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Joining a family vs becoming one with a family.

steve

steve

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
There are different styles of families that I have noticed.
Some have what I see as free-range wives , maybe living in the same house but mostly not. Usually a core family with sister wives that are pretty much self-supporting/sufficient. These families don’t always have a need for the same core values, goals, and world views. (I’ve seen monogamous marriages that operate this way.)
The other end of the spectrum is one where the husband has a vision/goal where it’s like a flock of geese that just naturally works together without a second thought. They find food and shelter as a group without even discussing it. They fly south in the late fall and they just naturally fly in a pattern eases the burden of the member that is behind them, changing the lead at intervals to give the one out front a break.

What does your dream family look like?
 
I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.
 
Maia said:
I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.
Click to expand...
If you are best in family in cooking, would you volunteer for cooking? 😃😃
 
Can an unmarried woman answer this as well? If so, personally, I have a flexible personality, I can fit in nearly anywhere. This is one of the things that made plural marriage appealing to me to begin with. Aside from a few non-negotiables (that I'll be very upfront about), if I connect with a family, the other details don't matter as much to me. For instance, I love kids- therefore, a large, loud family with lots of kids would be awesome. Additionally, I've met couples who can't or don't want any more children, that sounds great to me as well; I could appreciate the peacefulness that sort of life has to offer. I'd like to have my own bedroom, however if I join a family with limited space, I wouldn't mind living nearby or even in a tiny home of my own on the property.

The whole "working together equally/splitting chores equally/all wives are treated equally" thing has never been of much importance to me personally...I'd understand that the first wife and husband have built a foundation and that I'd most likely need to mold myself to fit in where I'm needed to benefit the family. I really enjoy that idea. Additionally, I'd be open to joining a family where the first wife/other wives have physical limitations and maybe can't do as much. I'd happily pick up where they can't. I also appreciate the idea of a more independent family where everyone does their own thing but naturally still puts the families best interest at heart.

I've seen families make all sorts of living situations work. This is a great question; I wish more people would answer, it's a fun topic to discuss.
 
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Maia said:
I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.
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I don't think it's any surprise that you'd chose that one 😉
 
Living together helps to assimilate as a family in my humble opinion. Also, sharing in the household duties helps to create a bond within the family. I believe the time we spent together video chatting, texting, phone calls, etc. helped to create the bond before I even was a wife and now that I am a wife it is even stronger.
 
Maia said:
I actually like the flock of geese analogy, however I am not sure it means what you think it means.

A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.

What I like about the flock of geese is that everyone takes on responsibilities depending on their strength. There is no one who is leading in every department which is unrealistic.
Click to expand...
I am aware of that, and in an ideal situation everyone goes and flows and knows what needs to happen without any need to apply leadership.
For geese, it is built in by our Creator.

For us’ns it would require a certain amount of leadership until all of the kinks get straightened out, but it is doable with willing hearts where everyone is trying to contribute 120%.
 
I am not plural and so would be speaking completely speculatively if I held too strong of an opinion on practicalities. It is an excellent question though.

I know that I couldn’t try and spread myself across multiple households. My home would have to be a combined one. That gets problematic when you already have a dozen people in 1,700 square feet.

I can’t see how some people would grove in a situation where they could come and go as they needed. I assume that would be a subsequent wife. A father or husband could never do that. And there would have to be a lot of trust in that situation too.

But again, I don’t actually have any experience with any of this.
 
Maia said:
A flock of geese has no leader, there is no Alpha, in fact it could be considered a type of communism since everyone is striving towards the common good.
Click to expand...

Birds flock together not because of communism but primarily because of mutual self interest. Predators prey on individuals and when birds flock together it makes it much more difficult for a predator to identify an individual to prey upon.

Geese also flock together for the purpose of energy conservation. Skipping the lesson on aeronautics the V formation that these birds fly in allows the birds behind the bird in the lead position to conserve energy as they fly. The birds will change position on occasion to permit the leader(s) to rest while in flight. This is also an expression of mutual self interest in which the success of the migratory flock aids the success of the individual bird.

Unlike communists or socialists birds most certainly do not subsidize the weaker or older members of the flock. Nor do the most successful members of the flock experience class envy from the others.

Birds that are too weak to migrate will die.
Birds that are expelled from a flock due to injury or disease will die.
Birds that are ostracized by the flock will die.

Also unlike communism or socialism if an individual bird decides to leave the flock they don't get killed by the others.

In short, birds are nothing at all like communists or socialists.
 
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