• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Learning to Lead

chris

chris

Member
Male
I'm interested in what other husbands / fathers on the board have to say about the following.
In the past year or two I've finally begun to take more of a spiritual leadership role for my family. It's been good to do, however, I still struggle with what leadership in my family could look like whether spiritual or just general leadership. I'm looking for ideas about what it could look like, things you have done as the husband/father in your home to create the type of environment that seeks to know God. Currently, I currently read a chapter in the Bible most nights as a family devotion time though sometimes I use a devotional, and then we have a short prayer time. It can be a struggle with 4 kids age 7 and younger. Personally, I strive to have some quiet time each day, however, to be honest I haven't been as consistent as I desire for quite some time and am working to increase my consistency again.
Any thoughts or ideas about how you lead or have led your family in this area? Things you've tried as you work to set the example for your family?
Thanks!
 
I am very far from perfect and struggle with many things. But here's some things I do do.

I have instigated reading through the Bible at tea-time, using a fairly reliable child-friendly translation. We have three children 4 and under. The 1 and 2-year-olds don't take much in (although the 2-year-old always wants to look at the pictures, of which there are a few here and there in this edition!). But the 4-year-old is fascinated, and never wants me to stop reading it. We've been through Genesis (approximately a chapter per evening, depending on where the "story" starts and ends), and are now skipping through Exodus - Deuteronomy, currently in the middle of Leviticus (I flick through and pick out the interesting bits with a story that they will be able to relate to, ignoring most of the laws and more mundane events). I get heaps of very good questions from my 4-year-old, who is hungry to learn anything he can.

We also pray together in bed every night, starting by thanking God for things (generally "thankyou that Grandad was able to visit today" etc), then ask God for a few things ("please help Mum to not feel sick, please help us to have a good sleep"). I get the children to tell me things they want to thank God for and pray about. Often they don't come up with anything, or come up with exactly the same thing every single night so clearly aren't thinking about it at all, but it is a good routine.

I try to pray with my wife every night also. I don't have a formal way of teaching her in the Word, but we discuss biblical matters most days. This website is a great conversation-starter between us, as is our time reading the Bible to the children together.

In terms of general headship, I take a very simple approach to that with my wife. I expect her to obey me in anything, after discussing both of our views. We discuss most matters (vigorously debating some... :D ), but at the end of the day I make the decision. Usually we agree anyway. Where we disagree, on unimportant matters I often decide to do whatever she would like to do, I love my wife and like to make her happy. On important matters we do what I believe is best, after I have taken her point of view on-board. And if I ever say the words "obey me", she has to obey without discussion - that's our emergency-management-I'm-taking-command-this-is-urgent code, which has virtually never had to be used.
 
I appreciate the thoughts and am going to think about what things we could change to have it make more of an impact. I think adding some things like scripture memory is the next thing I need to incorporate.
I am struggling with prayer time. My oldest (7 yr old) just doesn't want to pray, can't get the why out of him.. Every night he speedily says exactly the same thing without any meaning to it... I'm not quite sure how to handle that at the moment.
Any ideas?
Thanks again!
 
Have you always made him pray himself? Could this have made it a ritual he does from pure obedience?

What if you stopped expecting him to pray, and you prayed with him instead? Make it optional. Might he then one day choose himself to pray because he wants to ask something you aren't saying?
 
Yes, we started last year... hmmm, much to my chagrin I must say that we each go around and pray and it's been a made to pray rather than a choice. In my zealousness to see him follow God I guess I set aside the idea we each have a choice around what our relationship with God looks like. Sounds like I need to make a change and will do so tonight...
Thanks for pointing that out. Hadn't stepped back to think about it.
 
Glad to help. Christianity is a choice, even for children. There's a reason pastor's kids have a bad name, high expectations can result in the opposite to what was intended...

We keep prayer as a choice, and for a long time got no response from the children on it. But now my 4-year-old (from about age 3 1/2) wants to say grace about every second night for tea, and if my wife is hurt or feeling unwell will randomly come up and pray for her. It can take a long time (months, years), but if you model what is right to your children they will choose to follow eventually of their own accord. If you make them appear to follow, they will go through the motions grudgingly but not see the point.
 
Hello all, Jay here. I read Your postings on this thread, as always, I enjoy reading what You people have to say about different subjects. However I felt compelled to put in My two cents worth, here today.
My Woman and I follow the scriptures as far as We've been allowed to have understanding of it. We know that the creator blesses some men with multiple women, thats the creator's answer in place of mans corporations. I don't have but one Woman at this time, but, who knows.
In reading Your posts on Learning to lead, I noticed a couple of things that should be of concern. First I would like to point out that young offspring learn at a very young age. It has been proven that babies, while still in the womb, respond to music, and remember it when they are older. Upon that fact, don't think that what You do or say in Your house, goes unnoticed by Your offspring, no matter how young. So, it sounds to Me like the LAW snould be taught from day one, since the scriptures is the Law that our species must live by.The word "Law" appears in the King James bible many times,343 according to one of My refferences, the word religion don't appear near as many times, so, the Bible is a law book, Man's Operator's Manual, from the Creator. All manufacturers produce a manual for their machienry, the Creator did too. When the manual is properly followed, and the maintainance is well done, the machine runs perfect.
Remember; Your offspring may have read the pert about praying in public, He may be going into the closet to pray, when You're not watching.
" The Jews were never in captivity in Egypt, the Israelites were, the Israelites ain't Jews" Rev; 2:9, 3:9
He who is persuaded against His will, is of the same opinion still.

Jay
 
We proclaim the Gospel to our children daily in some aspect or venue, as it is the basis for all we are and have in Christ. We use the Law as the schoolmaster to bring them to Christ. Surely, Paul said he had not known sin but by the Law, and I see that a fundamental need is to show why we need a Savior and go from there. This is not to badger the child constantly as some do, but to show them God's holiness and show them that in the flesh we are not capable of satisfying the perfect standard that was exemplified by Christ.

I would be happy to share some of our evangelism training notes, though they are targeted more at talking to friends, neighbors, and strangers than our own children. Basically, the main points we discuss are God's nature and standard, man's sinful nature and actions, God's Law and the penalty of sin, the payment of Christ, then faith and repentance. I have used the Romans Road, 4 spiritual laws (now disagree with that approach), Evangelism Explosion, Way of the Master, and others. I have gone back to the Word of God, the preaching of Jesus, Peter, Paul, etc. and rely heavily on using Scripture as led by the Holy Spirit.

This is more than anyone asked for, maybe even really off topic, but I wanted to say that we spend a lot of time in the NT but never at the expense of the OT teaching.

Last tip for now from me- DON'T TELL BIBLE STORIES. Read God's Word and proclaim God's recorded testimony. I think the story form often used tends to present things as untrue, unrealistic, and the kids often file miracles and acts of God right next to the Easter bunny, Satan Claus, and the tooth fairy. Be sure to tell them what God has done, proclaim it as truth and tell them that you believe wholeheartedly that even when it defies logic or human reason, God's Word is always true.

I love this thread!!!!
 
Cow fam said:
Last tip for now from me- DON'T TELL BIBLE STORIES. Read God's Word and proclaim God's recorded testimony. I think the story form often used tends to present things as untrue, unrealistic, and the kids often file miracles and acts of God right next to the Easter bunny, Satan Claus, and the tooth fairy.
Click to expand...
Fully agree that the Bible is too often presented to children as a storybook rather than history, and this often comes down to people rejecting the Creation account and the Flood. Once they decide themselves that those are just stories with some moral to them, then anything can be a fictitious story.

But many of the events in the Bible are interesting "stories", and teaching these events is a great way to engage children and get them interested. David's life for instance is a fascinating account, that is a true story, with many important messages. How would you (for example) teach a child about David and Goliath, and thereby teach them about faith for instance, without "telling a Bible story"? How would you apply this approach in practice?
 
It seems there is still some life in this thread. We're currently reading through Genesis. I just pick my Bible up and read a chapter. But I must admit that I find myself want to skip some of the genealogy stuff or paraphrase some of the adult phrases such as laying with their wives. Not ready to explain that to my kids just yet as they are all under 8.

I'm curious, what are your thoughts about teaching them how to study the Bible as they are quite young. I've just recently started to occasionally ask questions about what we just read or discuss what it means for us / ie application type stuff. I'll go back through and re-read the posts as I think some of this was already addresses at least partially. My wife has questions about how to study as well so I'm learning that I don't know as much as I thought I did. I've typically just picked up my Bible and read it but seems like it's time to do more. I've used concordances and some other things but have not been as purposeful in study.

ChrisM: I'm familiar with Romans Road, have used 4 Spiritual Laws (not recently), and have heard of some of the others. I really struggle in this area. I'm introverted and discussing my faith tends to happen after I have known the person for some time. Certainly an area for growth.
 
"Just reading the Bible" is the BEST way to study, and far too many people don't do it that way. The Bible is quite understandable without study guides for the most part. When I was young, we all read the Bible as a family for half an hour each Sunday. Everyone read in silence, using an age-appropriate translation (when we were very young we had the Bible in cartoons even - it's not a real "translation" but there's stuff to learn in it and it keeps a young child focussed). I think that's what gave me the ability to now just take the Bible at its word about PM for instance.

When you have difficulties, the best resoure that I use the whole time is a computer bible (either online or free downloadable software) - KJV with Strong's numbers and Strong's Hebrew and Greek concordances. Download this all free from the Sword project. Gets you as close to the original as you can get when you don't read Hebrew or Greek.

If that doesn't help, keep investigating using whatever study notes you have available, and the internet. But this comes last in my opinion.

Nothing wrong with skipping genealogies etc, they're valuable if you have a particular question to answer but aren't easy reading.

With "lay with his wife", remember that in itself is a euphemism... I actually use the term "special cuddles" for this in any conversation or when reading scripture, simply because that is the term I use when explaining things to my children so using the same term is consistent and easier for them to understand. It describes pretty much the same thing. We live on a farm, and the children are going to learn this sort of thing pretty early anyway. Best to just tell them the truth. My eldest has just turned 4 and is very inquisitive, asking extremely intelligent questions like "but HOW did you put the baby in Mummy's tummy Daddy?".

I use the International Children's Bible with the children, and to avoid confusion this one has actually REMOVED all the euphemisms. So Genesis 4:1 reads "Adam had sexual relations with his wife Eve...". And Judges 3:21-22 reads "...Then he stabbed the sword deep into the king's belly! The sword went into Eglon's belly so far that even the handle sank in. And the blade came out his back. The king's fat covered the whole sword. So Ehud left the sword in Eglon". Nice and clear. As soon as the children are old enough to read for themselves they'll be reading this instead of "special cuddles", and by that age they'll have seen enough rams working on the ewes to know what it's all about...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top