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I've Been Thinking....

Doc

Doc

Member
Real Person
I've been thinking lately that maybe God wants me to be single.

I am serious about this.

I am beginning to understand Paul's NT reasoning when it comes to marriage, that for some, it may truly be better for them to remain single.

I know that this is 'anathema' to speak on a plural marriage forum; how can a single man be an endorsement for Biblical marriage?

I don't know.

But I do know that NOT being married does give me the opportunity to devote more time to study, to reading, to memorizing, to writing....all the things that I truly love. Being single has allowed me the flexibility to pick up and move to South Korea as a missionary as the Lord opened the door. Being single has given me the opportunity to spend more time with GOD, instead of all the time I would devote to another person.

So, not meaning this as a downer to anyone, and I hope you don't take it that way. In fact, when I was in prayer the other day, where it seemed like for the umpteenth time I was asking God, "Oh, why am I not married, oh Great and Powerful God?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of tremendous peace and the response of, "Because, Doc, for now, I have called you to be single."

And instead of saying, "Ok, but for HOW LONG?" This time, I had a real peace about being single. Instead of looking at my life from this point on to the end, and thinking, "I will be alone...", it was like all of a sudden I realized that being alone, with God, wasn't such a bad deal.

Being single means you have more freedom. You answer to no one. If you’re single, you don’t have to let anyone know when you decide to go somewhere. It allows for more spontaneity in your life. If you want to take a weekend road trip, you can make that decision on the spur of the moment. Being single allows you to be your own person and really just do as you please. If you want to sit on the couch in an old T-shirt and shorts while munching on Doritos, no one will give you any flack for doing so. Being single allows you to make your own choices. Especially for men, being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cooking and cleaning. Being skilled at different things makes you a more complete, independent, well-rounded person, which is a great quality to have, and one that will be noticed if you decide to seek a relationship later on.

In addition, relationships also require money, and a lot of it. Being single gives you full financial freedom. You will be in control of where every dollar you spend goes. Guys, think of the money you’ll save by not having to pay for overpriced dinners and movies, and buying all kinds of presents for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and the 11-week anniversary of the third date. Being single allows you to spend money that you have on yourself with no guilt. Men, that means you can get that 42-inch high definition flat screen TV that you saw at Best Buy without getting an earful later. Ladies, you can treat yourself to that piece of jewelry or new outfit without having to use the Jaws of Life to get the Visa card out of a husband’s wallet. (Note that being single is not an excuse to be irresponsible with your money. Single or not, you still need to make responsible financial decisions.) Being single may also make it easier to plan for saving money for the future and for unforeseen circumstances.

And let’s face it – all of us have quirks about ourselves that someone else finds annoying. Being single frees you from this issue. A single person doesn’t have to listen to someone snore all night while hogging the blankets. Guys, you wouldn’t have to worry about finding a fuzzy toilet seat cover or pink shower curtain in your bathroom. Ladies, you wouldn’t have to constantly nag someone to take care of the dishes piling up in the sink or take out the trash. Being single allows you to give your patience a rest and live in a non-frustrating environment. The only disgusting habits you’ll have to put up with are your own.

Being single allows you to stabilize your emotions. When a person is in a relationship, especially when it is just starting, your emotions can go completely out of whack. Your mind can go a mile a minute constantly thinking things like, “Does s/he still like me?”, “Did I say the right thing?”, “What should I do now?”, “When should I call next?” The list goes on and on. It’s enough to make a person go bonkers with all these thoughts running rampant. In addition, being single means that you won’t have to worry about going through a heart-wrenching breakup.

Being single can give you a deeper awareness of who you really are - not someone as defined by a relationship. During the initial stages of a relationship, you try to make yourself look as good as possible to impress the other person, and often find yourself saying and doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Being single allows you to be yourself and develop who you really are.

So,maybe single isn't so bad after all.....

Blessings,

Doc
 
Such conditions are plainly spelled out by Christ as you noted. Some are called to one condition and another to a different status or condition. It all hinges upon God's sovereignty and what he plans in providence.

Psalm 139:16 is a good verse to consider.
 
Pro 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Best wishes to you whatever path you end up on.

Me? I'm too interested in all the trouble I can get into... :)
 
DocInKorea said:
But I do know that NOT being married does give me the opportunity to devote more time to study, to reading, to memorizing, to writing....all the things that I truly love.
Click to expand...

It all sounds so attractive, Doc. Let's all do it. Me? I'm holding out for the 60" flat screen in my massive motor home for 1.

The poor schmucks who don't get the memo? THEY can deal with the 7:1 female ratio thang! (What is it in Korean churches?)

But wait! Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much! What about BALANCE? Times of aloneness are valuable, and being able to cook for yourself and be self-indulgent. But so are times of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of a dearly beloved wife breathing in close proximity, and knowing that if you say, "Let's pack up and move to Korea," she'll say, "Yay, ADVENTURE! Kimchi or bust! *gulp*"

Btw, I BEEN well rounded, at 315 lbs. Flattening out nicely at around 230 right now, thank you very much. *grin* In my experience, kimchi helps more than Doritos. So you are in a good place. Besides, does ANYONE hang out on the couch, watching movies and eating kimchi? :lol:

This isn't to say that your experience with God wasn't real, Doc. Just tuck in the back of your mind that He said, "For now." And don't be too surprised if you bring back a Korean bride. Or two.

Either way, we're rootin' for ya! (Just to throw our Aussie friends, for whom that means something WA-A-AY different, into a tizzie!)
 
"And don't be too surprised if you bring back a Korean bride. Or two."

I have a very dear friend with a Korean wife...he is a very strong Catholic...I think she might be a Baptist...he told me that he learned a lot about Korean culture by watching some Korean TV shows that she is always watching. He seems to think that the women are very physical with their men and it is also reflected in the TV shows. Apparently the women wear the pants and the shirt most of the time and don't spare the rod to spoil the husband...
 
Scarecrow said:
Korean wife...Apparently the women wear the pants and the shirt most of the time and don't spare the rod to spoil the husband...
Click to expand...

That's a switch. When I was there in the late 70s, American girls were advised to NOT marry Korean men because they were so willing to enforce their will with a fist, whereas one of the reasons Korean women sought out American men was because we typically didn't.

I wonder if Korean TV illustrates typical Korean life as accurately as Hollywood illustrates American?

Having said that, my (legally ex) wife out in Portland, OR regularly hosts foreign exchange student girls. Mostly from Japan and Korea. Her observation? Never a bit of problem from the Japanese -- they are always a delight. The Korean girls, however, are often, um, taxing, and one was a serious nightmare! So I guess things could have changed!
 
I know both of them quite well and although she is half his size I can imagine her taking him on...and being a gentleman he would simply defend himself. The way he explained it was that he had some serious adjustments to make to accommodate her, and he later learned from the Korean shows that he watched with her that it seemed to him to be somewhat culturally normal for this kind of behavior...That is my only exposure to Korean culture so I can't say that I've seen it all by any means. I just thought it was a bit unusual because that was the first I had heard of anything like that...which leads me to believe that there has been a considerable cultural change, especially considering your testimony.
 
CecilW said:
...bring back a Korean bride. Or two.
Click to expand...

Hmmm.

Doc, on further thought, we, your faithful Love Life Co-ordinators (Hey! is THAT what LLC after a company name stands for?! :lol: ) regretfully conclude, "... Or not.")
 
CecilW said:
Btw, I BEEN well rounded, at 315 lbs. Flattening out nicely at around 230 right now,
Click to expand...

CONGRATULATIONS CECIL !!!!!

(yeah...I know it's off topic but someone needed to pat Brother Cecil on the back! :D )

Blessings,
Fairlight
 
Why thank you, Fairlight.

And while Doc isn't sharing his statistics, those of us who know and love him (does anyone NOT?) may have noticed that he's been discarding excess adipose as well, right Doc? (Had to get the focus back on Doc, ya know! *grin*)
 
CecilW said:
[

Btw, I BEEN well rounded, at 315 lbs. Flattening out nicely at around 230 right now, thank you very much. *grin* In my experience, kimchi helps more than Doritos. So you are in a good place. Besides, does ANYONE hang out on the couch, watching movies and eating kimchi? :lol:
Click to expand...

Yes, Cecil, my husband LOVES kimchi. I'm the one eating the Doritos. If he could give up the Lutheran pop, he would be a lean, mean, fighting machine, because he actually eats healthier than me. Congrats on the weight loss.

Michelle
 
Yes, it is true that I have been making progress in my war of attrition against attacking lipids in my body. My problem in Korea is that as I have been losing weight, it is very very difficult to find shirts in my size. I have gone from a 4x to a 2x in most of my polos, but a Korean 2x is like trying to fit two pounds of sausage in a one pound casing....
 
Well, congrats to you, too, Doc. That is quite a change, 4x to 2x. Good on ya, mate!
 
Congratulations from me also! :D

B
 
Oldie but a goodie, well worth the bump. Christ was single, Paul was single. And while we obsessively focus on marriage around here, it is our purpose after-all, singleness has a valuable place in the body of Christ. That is something the Protestants have largely forgotten, for which there are historical reasons, except as an excuse for sleeping around in your 20's.
 
rockfox said:
Oldie but a goodie, well worth the bump. Christ was single, Paul was single. And while we obsessively focus on marriage around here, it is our purpose after-all, singleness has a valuable place in the body of Christ. That is something the Protestants have largely forgotten, for which there are historical reasons, except as an excuse for sleeping around in your 20's.
Click to expand...

I heard speculation that Paul once had a wife.

Why is Christ AND Paul always the standard?
 
Cap said:
I heard speculation that Paul once had a wife.
Click to expand...

Re; speculation...that could be. We don't know, but his writings were quite clear on the virtue of singleness and the fact he was, at the time, single.

Cap said:
Why is Christ AND Paul always the standard?
Click to expand...

Well in this case, they are the two most well known single people in the New Testament, so it flows naturally. But in the greater context: Christ is the source and Paul the most prolific writer of the NT; so it is natural.

But to be clear I'm not saying marriage isn't a virtue either. "Be fruitful and multiply" and all that.
 
Doc said:
I've been thinking lately that maybe God wants me to be single.

I am serious about this.

I am beginning to understand Paul's NT reasoning when it comes to marriage, that for some, it may truly be better for them to remain single.

I know that this is 'anathema' to speak on a plural marriage forum; how can a single man be an endorsement for Biblical marriage?

I don't know.

But I do know that NOT being married does give me the opportunity to devote more time to study, to reading, to memorizing, to writing....all the things that I truly love. Being single has allowed me the flexibility to pick up and move to South Korea as a missionary as the Lord opened the door. Being single has given me the opportunity to spend more time with GOD, instead of all the time I would devote to another person.

So, not meaning this as a downer to anyone, and I hope you don't take it that way. In fact, when I was in prayer the other day, where it seemed like for the umpteenth time I was asking God, "Oh, why am I not married, oh Great and Powerful God?" I was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of tremendous peace and the response of, "Because, Doc, for now, I have called you to be single."

And instead of saying, "Ok, but for HOW LONG?" This time, I had a real peace about being single. Instead of looking at my life from this point on to the end, and thinking, "I will be alone...", it was like all of a sudden I realized that being alone, with God, wasn't such a bad deal.

Being single means you have more freedom. You answer to no one. If you’re single, you don’t have to let anyone know when you decide to go somewhere. It allows for more spontaneity in your life. If you want to take a weekend road trip, you can make that decision on the spur of the moment. Being single allows you to be your own person and really just do as you please. If you want to sit on the couch in an old T-shirt and shorts while munching on Doritos, no one will give you any flack for doing so. Being single allows you to make your own choices. Especially for men, being single forces you to do things for yourself, like cooking and cleaning. Being skilled at different things makes you a more complete, independent, well-rounded person, which is a great quality to have, and one that will be noticed if you decide to seek a relationship later on.

In addition, relationships also require money, and a lot of it. Being single gives you full financial freedom. You will be in control of where every dollar you spend goes. Guys, think of the money you’ll save by not having to pay for overpriced dinners and movies, and buying all kinds of presents for birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and the 11-week anniversary of the third date. Being single allows you to spend money that you have on yourself with no guilt. Men, that means you can get that 42-inch high definition flat screen TV that you saw at Best Buy without getting an earful later. Ladies, you can treat yourself to that piece of jewelry or new outfit without having to use the Jaws of Life to get the Visa card out of a husband’s wallet. (Note that being single is not an excuse to be irresponsible with your money. Single or not, you still need to make responsible financial decisions.) Being single may also make it easier to plan for saving money for the future and for unforeseen circumstances.

And let’s face it – all of us have quirks about ourselves that someone else finds annoying. Being single frees you from this issue. A single person doesn’t have to listen to someone snore all night while hogging the blankets. Guys, you wouldn’t have to worry about finding a fuzzy toilet seat cover or pink shower curtain in your bathroom. Ladies, you wouldn’t have to constantly nag someone to take care of the dishes piling up in the sink or take out the trash. Being single allows you to give your patience a rest and live in a non-frustrating environment. The only disgusting habits you’ll have to put up with are your own.

Being single allows you to stabilize your emotions. When a person is in a relationship, especially when it is just starting, your emotions can go completely out of whack. Your mind can go a mile a minute constantly thinking things like, “Does s/he still like me?”, “Did I say the right thing?”, “What should I do now?”, “When should I call next?” The list goes on and on. It’s enough to make a person go bonkers with all these thoughts running rampant. In addition, being single means that you won’t have to worry about going through a heart-wrenching breakup.

Being single can give you a deeper awareness of who you really are - not someone as defined by a relationship. During the initial stages of a relationship, you try to make yourself look as good as possible to impress the other person, and often find yourself saying and doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Being single allows you to be yourself and develop who you really are.

So,maybe single isn't so bad after all.....

Blessings,

Doc
Click to expand...
You know Doc there is a lot to be said for a single man who believes in polygyny. I believe it is important for those of us that are single as well as those who are married and believe in poly to help others learn it is Biblical. There is a place for all of us in this crazy adventure.

Be blessed and enjoy the ride
 
rockfox said:
Re; speculation...that could be. We don't know, but his writings were quite clear on the virtue of singleness and the fact he was, at the time, single.



Well in this case, they are the two most well known single people in the New Testament, so it flows naturally. But in the greater context: Christ is the source and Paul the most prolific writer of the NT; so it is natural.

But to be clear I'm not saying marriage isn't a virtue either. "Be fruitful and multiply" and all that.
Click to expand...

Kind of one of my pet theories, (feel free to blow it full of holes) is that Paul was clarifying that singleness was ok and good, not so much that it is better. With the backdrop of Jewish culture in christianity and Paul’s letters stating that one of the requirements for elders and deacons was that they be married, we could start to think that being single was spiritually inferior to being married. He seems to be giving it balance, as in both ways have advantages. The Roman Catholic, took the verses on singleness and turned it into the ultimate form of spirituality, To the point of demonizing physical intimacy between husband and wife.
 
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