How God introduces PM

[CecilW]

The following was written on another thread on which I, being plumbed as an "outie", am not supposed to respond. However I thought it worth a bit of discussion. Ergo, here it be on another thread ...

Make sure the marriage is stable and the FW is in agreement. God will not (NOT, no matter what anyone tries to tell me) bring a husband to the conviction without also bringing the wife. If the wife is dead set against Plural Marriage, expect nothing but troubles and heartaches.

Sir BumbleBerry and I were sharing a sunny fall afternoon and a pair of lollipops (the big, round, multicolored, flat kind on a stick -- just the right size for slinging over his shoulder, as he's one of the "little people", dontcha know) while sitting on a bench outside the famous bizarre bazaar known as Walgreen's. (Where ELSE ya gonna find the perfect little people all-month lollipops?) Well, I was sitting on the bench. He was perched on my laptop case. Well, mostly. At one point, he saw L's Wandering Mind strolling by (for those who may remember the discussions of a year + ago), hopped up to stand on my shoulder, braced himself by firmly grabbing my ear, and let loose with a piercing whistle that sent both of my brain cells skittering into my nasal passage in terror -- but I digress... (Did I sneeze? Can't seem to remember!)

Anyway, i'd written the above quote down. I really liked what Ms Becca had said, though, well, ya know ... I wasn't sure ... not too comfortable with part of this part. So, being a humble and teachable sort myself (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it, I tell ya!) I thought I'd run it past himself. He didn't let me down.

"Sandwich looks nice but the meat's a bit funny."

I shook my head. Thumped my forehead. The two brain cells fell back into my skull and rolled back to my hairline, one yelling "Hey!" and the other "Ouch!" Please note that they were not, at this point, connecting. In light of this situation, I offered the only appropriate profundity ... "Huh?!"

Sir BumbleBerry sadly shook his head at my slow wittedness, "3 sentences, Cecil. 1st is great advice. 3rd is both true and wise. It's the middle, the meat, that isn't quite right, IMO."

"Yeah? *lick* (the lollipop WAS good, I have to admit) What was wrong with it?" (Maybe a TOUCH belligerently. Didn't really like the little squirt calling me slow witted. Ah AM bigger'n him! Older, too! AND Ah bought da lollipops! So THERE!)

*lick* (Him this time. Makin' me WAIT! Aaaargh! Then again, it WAS a warm sunny afternoon...) "Missin' a word."

"What WORD?!" (Exasperating smart little punk!)

"Try."

"Huh?" I scratched my head with my lollipop. (Trust me -- NOT a good move. *sigh*)

"Well, if she'd said, "God will not bring a husband to the conviction without also trying to bring the wife", I'd have agreed.

"Thing is, God's a Gentleman. He may use strooooong persuasion, but he doesn't force conviction. Even when it's in our best interest.

"So, Lucifer refused conviction in heaven and got chased out -- but conviction wasn't forced. And Herod or Agrippa or one a them dead dudes said, "Paul, you almost persuade me..." but finally refused conviction and blew it.

"Jesus stands at the door and KNOCKS, but YOU gotta open the door.

"He brings conviction to both husbands and wives, that's TRUE, but they get their own choice whether to respond to the conviction by opening the door, talking through it a bit first, or nailing the durn thang SHUT!

"But truth is truth, and if the hubby has opened the door and accepted conviction, but his wife nailed hers shut ... well, yeah, there's a MESS brewing. And it won't be pretty. But that isn't God's fault. He tried.

"AND, it MIGHT be worth hanging around a bit to see how the Mister handles the mess. Lot's to learn about a feller's character by how he handle's a mess!"

"Like this one in my hair and all over my lollipop?" (It's a wonder I remember a word he said -- they WERE a notable mess!)

"'Xactly!" And with that, he hopped down off the bench, slung his lollipop over his shoulder, and sauntered off under the closest boxwood shrub. Little stinker!

 

[Anonymous]

"Well, if she'd said, "God will not bring a husband to the conviction without also trying to bring the wife", I'd have agreed.

Cecil, you may find my response a bit boring but I totally agree with you !
I read the post on the other thread and there was some good stuff in it...but it was also very "matriarchal" (not my scene). You are correct, God is a gentleman and he doesn't force anyone. I have a good friend whose husband became convinced about the validity of pm. She rejected it for a long time but slowly she became equally convinced. Wives have the choice to be in submission or rebellion to whatever God puts before them. God won't force them but there will be consequences, either good or bad, to whatever choice they make.
Blessings,
Fairlight

 

[sweetlissa]

Very well put, both of you. I have to say that God may very well reveal his information to the wife as well as the husband but either or both of them have the opportunity to reject that information. That is one of the reasons so many men lose their first wives when they come to this understanding. The wives reject the leadership of the husband and then the trouble begins.

SweetLissa

 

[csp]

I read the post on the other thread and there was some good stuff in it...but it was also very "matriarchal" (not my scene)......

.....God won't force them but there will be consequences, either good or bad, to whatever choice they make.
Blessings,
Fairlight

Very well put Fairlight!
I came into an understanding on my own and as I got to know people in the lifestyle, I met a lot of wives that were not ok with PM even though their husbands were. As a result, I've seen a few marriages fall apart. Personally, I think it comes down to letting your husband do his job and be the head of household. He's your husband, he will do what is best for the family and if God has shown him that PM is for his family, then why fight it?

 

[Scarecrow]

"The wives reject the leadership of the husband and then the trouble begins."

This is a primary cause of the problems we see in most marriages that are in trouble. Unfortunately is is very common in our society.



I think John Whitten covered it well in his "First Wife Syndrom" article:

"Perhaps the most difficult part of dealing with the “FWS” is stepping out into unfamiliar territory to embrace this truth. Accepting the truth of God’s teaching about marriage, acknowledging this newly understood reality is probably the most difficult step a man or woman of God will ever take. This must be a step of faith in God and His Word and a step of submission to His Lordship in our lives.

Much grief may be experienced if both the husband and wife are not onboard with the truth. The husband must be patient and loving. The wife must be gentle, trusting and following her husband’s leadership. Both parties must love God with all their heart, soul, might and mind. If “George” charges forward, seeking, courting and planning for an additional wife, without consideration for “Sadie” and her probable “FWS”, he is not loving her as Christ loves the church. If “Sadie” is unwilling to follow her husbands leadership, seek God in His Word, search the scriptures, seek her husbands understanding or see and honor his loving commitment to her and God and resists revealed truth, she is not responding to God or her husband as the church responds to Christ.

When “Sadie” is unable or unwilling to deal effectively with the “FWS”, what is “George” to do? His marriage may easily end in disaster if he does not act properly. His first effort should be self-examination, to determine if his own behavior is loving and Christ-like as well as being certain that he is moving in the will of God and not his own excitement. He should then ascertain whether “Sadie” is not clear on the truth or if she is being stubborn and self-willed against God. If he is sure of his motive and faithfulness, he will seek “Sadie’s” prayers and aid in following God’s plan, showing by precept and practice that he is endeavoring to follow Him. When “Sadie” is involved she will love and follow “George”, even to loving and embracing those her husband loves, enabling a larger, loving family.

If “Sadie” is being self-willed and selfish, then “George” must count the cost of following his heart and the Lord. He may well find himself in the same position as Peter and John, appearing before the Sanhedrin. “But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.” Acts 4:19-20. Difficult decisions demand earnest prayer, searching the Word and the soul.

The First Wife Syndrome is real. Any woman struggling with it deserves the love and compassion of her husband. She has position and history that must be considered. On another facet of the issue, a second wife must also recognize the reality of the first wife’s history. There will always be a part of her husbands’ heart that must belong to her alone, for she is the wife of his youth and of his covenant. This need not be a source of contention as long as there is understanding and love for all the family."



Oh yeah...and one more thing Cecil...how come the little guy always gets to saunter off with the goodies?

 

[CecilW]

Oh yeah...and one more thing Cecil...how come the little guy always gets to saunter off with the goodies?

You've seen the old time pictures of hoboes with their belongings tied up in a handkerchief on the end of a stick? That's Sir BumbleBerry with his lollipop. Provisions for a month.

And it WAS his lollipop. I had my own. Doesn't last me a month, though. I got a big (bigger) mouth, in case nobody's noticed!

Plus, if I tried to eat his, too, three things would happen. a) He'd bit my ankle. b) I'd get little people cooties. and c) My blood sugar would become obnoxiously high.

Lissa: Yeah, I was thinking that I heard Sir BumbleBerry holler back that sometimes God gets through to the wife first, and the man balks. Just no telling. I do know a coupla instances where that's been the case.

 

[CecilW]

I read the post on the other thread and there was some good stuff in it...but it was also very "matriarchal" (not my scene).

I could see how it felt that way to you, Fairlight. But I thought about it a while, and concluded that it really wasn't (again, my own conclusion), but rather a fairly healthy statement of appropriate boundaries,

I have heard too many stories of the new wife coming in and wanting to ride rough-shod over what is already there in terms of people and relationships. Also, of first wives not wanting anything to change and so giving the new wife a hard time.

It occurs to me that it's sorta like when a boat comes in to dock. There are likely to be a number of signs along the way about where to slow down, where the channel twists and turns, where shoals or big rocks are hidden, etc. There will be bumpers put out. The boat will eeeeeaaase up gently, ropes will be tossed and tied down, perhaps a ramp extended ...

The dock is adjusting a bit to accept the boat. And the boat is adjusting a bit to connect with the dock. And none of that is instinctual to humans. We gotta be thinking of the other, and what their needs will be, and how to ease the transition for all involved, and make the best and most durable connections before storms hit, and ... which is the message that I, personally, heard out of the other post. If the boat comes barreling in full speed, well, it will run aground alright, but likely damage the dock. But in so doing, it will likely get itself a big ole hole in it to boot.