Glutton for punishment

[paterfamilias]

I am not sure if I am a glutton for punishment or don't have all my ducks in a mental row maybe...they claim that doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

I imagine some of the gen x'ers will remember the dumb show bevis and butthead. In an episode the over the top coach character instructs butthead to kick him in the crotch repeatedly by way of demonstrating what a real man is by controlling the pain.
I feel at times like I am just asking to get kicked over and over by a series of women.



Am I crazy or perhaps a masochist without having noticed? I do know I am beginning to feel a bit foolish.

 

[steve]

If you can find or imagine a red flag for each one that comes along and reject her out of hand, your life will be a lot simpler. You will probably also have a lot more cash to spend on pew-pews and freedom seeds.

From a heavenly perspective, you gave each one of them a chance to change their lives and perhaps their eternity.
And you may never know how the experience will affect them down the road.

Btw; would you like to compare bruises?
Because mine are pretty dadgum swollen also.

 

[Joleneakamama]

.they claim that doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.

But to do the same thing over, given the immense variables inherent in humanity, would kind of require the same people. Taking a woman back for example that has run out you before.
BUT...If the women in question are different in any way from the ones who's relationship to you went bad you could have a different outcome.

The potential we got to know ten years ago didn't have what it takes to go against social expectations. That was really tough. The irony is that even that bad outcome didn't change my mind a bit about it being a positive possibility.

Hope springs eternal.....but I agree that us hopefuls sometimes feel like fools.

 

[MeganC]

I feel at times like I am just asking to get kicked over and over by a series of women.

You need to start looking at a different type of women. I mean no offense here but like with Taylor Swift always singing about the boys who did her wrong she'd do a lot better if she stopped dating gay-ish Hollywood boys and expecting them to be men.

I don't know where you've been looking for women but that's not the right place.

Lots of single Ukrainian women moving to the USA right now. Just a suggestion.

 

[frederick]

I feel at times like I am just asking to get kicked over and over by a series of women.

I don't like pain so I'd invest in a super good crotch guard.

 

[Keith Martin]

I feel at times like I am just asking to get kicked over and over by a series of women.

We should do lunch again sometime soon.

Having abandoned the dating sites, returned to them to highlight their near uselessness, abandoned them again and now recently having been (unsuccessfully, yay!) targeted by someone pretending to be a beautiful 38-year-old Japanese woman who just wanted to trick me into transferring a huge amount of cryptocurrency for all time into some account of hers, I remain just as committed to being available for potential plural marriage. However, I also remain just as convinced as I became a couple years back that chasing women down is very rarely a working strategy. When they're ready, they'll indicate their readiness, and in the meantime I will continue opening up my heart to being much more generous about the prospect of having another wife than I've been up until now (I do recognize being guilty of being picky). And, more importantly, I'll continue to work on my family leadership skills and extinguishing the skills my wife retains for sabotaging anything I'd put together anyway.

 

[paterfamilias]

If you can find or imagine a red flag for each one that comes along and reject her out of hand, your life will be a lot simpler. You will probably also have a lot more cash to spend on pew-pews and freedom seeds.

From a heavenly perspective, you gave each one of them a chance to change their lives and perhaps their eternity.
And you may never know how the experience will affect them down the road.

Btw; would you like to compare bruises?
Because mine are pretty dadgum swollen also.

I have turned down potential wives not as much as they have decided that I am not the one but the gap is not as large as one might expect.
I have learned over time to respect the red flag thing all the more but apparently need more work still.
That being said, I suspect a good chunk of the problem for values of problem is that I am rigid and absolutely immovable on rather a lot of issues. Personally I don't see the notion of sticking to factually based views of the world or to principles I hold dear as that much of a problem. Apparently others disagree however. So, my inflexibility is a red flag for women.
I do know that my inflexibility has certainly limited the potential field for me.
Re bruise comparison. First chance in person we will do it over adult beverages and see who can pile it higher and deeper.

 

[paterfamilias]

But to do the same thing over, given the immense variables inherent in humanity, would kind of require the same people. Taking a woman back for example that has run out you before.
BUT...If the women in question are different in any way from the ones who's relationship to you went bad you could have a different outcome.

The potential we got to know ten years ago didn't have what it takes to go against social expectations. That was really tough. The irony is that even that bad outcome didn't change my mind a bit about it being a positive possibility.

Hope springs eternal.....but I agree that us hopefuls sometimes feel like fools.

Hope does spring eternal.
I do know that more women will be entertaining the idea of polygyny in the nearest term and that more will be interested in the families who wish to homestead and who are cultural luddites.
Just need to find them.

 

[paterfamilias]

You need to start looking at a different type of women. I mean no offense here but like with Taylor Swift always singing about the boys who did her wrong she'd do a lot better if she stopped dating gay-ish Hollywood boys and expecting them to be men.

I don't know where you've been looking for women but that's not the right place.

Lots of single Ukrainian women moving to the USA right now. Just a suggestion.

I agree in re a different kind of woman and we are actively trying to find those different types of women.
The most recent one that seemed like a solid match and with whom we were making plans before things went awry was big on family, homesteading, homeschooling, acres of crumb crunchers and anti woke politically. It was just happenstance that we met her though. Tough to count on happenstance.
My primary issue is I suspect the same as so many others...where does one find women interested in the concept? Well here and in the past at 4thefamily duh but neither are dating services so that is not exactly a real answer. The polygamy dating sites...apparently just hucksters. (Sisterwives account expires and all of the sudden several pretty young women who have not even viewed my Really long profile want to get to know me...yeah, ok). Social media? I think those things are mostly toxic and gross so not a good answer for us. In person? Sounds great. Wife works from home and watches/teachers our son while I work and on the evenings and weekends we do a prepper garden and do food preservation or chores. So out in public doesn't offer a lot off opportunities. Church? Open to it conceptually but it seems a tad mercenary to join a church to find a woman open to polygamy if the church is not pro plig. If someone knows a pro plig church in the north Texas area then I am listening, just think I would have heard of them before now.

So where do we look? Legit question.

 

[paterfamilias]

I don't like pain so I'd invest in a super good crotch guard.

Emotionally I tend to do that.
Unfortunately it has been my experience that it is when you have relaxed and everything seems to be falling into place that the kick is rigjt round the corner. You can only stay stoic and emotionally detached so long if you are trying to determine if you could love and marry a woman.

 

[paterfamilias]

We should do lunch again sometime soon.

Having abandoned the dating sites, returned to them to highlight their near uselessness, abandoned them again and now recently having been (unsuccessfully, yay!) targeted by someone pretending to be a beautiful 38-year-old Japanese woman who just wanted to trick me into transferring a huge amount of cryptocurrency for all time into some account of hers, I remain just as committed to being available for potential plural marriage. However, I also remain just as convinced as I became a couple years back that chasing women down is very rarely a working strategy. When they're ready, they'll indicate their readiness, and in the meantime I will continue opening up my heart to being much more generous about the prospect of having another wife than I've been up until now (I do recognize being guilty of being picky). And, more importantly, I'll continue to work on my family leadership skills and extinguishing the skills my wife retains for sabotaging anything I'd put together anyway.

Agree. We should find a time to hang out soon.

 

[MeganC]

I agree in re a different kind of woman and we are actively trying to find those different types of women.
The most recent one that seemed like a solid match and with whom we were making plans before things went awry was big on family, homesteading, homeschooling, acres of crumb crunchers and anti woke politically. It was just happenstance that we met her though. Tough to count on happenstance.
My primary issue is I suspect the same as so many others...where does one find women interested in the concept? Well here and in the past at 4thefamily duh but neither are dating services so that is not exactly a real answer. The polygamy dating sites...apparently just hucksters. (Sisterwives account expires and all of the sudden several pretty young women who have not even viewed my Really long profile want to get to know me...yeah, ok). Social media? I think those things are mostly toxic and gross so not a good answer for us. In person? Sounds great. Wife works from home and watches/teachers our son while I work and on the evenings and weekends we do a prepper garden and do food preservation or chores. So out in public doesn't offer a lot off opportunities. Church? Open to it conceptually but it seems a tad mercenary to join a church to find a woman open to polygamy if the church is not pro plig. If someone knows a pro plig church in the north Texas area then I am listening, just think I would have heard of them before now.

So where do we look? Legit question.

My sympathies.

When I was looking for a family back in 2008 the dating sites were horrible. Lots of men sent me disgusting pictures as if that's going to appeal to anyone. Ugh. I ended up meeting my family through a mostly secular group on Yahoo groups. They were secular but nice people if that makes sense. The 'Christian' sites had a lot of very creepy people on them. I ended up getting lucky and met my Christian family. What attracted me were good kids, a clean house (that needed work), a very happy 2nd wife, a mostly okay first wife, and a good husband who both scared me and attracted me. I often say I joined my family and fell in love with my husband later and it's true.

Church is a good place to meet potentials. Your workplace is good too. The ladies working at Starbuck's, the grocery store, etc. They all know you and see you all the time and if you ask maybe you'll find out they had been thinking about you already.

With the economy getting worse if you have your house and finances in order then you're going to be more attractive for sure. One thing I've observed from my blog was that women would contact me about poly when Obama was in office and the economy was bad. NO ONE contacted me while Trump was President. Now that Biden is President I've had ongoing conversations with three women who are more than just curious and two who were possibly curious. I keep encouraging them to sign up here especially so they can join the women's forum and get to meet the wonderful ladies on here. There is so much wisdom in the women here!

Single mothers are going to be a thing as the economy gets worse.

I guess I'm saying to take heart in the bad times ahead because the bad times will cause more women to expand their options and consider you and your family as their new home.

 

[paterfamilias]

It is nice to get practical confirmation of my expectations with respect to more women becoming interested in polygamy as the world begins to spiral. Not so much that we are going into hard times obviously but that my analysis was correct.

In re women in person I see out and about...guess I should get in the gym and learn to smile. Strangely I am not particularly sure how to work that angle. I am far better at being in a relationship than with flirtation and the like. Guess I will have to blow the accumulated dust off what skills remain. Cheers for the pep talk.

 

[Keith Martin]

Just need to find them.

This may be a snare.

I believe there is far more truth in that they need to find us. And those who are looking for what you want them to be looking for are probably not looking for men who need them.

 

[Keith Martin]

It was just happenstance that we met her though. Tough to count on happenstance.

True, but Kristin and I were just talking about this during a long car drive today: it's far easier to find so-called potentials on dating sites, but the actual potential for those potentials to become actuals is so tremendously lower than the potential with a happenstance encounter that I became convinced a long time ago that happenstance became my go-to strategy. Not only does meeting someone in person eliminate a lot of the need for significant vetting, but refrain from anonymous online searching opens up a whole lot of extra time as well as the extent of tension one tends to experience wondering if any of these mystery women will ever turn into real-life relationships.

Happenstance can also be interpreted as who Yah puts in our paths.

 

[Keith Martin]

So where do we look? Legit question.

Please take a deep breath, my friend, before reading this: you are a strong personality and know what you want your life and the life of your family to look like, so you've already created your life the way you want it to be, but that's because you're an alpha male, and my assumption is that you're not looking for an alpha-male female, so your target women are unlikely to already know that they need to wander out to your Slice of Heaven to find Jacob and Leah already out there waiting for Rachel to show up. You've organized your life in a way that you rarely come into contact with single women, much less with single women who would be open to polygamy -- and, in your case, even if a pro-polygamy church does exist in our otherwise wonderful neck of the woods, I don't think joining such a church is your best option. In a sense, this is much like mono dating in this day and age. The most successful men on dating sites are the 20% who are just there to get laid, and they do so with 80% of the women there who are real, because while they're waiting for Rich Guy Who Travels they occasionally fall off the wagon to temporarily allay sexual frustration with the 20% of men who aren't there for long-term. So one has to fall back on what is quickly becoming the new old-standby: find an activity one enjoys that involves numerous other people, get involved, meet people, and stand ready to self-disclose left-and-right until everyone knows you're actively interested in polygamy. Bonus points and likely better odds come along with choosing an activity that falls into the categories of volunteer work, because you can't get fired for sexual harassment when some sweet young thing's sensibilities are triggered. When everyone's working for free, there's usually little in the way of supervision and therefore far less potential for someone claiming power was wielded over her. And people engaged in mutual altruism tend to shoot the breeze about a wide variety of topics, anyway, so why not throw biblical polygamy into the mix? In all my years of pollworking (which has started up again), only one cranky b**** tried to get me canned for baldly declaring my points of view, and that wasn't even for polygyny, which I was never shy about.

 

[Keith Martin]

the kick is rigjt round the corner

I describe it as the need to embrace having callouses on one's heart.

It's far preferable to putting one's effort into avoiding all pain. Don't give up, and don't over-protect your heart. Yes, you have to put yourself out there for any form of love, and that risks mistreatment.

 

[frederick]

You can only stay stoic and emotionally detached so long if you are trying to determine if you could love and marry a woman.

I agree but both my wives told me they wanted to marry me so it was a case of evaluating their spiritual fortitude over time to determine the likely outcomes. They knew before I married each one that there was no going back on the deal; it's for life. I see a similar thing with the example of Ruth in the Bible. She proved herself to be the type of woman Boaz would want take as a wife, and he did and it worked out as it should. He didn't go looking for her; she was a young hard working woman who built herself a good godly reputation and she saw him as the ideal man. All the differences in age and status didn't matter; it was the person each one had grown to be that made them attractive.

I got emotionally kicked in the crotch a lot before I met and married my first wife... so learned the lessons, and had a super crotch guard . The second was a breeze.

 

[NickF]

Happenstance can also be interpreted as who Yah puts in our paths.

I’m not all the way through my first cup of coffee and my brain read that as

“who Yah puts in our pants.”

 

[CountrySquire]

It occurs to me that I know several decent, hardworking, Biblically knowledgeable Christian men who can't even find a first. In many of those cases, they plan to be monogamous and polygyny isn't even an issue. So the prospects for truly wise and prepared Christian men, even monogamously, are statistically poor.

The irony is, even many Christian women who seem sincere in the essentials and their beliefs have a very superficial, almost cosplay version of "submission." They presume it to be in practice some sort of politeness or deference to the husband without any honor or actual expectation that they will do it when it becomes difficult.

This also goes along with the observation I have that many seem to in our social media age enjoy the image or trappings of a "trad" lifestyle without digesting the actual foundational beliefs and meanings of those Scriptures. It's a costume that they wear but have no idea how to perform the actual duties.

That being said I can certainly understand why a woman who understands and is open to polygyny would desire to be a second wife, and in my observation that seems to be the bulk of the legitimate seekers in the various "personals" venues for polygyny. In a weak field, it would certainly be reassuring to see that security and "proof" in place, as Megan experienced.