Hi everyone,
I’m introducing my story here.
Not knowing where to post this really…
Sorry if it’s quite a long read…
I am a torah (law) observant believer since several years now (around 2013). That being said, I have a been in « monogamous » type of relationship with the same woman for 23 years now.
We are walking the path of obedience together in love and we have two kids who came out of this relationship.
In 2018 me and a brother I met on social media were discussing MM and PM. I did a research of scripture back then. He did presented me the scripture that backs up PM.
I humbly studied all the points and finally came to the conviction that PM wasn’t sin, but that it wasn’t God initial intent, (Adam and Eve) and that in the several biblical accounts of PM, I saw jealousy, strife and mischief. I concluded that it wasn’t good and dismissed it from my mind. I wasn’t thinking about searching for a second wife neither.
Since then, God brought up to me several other topics (sometimes hard to accept too) by the means of inspiration by His Spirit, or by what brothers brought and thus, I needed to change my views on some points over time but I never revisited PM.
Until… in my ministry, I was called to baptize a woman which later on was in need of support and a place to stay. I did talk and accompany her spiritually during the last 3 years but never thought about being with her in a relationship, having coerced my flesh and mind to stick to MM … that was out of my mind and heart. My wife knew her too but in a limited way.
Early on, by the grace of God, I understood that marriage was simple : two (man and woman) becoming one flesh (also with the same Spirit that is very important) but without the feast, without the rings, without contract or priest… these being roman customs mostly. (Even if some of these things are not condemned in scripture) and that it needed a transfer of authority from father to husband. In this case, his father is impossible to reach, having abandoned her in her youth and he left the faith too.
So… that wonderful woman (which has her struggles and stigma from her youth), comes along at our home. At first, out of a will to simply help her and give her rest in our stable and love-filled home, she started to develop profound feelings of love for me and my family, … and me for her too.
Not knowing, thinking that it was a sin, we both pushed that back.
Then my study on PM came back to mind. And I said to myself : « there is a reason God presents me with this situation, is it a test or a lesson… » Trough a revisiting of PM and study of scripture, I talked about it to my wife. Discovered this site BF. And we came to realize the validity of PM in the sight of God. My wife is very insecure but she likes her, even if they are very different of character. So this new woman is already very engaged and harmonious in the family dynamics, which me and my wife really appreciate and she has a good heart, a loving spirit. I made a room for her and she has her own bed and furniture.
Even if my mind understands better that PM is not a sin, I wanted a clear indication of God , so I asked of Him few times, questions about if I should accept that relationship with the new woman or reject it.
First, I asked if I should keep my FW (yeah dumb question) and I got a positive answer : I asked in my mind when I was lying on the couch eyes closed, that if God wanted her to stay with me, that she kiss me, and after a few moments she came up and kissed me while I was lying down saying nothing.
Secondly, I asked if it was God will that I take this new woman as wife, and the answer came positive too. I don’t remember exactly how it was formulated, but I remember the answer.
Then wanting to make things clearer, I asked in a specific, more detailed way.
The answer I got really surprised me.
Let me explain it a bit:
When driving to work in the morning, I asked something like: « Father, If it is your will that I accept that relationship, then make it so that I will be accepted in a situation at my work today, and if it’s your will that I reject it, make it so that in my work today, I will be rejected in some way. »
That was a question for this day only and simple enough. And came the answer in what happened:
I am a companion worker in my line of work, and that day my chief worker was sick and wasn’t present. Two other companion collegues in other teams were out sick too. So in the morning meeting, the two chief that were without a companion asked for my help in their specific tasks in which I was able. Seeing that they were a bit arguing for me I left them to deliberate. Ten minutes later I was assigned to a chief by the supervisor and we set out for the day’s job. It went pretty fast and in the afternoon the other chief needed my help which I did because the first job was done and well done.
So I gone with the other chief and finished servicing both parties… also, I came to realize only later, that on the possibility of 10 different workplaces we are called to work, both of the chief were in the same workplace that day.
So… I had been accepted by both… in the same place, my supervisor agreed to me helping both… I was astounded at the answer God gave me. I kept it to myself for a while. I perceived the two chief like being the two woman I needed to service. The supervisor was God symbolically. They worked in the same place (in the same house). And been accepted by both, and been successful servicing them both.
So, the day after, the mother of my wife called and asked if my kids would like to have the weekend at their place, with their cousins visiting, so I accepted and the kids were out for the weekend. Knowing that feelings were tight at home, I decided to call a fast for the weekend, three of us were of one accord. We studied the PM subject, we talked about feelings and possibles outcomes effects: eventually telling the kids, our respectives family, brothers and sisters of the assembly…
The hardest thing for me was that I would have responsibility of both women, caring generally in the day to day needs and spiritually but also affectively and with intimacy… which seems to have generated conflictual emotions in both women. We all understand that PM is not a sin, we can’t deny having feelings for each other, me for my wife and the new wife, in between them sisters… potentially co-wives at this point.
That is where we are at now.
Recently, there was a bit of an emotional uptick and I recalled my work day… I remember I left the two to deliberate…. So I did the same thing, I went to sleep out of the house for one night, explaining why I was doing that to both woman. While I was away and prayed, they talked from 10pm to 3am, sharing needs and fears. It really did help because at this point I was discerning that I couldn’t do anything more without hurting one or the other. They needed to talk.
So now, we try to talk of things when they arise trough the journey. I call them to the table sometimes to discuss issues when I perceive a problem, when I discern mixed emotions coming from them. The potential wife perceives herself as a conflict factor (a thief of husband in some way) when my wife expresses her feelings of anxiety. Even if I am loving towards my FW, even if I reassure her that it will be all right, that I love her, that I will be there for her, she is very reluctant when I go towards the new woman. I understand that it is a normal process, and a necessity at this point. We needed to « mourn » monogamy… me too. To accept what God has planned for us, to leave the control to God, and deny trying to « control » the situation for ourselves.
My FW seems a bit more open now to the fact that I am giving attention to the new woman, and there was a bit of jealousy from the new woman when I first displayed affection to my wife in her presence but my wife is learning to deal with her emotions. She is working her consent for me to give more to the new woman. It’s been like almost 3 months since the subject came open. Me and the new woman, we are at the point of giving hugs and attention, having nights together. We do have a strong pull towards intimacy.
I am patient and working with love, I do not want to rush anything on neither side but the ‘rest’ I was planning to give the new woman was not quite like planned. Difficulties arose, feelings of jealousy, tears and sighs.
Some times it’s good, some times there are emotional flareups that I try to manage.
For my FW, she is still fearful sometimes, trying to grasp the reality of it all. I am helping her discern and express her fears and their causes, putting emphasis on the faith in God needed to go trough it all, and faith in me as a husband, as I need faith too. I am affirming my presence and love to her in multiple ways, like reading her bible chapters and teaching her, having one-on-one time, it does help but she is still saying to me that she feels « bad » when I am with the new woman. The conflicts it creates sometimes are having a negative impact on my two kids too.
I can say that I do not fear trial and/or affliction, I already been put trough many trials in my walk, I have faith in God, but what weighs me the most is the feelings of both women in this. They both have needs, that at this point, I need to assess and discern best I can. I feel a bit powerless in respect to their emotions. I do my best not to hurt anyone and be present for both but it’s very difficult. I have profound respect now for those of you, men and women of God, who are in PM. Being successful in MM is not for everyone, but PM is for solid people. It tries the heart, works patience and exert faith and love in a way I never knew was possible.
And I am not even talking about my two kids and all. I have done that already, and they say they are « not used to that, but they trust me » I didn’t tell my blood family nor church members yet… for I am the overseer of a small home church. (About 10 people)
If anyone of you has comments on my testimony, or experience to share, please do.
As for me walking the PM road, I am still in progress and learning of course. We are all communicating and taking our time, doing things in steps and developing complicity. I loved when I recently saw them both on the couch, face to face on either ends of the couch, under a blanket, talking with each other with sincerity and love, my heart melted for them both.
I do not know what lies ahead, but I have faith, and I will always be choosing God.
I will try to post in the future.
I read trough the forum from time to time and enjoy reading you all.
My FW recently joined the forum but her interactions are limited because of her difficulty in english, her second language.
Blessings from God our Father, and from our Lord Jesus the Christ.
I’m introducing my story here.
Not knowing where to post this really…
Sorry if it’s quite a long read…
I am a torah (law) observant believer since several years now (around 2013). That being said, I have a been in « monogamous » type of relationship with the same woman for 23 years now.
We are walking the path of obedience together in love and we have two kids who came out of this relationship.
In 2018 me and a brother I met on social media were discussing MM and PM. I did a research of scripture back then. He did presented me the scripture that backs up PM.
I humbly studied all the points and finally came to the conviction that PM wasn’t sin, but that it wasn’t God initial intent, (Adam and Eve) and that in the several biblical accounts of PM, I saw jealousy, strife and mischief. I concluded that it wasn’t good and dismissed it from my mind. I wasn’t thinking about searching for a second wife neither.
Since then, God brought up to me several other topics (sometimes hard to accept too) by the means of inspiration by His Spirit, or by what brothers brought and thus, I needed to change my views on some points over time but I never revisited PM.
Until… in my ministry, I was called to baptize a woman which later on was in need of support and a place to stay. I did talk and accompany her spiritually during the last 3 years but never thought about being with her in a relationship, having coerced my flesh and mind to stick to MM … that was out of my mind and heart. My wife knew her too but in a limited way.
Early on, by the grace of God, I understood that marriage was simple : two (man and woman) becoming one flesh (also with the same Spirit that is very important) but without the feast, without the rings, without contract or priest… these being roman customs mostly. (Even if some of these things are not condemned in scripture) and that it needed a transfer of authority from father to husband. In this case, his father is impossible to reach, having abandoned her in her youth and he left the faith too.
So… that wonderful woman (which has her struggles and stigma from her youth), comes along at our home. At first, out of a will to simply help her and give her rest in our stable and love-filled home, she started to develop profound feelings of love for me and my family, … and me for her too.
Not knowing, thinking that it was a sin, we both pushed that back.
Then my study on PM came back to mind. And I said to myself : « there is a reason God presents me with this situation, is it a test or a lesson… » Trough a revisiting of PM and study of scripture, I talked about it to my wife. Discovered this site BF. And we came to realize the validity of PM in the sight of God. My wife is very insecure but she likes her, even if they are very different of character. So this new woman is already very engaged and harmonious in the family dynamics, which me and my wife really appreciate and she has a good heart, a loving spirit. I made a room for her and she has her own bed and furniture.
Even if my mind understands better that PM is not a sin, I wanted a clear indication of God , so I asked of Him few times, questions about if I should accept that relationship with the new woman or reject it.
First, I asked if I should keep my FW (yeah dumb question) and I got a positive answer : I asked in my mind when I was lying on the couch eyes closed, that if God wanted her to stay with me, that she kiss me, and after a few moments she came up and kissed me while I was lying down saying nothing.
Secondly, I asked if it was God will that I take this new woman as wife, and the answer came positive too. I don’t remember exactly how it was formulated, but I remember the answer.
Then wanting to make things clearer, I asked in a specific, more detailed way.
The answer I got really surprised me.
Let me explain it a bit:
When driving to work in the morning, I asked something like: « Father, If it is your will that I accept that relationship, then make it so that I will be accepted in a situation at my work today, and if it’s your will that I reject it, make it so that in my work today, I will be rejected in some way. »
That was a question for this day only and simple enough. And came the answer in what happened:
I am a companion worker in my line of work, and that day my chief worker was sick and wasn’t present. Two other companion collegues in other teams were out sick too. So in the morning meeting, the two chief that were without a companion asked for my help in their specific tasks in which I was able. Seeing that they were a bit arguing for me I left them to deliberate. Ten minutes later I was assigned to a chief by the supervisor and we set out for the day’s job. It went pretty fast and in the afternoon the other chief needed my help which I did because the first job was done and well done.
So I gone with the other chief and finished servicing both parties… also, I came to realize only later, that on the possibility of 10 different workplaces we are called to work, both of the chief were in the same workplace that day.
So… I had been accepted by both… in the same place, my supervisor agreed to me helping both… I was astounded at the answer God gave me. I kept it to myself for a while. I perceived the two chief like being the two woman I needed to service. The supervisor was God symbolically. They worked in the same place (in the same house). And been accepted by both, and been successful servicing them both.
So, the day after, the mother of my wife called and asked if my kids would like to have the weekend at their place, with their cousins visiting, so I accepted and the kids were out for the weekend. Knowing that feelings were tight at home, I decided to call a fast for the weekend, three of us were of one accord. We studied the PM subject, we talked about feelings and possibles outcomes effects: eventually telling the kids, our respectives family, brothers and sisters of the assembly…
The hardest thing for me was that I would have responsibility of both women, caring generally in the day to day needs and spiritually but also affectively and with intimacy… which seems to have generated conflictual emotions in both women. We all understand that PM is not a sin, we can’t deny having feelings for each other, me for my wife and the new wife, in between them sisters… potentially co-wives at this point.
That is where we are at now.
Recently, there was a bit of an emotional uptick and I recalled my work day… I remember I left the two to deliberate…. So I did the same thing, I went to sleep out of the house for one night, explaining why I was doing that to both woman. While I was away and prayed, they talked from 10pm to 3am, sharing needs and fears. It really did help because at this point I was discerning that I couldn’t do anything more without hurting one or the other. They needed to talk.
So now, we try to talk of things when they arise trough the journey. I call them to the table sometimes to discuss issues when I perceive a problem, when I discern mixed emotions coming from them. The potential wife perceives herself as a conflict factor (a thief of husband in some way) when my wife expresses her feelings of anxiety. Even if I am loving towards my FW, even if I reassure her that it will be all right, that I love her, that I will be there for her, she is very reluctant when I go towards the new woman. I understand that it is a normal process, and a necessity at this point. We needed to « mourn » monogamy… me too. To accept what God has planned for us, to leave the control to God, and deny trying to « control » the situation for ourselves.
My FW seems a bit more open now to the fact that I am giving attention to the new woman, and there was a bit of jealousy from the new woman when I first displayed affection to my wife in her presence but my wife is learning to deal with her emotions. She is working her consent for me to give more to the new woman. It’s been like almost 3 months since the subject came open. Me and the new woman, we are at the point of giving hugs and attention, having nights together. We do have a strong pull towards intimacy.
I am patient and working with love, I do not want to rush anything on neither side but the ‘rest’ I was planning to give the new woman was not quite like planned. Difficulties arose, feelings of jealousy, tears and sighs.
Some times it’s good, some times there are emotional flareups that I try to manage.
For my FW, she is still fearful sometimes, trying to grasp the reality of it all. I am helping her discern and express her fears and their causes, putting emphasis on the faith in God needed to go trough it all, and faith in me as a husband, as I need faith too. I am affirming my presence and love to her in multiple ways, like reading her bible chapters and teaching her, having one-on-one time, it does help but she is still saying to me that she feels « bad » when I am with the new woman. The conflicts it creates sometimes are having a negative impact on my two kids too.
I can say that I do not fear trial and/or affliction, I already been put trough many trials in my walk, I have faith in God, but what weighs me the most is the feelings of both women in this. They both have needs, that at this point, I need to assess and discern best I can. I feel a bit powerless in respect to their emotions. I do my best not to hurt anyone and be present for both but it’s very difficult. I have profound respect now for those of you, men and women of God, who are in PM. Being successful in MM is not for everyone, but PM is for solid people. It tries the heart, works patience and exert faith and love in a way I never knew was possible.
And I am not even talking about my two kids and all. I have done that already, and they say they are « not used to that, but they trust me » I didn’t tell my blood family nor church members yet… for I am the overseer of a small home church. (About 10 people)
If anyone of you has comments on my testimony, or experience to share, please do.
As for me walking the PM road, I am still in progress and learning of course. We are all communicating and taking our time, doing things in steps and developing complicity. I loved when I recently saw them both on the couch, face to face on either ends of the couch, under a blanket, talking with each other with sincerity and love, my heart melted for them both.
I do not know what lies ahead, but I have faith, and I will always be choosing God.
I will try to post in the future.
I read trough the forum from time to time and enjoy reading you all.
My FW recently joined the forum but her interactions are limited because of her difficulty in english, her second language.
Blessings from God our Father, and from our Lord Jesus the Christ.
