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Giving your daughter in marriage...

IshChayil

IshChayil

Seasoned Member
Real Person*
Male
As a man with daughters, I've often pondered how it's gonna be that day when another man asks to marry one of them. Will it matter in my mind if he already has a wife?
Will I solely look on his virtues and character as a good man who loves God or will I be tempted to the "leaven of the Pharisees", which is hypocrisy, and refuse his request simply because it's a Plural marriage situation?

How would you fellas with daughters (or who plan to have daughters God-willing some day) handle such a situation if the sole issue is that the fella asking has a wife already?

It's very easy for us to pay lip service to an ideal when we want that ideal for ourselves, and it can be a very nasty discovery when we shine the light on our own hearts and discover just how wretched we can be.
The issue is of course even more complicated when we consider how difficult it is for a man to give a way a daughter at any age. For me, there is at least great solace, that generally, nowadays we don't have to let go of them when their 13 or so like in biblical times but still... Is there something wicked in us that makes us think a man is unfit to be a husband when he has paradoxically proven his fitness already at least once?
Are those doubts just the shrills of Western feminism working their way into our minds and hearts or is there really some cause for concern that we could legitimately not want this life for a daughter?

The only biblical example of this I can think of is the wicked Laban who requests the upstanding Jacob to not take wives in addition to his daughters. If you are certain you wouldn't block a man from marrying your daughter just because he already had a wife, would you dare to impose such a restriction on him to "not take other wives in addition to your daughter"?
 
This is a very important question to ponder, this older thread considering it is well worth reading. My own thoughts on the matter are still:
FollowingHim said:
In my opinion, the question of "would I accept this for my daughter" is a key litmus test for whether you have truly accepted that polygamy is as equally valid as monogamy.

If you wouldn't be comfortable giving your own daughter to a polygamist, but think you have the right to have someone else's daughter, you haven't truly accepted polygamy as Godly. You're still fundamentally a monogamist, but one who thinks that a few chosen men are so awesome that an exception is made for them, and you happen yourself to be one of them. That is arrogant and selfish - but if we are honest, we all start somewhere like this. Over time, through the Holy Spirit, we can conquer this and truly accept polygamy as valid in the depth of our being.

If you would be willing to give your daughter to a polygamist, that indicates that either you have finally reached a true acceptance of polygamy - or you don't love your daughter enough...
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I’m almost to the point that I would prefer it... because he has already proven himself. Much less risky imo than a single guy with no experience mastering a woman. And no I would not presume to think that I should have legitimate grounds to “require” him to not take additional women.
 
I have only sons at this point, but I do have younger sisters. I think i would prefer that they married a married man. As @Pacman is saying, it takes much of the unknown risk out of the equation. As a father, our job is to think as far ahead as possible about the direction of our children’s lives and point them in the right direction. A Mothers role is to tend to the immediate emotional needs and physical needs of our children, but our job as fathers is to set aside much of our feelings on the subject and instead focus on what will be best for our children. We must take into account what will truly be best for them and not just what they will like or what makes them feel good. I want my children to grow up to be strong, caring, and wise people who follow the Lord, who make decisions based on wisdom and not emotion. And that being the case I must model that type of decision making.

Another question would be what about your wife and children, would you want her to get remarried to a single guy or a married man, if something ever happened to you? For me, hands down, I would want her to marry a godly man who has a strong family. If I died I would prefer a man who has experience with leading a family to step in and lead my family.
 
I only have sons as well, so I don’t think my opinion is as weighty as someone with daughters as I cannot pretend to have the emotions involved that I would if I had daughters, but I think I would also prefer a man who is already married that has proven himself as a good provider, but I would not at all be turned off by a single man who has shown himself responsible.
 
I see the benefits of a daughter marrying an married man; but I'm neutral either way. It's not something that concerns me. Whether or not he is a Godly man who can lead her is.

And I'm even more concerned about the prospects of my son's finding virtuous women from decent families.
 
For reasons already mentioned... I will be strongly encouraging my daughters to not only marry a married polygynous godly man, but will also forever be preaching Biblical patriarchy to them... for it is truly God’s design for marriage and therefore what will be most harmonious to the family unit!
 
IshChayil said:
How would you fellas with daughters (or who plan to have daughters God-willing some day) handle such a situation if the sole issue is that the fella asking has a wife already?
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Sole issue! If that's the only problem... then I have the opposite of a problem!

IshChayil said:
If you are certain you wouldn't block a man from marrying your daughter just because he already had a wife, would you dare to impose such a restriction on him to "not take other wives in addition to your daughter"?
Click to expand...

I'm a right bastard myself that takes issue with Laban being cast in an unfavorable light. If I see wisdom in binding someone to an oath for the sake of my daughter's treatment, then I'll do it. This is pretty unlikely because I try not to take oaths myself and don't generally try to make anybody else take them either. But I'm not taking it off the table entirely. Kind of like I spent some time learning how to physically damage people... I probably won't. I probably won't. But... we'll see.
 
I also only have sons. I have taught them truth from Scripture and am teaching patriarchy.. so, while I don't have the issue with daughters, our first has had to broach the subject, to favorable reaction/results with a potential first and her family.... in that regard, we have experienced firsthand the angst of truth and the results of God's blessings. Not easy, but very much a blessing to see her walk in submission from the outset.
 
I hope that I can live the example of a patriarch in positive way so that my daughters desire a man that Is a biblical head and I regularly discuss biblical patriarchy with them. I would encourage them to be part of a plural family or marry a man that understands biblical marriage. The will expect their husband to lead.

I would have no problem with them marrying a man that is married. If I did have a problem that would make me a hypocrite.
 
Of the seven daughters God has blessed me with so far; one is married, two are of the age and one of those seems to be on the verge of marriage, two more are in their teens and one of those would be capable of being a wife and mother already even though she's still a tad too young. The last is two.

I can say that the current crop of young men is so far below standard that I wouldn't rule out any Godly, eligible man.
 
So what kind of bride price are we looking at? :) I think any wise man would wait until you only had one eligible daughter so they could avoid the possibility of 14 years of labor....

ZecAustin said:
Of the seven daughters God has blessed me with so far; one is married, two are of the age and one of those seems to be on the verge of marriage, two more are in their teens and one of those would be capable of being a wife and mother already even though she's still a tad too young. The last is two.

I can say that the current crop of young men is so far below standard that I wouldn't rule out any Godly, eligible man.
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David D said:
So what kind of bride price are we looking at? :) I think any wise man would wait until you only had one eligible daughter so they could avoid the possibility of 14 years of labor....
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No sir!... I’ve already put in several years building a relationship with the The Bearded Beast father... I got dibs on a daughter! ... although the fellow breeder does have plenty to go around. :p


@ZecAustin
Name your price Sir Zec, Patriarch of Clan Austin!? Let us unite our Houses, and make peace between north and south! :cool:

#ClanAustin
#ClanWest
#BFbromance
 
rustywest4 said:
No sir!... I’ve already put in several years building a relationship with the The Bearded Beast father... I got dibs on a daughter! ... although the fellow breeder does have plenty to go around. :p


@ZecAustin
Name your price Sir Zec, Patriarch of Clan Austin!? Let us unite our Houses, and make peace between north and south! :cool:

#ClanAustin
#ClanWest
#BFbromance
Click to expand...

lol maybe he will give you a better bride price.... @rustywest4 .
 
 
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