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Hello From the Tip o' the Mitt

crsivils

crsivils

Member
Male
I timidly approach the keyboard to write this intro, but... *sigh* the time has come. I'm new to this, so please excuse the apprehension!

My name is Charlie, and I've recently come to a more full knowledge of the Truth of Biblical marriage, thanks mostly to the plethora of knowledge and insight offered by brother Pete Rambo! It feels so good to be embracing this side of my life, as I have dreamed about and pondered this lifestyle for many years, not knowing then that it was quite literally endorsed by God!

But alas, my work has only just begun. Please pray for me and my family, as I am about to deliver my 21-page "this is why polygyny is biblical" document to my first (and only) wife of 9 years. We have debated this topic before when I felt the Spirit's leading in this way, but I was not studied enough to back up my desires with scripture, and she was not open-minded enough to even consider it as a possibility. She has a history of mistreatment at the hands of her parents, so there are a lot of scars and trauma to work through.

But I see now what I must do as a man of God in training, and I boldly step into the Truth and choose to lead my family in the ways of Messiah. I'm not sure I am prepared for the battle ahead of me, but this is where God has planted my feet, so this is where I must take a stand.

PS. - In spite of her past, my wife is an honest and trustworthy person, having already a passion for the Truth of God's Word. I anticipate that she will eventually see past her monogamy brainwashing and embrace the Truth as I have, but it will likely be after a painful period of heartache and angst. Prayers for her would be much appreciated! 💙
 
Welcome to the club. 😁
It took my wife 3 years to settle into the understanding.
🙏🙏
 
Welcome here.

21 page document is wrong way to start polygamy conversation with wife. Women are less logical than men, so it has less chance to work.

Her primary concern will be will you replace her. That's what women do to men. For them, logic of adding instead of replacing doesn't come naturally.

Edit: spelling
 
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Shalom and welcome!!
 
Welcome!

And I agree with @MemeFan and @The Revolting Man that a 21-page treatise is the wrong way to broach the subject with any woman, especially a wife. Men are driven by what the rules are (theological / legal arguments), women are driven by feelings (whether you love her, care for her, or might be replacing her). You need to address her where she is at, NOT preach at her from where you are at.

What are her actual concerns about polygamy going to be - particularly about how it would affect her personally, and you as a couple in your extended family / church / community? And how would you directly and address those specific concerns? Start there, not with theology. Save your 21-page treatise for reference material if she asks you specific questions.

The theological case is very simple to summarise in a few sentences. The social / emotional one is far more difficult and the one you need to really put your thought into.

Incidentally, if @MemeFan and @The Revolting Man agree on something, that is so unusual that you better pay attention, it's certain to be correct. :)
 
Thanks for the input, guys, but I believe this was the right course of action. What I have written to her was more along the lines of an epistle, I guess. It was very much "meeting her where she's at", taking into account her feelings and things we've talked about before. It was as personal as could be.

I'm a natural writer, she's a natural reader. I'm a natural listener, she's a natural talker. It was beneficial for me to collect and organize my thoughts for adequate presentation, and it will be good for her to read all of them without jumping to conclusions or interjecting.

Besides, as I said, this is not the first time bringing it up to her, and I'm sure there will be PLENTY of discussion to follow.
 
Welcome.
I agree that the theological treatise is probably not the best approach.

Another thing to keep in mind is this: The fact that God permits polygyny doesn't mean that your particular desire to practice it is necessarily good. It may or may not be.

It's like the desire to marry in the first place Some men marry well and some marry poorly.
 
crsivils said:
Prayers for her would be much appreciated! 💙
Click to expand...
steve said:
It took my wife 3 years to settle into the understanding.
🙏🙏
Click to expand...
Multiply that times 10 for mine!

Prayers are with you, Charlie.
MemeFan said:
Women are less logical than men, so it has less chance to work.
Click to expand...
This isn't universal, but @MemeFan makes a great point: generally speaking, women cannot be reasoned, logicked or talked into something they aren't already convinced of themselves. She has been rewarded all her life for believing what she believes, so 'reasons' aren't likely to be what will change her mind.

It's the question many of us are always asking ourselves and each other: how does one (a) remove the rewards for wrong thinking, and (b) replace those wrong-thinking-rewards with rewards for seeing things more clearly. Without that second piece, a woman has no incentive to give up the system that has been working to their individual and collective advantage.
 
Shalom and welcome.
 
Welcome!
 
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