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Help Please, Is Plural Marriage for REAL?

Ephraim's D

Ephraim's D

Member
Real Person
I have REAL questions to ask ALL of you. (My husband and I attended the Georgia retreat, if you do not know who we are.) Since the retreat, we have been searching for an addition of sister wife. (Or whatever word makes you comfortable enter when you see SW.) We have had quite an adventure, to say it nicely. :? We have encountered people involved in witchcraft and vampires. We also encountered women who were lesbians, wanting obviously ME and my husband. YUCK! (In my eyes, my husband eyes, and more importantly God’s eyes ALL these things are sins. PERIOD. ) We also have encountered people who just wanted us to bail them out of a poor country to come to America. Or they just want money. Cold hard cash. :mrgreen:

Please share or if you do not want to post it here for the whole world to see, feel free to message me or email me at devorahba@yahoo.com.

And my questions to you all are…………………………….

Have any of you had similar experiences?

Has anyone ever met a REAL person to whom you actually had a REAL relationship with that worked out decently?

Has anyone ever met ANYONE off the internet, seen them FACE-TO-FACE, that was legitimate?

Has anyone ever met another woman and had a successful marriage with more than one wife?

Where are the people who do this and are successful? :!: :?:

Why don’t we hear more about the successes? :!: :?:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Serving Jesus, one step at a time. :cry: God bless you all.
-Ephraim’s D
 
Hi 'D'. Well, you met my family and one other that I consider successful (9 years together) at the GA retreat. There are certainly others who we know, and even participate here, but I won't list them here for their privacy.

BUT, I hear what you are saying: it IS hard to initiate and maintain a successful plural family, no question. It is harder than a monogamous family for many reasons. To list just a few: 3 relationships instead of one, having to deal with the hassles of the responses of our society, family, church and friends, being raised an an culture where jealousy and twisted-marriage-roles are the norm. I could go on. I always counsel people not to expect this to be easy: expect to be challenged, stretched, and to need to grow beyond what you thought was possible, in order to succeed. I coasted without really stepping up as a man, thru 9 years of monogamy - I had to totally change to succeed in a plural family. This, without question, is a major reason why success stories seem to be hard to be comparably hard to find. (Though I'd ask does just 'staying together' constitute success in monogamous family?)

I'd add that we are 'just getting starting' in some ways - i.e. Christians are just beginning to find each other in the last 15 years to discuss plural marriage and it's Biblical Foundations. It takes time to come to grips with the issues, learn from each other how to be successful. I think we'll see a lot more in the next 10 years.

Some people who are living plural marriage successfully, I know for a fact, don't feel the need to participate here - they have it together and have busy lives! Though I wish they would come be an encouragement here.

There there is the issue you mention of finding someone, and the Internet. No question, there are a lot of 'less-than-legitimate' folks out there - ladies and men, who are attracted to plural marriage for various (and nefarious) reasons. It's why I always put my 2 cents in regarding the Internet as a less-than-stellar method for finding someone to add to your family. We'd like to help with our Introductions service, but we still have quite a dearth of woman who are willing to participate. Hopefully that will change over time. We recently had a respected member of this forum make a decision to stop looking on the Internet, and only consider a someone he meets locally. Maybe he'll see this and want to share his reasoning. I think there's a lot to be said for that - start with a quality person you met in 'real life' and work on a plan for getting closer to them, and then presenting the positive case for plural marriage and your family in particular. Be prepared for some rejection - that cultural hurdle is still pretty high, even for quality Christian single ladies.

So, my answer is: it is for REAL, it's just REAL hard too, in some ways, though the rewards can be worth it, for the right people.

God bless.
 
Ephraim's D said:
I have REAL questions to ask ALL of you. (My husband and I attended the Georgia retreat, if you do not know who we are.) Since the retreat, we have been searching for an addition of sister wife. (Or whatever word makes you comfortable enter when you see SW.) We have had quite an adventure, to say it nicely. :? We have encountered people involved in witchcraft and vampires. We also encountered women who were lesbians, wanting obviously ME and my husband. YUCK! (In my eyes, my husband eyes, and more importantly God’s eyes ALL these things are sins. PERIOD. ) We also have encountered people who just wanted us to bail them out of a poor country to come to America. Or they just want money. Cold hard cash. :mrgreen:
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Well, I know in America that polygamy is mostly practiced by people with religious affiliation and is seen by lots as being something that can only be practiced within religous-like standards, but that is not the case. It's really a matter of who is inolved and how they will practice it, otherwise, polygamy can be practiced outside of religious belief and standards, and therefore it can potentially attract people of any walk and standards (Christian or non-Christian). Most people know already that even when you are "looking or seeking" for someone to start a monogamous relationship, you may attract people of any walk who may try to hook up with you, and I think the same is possible when you're "looking" for someone to add to date and maybe start a polygamous relationship. You do just like you do when in looking for your first wife or relationship, you weed out those who you see as the bad ones.

I can understand how polygamy would attract lesbians and bisexuals because when some people hear about polygamy they think that either the guy wants all the sex he can get or the women are having sex with each other, but I'm not sure why vampire believers would be attracted. I guess you should bring some garlic and a wooden stake on your next date?! :)


Ephraim's D said:
Have any of you had similar experiences?
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No, but that's probably because I'm not seeking a polygamous relationship.

Ephraim's D said:
Has anyone ever met a REAL person to whom you actually had a REAL relationship with that worked out decently?

Has anyone ever met ANYONE off the internet, seen them FACE-TO-FACE, that was legitimate?
Click to expand...

These are not only good questions but important questions. Your questions apply to when you're looking for someone to be with for ANY relationship, polygamous and monogamous. I think though you're asking more about if anyone has met anyone from this forum to start a polygamous relationship. I haven't but I'm also not looking for a polygamous relationship neither. Trying to get to know someone and start a relationship from someone you meet online can be risky because online someone can show you any picture that may not really be theirs, may tell you a bunch of lies about their life situation which you really have no way of knowing as much as you can if the person was in your area and you saw the person, in person. However, I'm sure there are times that it can work out if you and whoever involved have honest intentions and are a good match for a polygamous relationship. I've actually have seen people here who want polygamy for reasons that lots here would consider unChristian but they don't advertise that as much here but they sometimes do on other websites. To me that's fine, just as long as they are honest about it and are not coming here to fool people although this website does try to only tailor to fellow Christians since it is about CHRiSTiAN plural marriage, but rest assured anyone (Christian or non-Christian) join here.


Ephraim's D said:
Has anyone ever met another woman and had a successful marriage with more than one wife?
Click to expand...

To be honest, no. Don't be discouraged though even if it seems that what you mostly encountered are people that were NOT what you were looking for or expecting. That's the risk of trying to meet people from online in my opinion, although the same issue can come up meeting someone in-person except there it's at least easier to notice since you can see the person especially if they're in your area. I'd recommend for those seeking to start polygamous relationships to not just limit their searches to online but also try to look for people anywhere offline just as you would if you were looking for a monogamous relationship. Polygamy may bother some people so maybe you gotta take the issue of approaching someone to ask them about it more lightly but it doens't hurt to ask.

Ephraim's D said:
Where are the people who do this and are successful? :!: :?:

Why don’t we hear more about the successes? :!: :?:

Thank you for your time and consideration. Serving Jesus, one step at a time. :cry: God bless you all.
-Ephraim’s D
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Well polygamy is not accepted by the "mainstream" culture so many choose to live it in secret. I think it can work out good but it would probably take people practicing it who have the same or similar standards and who can work together. There are some videos on YOuTube of polygamous familes. I uploaded a few videos myself from an Oprah Show until YOuTube took 2 of them off because I had no approval from the network that her show is on.

Here's one link although these are about a Mormon family:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OEaRn3u ... re=related
 
Thank you all for sharing. Thank you Pretty Tulips. It is very encouraging to hear. Thanks Nathan for you input. I admire what you are doing here on BF and I think your wives are some of the sweetest women I have ever met. ;) Thank you Poly Pride. I have found your words encouraging too. I would like to add I am in no way trying to offend any one by this post, so if I have offended any one, I apologize. I too also want to say that I am very thankful for my husband that he is SO SMART. He didn't get duped by any of the fakers. There was one woman we talking to but she wasn't really accepting of the idea of plural marriage. I admire and respect my husband to follow after Christ and his calling to raise up a BIG godly family. I guess, one hand I feel kind of like when I was a baby Christian. Very alone. I didn't know really anyone who was a Christian. I wasn't raised in a godly home so it was very different to adjust to and to search out believers like myself. And I guess in a way that is very similar to the adventure of plural marriage. I am sorry too that I don't post often on here. I am a busy mom and wife. And I know all of you lead your own lives as well and I am thankful for you taking your time out of your busy day to share with me. God bless.
-D
 
Yes, "where are the legitimate people looking for a Biblical plural marriage?" This is a very good question. After two years of researching and searching our hearts to see if this is something the Lord is calling us to and preparing ourselves, we had a very painful experience with a dear friend we thought would be at least open to hear our belief. Since I mentioned "painful" you know that this friend didn't understand it and said, "this was inappropriate Christian behavior and respectful not contact her." I think Polypride hit the nail on the head by saying "mainstream people are not ready for this."

It would be good if more people like Nathan and his family who are living a successful Biblical plural marriage post on this site to give us some encouragement--especially those like my family who are still licking our wounds from a bad experience.
 
Thank you for asking this question D...

We are hoping to be a success story. My soon to be SW has a family history of plural marriage, as do I. Of course those were from much older generations such as my great grandfather and her great aunt. However, all three of us have been praying that the good Lord will continue to guide us on the correct path. As it stands she is scheduled to move into our home within the next 30 days and we are going to be purchasing a poly friendly home. ( I hope)! LOL

We are praying for those couples who are still searching to find the right women to join their families. We are even praying about our future and weather or not God wants our family to have more than two wives. ~if so hopefully in a few years~ ;)

God bless you all!
 
Ephraim's D,

We are a Christian, poly family that is successfully living a PM lifestyle. My husband met his second wife right here on this board. The fact that many people on the board already knew her and had met her in person was very helpful. We didn't have any trust issues regarding her pretending to be someone that she wasn't, but she did have to trust that my husband was really all that he said he was.

Like Nathan said, it is REAL hard to live this lifestyle, for many different reasons. We are having a difficult time with our church, and we haven't even told our extended family. There are alot of challenging situations involved in PM, but all three of us believe that it is well worth the difficulty, because we know we are doing the will of our Heavenly Father.

Hope this helps!

Katie
 
Thank you for passing on the info. I have read their stuff before. What I want to know is... where are they now?
Thanks all for the encouraging words. Blessings, -D
 
Ephraim's D said:
Thank you for passing on the info. I have read their stuff before. What I want to know is... where are they now?
Thanks all for the encouraging words. Blessings, -D
Click to expand...

Feel free to contact me. I don't know how much I can help, but I will sure try. Send me a PM or email me at 3rsfor1@gmail.com

Robert
 
Thanks for clarifying that, Sweetlissa! I meant to earlier, but had to get off the computer!

Katie
 
Wow, I am shocked to say the least. :oops: :o I think I understand now where they are now. Sorry for the mix up. :oops:
So here is a question to you all... is PM as real as learning to ride a bike? You really don't know what it will be like until your there on it and in it? Thank you all again. I have found it a really encouragement to have a safe place to share my fears and struggles with PM.
Blessings,
-D
 
Dear Ephraim's D,
You can read the story of my polygynous experience in "TejeroAndHisLadies1.htm" at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... sus/files/. It is way too long to post here.

Also I have compiled some polygyny testimonies given by polygynous ladies, which can be found in "PolyWomenOnPolygynyFCSM.html" at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... sus/files/.
Polygynous women/wives on polygyny, several nonMoslems and one westernized Moslem - a tribute to the FCSM wives

Biblical Christian polygynists are a very small minority in America's Christian community, but for sure not in Africa, the MidEast and the Far East. There are many Moslem polygynists in America, and you can read their story in "MoslemWomen4Poly.HTM " at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... sus/files/. The poorer among them seem to be following the polygynous pattern/practice described in "UrbanBlueCollarUSAPoly1009.html"
(Is Polygyny Sexist and an Exploitation of Women? How do blue collar workers and their families do it) at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... sus/files/, where each wife has her own residence, or at least her own bedroom, bathroom, kitchen and living room - - as recommended by anthropologists and ethnologists. See "SuccessfulBibliclPolyImprovdA071308.html" at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... sus/files/.
 
I am going to try and summons my alter ego and beg him to write something profound. Those that know me, know that the serious and smart side of me is a rare sight. It is so rare that Cecil W has named this alter ego Lord Pontifical and he has also named the goofy and usual side of me Sir Bubba Von Goofy or something like that, depending how extreme it is. Enough with the introductions to my alter egos. Here goes.

I can not offer any magic bullets or any magic words to say to hasten the coming of a new bride for you. What I can do is give you some steps to take that can hasten contentment, faith and trust in the Lords sovereignty to perform HIS perfect will in your life. You can use these steps in any aspect of your life. This is not one of those “ do as I say, not as I do” things. This is something that I have actually done, and let me tell you it works. Don’t be so desperate for a new bride, that you will try and do anything to get it. I think the longer a person is in the “Looking” stage the more desperate he becomes, and that causes a clouding of your discernment. I have talked to men that if given half a chance they would take the next willing soul walking down the street, and cloak it in righteousness “marriage is a ministry”. If you are in the looking stage I hope what I have to say will get you out of that state of mind. Looking cause an entitlement mentality, and waiting can cause distraction from the Lords work. I like to say you should be in the “Serving“ Stage. Serving is something you do for your Master. You can do this out of duty or love, either way it is your reasonable service.. The Masters satisfaction with your service is all that matters. When you love the person that you are doing this for, it stirs up such a passion in you that it gives the Master something he can actually taste. To give you an analogy of the difference. Imagine you singing in church to the Lord and you are just going with the flow and its all words. Now imagine you meaning every word you are singing, and you actually worship the Lord, Now you have not only given the Master something to hear, but you have now given Him something sweet to taste. Which do you think He craves? Let me just say, the Lord has a big sweet tooth.

If the Lord has called you to take another wife, He did so for his purposes. I know you are saying to your self “ the Lord says it is not good for a man to be alone.” and “ He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Yes, I am familiar with those verses. Let me ask you something. Is the reason he provides a wife to fulfill your desires or His? Is your wife to be a helpmeet to fulfill your desire or the Lords? Everyone has a Master. The question is, who is your master? Remember the created can never be greater than the Creator. The created is owned by the Creator. Even our pleasure should benefit our creator. I know it is taking me along time to get to the point of this post, So here goes.

Drum roll please.

These steps are not a one time thing. It should be repeated daily. Ok I am sorry to leave you hanging. I said I was going to get right to the point.

Lets have another drum roll please.

1. You must always start off with a clean house. It maximizes the results. Ask the Lord to cleanse your heart and to root out and show you all your imperfections. Your heart is deceitful and desperately wicked you can’t even know it. Would you let a stranger come into your home if it was dirty. You may be courting your next wife right now and you don’t even know it. You don’t want her to see your dirty underwear do you. So do a spring cleaning on every thing in your home, the seen and the unseen. I would start with your families heart. . It is important you have your families heart, if you don’t you need to get it right away. If you don’t do this their will be some serious repercussions down the road. Sure you have the authority the take a second wife, but it would be fool hearty to do so without capturing your wife and children’s heart.

2. Ask the Lord to put his Vision in your heart, and make it your desires. Ask him to make it so real and vivid the your mind you could describe every detail about it. Let me tell you right now, He wont tell you everything. Its going to flustrate (Flustrate is a word. If you don’t believe me ask Cecil W J) you, but trust me its for a reason that only He knows. The Lord is going to start off just by painting the landscape for you at first, but he will fill in the detail only as He has your whole heart. I have had several single ladies contact me through my blog, and almost everyone of them say they are attracted to a man with a vision, it makes them feel safe and secure. Especially if they have children, it triggers their mothering instinct.

3. If the Lord has called you to take a second wife. You must realize you may or may not be effecting the speed in which she comes. If its not only your desires, but the Lords, he will bring her in His timing. In the mean time you and your family should start praying for her everyday. Pray not only that the Lord will put a hedge of protection around her, but he brings her to you in His timing. Pray that he gives you such a servants heart, that you will be content in what ever state that you are in. If you are getting discouraged in not having your second wife yet, even if its been years, you need to step back and not rearrange your priorities, but replace them with the Lords priorities. I think it’s a great idea to give your future wife a name, and use that name in your prayers(The Lord will know who you are talking about, because He already knows who she is), and when discussing her with your family. If you have read my blog you know I named my future wife Ruth. Now I just call her my beautiful bride, Maria.

4. Share the vision the Lord gave you with everyone you know, and do it boldly. It not only keeps you focused, but it keeps you accountable. You can even do as I have and start a blog, its free. I not only started my blog to share my story with strangers. I did it, because the Lord told me to pass my story on to my children as their inheritance and tell them to guard it with their life, and tell their children to do the same. This is what you call a multi-generational vision.

5. Star back at 1.

Lord Pontifical

Typed by Robert
 
WOW!!! Ya done GOOD, Lord Pontifical!!! You Rock!
 
To all following and contributing,
I just want to thank you sincerely from my heart for what you have written. It appears to me though what you have written is geared more for the men searching? Am I right? I am D. D is my first intial for my name. I am Ephraim's D. My husband is Ephraim. I want to say that I will let my hubby know what you have written here, I do believe it will be helpful. OK, so my next question is do you have anything to say for the women. Especially like for the first wife, seeing as how this is where I am at.
I feel lead to say that when my husband prayed to meet his wife, he meet me and my two best friends at the time. I always felt really close to those two friends of mine and I always felt like we should all stay together, some how. I didn't know about plural marriage at the time, I was very young. And some things happened that were very bad and broke our (my husband and I) hearts. :cry: He made a covenant agreement with one and the other he didn't but wanted to. He wanted all three of us and we could have been together but now we are not. It breaks my heart to write these words because I DID HAVE A FAMILY and the DEVIL :evil: destroyed it before we even knew it was there and it (plural marriage) was OK. I feel lied to by the church, society and family. :cry:
I don't ever think that the first relationship could ever possibly work out. If she were to come back, she would have to change her ways and repent of the wrong she did to her husband, Ephraim. I really don't want to get into the details here. But now we know it is OK. And my husband feels like that it should have been three. Don't know if the one will come back. We have prayed about it and asked God for direction and Ephraim feels like if she repents and wants to come back we will accept her and love her. But Ephraim has a BIG HEART. He wants to have two more wives. He feels like this is God's work in his life to bear up a family for Him. I am standing fully behind my husband in this. It breaks my heart though that we are good people willing and ready to be a family to someone maybe nobody else wants and here there are people out there wanting to decieve us, trick us, hurt us, break up our family. Trying to say that because we want to do what the Bible says is ok and NOT a SIN, that some how it is sin. They are wrong. What am I to do? Where do we go from here?
We do have our own site. If anyone cares to check it out it is www.ephraimsite.webs.com. I would really love it to have people come and check it out. We are still slowly working on it. I don’t think it is exactly done but as we have time we want to build upon what we already have.
Thank you once again to all that have shared. Yeshua bless you.
-D
 
Dear D:

Yes, there is a special technique for wives to use when dealing with folks who want to deceive you, break you up, blah, blah, blah.

This is the modern socially acceptabloe equivalent of the ancient Biblical rite of shaking the dust from one's shoes. One wants to be careful about performing this ritual too freely, as there are times when the subject person is simply still wrestling with new truth or their own pasts. Yet, it is completely appropriate for those who, having ears, refuse to hear, or who are deliberately malicious.

To perform this self-freeing ritual, one must perform the following steps:
** Assume the most sad and serious expression possible,
** Swing one's head slowly side to side, in conscious imitation of Eeyore,
** Take a deep, deep breath,
** Let it out in your most theatrical Irish sigh, and
** Slowly pronounce, "IDIOTS ABOUND!"

Further tips:
** Depending on the situation you may use a more colorful descriptor than "idiots"
** You are now free to move on, carrying away no further baggage from the relationship except a good yarn. And perhaps a lesson or two learned.
** Prepare to be pleasantly surprised at how freeing this little exercise and these two little words are.

Personal thought: God does things in HIS own time, not in ours. Let Him do so, and don't worry about it. I spent 4 years courting my first wife, who left me after 21 years over PM. My current wife entered my life 2 years later after 12 weeks of online acquaintance that wasn't particularly "courting". God's timing. No need to get tense or worried about it all.

In the meantime, what can y'all do in preparation? If she were to show up this year with 4 kids in tow, would your garden need to be bigger? Plant it that size. Would your house need to be enlarged? Start planning how, and building if possible. It's the "I'm praying for rain so carrying an umbrella" principle. That's our part. The who and when is His.
 
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