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Jealousy
- Thread starter love4me
- Start date
I can only speak for my family and we are still developing, but when we all live together, the majority of our time will be spent as a family, all of us together. Nights will alternate between the wives and we will have separate and distinct datenights. I also believe that we will eventually plan for some couple time. We have found that for me it is essential to have this time for just talking and sharing.
The biggest thing that has to change is the scoreboard. The wives can't keep score or a timer on things. We all need to realize that God is the one who supplies our needs and our husband is doing the best he can. I have had to learn to communicate my needs clearly without getting emotional so that he has a chance of taking care of them.
For me, I believe that unless it is an emergency, there is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow. The problem is when tomorrow never comes. The meaning is that if I know that Wednesday night is going to be an evening for me and hubby to spend some talk time alone together I am fine waiting till Wednesday. The problem that happens is if Wednesday gets moved off because of something coming up. The need hasn't changed but the opportunity is gone. Then I have to figure out what to do.
Yes, Jealousy does happen. The trick is to find ways to deal with it that are Godly.
SweetLissa
The biggest thing that has to change is the scoreboard. The wives can't keep score or a timer on things. We all need to realize that God is the one who supplies our needs and our husband is doing the best he can. I have had to learn to communicate my needs clearly without getting emotional so that he has a chance of taking care of them.
For me, I believe that unless it is an emergency, there is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow. The problem is when tomorrow never comes. The meaning is that if I know that Wednesday night is going to be an evening for me and hubby to spend some talk time alone together I am fine waiting till Wednesday. The problem that happens is if Wednesday gets moved off because of something coming up. The need hasn't changed but the opportunity is gone. Then I have to figure out what to do.
Yes, Jealousy does happen. The trick is to find ways to deal with it that are Godly.
SweetLissa
redfox
Member
I don't know if this will help or not but here goes.
I struggle with this a lot, and so does the second wife. She works lots of nights and odd hours in general, while dh is home weekends and evenings. I take care of the children as well as their education and most days, the housework :roll: Time is difficult, because I have had him to myself for 10 years. Now suddenly I have to share, and I don't like that much. Then my time is scheduled around her time for the most part, simply because there are nights when she is here, and nights when she isn't, and that changes every week. So this last week, dh was with me almost every night. And yet when she was home last night and they went to the store, I felt jealous to a degree because I don't get the opportunity to go "out" as often as they do.
I have to be very very careful to not get jealous over the small things like that, and not to keep track of how much time was spent where doing what, or I get very upset very quickly. I shouldn't, I know. Dh tries to sort things out in such a way that we get roughly an even amount of nights per week, but even then, he tends to favor her in certain situations because she hasn't had as much time with him.
From my perspective, I would say it would make sense to keep track privately, and try to keep things even within reason. But don't necessarily make it (or allow it to become) a big issue, because those feelings of jealousy can be very hard to work with.
I struggle with this a lot, and so does the second wife. She works lots of nights and odd hours in general, while dh is home weekends and evenings. I take care of the children as well as their education and most days, the housework :roll: Time is difficult, because I have had him to myself for 10 years. Now suddenly I have to share, and I don't like that much. Then my time is scheduled around her time for the most part, simply because there are nights when she is here, and nights when she isn't, and that changes every week. So this last week, dh was with me almost every night. And yet when she was home last night and they went to the store, I felt jealous to a degree because I don't get the opportunity to go "out" as often as they do.
I have to be very very careful to not get jealous over the small things like that, and not to keep track of how much time was spent where doing what, or I get very upset very quickly. I shouldn't, I know. Dh tries to sort things out in such a way that we get roughly an even amount of nights per week, but even then, he tends to favor her in certain situations because she hasn't had as much time with him.
From my perspective, I would say it would make sense to keep track privately, and try to keep things even within reason. But don't necessarily make it (or allow it to become) a big issue, because those feelings of jealousy can be very hard to work with.
I have not dealt with this specifically, but what makes logical sense to me is to NOT "keep track." If each person makes a commitment to give 100% then it stands to reason that each person's needs would be met. If your needs are still not met, I think that you should communicate your unmet need to your husband without specifically blaming anyone in particular. Just simply state "this is what I need" and leave it at that.
I don't think that in any relationship, it is the other person's responsibility to meet ALL of your needs. That is why you have a God who loves you and gal pals.
There are times I feel unhappy because I have unmet needs....or sometimes I just feel a little lonesome...when that happens I purposefully minister to someone else. It always works for me...just gets my mind off of myself and thinking of others...they have needs too and ministering to others is a big part of why we are here.
Hope this helps,
Love
I don't think that in any relationship, it is the other person's responsibility to meet ALL of your needs. That is why you have a God who loves you and gal pals.
There are times I feel unhappy because I have unmet needs....or sometimes I just feel a little lonesome...when that happens I purposefully minister to someone else. It always works for me...just gets my mind off of myself and thinking of others...they have needs too and ministering to others is a big part of why we are here.
Hope this helps,
Love
ashleyconsidering
New Member
Sacredwife,
You mention going out. Since you were married for several years before the second wife, people must recognize your husband and you as partners.. What do you do when the second wife and him go out? What do people think?
You mention going out. Since you were married for several years before the second wife, people must recognize your husband and you as partners.. What do you do when the second wife and him go out? What do people think?
redfox
Member
We've moved some in the last several years, but they do occasionally run into people from church when they're out together. I don't really know what those people think for sure.
As it stands, what most people think at this point, which is partially true, is that she moved in in with us due to a combination of her room flooding and her father being in jail. At the time those were both true. Currently, she is with us and helps pay rent. Beyond that, I don't know what people think about our situation.
It's possible we'll be moving again before long to an area where none of us know anyone else, so it may not even be an issue. I suppose at that point we'll mark our territories somewhat, and go from there.
As it stands, what most people think at this point, which is partially true, is that she moved in in with us due to a combination of her room flooding and her father being in jail. At the time those were both true. Currently, she is with us and helps pay rent. Beyond that, I don't know what people think about our situation.
It's possible we'll be moving again before long to an area where none of us know anyone else, so it may not even be an issue. I suppose at that point we'll mark our territories somewhat, and go from there.
ashleyconsidering
New Member
Ok. thanx. What would you ever do if someone asked?
NCbeleivercouple
New Member
A big part on the husbands side is to know his wives needs. 2 women are 2 different people. They each have different emotional and physical needs. If you get 2 women who are really seeking affection all the time then I feel bad for you man. lol. Some women dont need a lot. Others do. So you will have to somehow split the time so the one who needs a lot gets "enough" and the one who needs little also gets "enough" so they are both happy. It can be hard since the one who dont need as much will start to need more as she sees the other wife getting so much. Its finding the neutral ground and that part is all up to the husband to find and the wives to communicate to him. Keep open and honest and let your feelings out. If they bottle up, then it can only end bad.