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Jealous in childhood

Lila

Lila

Member
Female
I have come to realize that a good portion of me feeling jealous comes actually from the time I was growing up next to my older sister. So many times she has been privileged and I was put under her supervision as our mum had to go to work that subconsciously it's still in the back of my mind so whenever thinking about a future sister-wife it makes me grudge.
I think a foundation containing such a historical nightmare is set to fail from the get go which is why I'm so thankful that I was able to get hold of it now consciously.

Does anyone else have such a bad association experienced in childhood years?
 
Good insight Lila. Getting to the root of an issue is much better than simply trying to treat the symptoms. I look forward to hearing people's responses.

I struggled with jealousy and trust early in my marriage. I think it was largely due to my parent's marriage and the poor relationship model there. That and it didn't help that the first girl I asked out as a teenager said yes but was already being physical with another guy, and my first girlfriend was apparently dating other guys while I was off in basic training! o_O
 
I was given to understand when I was a teenager that my first stepmom had been put in charge of paying the bills, and that she had paid them all for two years with credit cards; which set our family's finances back considerably. I treasured this information in my heart under the heading "Women can't be trusted, especially not with money". For the first two years of my marriage to Rainy, I did not give her access to the bank account. Whenever she needed money to do the shopping I would give her the allotted cash, and I would handle all the bills myself. It wasn't until I had to go to a 4 week training course for my job, with no way to make it back to receive and pay the bills, that I reluctantly went to the bank with her to put her on the account. I warned her most sternly that she was only to pay bills, and do only the shopping strictly necessary to maintain the household. Under no circumstances was she allowed to indulge herself in my eternal financial ruin, as she was no doubt sorely desiring to do.

To my great relief, I did not return to find any collection agencies repossessing what few valuables we had, and Rainy had no problems handling the bills. At this moment I had an epiphany:

I was letting my fear and mistrust of females stand in the way of my laziness.

I had to grow in faith and in willingness to trust my mate, in order to do the loafing that I have yearned to do since birth.

It turns out Rainy has a real talent for budgeting, planning, and bargain hunting. She has performed wonders that I just never would have had the time and energy to look into.

A lucky man am I.
 
Slumberfreeze, when I just started dating Sarah I was going to take her to a dance, she didn't have a decent dress nor the cash to buy one, so I gave her my card, told her the pin number, and sent her to buy an outfit. She spent hardly anything, and I knew I had found an ideal wife! I suppose that was a risky test, given that I was a poor student and that bank account held all the money I owned, but it worked... :-)
 
Lila, i have the same experience with my sister.

*now thinking about my sister being married to my future husband* :eek:

It is interesting that you brought this up. I didn't feel that fear about poly. There are different ways to look at this.
Maybe she could be the sister you never had. And he loves you, so he has good taste. ;)

Or just don't call her a sister wife, just the other wife of your husband.


edit
I do realise that you are in a different position than i am, and i realise things are sometimes easier said then done. So i do not want to hurt any feelings, just trying to help a bit.
 
I to have a similar thing. I'm a very private person. Things that I hold a secret 1) don't share easily and 2) can be possibly overly zealous about saying a secret once shared. Even if the need for it to stay secret has gone.( I am much better at this now)
TLS2 kept my secret of my poly beliefs very very very well. As well as a number of others. This went beyond brownie points for me.
I had trouble with every woman previous to her (I was considering to marry) keeping my secrets.
 
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