I sort of stepped in it over on another thread, and rather than unpack my thoughts there, I'm starting a new thread.
The subject was opposition and persecution (against the teaching and practice of biblical polygamy) versus the support and encouragement available here, and how helpful that support can be.
So where the comment was made there that some of that persecution would actually result in spiritual murder (you know what Jesus said about hate...), I just had to jump in and mention that sometimes actual bloodshed is involved. That was a bit of free association--I don't know of any polygamists in the past 20 years or so that have been murdered (physically, that is--the hatred problem is real) as an act of religious persecution. But I do know of two families whose failure was so spectacular that it ended in physical murder of a wife, and I want to go ahead and address that here for the sake of anyone who is wondering what the heck I was talking about.
The free association was just thinking about how helpful it is to have a band of brothers that can keep you from the more egregious forms of stupidity that you're going to be tempted to indulge in while trying to walk this out. It's not only 'shelter from the storm' to find a group of Christians that doesn't think you're crazy or evil for figuring out what the bible actually teaches about marriage and taking that seriously. It's also that we can help each other deal, just deal with life, whether the problems are external (opposition from people who used to be 'friends') or internal ("this is not how I thought this was going to turn out").
And here's the thing: The people that are trying the hardest to figure it out on their own and maintain a public appearance of success are the ones most likely to crack and do something truly heinous or stupid; at least that's what the data tell us.
This is not limited to poly-folk, of course. Monogamous husbands kill their wives all the time (yawn...), so it's not like it's novel if it happens in a plural family (although it usually gets treated as if it were by detractors). And all manner of dysfunction in marriage relationships is demonstrated by our mono brethren every day, so again, nothing special about a particular marriage having trouble, whether it's the only one in the family or one of several.
But our culture (including the church, to its discredit) is content with a 50% marriage failure rate (for first marriages; worse for subsequent). Doing some really simplistic math, if a one-woman family has a 50% chance of surviving intact, then a two-woman family has a 25% chance of staying intact, and a three-woman family has a 12.5% chance of staying intact. And that's before you get to the additional stresses on a plural family that a mono family doesn't have to deal with.
We are warriors in a World War in which our enemy plays for keeps, sometimes lives, often livelihoods. I made the observation at the 2016 summer retreat (NC) that we ought to keep that metaphor more in mind, and relate to each other in those terms. Every day we wake up alive is a good day, and there is no shame in being wounded or getting killed in the line of duty (unless you bring it on yourself by doing something egregiously stupid); rather, we call those guys heroes, their having paid the ultimate price for the cause they fight for.
We need to learn to deal with individual failure, and take the fear and shame out of it. Too much stuff gets motivated in the churches by fear and shame and guilt manipulation--the exact opposite of what Jesus and his apostles were about. If we're doing it right, we're motivated by love, and sometimes the loving thing to do with a relationship is put it out of its misery. Because we love the people in the relationship, we do not join the world (and the modern Pharisees) in condemning the failures; rather, like Jesus, we say "neither do we condemn you".
God has ways of dealing with failure and teaching a believer His purposes in failure that do not require our help (the interference is usually counter-productive). If the Holy Spirit is working in a believer's life, He will bring the conviction and the appropriate "lessons learned" to mind. If God leads us to assist in that process, to be His "hands and feet" in that believer's life, then we do it with grace and mercy and humility.
Where I'm headed with this is that in this community, one of the many ways we purge ourselves of the false teaching of the corrupt institution commonly known as the 'church', is by encouraging a distinctively masculine spirit of venture and risk-taking, knowing that there is no formula that guarantees a perfect outcome. We help each other along the Way, and when one of our brothers fails, we honor his attempt and help him get back on his feet and get back in the battle.
Nobody wakes up one morning and decides out of the blue that rather than admit defeat and terminate a relationship he will kill his wife and hide the body and tell people she left unexpectedly. To give the ladies some equal time, no woman wakes up one morning and decides out of the blue to run off with another man, or clean out her husband's home and bank account while he's away on a trip. Male or female, there are many small decisions along the way that take us off course, a little bit at first, then more and more until we completely lose track of how to get back to the path we were on. Don't be that guy.
Don't be afraid to reach out. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't know what to do next in the situation you're in. It's why we're here. Not to judge you or apply 20/20 hindsight to your situation and mock your efforts, but to help you solve small problems before they evolve into bigger ones. We want to beat those odds I was giving above (insert Hunger Games quote here
), and give each family a fighting chance to make it through the crucible to become a stable, productive biblical family that can help other families find their Way. All for one, and one for all!
The subject was opposition and persecution (against the teaching and practice of biblical polygamy) versus the support and encouragement available here, and how helpful that support can be.
So where the comment was made there that some of that persecution would actually result in spiritual murder (you know what Jesus said about hate...), I just had to jump in and mention that sometimes actual bloodshed is involved. That was a bit of free association--I don't know of any polygamists in the past 20 years or so that have been murdered (physically, that is--the hatred problem is real) as an act of religious persecution. But I do know of two families whose failure was so spectacular that it ended in physical murder of a wife, and I want to go ahead and address that here for the sake of anyone who is wondering what the heck I was talking about.
The free association was just thinking about how helpful it is to have a band of brothers that can keep you from the more egregious forms of stupidity that you're going to be tempted to indulge in while trying to walk this out. It's not only 'shelter from the storm' to find a group of Christians that doesn't think you're crazy or evil for figuring out what the bible actually teaches about marriage and taking that seriously. It's also that we can help each other deal, just deal with life, whether the problems are external (opposition from people who used to be 'friends') or internal ("this is not how I thought this was going to turn out").
And here's the thing: The people that are trying the hardest to figure it out on their own and maintain a public appearance of success are the ones most likely to crack and do something truly heinous or stupid; at least that's what the data tell us.
This is not limited to poly-folk, of course. Monogamous husbands kill their wives all the time (yawn...), so it's not like it's novel if it happens in a plural family (although it usually gets treated as if it were by detractors). And all manner of dysfunction in marriage relationships is demonstrated by our mono brethren every day, so again, nothing special about a particular marriage having trouble, whether it's the only one in the family or one of several.
But our culture (including the church, to its discredit) is content with a 50% marriage failure rate (for first marriages; worse for subsequent). Doing some really simplistic math, if a one-woman family has a 50% chance of surviving intact, then a two-woman family has a 25% chance of staying intact, and a three-woman family has a 12.5% chance of staying intact. And that's before you get to the additional stresses on a plural family that a mono family doesn't have to deal with.
We are warriors in a World War in which our enemy plays for keeps, sometimes lives, often livelihoods. I made the observation at the 2016 summer retreat (NC) that we ought to keep that metaphor more in mind, and relate to each other in those terms. Every day we wake up alive is a good day, and there is no shame in being wounded or getting killed in the line of duty (unless you bring it on yourself by doing something egregiously stupid); rather, we call those guys heroes, their having paid the ultimate price for the cause they fight for.
We need to learn to deal with individual failure, and take the fear and shame out of it. Too much stuff gets motivated in the churches by fear and shame and guilt manipulation--the exact opposite of what Jesus and his apostles were about. If we're doing it right, we're motivated by love, and sometimes the loving thing to do with a relationship is put it out of its misery. Because we love the people in the relationship, we do not join the world (and the modern Pharisees) in condemning the failures; rather, like Jesus, we say "neither do we condemn you".
God has ways of dealing with failure and teaching a believer His purposes in failure that do not require our help (the interference is usually counter-productive). If the Holy Spirit is working in a believer's life, He will bring the conviction and the appropriate "lessons learned" to mind. If God leads us to assist in that process, to be His "hands and feet" in that believer's life, then we do it with grace and mercy and humility.
Where I'm headed with this is that in this community, one of the many ways we purge ourselves of the false teaching of the corrupt institution commonly known as the 'church', is by encouraging a distinctively masculine spirit of venture and risk-taking, knowing that there is no formula that guarantees a perfect outcome. We help each other along the Way, and when one of our brothers fails, we honor his attempt and help him get back on his feet and get back in the battle.
Nobody wakes up one morning and decides out of the blue that rather than admit defeat and terminate a relationship he will kill his wife and hide the body and tell people she left unexpectedly. To give the ladies some equal time, no woman wakes up one morning and decides out of the blue to run off with another man, or clean out her husband's home and bank account while he's away on a trip. Male or female, there are many small decisions along the way that take us off course, a little bit at first, then more and more until we completely lose track of how to get back to the path we were on. Don't be that guy.
Don't be afraid to reach out. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to admit that you don't know what to do next in the situation you're in. It's why we're here. Not to judge you or apply 20/20 hindsight to your situation and mock your efforts, but to help you solve small problems before they evolve into bigger ones. We want to beat those odds I was giving above (insert Hunger Games quote here
), and give each family a fighting chance to make it through the crucible to become a stable, productive biblical family that can help other families find their Way. All for one, and one for all!
