Joining a family vs becoming one with a family.

[steve]

There are different styles of families that I have noticed.
Some have what I see as free-range wives , maybe living in the same house but mostly not. Usually a core family with sister wives that are pretty much self-supporting/sufficient. These families don’t always have a need for the same core values, goals, and world views. (I’ve seen monogamous marriages that operate this way.)
The other end of the spectrum is one where the husband has a vision/goal where it’s like a flock of geese that just naturally works together without a second thought. They find food and shelter as a group without even discussing it. They fly south in the late fall and they just naturally fly in a pattern eases the burden of the member that is behind them, changing the lead at intervals to give the one out front a break.

What does your dream family look like?

 

[Maia]

I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.

 

[MemeFan]

I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.

If you are best in family in cooking, would you volunteer for cooking?

 

[theleastofthese]

Can an unmarried woman answer this as well? If so, personally, I have a flexible personality, I can fit in nearly anywhere. This is one of the things that made plural marriage appealing to me to begin with. Aside from a few non-negotiables (that I'll be very upfront about), if I connect with a family, the other details don't matter as much to me. For instance, I love kids- therefore, a large, loud family with lots of kids would be awesome. Additionally, I've met couples who can't or don't want any more children, that sounds great to me as well; I could appreciate the peacefulness that sort of life has to offer. I'd like to have my own bedroom, however if I join a family with limited space, I wouldn't mind living nearby or even in a tiny home of my own on the property.

The whole "working together equally/splitting chores equally/all wives are treated equally" thing has never been of much importance to me personally...I'd understand that the first wife and husband have built a foundation and that I'd most likely need to mold myself to fit in where I'm needed to benefit the family. I really enjoy that idea. Additionally, I'd be open to joining a family where the first wife/other wives have physical limitations and maybe can't do as much. I'd happily pick up where they can't. I also appreciate the idea of a more independent family where everyone does their own thing but naturally still puts the families best interest at heart.

I've seen families make all sorts of living situations work. This is a great question; I wish more people would answer, it's a fun topic to discuss.

 

[theleastofthese]

I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.

I don't think it's any surprise that you'd chose that one

 

[Maia]

If you are best in family in cooking, would you volunteer for cooking?

Generally we have two people in family cooking. For larger festivities everyone gets assigned a meal/course.
I do enjoy it.

 

[NBTX11]

We all live together, and I don't think I would have it any other way. All working together in one household. The wives work together to make sure the main household tasks get done. One wife has disabilities, so others step up to get things done.

 

[ASyers41]

Living together helps to assimilate as a family in my humble opinion. Also, sharing in the household duties helps to create a bond within the family. I believe the time we spent together video chatting, texting, phone calls, etc. helped to create the bond before I even was a wife and now that I am a wife it is even stronger.

 

[MemeFan]

I do enjoy it.

Nice. There will be something marriageable from you.

If only you stop believing every MSN media BS.

 

[steve]

I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.

I am aware of that, and in an ideal situation everyone goes and flows and knows what needs to happen without any need to apply leadership.
For geese, it is built in by our Creator.

For us’ns it would require a certain amount of leadership until all of the kinks get straightened out, but it is doable with willing hearts where everyone is trying to contribute 120%.

 

[The Revolting Man]

I am not plural and so would be speaking completely speculatively if I held too strong of an opinion on practicalities. It is an excellent question though.

I know that I couldn’t try and spread myself across multiple households. My home would have to be a combined one. That gets problematic when you already have a dozen people in 1,700 square feet.

I can’t see how some people would grove in a situation where they could come and go as they needed. I assume that would be a subsequent wife. A father or husband could never do that. And there would have to be a lot of trust in that situation too.

But again, I don’t actually have any experience with any of this.

 

[ASyers41]

If it was different homes I think it would have to be a situation where we lived close by one another for example, I know a family where the two wives live on the same street in different houses.

 

[steve]

Can an unmarried woman answer this as well?

Very much so.
The question was for everyone who has given it two minutes of thought.

 

[MeganC]

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

Birds flock together not because of communism but primarily because of mutual self interest. Predators prey on individuals and when birds flock together it makes it much more difficult for a predator to identify an individual to prey upon.

Geese also flock together for the purpose of energy conservation. Skipping the lesson on aeronautics the V formation that these birds fly in allows the birds behind the bird in the lead position to conserve energy as they fly. The birds will change position on occasion to permit the leader(s) to rest while in flight. This is also an expression of mutual self interest in which the success of the migratory flock aids the success of the individual bird.

Unlike communists or socialists birds most certainly do not subsidize the weaker or older members of the flock. Nor do the most successful members of the flock experience class envy from the others.

Birds that are too weak to migrate will die.
Birds that are expelled from a flock due to injury or disease will die.
Birds that are ostracized by the flock will die.

Also unlike communism or socialism if an individual bird decides to leave the flock they don't get killed by the others.

In short, birds are nothing at all like communists or socialists.

 

[Mslady1333]

I have been wanting to address this but haven’t had the right frame of mind to do it. It seems I have missed my opportunity, if you want to call it that, to be a second wife and it has been eating me up.

We all got along and my kids loved them both. But, they are teens in high school and it all fell apart when I refused to uproot them in his Jr and her Freshman year and move 45 mins to the home. My kids are very active in school and have to be there at 5:30am and sometimes until 7pm. We currently live 2 miles from the school verses the 40miles to the home. I begged to wait on moving, remodeling the home; which would be a chore since two rooms would need to be added. But alas, it crumbled because I wasn’t willing to move my kids to a school that doesn’t offer what they are already set up in for their future paths.

My question is, should I give up? I have prayed for Yah to break the soul tie with this man, but it is still strong in me that a future could happen after my kids move out in two years. Should I ask for the time and plead my case yet again or move on?

Advice and prayers appreciated for this burden of my heart and spirit.

 

[Mslady1333]

I have been wanting to address this but haven’t had the right frame of mind to do it. It seems I have missed my opportunity, if you want to call it that, to be a second wife and it has been eating me up. We all got along and my kids loved them both. But, they are teens in high school and it all fell apart when I refused to uproot them in his Jr and her Freshman year and move 45 mins to the home. My kids are very active in school and have to be there at 5:30am and sometimes until 7pm. We currently live 2 miles from the school verses the

 

[primrose]

My question is, should I give up? I have prayed for Yah to break the soul tie with this man, but it is still strong in me that a future could happen after my kids move out in two years. Should I ask for the time and plead my case yet again or move on?

Advice and prayers appreciated for this burden of my heart and spirit.

I’m sorry things did not turn out as you had hoped. Continue to pray for His leading in your life even in the midst of your present disappointment. You never know what can happen, if there is a future just not right now. Stay close in prayer for your next steps and I pray for peace to flow upon you.

 

[Mslady1333]

Thank you

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.

My understanding of geese is very different from yours.

I actually have a little flock of geese and the dynamic seems to be that yes, there is an alpha, but he doesn't have to be a brute to be in charge like with chickens.
All the geese, boys and girls, know he is in charge but it doesn't affect them too much. He used to be the main defender of the girls, and was very defensive to anything he considered a predator. Now he mostly sits back and makes sure that the girls get food first and lets the younger males do the majority of the defending. He does step in if a situation is bothering him, but he mostly hangs around in the midst of the girls.
The girls are clearly not in charge but have always been allowed to go off and graze on their own or just do their own thing. However, they generally like to do it together. The girls tend to make nests nearby each other because they want to and it is safer for the eggs. There is one girl who is older and often stays behind or sits on the deck while the others graze, but if it ever looks like something is bothering her the boys will run over honking to help her.

That's been my experience with geese

 

[NBTX11]

I have been wanting to address this but haven’t had the right frame of mind to do it. It seems I have missed my opportunity, if you want to call it that, to be a second wife and it has been eating me up.

We all got along and my kids loved them both. But, they are teens in high school and it all fell apart when I refused to uproot them in his Jr and her Freshman year and move 45 mins to the home. My kids are very active in school and have to be there at 5:30am and sometimes until 7pm. We currently live 2 miles from the school verses the 40miles to the home. I begged to wait on moving, remodeling the home; which would be a chore since two rooms would need to be added. But alas, it crumbled because I wasn’t willing to move my kids to a school that doesn’t offer what they are already set up in for their future paths.

My question is, should I give up? I have prayed for Yah to break the soul tie with this man, but it is still strong in me that a future could happen after my kids move out in two years. Should I ask for the time and plead my case yet again or move on?

Advice and prayers appreciated for this burden of my heart and spirit.

Call upon God in your time of need and he will help you.

Psalm 22:19
But You, O Lord, do not be far from Me;
O My Strength, hasten to help Me!

If it is right in every other way, other than the schooling issue, I recommend you find a way. This could be the opportunity that God is sending you. Could you be a long distance wife for a while until you can figure things out? Maybe y'all can go back and forth several days a week to be together. I spent time away from my women for a while after we married while they worked to tie up loose ends at their previous home.