Hurting first wife

[notforme]

Moderator note: This was originally a response to this thread, I have moved it here as a more appropriate location. Note ends.

I am going to try to help you understand why you are having the problems that you are having. I realize this forum is only for pro-poly people, so maybe God's light can be shined on others besides just you.

God made everything in the beginning perfect. EVERYTHING. Including the first marriage. What was the first marriage? One man - One woman. Adam and Eve. Was it two men? No. Was it two women? No. Was it one man and ___ women? No. Was it one woman and ___ men? No. God made marriage perfect, the way that He knew it would work. It was man that perverted it and made it for their own lustful desires.

The reason this forum even has to exist to "help" poly people, is because they are going against God's perfect will and way for marriage.

The reason you are having problems with your husband and so called sister wife is because you do not belong in that family.

Your "husband" has been blinded by Satan is is in his grips. Sadly, you were chosen to be brought to the man you "married" to be used to destroy a marriage between him and his wife. That is Satan's job, to kill, steal, and destroy marriages and everything else good that God has blessed us with.

You say you don't understand why the wife is treating you so badly. Read God's word about marriage (with God's leading not Satan's), and you will figure it out. You do not belong. You took her husband that belongs to her. Read 1 Corinthians 7:2-4 KJV Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but her husband, and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Continue reading verse 5. Separate house? Really? His wife married him, loves him with all her heart, and he is her one flesh. Each one of you needs to stop beating up the wife for loving her husband and wanting to obey what God has taught and touched her about marriage.

You need to confess to God that you bowed to Satan's ways. You need to repent to God, ask for forgiveness not only to God, but to the man you "married", and his wife.

You are being told that you can't leave because you are married for life. You are, in God's eyes, NOT married to this man. He already has a covenant marriage, until the day he or his wife dies.
You made a mistake; repent, confess, and be baptized (if you haven't been already), and get back to living your life for God. After you have made things right with God, he will send you a man that isn't already married, and you both will be blessed.

I am sorry that Satan has done this to you, this man, and his wife. Satan is currently doing the same thing to my marriage and it hurts so, so badly. I hate him SO much for what he has done to mine and 1000's of other marriages, and continues to do each day.

I just keep praying and standing on God's word, and you need to do the same.

There's a reason God got you back out of there. Thank him and stop fighting him. You will be blessed!!

 

[FollowingHim]

I am sorry that Satan has done this to you, this man, and his wife. Satan is currently doing the same thing to my marriage and it hurts so, so badly. I hate him SO much for what he has done to mine and 1000's of other marriages, and continues to do each day.

Notforme, I do understand where you are coming from. You are certainly not the first woman to be put in this situation and to feel the way you do, and will not be the last. This forum is NOT just for pro-poly people, it is for people considering or in polygamous situations. Some of those people will be very anti-poly, as you are. This forum exists to help people just like yourself. So welcome, and we'd love to help.

We don't exist to promote polygamy. In fact, we spend far more time encouraging people to slow down or not be polygamous! We are a serious Christian marriage ministry dealing with real-world situations. We just happen to cater for both monogamous marriages and marriages where there are more than one wife.

I assume your husband has taken a second wife without first obtaining your approval of polygyny? If so, this is an approach we do not at all recommend, it is a very poor way to begin and you know exactly why! It results in massive tension and can ultimately destroy the first marriage. The first wife should be in agreement or you're starting off with a massive disaster on your hands.

However, he's not the first man to do this. You're not the first woman to be put in this situation. And there are others who have been there, come through it, preserved their marriages, and gone on to highly successful and loving plural family life. The road is not easy for anyone, and very difficult when starting on the wrong foot, but it can still be navigated.

The scriptural objections you make are all answered elsewhere on this website already, I won't take the time to respond to these here because I don't think they are actually the fundamental issue. The fundamental issue is emotional. You feel betrayed by your husband.

I would like to encourage you to share more information on your own situation here to allow people to help you. There are other ladies here who have been in similar situations to your own, and can sympathise and help you. There are other men here who can help and support your husband. Support can include rebuking where needed. Depending where you live there may even be people who can meet with you personally.

Again, welcome to the forum, and I truly am glad that you have found us.

 

[The Revolting Man]

Hey notforme, if your logic was right about the first marriage being normative then we'd all be naked and our children would be marrying their siblings.

I'm glad you posted. There are some alternative viewpoints here you need to look at, especially since poly has been so unceremoniously dumped in your lap. Even if this was never your first choice you could find some peace and some way to coexist here.

 

[WLS78]

When I first saw this post I expected honestly to see some hateful backlash against notforme , instead what I saw was the most Christ like & gentle responses . I'm so blessed to have found this group of people & to have this resource available.

 

[The Revolting Man]

When I first saw this post I expected honestly to see some hateful backlash against notforme , instead what I saw was the most Christ like & gentle responses . I'm so blessed to have found this group of people & to have this resource available.

Her response is pretty typical and frankly to be expected. Remember that the James Dobsons of the world argue that the big risk from gay marriage is that it opens the door to polygamy. On top of that its just a hop, skip and jump from here to patriarchy which Satan hates with his entire being and you realize that the forces coming against these poor women are titanic. You really have to admire the women with the ability to move forward with it.

Plus if you are fortunate enough to hear some of the testimonies of the wives who have gone through it then it comes our that many of them have had this reaction.