shepherdgirl
New Member
How many of you actually live without hesitation or fear of being discovered that you have more than ONE wife?
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Marriage Undercover
- Thread starter shepherdgirl
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That is our goal, but at this time, we are not able to live without fear of discovery.
Though my wife and I are not living poly as of yet, I think that regardless how open you wish to live your poly life ( for those living it ) there is and will always be, a fear in the back of your mind. Not a fear of living outside what the Lord has allowed, but the fear of losing what friends you may have, being " cast out " of your family, etc. This happens regardless what country you live in and regardless if poly is excepted openly where you live or not. The fear will always be there. My questions to you are the following:
A) Are YOU in a poly relationship?
b) If so, Do YOU openly live your poly life without any kind of fear at all?
C) Does the country you live in openly approve a poly life style or not?
In my case, once our future sisterwife agrees to come on board, we will have no choice but to live our poly life in a private manner around her family for various reasons that I am not allowed to discuss. I do not have any real close friends so that is not an issue, nor will it be with my children. The rest of my family lives in another state and we see each other maybe once in a blue moon. They know our future sisterwife and she has been around them for as long as we can remember, and is here all the time that they visit, so it would be like a don't ask / don't tell and all would be cool. So yes, we would be as open as possible, but must still be protective of others within our families, so yes that fear would always be there.
A) Are YOU in a poly relationship?
b) If so, Do YOU openly live your poly life without any kind of fear at all?
C) Does the country you live in openly approve a poly life style or not?
In my case, once our future sisterwife agrees to come on board, we will have no choice but to live our poly life in a private manner around her family for various reasons that I am not allowed to discuss. I do not have any real close friends so that is not an issue, nor will it be with my children. The rest of my family lives in another state and we see each other maybe once in a blue moon. They know our future sisterwife and she has been around them for as long as we can remember, and is here all the time that they visit, so it would be like a don't ask / don't tell and all would be cool. So yes, we would be as open as possible, but must still be protective of others within our families, so yes that fear would always be there.
We are admonished to speak the Truth "boldly", and also to not become a 'stumbling block', or lead people who might not be ready for anything beyond the Biblical equivalent of milk, astray.
I have made it clear to my wives that I will not deny them, lie about the blessing that my marriages are, or fail to cover them in every way possible. We do not hide our beliefs, or our family -- but neither do I advertise them, or seek to shock, confront, or even educate those who do not choose to be informed. I have found that our walk, in general, has become much more fulfilling and stable as a result of those choices. Over time, I have had the 'initial conversation' enough times by now that I am becoming quite comfortable with the general range of reactions, concerns, objections, or interested questions.
I am, of course, more open in general to discussing the Biblical issues with those who profess a Judeo-Christian Biblical worldview, and am conversant enough with the Biblical exegesis of polygyny to confidently inform "monogamy only" believers that I can convince those also willing to accept His Word of that Truth, "beyond a reasonable doubt".
I have made it clear to my wives that I will not deny them, lie about the blessing that my marriages are, or fail to cover them in every way possible. We do not hide our beliefs, or our family -- but neither do I advertise them, or seek to shock, confront, or even educate those who do not choose to be informed. I have found that our walk, in general, has become much more fulfilling and stable as a result of those choices. Over time, I have had the 'initial conversation' enough times by now that I am becoming quite comfortable with the general range of reactions, concerns, objections, or interested questions.
I am, of course, more open in general to discussing the Biblical issues with those who profess a Judeo-Christian Biblical worldview, and am conversant enough with the Biblical exegesis of polygyny to confidently inform "monogamy only" believers that I can convince those also willing to accept His Word of that Truth, "beyond a reasonable doubt".
shepherdgirl
New Member
Thank you all for your responses. To answer Chaplains questions
A)yes
B)no
C)no
I really was simply hoping that there was a different answer.
Sometimes this can be challenging at best!
A)yes
B)no
C)no
I really was simply hoping that there was a different answer.
Sometimes this can be challenging at best!
It is indeed challenging. We are still in the transition and are all telling our families. I find it easier to talk to the Christians than the non believers. I sent a 4 page letter to my sister with my defense. I am waiting for some reply from her. She and I are the only believers in our family. She will debate me, but it will help me to refine my knowledge and understanding for sure.
My Dear Sister Shepherdgirl,
Please do not take my responce to your question as being harsh or mean. Was just answering a question with a question. I have talked to several people, via e-mail, etc, that are living poly and they have all said that the poly life style is a tough road, but that they would not change the fact that they have chosen to live and be poly. One family has had to move into 2 seperate homes due to a former spouse causing problems over the children. That is one reason I stated that once my and the wife's best friend does join us, that we would have to be very private around her kids ( ages 22 thru 27 ) to prevent adding anymore "drama" in her life than she already has with 1 of her kids. My kids will know for they are aware of what is going on to some degree already. My parents is like, well it aint none of their busness anyway what I do as a 47 yr old man. They know that I am a God fearing man, that I do my best to follow His word and that I would not do anything that I did not feel was right by His word.
I am jealous of yourself and lissa and others that I know who are already living that way, for I have this God imposed over-whelming burden to live a poly life with my wife's best friend, even if at the start we have to live seperate for awhile or if we will all ever live together at all. The more I study about it, the more I read about it, the more I talk to those who are living it, the more I feel the conviction of the Lord to live it. The God ordained desire to bring her into my family and to be a covenant partner with her, to share the love my wife and I have for each other with her, to be a part of her life, to provide the Spiritual covering that a "wife" receives ( and that she desperatly needs ), to love her as she needs to be by a man, to care for her and her kids and grandson,.......all of that and more regardless if we all 3 ever live together or not, regardless if I can spend a lot or a little bit of time with her alone.............knowing that others are living this way, knowing all about the joy and yes the trials, is something that the Lord has driven deep into my being to be a part of.
I wish you luck and God's blessings as you travel down your own road of poly, may the Lord bless you and the child you carry, and may HE bless you with many more children with your husband and sisterwife.
Please do not take my responce to your question as being harsh or mean. Was just answering a question with a question. I have talked to several people, via e-mail, etc, that are living poly and they have all said that the poly life style is a tough road, but that they would not change the fact that they have chosen to live and be poly. One family has had to move into 2 seperate homes due to a former spouse causing problems over the children. That is one reason I stated that once my and the wife's best friend does join us, that we would have to be very private around her kids ( ages 22 thru 27 ) to prevent adding anymore "drama" in her life than she already has with 1 of her kids. My kids will know for they are aware of what is going on to some degree already. My parents is like, well it aint none of their busness anyway what I do as a 47 yr old man. They know that I am a God fearing man, that I do my best to follow His word and that I would not do anything that I did not feel was right by His word.
I am jealous of yourself and lissa and others that I know who are already living that way, for I have this God imposed over-whelming burden to live a poly life with my wife's best friend, even if at the start we have to live seperate for awhile or if we will all ever live together at all. The more I study about it, the more I read about it, the more I talk to those who are living it, the more I feel the conviction of the Lord to live it. The God ordained desire to bring her into my family and to be a covenant partner with her, to share the love my wife and I have for each other with her, to be a part of her life, to provide the Spiritual covering that a "wife" receives ( and that she desperatly needs ), to love her as she needs to be by a man, to care for her and her kids and grandson,.......all of that and more regardless if we all 3 ever live together or not, regardless if I can spend a lot or a little bit of time with her alone.............knowing that others are living this way, knowing all about the joy and yes the trials, is something that the Lord has driven deep into my being to be a part of.
I wish you luck and God's blessings as you travel down your own road of poly, may the Lord bless you and the child you carry, and may HE bless you with many more children with your husband and sisterwife.
Hello,
Being open about plural marriage "doctrinally" is quite different than openly practicing it. My wives and I struggle with "how open should we be about our lifestyle?" On one hand, we want to tell the world. On the other hand, we want to protect ourselves from the vultures. Unfortunately, so many people - even those who are Christians - have been a terrible examples of living this lifestyle it adds significantly to the stress. In view of this, I am actively working on a plan to not only start a Church in the Fort Worth area that will openly support plural marriages (It will be included in the welcome packet doctrinal statement), but to plant like-minded churches around the world. I will not officially open the church until 2010. This will provide a place for fellowship and support both locally and worldwide. God has been working on my heart to do this for many years.
Being open about plural marriage "doctrinally" is quite different than openly practicing it. My wives and I struggle with "how open should we be about our lifestyle?" On one hand, we want to tell the world. On the other hand, we want to protect ourselves from the vultures. Unfortunately, so many people - even those who are Christians - have been a terrible examples of living this lifestyle it adds significantly to the stress. In view of this, I am actively working on a plan to not only start a Church in the Fort Worth area that will openly support plural marriages (It will be included in the welcome packet doctrinal statement), but to plant like-minded churches around the world. I will not officially open the church until 2010. This will provide a place for fellowship and support both locally and worldwide. God has been working on my heart to do this for many years.
Glad to hear that, Pastor Randy. I have likewise entertained similar thoughts, although a home study is as close as we have come so far.
My wives and I participated in the formation of a Messianic church in our area a few years ago. Although we were up front with the individuals who later became the two co-pastors, and that church formally taught that polygyny was permitted by the Bible, there was friction within that assembly, and eventually we were not welcome as even quasi-open practioners of patriarchal marriage. THAT has been a significant stumbling block within my family, but I am thankful that forgiveness, while slow in fulfillment, is nevertheless key to healing.
As I have been quite open about my disdain for government approval of what God ordained, and of licenses in particular, fewer and fewer people are shocked when our beliefs and family structure are made known. I'm still very sensitive to the 'notoriety' issue, however, and feel that I have learned that patriarchy (and the included understanding of polygyny) must be simply a subsidiary issue in a church, to a more general understanding that God "changes not", and has given us His "teaching and understanding" in the Bible for our blessing.
Blessings,
My wives and I participated in the formation of a Messianic church in our area a few years ago. Although we were up front with the individuals who later became the two co-pastors, and that church formally taught that polygyny was permitted by the Bible, there was friction within that assembly, and eventually we were not welcome as even quasi-open practioners of patriarchal marriage. THAT has been a significant stumbling block within my family, but I am thankful that forgiveness, while slow in fulfillment, is nevertheless key to healing.
As I have been quite open about my disdain for government approval of what God ordained, and of licenses in particular, fewer and fewer people are shocked when our beliefs and family structure are made known. I'm still very sensitive to the 'notoriety' issue, however, and feel that I have learned that patriarchy (and the included understanding of polygyny) must be simply a subsidiary issue in a church, to a more general understanding that God "changes not", and has given us His "teaching and understanding" in the Bible for our blessing.
Blessings,
Mark C said:
Sorry to hear of your trouble, but I am very happy that you are growing in forgiveness - it certainly a main key to being a useable vessel in the future.
Unfortunately, it is one thing to say that you believe in a specific doctrine, it is quite another to live it out. There are leaders in the church world today that believe in the Biblical doctrine of marriage, but will not place their neck on the line for what they believe. Don't misunnderstand me, I don't think it is wise to raise a red flag and say "Hey, look at us either". I simply believe that if you believe all the Word of God, teach and practice it the best that you can - without putting an emphasis on a single area of Biblical teachings - be balanced!!!
Paul said that he taught "the whole counsel of God", and I believe that this is wise. Whenever anyone centers their ministry on one aspect of the whole counsel, they usually error. Even the design of this ministry here is not designed to represent the totality of what I envision for the future. This will only be one small part.