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Marrying non-believers versus young believers

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DeathIsNotTheEnd

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So this is entirely a theory question: my own conscience says I would never marry a non believer and probably not a young believer either. But I want to hear everyone's thoughts on it. It is a topic that I dont feel I have a good handle on Biblically and am hoping folks could shed some light on it for me :)

Are we as men not to take wives who are unbelievers? Why?

What about a 'baby Christian' who has a poor or shallow understanding of most things?

In any other case, how would you go about sensing/determining a person's faith and salvific state?
About 15 years ago I had a girlfriend who I did not know was not a believer. She went to church, lived a moral lifestyle, etc. But one day in conversation it just came out that she didnt actually believe what she prayed about or even in salvation. So I cut it off. But, that has stuck with me because while she was up front about her beliefs, I have met many a woman who truly thinks she is a Christian but is so new or has so little understanding that it really is like talking to a 2 year old, and it makes me question whether they would be a safe person to marry anyway.
 
That is a great question and one i think most of us have tried to work through at one level or another. Scripturally i see no command for men to marry a believing woman. Don’t get me wrong, I do think it would be unwise, especially in our female centric society. A young believer though, as long as she was truly saved (which isn’t to hard to find out if you ask direct questions) would not be an issue, but would require some extra patience I’m sure.
 
I was a young believer when Samuel and I started dating. He was there when I got baptised. I knew very little, though I had a great passion for God. I remember at one point saying to him that I think that Adam and Eve were just monkeys or something because I was seriously confused about evolution and the bible, and Samuel told me all about young earth creation. He has led me through my whole walk with God, without him I wouldn't be where I am now.
 
Young believers could very well be the most teachable, while strong believers may be the most resistant to change and growth.
I wouldn’t have a problem with a relationship with a nonbeliever if she seemed teachable. But hope is not a strategy.
 
steve said:
I wouldn’t have a problem with a relationship with a nonbeliever if she seemed teachable. But hope is not a strategy.
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I know of someone that married a woman assuming he would be able to teach her about God and she would become a Christian. She wasn't at all interested, never got remotely close to learning about God, and was gone in a year.
Sometimes it works, but I wouldn't put my money on it.
 
IMO there is a reason why we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

What are the laws, statutes and ordinances that constitute the foundation of your marriage? That determines a correct leadership role and a correct helper role?

All Jewish marriages were based upon the foundation of Torah. Justifiable dissolution was based upon breaking Torah because their covenant was based upon/ within the bounds of Torah culture. It was their foundation for success.

If you marry a non believer, the troubles you will incur just in forming a baseline of proper etiquette for your home will be monumental. It’s bad enough that our Christian culture has only a remote resemblance to Biblical Family structure, but at least both parties have a common goal to aim towards and be transformed into.

That being said, I would have no problem being friendly/potentially investigating possibilities with an unbeliever but under no circumstances would I covenant with one and I’d be extremely careful even with those who claim Western/Romantic Christianity.
 
I have no problem with marrying a young believer, if they have a heart for God and are teachable. But unbelievers and 'Christians' that is a more difficult matter.

The problem is, most so called Christians are functionally unbelievers and I see the world recoil in horror at misbehavior that the church gleefully embraces.
 
Great question and answers. Marrying a non believer is OK. In fact, as in PM, it has its regulations as well. (Regulations May not be the best word to use). Here’s the scripture;

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 NET

12 To the rest I say—I, not the Lord—if a brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is happy to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is happy to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified because of the wife, and the unbelieving wife because of her husband. Otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever wants a divorce, let it take place. In these circumstances the brother or sister is not bound. God has called you in peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will bring your husband to salvation? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will bring your wife to salvation?

I would suggest using wisdom though. A marriage lasts a long time. At least it’s supposed to last a long time. Living with a non believer expecting them to become a believer, may not happen. It’s just something that you have to take into consideration. But non believers can live out a covenant properly and could give you a good life.

A young believer? Do they want a BF? If so, then help them learn the Godly life. But if they have too much of standard culture in them, then believer or not, it COULD create a hard road to travel.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
I was a young believer when Samuel and I started dating. He was there when I got baptised. I knew very little, though I had a great passion for God. I remember at one point saying to him that I think that Adam and Eve were just monkeys or something because I was seriously confused about evolution and the bible, and Samuel told me all about young earth creation. He has led me through my whole walk with God, without him I wouldn't be where I am now.
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This is great!
 
My perspective is that I actually would prefer a new convert because unless she was raised by someone like minded I would have to undo way too much unbiblical teaching from the modern church...
 
Pacman said:
My perspective is that I actually would prefer a new convert because unless she was raised by someone like minded I would have to undo way too much unbiblical teaching from the modern church...
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So hopefully I will find wives for my sons and husbands for my daughters from this group ;)
 
Phillip said:
Great question and answers. Marrying a non believer is OK. In fact, as in PM, it has its regulations as well. (Regulations May not be the best word to use). Here’s the scripture;

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 NET

12 To the rest I say—I, not the Lord—if a brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is happy to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is happy to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified because of the wife, and the unbelieving wife because of her husband. Otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever wants a divorce, let it take place. In these circumstances the brother or sister is not bound. God has called you in peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will bring your husband to salvation? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will bring your wife to salvation?

I would suggest using wisdom though. A marriage lasts a long time. At least it’s supposed to last a long time. Living with a non believer expecting them to become a believer, may not happen. It’s just something that you have to take into consideration. But non believers can live out a covenant properly and could give you a good life.

A young believer? Do they want a BF? If so, then help them learn the Godly life. But if they have too much of standard culture in them, then believer or not, it COULD create a hard road to travel.
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@Phillip , isn't that passage talking about people who are already married? So they got married, then one became a believer, so here's what they should do in that situation. I don't think it's talking about getting married to a non believer if you're already a Christian.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
@Phillip , isn't that passage talking about people who are already married? So they got married, then one became a believer, so here's what they should do in that situation. I don't think it's talking about getting married to a non believer if you're already a Christian.
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Great question. I’m not sure. Now look what ya did, I go back and do some more studying. Samuel, she’s a rough one. :)

I just reread the scripture, and it appears it could still apply. It definitely applies to a non-believing couple where one of the two comes to the Lord. I don’t see a “Dont do” in that scripture. But there may be something along the lines of “Maybe you shouldn’t do” implied.
 
Man@Home said:
However: back in the days of the OT (Deut 21:10-14) if an Israelite saw a girl he liked under the captives he could take her. No mention of restrictions to faith...
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It may very well be that one of the reasons for letting her go free was if she were obstinate about conversion. So it was a bit of a gamble that the man was taking.
 
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I think it also depends on context. In that situation, the woman really couldn't cause much of a problem, due to the entire culture she was in and her position in the household. In a Western setting there is more practical need to find a woman who is in more general agreement, because of the way women are raised and the way the legal system treats women and marriage.
 
FollowingHim said:
I think it also depends on context. In that situation, the woman really couldn't cause much of a problem, due to the entire culture she was in and her position in the household. In a Western setting there is more practical need to find a woman who is in more general agreement, because of the way women are raised and the way the legal system treats women and marriage.
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This ^^^

I think a marriage situation in the biblical context is less like being yoked together and more like the wife belonging to the husband. In ancient Israel the culture and legal structure gave the husband the authority to run his household. Whether a wife was in agreement or not wouldn’t change a whole lot, besides maybe being nuisance. In our culture though, it can have dire consequences, if the wife is not submitted to God.
 
Taking a new convert as a concubine for one year to see how she worked out would give her a chance that would be too much of a risk otherwise.

Although a Kettubah that would spell out the consequences for not walking the walk would probably cover the situation.
 
I took a young believer as mine (a wife) but God had blessed me with the opportunity to be teaching her the gospel and then He saved her. It was after baptizing and teaching her for another 15 months that she wanted to be mine. It's been a wonderful result for which we thank and praise Him. My first wife and I were both youngish believers when we married (read "eloped" here). I highly recommend teaching and making disciples of potentials as she will believe almost the same as you/her man as she learns. Awesome outcome.
 
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