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Hypothetical Situation

sweetlissa

sweetlissa

Member
Real Person
Female
Hi all.

I want to say what a great opportunity we have here. We are not the first to practice Christian Polygyny but we are among the first to try to make it a legitimate lifestyle. Up till now, we have seen people try and fail and try and succeed. Where is the instruction manual? Where is the guidebook? Is there a rulebook?

Except for the Bible, which holds most of our guidance, we are largely without any directions. That is where this post comes in. We have the opportunity to create some guidelines for living Christian Polygyny in a way that would make God and Christ proud.

I am including in this post a hypothetical scenario that any of us might face in the course of our lifetime. After that, I am going to post a series of questions that will make us think about the scene we have just read. The goal is to get everyone's gut level reaction as well as the well thought out ideas and success stories.

So, please read on...

There is a man who has multiple wives. In the course of studying polygyny, he has discovered that he is allowed to have as many wives and he would like to have as long as he does it according to God's word. He is a patriarchal Christian, so in his home, he has the final word over decisions that are made. His wives are submissive. One day the man decides that he would like another wife. He finds a woman that he would like to get to know and begins talking to her. The woman knows at least one of the wives.

Now for the questions...
 
1.How much time can elapse between the time he begins talking to the new woman and the time he tells his existing wives? Are there any scriptures that back up your opinion?
 
3.How does he know if his family is ready to receive an additional wife? Are there any scriptural principles that apply here?
 
6.Do existing wives have any part in selecting the new wife at any stage? If so, when and how?
 
7.How long is appropriate to date before plans for marriage begin? Does the bible back up your opinion?
 
13.Wives, what would your reaction be if he didn’t tell you right away that he was seeing another woman?
 
14.What responsibility does the new woman (who knows at least one of the wives) have toward the wives during the time that they don’t know about her?
 
15.Who should be involved in the planning when they are discussing bringing her into the family?
 
Good questions, I'm glad for things that make me think about diferent aspects of the subject. I'll give it a shot if I may,

1. I would say tell at first reasonable possibility. It's top priority information in the lives of the wives and I would need extremely good reasons to delay at all. I can't really back that by scripture though, its more in terms of practical family government.

2. I think that depends on the context of the situation and depends heavily on the reason for the secret. Obviously secrets kept for benevolent reasons like surprises are good, secrets kept because they are shameful or duplicitous are probably sinful no mater who they are being kept from. I think situational judgment has to be applied to weather its ok to keep a secret or not.

3. I think the stability of the present family is the crucial tell, I would invoke the principle of building on a firm foundation there. I think the family has to be strong, stable, and happy before they can take someone else on. Other than that its up to their own criteria.

4. Yes, though you may be asking something that is more complex than I can see right now, if there is another layer to that question I'm sorry.

5. Any family member on the parent level. I know there are historical examples of Christan society where the wives searched for wives, but I can't say off hand there is a scriptural one, I should research that. To my experience in today society it is easier for the wife to approach a girl and feel out if she would be interested, Anndrea has found the best potentials for us, but like any topic here I don't have expertise as I'm not actively practicing.

6. For my family we've had a need to refine courtship rules recently, right now the person that knows the potential best (usually the one that found the girl first) largely in charge of the courtship up to the point marriage is seriously considered, at that point everyone's opinion and judgment gets seriously involved.

7. I doubt there is any way to find any rules for this, I certainly cannot offer any absolute ones by reason or scripture.

8. It means to accept someones authority or defer to their judgment.

9. To the extent which he has valid authority over her. In the same way we must "1Pe 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake:" No one here is doing that. We must absolutely submit to valid authority, but do not when a body (Government, boss, husband) exceeds or goes outside of their given authority. We do polygamy because we are firmly set that it it outside a governments authority to preside over marriage, we have no free card to break any other law, and probably shouldn't even speed.

10. Whenever an authority is perceived and accepted. In the case of a marriage at the vows, in the case of a government at its formation, in the case of work when a boss is appointed or a person is hired.

11. I would guess as soon as she is fully trustworthy. Depends what all family times entails, bring her over for supper as soon as she is trustworthy, something like family prayer would not be fitting until she was a wife. *My wife tells me that by this you probably mean introducing them to the kids and having them get involved with them, she says that in that case the best time is when you firmly believe the relationship is going to go somewhere, because you don't want the kids to get too attached to someone who isn't going to be around. We have too look with the same criteria as a single parent would.

12. I'm not sure what that is, if its family secrets polygamy is probably the worse most of us have to offer, if its finances then it should be reasonably early to be sure she is comfortable becoming part of the community funds. Of course she should not integrate her finances until the final commitment is made.

13. I will ask her and post it under my account after this. I can guess it wouldn't be pretty.

14. I can't answer, I cannot see a case where that time would be long if at all in my families pursuits.

15. A rather large list of things. Off the top of my head, all financial sundrys, how many kids she wants, what her long term goals are, the balance between personal space and family time she needs, what kinds of things she likes to eat, what her schedule is like, and a great deal more concerning who she is, what she needs, and how she will affect the family at large. *I thought you said what, not who, sorry. At very least the husband and every wife, the kids should be talked too as well, though they don't have any decision making authority or vote.

16. Probably not, but I'd defer that to the great divorce debtors on this site, breakups are outside my area of expertise and knowledge.
 
Anndrea says:

Because of our situation I would be really really really really mad at him. I think a man should always be straightforward no mater the situation.
 
Thanks for bringing so much input into the discussion. I am sure there will be lots of different opinions. I am hoping to get some good discussion going on many of these subjects.

SweetLIssa
 
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