Men VS Women on infidelity

[pebble]

Which type of cheating is worse, sexual or emotional? It depends who you're asking -- more specifically, what gender you're asking.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/2 ... ostpopular

 

[FollowingHim]

Once again it comes back to us being hardwired for polygamy. A woman is not so uncomfortable with her man sleeping with another but fears him getting an emotional attachment which could result in him leaving her, a fear which may not exist as strongly in a woman not indoctrinated with monogamy. A man is not too worried about his wife having other close friendships, which may be more inevitable if he has to divide his time, but she must remain sexually faithful to him. Natural instincts shifted into modern monogamous societies resulting in the findings of that survey.

 

[steve]

Well said, Samuel!

 

[pebble]

How does this translates into the practicalities of a poly relationship?

In mono, the limit is obvious. We must not be close to any other woman except our wives or hell will break lose.

In poly, what is the level of closeness we set with somebody we are attracted to before we cross that "infidelity" line? I mean, if we are attracted to somebody then there's always the getting-to-know-each-other and introductory phase, even before courtship.

 

[steve]

Sexual cheating is very easy to define, emotional cheating; not so much. But often the emotional cheating leads to the sexual.
In relationships with the opposite sex it seems to me that the only safe, easy answer is to resort to a legalist stance. You know, rules like: "A woman should never talk to a male unless her husband is present".
Safe, but stifling.

"Emotional cheating" can be a moving target depending on the situation. What YHWH may use in the creation of life for one person could be death in what seems to be a parallel situation.

Rom 8:1
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Do not ask me how to walk completely in the Spirit, when I get it figured out I will let you know.

 

[pebble]

Do not ask me how to walk completely in the Spirit, when I get it figured out I will let you know.

I've read something about following God's laws (same as walking in the spirit?). It said we can never hope to walk the line on our own, that's why we need Yeshua/Jesus. The example given was a sign enforcing a speed limit of 55mph. We can never hope to comply with what the sign says (external law) because something will always come up that will tempt us to break it. Like if our wife is expecting a baby and we have to rush her to the hospital.

So, even if in our hearts (internal law) we believe in what the sign says, we need to increase our speed to 65mph and drive very carefully. Then somebody passes us going at 75mph without a care in the world (obviously, those who doesn't care about any law, external or internal). More obviosuly, I'm still confused about this.

Back to emotional infidelity. For guys, the limit for gals is easy.

What if a poly married man meets an unmarried woman. It would be impractical and a bit creepy if we drag that woman home to the wife for them to know each other so we won't be called cheaters. Also, I don't know if there are single ladies out there who would want to be with us without first knowing who we are. Basically, we must establish a relationship with a lady first until she trust us enough to meet the wife.

However, the wife might misconstrue it already as cheating since we have established a close relationship with another without her knowledge. It's a catch 22. If both the man and wife meet the girl at same time, like in a church, that is much better.

I kind of like the way one of our tribal folks do to add another wife. The man simply points out the girl and the wife/wives do the courtship. But I doubt that even the enlightened ladies here at BF is open to that idea.