As my husband and I are embarking on a new facet of our lives, I do what I do best and analyze everything. We are going to begin the search for a SW. I like to understand something before I jump in head first, so I have found myself in deep thought over many things.
I was analyzing the concept of jealousy and how big a struggle this seems to be for many women, especially in Plural Marriages. (I am by nature NOT a jealous person, so I became very curious about this.). I looked at scenarios that occur in a monogamous relationships and then compared it to the same scenarios in plural marriages.
What has seemed to be revealed to me is that many instances where a woman is accused of being jealous is, in my opinion, normal behavior and normal feelings. They are being falsely accused. For instance, my husband and I are apart right now. (I have some responsibilities that need to get done and travel is required for me to get that accomplished). He and I communicate throughout the day. At night we spent time together either on the phone or texting as we wind down, discuss our day, and spend time bonding. I don’t like being apart from my husband. I am sad when we are apart. I long for his companionship and desire to be close to him. We are able to bridge the gap of distance through other means, which is such a blessing.
Now, if I had a SW at home, how would those same actions be interpreted. Would my sadness of being apart from my husband suddenly be considered jealousy? Would my calls and texts be interpreted as needing to “check up on” my husband and SW? Would my very same actions that were considered normal and were acceptable and desirable suddenly become undesirable and worthy of criticism? The only factor that changed is the addition of a Sister Wife.
So I started wondering why all of those very normal behaviors would suddenly be perceived differently. Why it might be labeled as jealousy. And, if jealousy isn’t the true culprit in suddenly turning something normal into something forbidden, what might it be and why? What if the the reality is that the SW who is at home is really the one with the issue? What if the true culprit in all of this is possessiveness and not jealousy? The Sister Wife at home now has her husband there with his undivided attention. She desires more of that and begrudges the other wife for intruding on their special time together? She has taken ownership of “their” husband.
I have read much about women struggling with Jealousy, but can not recall possessiveness being discussed. Perhaps there are, in reality, two monsters who rear their ugly heads? Perhaps the burden of discontent in Plural Marriage should not be so easily labeled as jealousy without also looking at the other side for possessiveness. For now, I tend to believe that both Jealousy and Possessiveness have their own set of problems and both can be equally destructive.
How do others see this?
I was analyzing the concept of jealousy and how big a struggle this seems to be for many women, especially in Plural Marriages. (I am by nature NOT a jealous person, so I became very curious about this.). I looked at scenarios that occur in a monogamous relationships and then compared it to the same scenarios in plural marriages.
What has seemed to be revealed to me is that many instances where a woman is accused of being jealous is, in my opinion, normal behavior and normal feelings. They are being falsely accused. For instance, my husband and I are apart right now. (I have some responsibilities that need to get done and travel is required for me to get that accomplished). He and I communicate throughout the day. At night we spent time together either on the phone or texting as we wind down, discuss our day, and spend time bonding. I don’t like being apart from my husband. I am sad when we are apart. I long for his companionship and desire to be close to him. We are able to bridge the gap of distance through other means, which is such a blessing.
Now, if I had a SW at home, how would those same actions be interpreted. Would my sadness of being apart from my husband suddenly be considered jealousy? Would my calls and texts be interpreted as needing to “check up on” my husband and SW? Would my very same actions that were considered normal and were acceptable and desirable suddenly become undesirable and worthy of criticism? The only factor that changed is the addition of a Sister Wife.
So I started wondering why all of those very normal behaviors would suddenly be perceived differently. Why it might be labeled as jealousy. And, if jealousy isn’t the true culprit in suddenly turning something normal into something forbidden, what might it be and why? What if the the reality is that the SW who is at home is really the one with the issue? What if the true culprit in all of this is possessiveness and not jealousy? The Sister Wife at home now has her husband there with his undivided attention. She desires more of that and begrudges the other wife for intruding on their special time together? She has taken ownership of “their” husband.
I have read much about women struggling with Jealousy, but can not recall possessiveness being discussed. Perhaps there are, in reality, two monsters who rear their ugly heads? Perhaps the burden of discontent in Plural Marriage should not be so easily labeled as jealousy without also looking at the other side for possessiveness. For now, I tend to believe that both Jealousy and Possessiveness have their own set of problems and both can be equally destructive.
How do others see this?