how the powers that be, even in the IFB, often rule with an iron fist.
Let me be clear, RRCA's stance is that Polygamy is against the law and against our stated statement of beliefs which you acknowledged and agreed to when Simeon was enrolled.
I have included the specific statement below:
* We believe that the term “marriage” has only one meaning: the uniting of one man and one woman in a single, exclusive union, as delineated in Scripture (Gen. 2:18-25).
If you are considering Polygamy or actively pursuing a second wife then we have a problem. I will need to meet with both of you early next week to discuss this situation.
I have availability on Monday morning. Please email me back immediately to schedule a meeting.
That passage in Genesis says nothing at all about one man and one woman, in a single exclusive union, and to claim that is the only meaning of marriage, means that Scripture is lying when it says men like Lamech and Elkanah, etc. had two wives.I have included the specific statement below:
* We believe that the term “marriage” has only one meaning: the uniting of one man and one woman in a single, exclusive union, as delineated in Scripture (Gen. 2:18-25).
If you are considering Polygamy or actively pursuing a second wife then we have a problem. I will need to meet with both of you early next week to discuss this situation.
I have availability on Monday morning. Please email me back immediately to schedule a meeting.
Ok, I see now why they're objecting. Don't expect logic to work on them. American Churchianity hates polygamy.
And she is right to be afraid of CPS; they are very scary. Horrible, unchecked power, routinely abused. And I don't care that it's a Christian School; I've known Christians to abuse, aid and abet CPS too.
And she is right to be afraid of CPS; they are very scary. Horrible, unchecked power, routinely abused. And I don't care that it's a Christian School; I've known Christians to abuse, aid and abet CPS too.
I would suggest avoiding debating that topic, and instead trying as much as possible to focus on your child's need for a Christian education. If you're crazy heretics, then he really really needs the positive influence of their school to counter your heresy and preserve his faith. Do they really want to abandon their opportunity to be a light into his life?
The point of this meeting is not to persuade the person you're meeting with to accept polygamy. That won't happen, and going down that track will simply end up with your kid being booted from the school for no reason.
This is about the welfare of a child, and his right to an education. At a bare minimum, they need to let him finish his school year, for obvious reasons. Ideally they should let him continue so that they can retain the opportunity to be a positive influence on your family.
Try and forget your natural desire to be certain and right! Rather, I'd come across as very uncomfortable about the topic and reluctant to speak about it. Come from the position that you are passionate about scripture, not polygamy, and discuss all sorts of issues to try and better understand scripture, just as you expect all Christian parents would. Children ask hard questions and you study them with the kids to try and find answers. Give a wide list of issues that you have discussed in the past. That's all. Don't be too quick to answer his questions, don't answer with many words, and answer half the questions with a somewhat surprised "I'm not sure, hadn't considered that before, what do you think?".
If he really keeps prying and won't drop the topic as unimportant, you could ask him what his particular interest is in polygamy, why out of all these various issues he's particularly interested in discussing that one? Should you not be discussing salvation, or something that really matters? Why this interest in sexuality? Let him push the issue and you reply reluctantly, as if it's not a topic you're really that interested in or comfortable discussing. Leave him really uncomfortable about the whole thing.
Last resort: you could even say the conversation is making you increasingly concerned that a teacher at a Christian school would have such an extreme interest in sexual matters, and would prefer to stop this discussion now and may raise the matter with his superior.
Don't cast your pearls before swine. This is not the time and place for a serious theological debate about polygamy.
It's the time to turn someone back to considering what really matters - the heart of Christianity (salvation), and the welfare and education of a child.
The point of this meeting is not to persuade the person you're meeting with to accept polygamy. That won't happen, and going down that track will simply end up with your kid being booted from the school for no reason.
This is about the welfare of a child, and his right to an education. At a bare minimum, they need to let him finish his school year, for obvious reasons. Ideally they should let him continue so that they can retain the opportunity to be a positive influence on your family.
Try and forget your natural desire to be certain and right! Rather, I'd come across as very uncomfortable about the topic and reluctant to speak about it. Come from the position that you are passionate about scripture, not polygamy, and discuss all sorts of issues to try and better understand scripture, just as you expect all Christian parents would. Children ask hard questions and you study them with the kids to try and find answers. Give a wide list of issues that you have discussed in the past. That's all. Don't be too quick to answer his questions, don't answer with many words, and answer half the questions with a somewhat surprised "I'm not sure, hadn't considered that before, what do you think?".
If he really keeps prying and won't drop the topic as unimportant, you could ask him what his particular interest is in polygamy, why out of all these various issues he's particularly interested in discussing that one? Should you not be discussing salvation, or something that really matters? Why this interest in sexuality? Let him push the issue and you reply reluctantly, as if it's not a topic you're really that interested in or comfortable discussing. Leave him really uncomfortable about the whole thing.
Last resort: you could even say the conversation is making you increasingly concerned that a teacher at a Christian school would have such an extreme interest in sexual matters, and would prefer to stop this discussion now and may raise the matter with his superior.
Don't cast your pearls before swine. This is not the time and place for a serious theological debate about polygamy.
It's the time to turn someone back to considering what really matters - the heart of Christianity (salvation), and the welfare and education of a child.
My question would be exactly what did you agree to? Was their statement of faith presented to you as a statement of their beliefs, or as a litmus test of your beliefs. Acceptance of their beliefs while retaining your own is one thing. Them allowing your child to attend their school because you are of like faith is another matter entirely. If the latter is the case, you wont have a leg to stand on. You also need to sit down with your son and have him spill the beans about anything he may have said to anyone so you know what he’s said. I would also possibly insist on his attendance at the meeting if he’s a teenager so there cant be an unsupported “he said . . . . .”
Don’t tilt at this windmill. For your wife and son’s sake tell them that it’s an interesting mental exercise with no practical application. There is just no need to disrupt your family for no reason. You can not change these people’s minds and they wouldn’t admit if you could. There is no winning this battle. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. Keep your powder dry for a fight that matters.
Or maybe they're filling your childrens' head's with monogamy nonsense and it's time to start homeschooling.
Though I tend to doubt you getting your kids kicked out of school will help marital relations any (not implying sex, just this could increase tensions on the poly issue). Best to find a way to diffuse the situation; without lying.
Though I tend to doubt you getting your kids kicked out of school will help marital relations any (not implying sex, just this could increase tensions on the poly issue). Best to find a way to diffuse the situation; without lying.
Well, I would worry about CPS as well, but I know that this is not the reason that they want to talk to me.
I like your suggestion but I can't pretend that this is just a mental exercise at this point. What I have decided to do instead, is to let them "win" this round, and "convince" me that they are right, and agree that "if it is wrong, I don't want to do something that is wrong" (Note the qualifier). So I intend to put up a half hearted effort, which works out great because Simeon and I have been reading through the entire Bible, starting with Genesis, and now we are in I Chronicles. This will enable me to plant a seed, because I can tell them about people who had more than one wife, that they may not be aware of. We all know that they are going to come back with arguments from the New Testament, and talk about how God permitted it, and stuff like that. I can deliberately mispronounce a few names. I can call Lamech Lametch, and Esau, Esawoo and talk about how many names there are in I Chronicles, and even say that it doesn't say that it was wrong for them to do this, but when they come back with something about deacons, and that we are all supposed to be like deacons, and I can just sheepishly agree that yeah, bad things happened and such. I figure I can tell them that we haven't gotten to the New Testament yet.
After the school year is over, and we have received the transcripts for his grades, I have the email addresses I need to respond to them. If they go to such great lengths as to tell the parents that they "corrected" me, I will have even more email addresses that I can include, so I'm really hoping that they go to that effort. That will be fun to tell al the parents that their "correction" is laughable when they were holding a proverbial gun to my child's head, as I dismantle all the arguments they bring up. Obviously, taking a stand for Christ, is something I would be willing to do, even if it cost me my life and the life of those whom I love, but this is a doctrinal issue that can wait until the end of the semster to be resolved.
Well, my son is a little over zealous in promoting polygamy, but of course, they are claiming that polygamy is adultery. Of course the biggest concern would be finding a school that doesn't confuse the whole gender issue, that we could place him in, in the middle of the school year, because we both work, and keeping him with us at our jobs, won't work out. My wife is pretty much on board with polygamy, praise God! She and I are in complete agreement about how to attempt to diffuse this situation, and @FollowingHim 's suggestion to not try to win this round, is the basis of where we are going to approach this.
I agreed to follow unspecified Biblical principals. I inquired about polygamy, and whether that would work, and the response from the business office, was that they didn't believe in that, and they would want to talk to me about it, but they didn't know if that was spelled out in the school's policy. The portion of the email that I quoted, was not on the document that I signed. My son is not shy about telling me what discussions he has had with his teacher and with other students, and I didn't include the entirety of the email that the school administrator sent me, but it lays out prety much, what they know about me. I have had enough experience to know that they won't change their minds, although when everything is said and done, and the school year is over, I won't shy away from sharing email adresses for anyone who wishes to utilize some persuasion power. My younger son is only 7. He will be in class. I am not worried about what they might try to tell him.
Talking about the younger one. We got Philip into GHS, but since his last semester at CRHS wasn't complete, they won't take him. I'll explain to you later, when I get a chance.
So you raised this issue with the school yourself, while talking about putting your next child into that school?
Why would you even bring up that topic? It's completely irrelevant to your children's education, and surely you knew that any such inquiry would result in some sort of mess, it couldn't achieve anything positive. Don't do that sort of thing, that's just silly.
Proverbs 12:23: "A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness."
You're basically conceding that the best you can hope for is to get the child to finish the semester, then you'll let rip with scriptural arguments and ensure the school completely cuts all ties with your family.
I think you're giving up too quickly and just assuming right now that you're going to have a debate and get kicked out, you're just hoping to delay the inevitable for a few months. That is a defeatist attitude. You can do better than that.
Set your sights on the goal of your children being permanently welcome at the school. If you fail, well you'll at least get them to the end of the semester. If your goal is only to get to the end of the semester though, failure will mean being kicked out today.
So what to do? I think you're way overcomplicating this, you're still trying to find a way of winning the debate. And I'll also admit that my initial advice ALSO overcomplicated it - and this is because I too suffer from the same desire you have to win, and try to find a method that will achieve the outcome I want. Others who have posted after me have simplified the advice considerably. Pay attention to the attitude and general intent, not so much the method.
You're still being far too adversarial. You're still intending to have a debate, you just intend to lose the debate. If you do that, you'll come across as a scriptural illiterate who intends to be polygamous regardless - that could look even worse than the truth. And that plan will likely fail anyway, as you can't lose - even if you tie one of your hands behind your back you'll win. But there's a good chance the debate is not going to go more than a couple of sentences anyway, there's not going to be enough time to win or lose. The very fact that you debate with them at all is the thing that will cause the breach between them and your family.
However, given that you personally have raised this question with them, it's going to be rather difficult to turn around and claim that this issue isn't important to you. So this is going to be much harder for you than if they'd raised the issue themselves. You will need to consider precisely what you have said to them in order to work out what defusing path is still open to you.
Our children attended a Christian school. In order to attend we “had” to attend church.
Long story we ended up leaving church but not the school.
A year or two on and a friend in a similar situation felt they needed to tell the school principal that they no longer qualified as they had no intention of attending church.
The principal thanked her for being so honest and said basically “I won’t tell if you don’t tell”
We all continued as normal...
They don’t care as long as you don’t rock the boat.
It most likely helped that we supported the school with helping with sports coaching, sponsorship and a bunch of other things. We just got on with doing what we thought was right for all the children in the school.
“pearls before swine” comes to mind
At some point you will come to realise Not everyone is capable of those conversations.
We know this because “ they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces“
It is refreshing to find someone who knows what they believe and lives it. Without the need to bang on about it every time they see you. Let the fruit of your life be your witness.
Long story we ended up leaving church but not the school.
A year or two on and a friend in a similar situation felt they needed to tell the school principal that they no longer qualified as they had no intention of attending church.
The principal thanked her for being so honest and said basically “I won’t tell if you don’t tell”
We all continued as normal...
They don’t care as long as you don’t rock the boat.
It most likely helped that we supported the school with helping with sports coaching, sponsorship and a bunch of other things. We just got on with doing what we thought was right for all the children in the school.
“pearls before swine” comes to mind
At some point you will come to realise Not everyone is capable of those conversations.
We know this because “ they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces“
It is refreshing to find someone who knows what they believe and lives it. Without the need to bang on about it every time they see you. Let the fruit of your life be your witness.