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James A
Guest
How important do you think it is to have your significant others fathers permission before officially proposing and getting married
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My husband did not ask for my fathers permission but he did ask for his blessing.
I appreciated that he spoke with my father, but I knew in my heart that he was the man I was to marry and did not feel that my dad needed to give him permission. If my dad did not give his blessing, that would have been a bum deal, but it would not prevent my husband from asking me to be his bride and us moving forward.
There is more to the backstory, but that is irrelevant.
I appreciated that he spoke with my father, but I knew in my heart that he was the man I was to marry and did not feel that my dad needed to give him permission. If my dad did not give his blessing, that would have been a bum deal, but it would not prevent my husband from asking me to be his bride and us moving forward.
There is more to the backstory, but that is irrelevant.
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Perfectly stated!
It is important and greatly to be sought but it is not vital. I asked permission from @windblown ’s father but I gave permission without being asked for oldest daughter’s wedding.
To me it's extremely important. If the Father is not around for whatever reason Grandfather or brothers who ever is her male role model/head. A young man who is seeking my blessing and not my permission, meaning regardless of what I say he is going to pursue my daughter will last be seen on a milk carton.
My hubby knew from the start that my dad approved of him, but he still formally asked him for my hand/his blessing.
Our daughters have a dad who takes his job seriously, and will want to know something about any young man interested in getting know them.
The milk carton comment is funny, but should give a young man disrespecting a father cause to pause and consider. Dad sees you as another man. His duty is to protect what is not yours yet. Wisdom is to be a good man yourself, and being respectful is part of that.
Our daughters have a dad who takes his job seriously, and will want to know something about any young man interested in getting know them.
The milk carton comment is funny, but should give a young man disrespecting a father cause to pause and consider. Dad sees you as another man. His duty is to protect what is not yours yet. Wisdom is to be a good man yourself, and being respectful is part of that.
My dad practically threw me at @Soldier's Psalm. He didn't even have a chance to ask, and I was so embarrassed bc we had only been dating about a week. (Although, I had prayed and asked God to put me with the man He wanted me to be with. 3 days later Soldier and I were dating and I had a dream confirming we were going to be married.) My dad pretty much said, "If you want to marry her, by all means, you have my blessing." Compared to the "men" (very loosely stated) I had been seeing in previous months, he was by far the clear and concise choice for me, and I'm thankful for him! (Hopefully, this racks up some brownie points as I am on here instead of folding laundry.) 
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There's a whole back story to @WifeOfHisYouth ‘s post. It was her father’s own advice to her older brother... so it got turned back on him. It’s kind of an inside joke. He and i hit it off right away, and if he had been absolutely opposed to my taking her, i would have jumped through every one of his hoops to get @WifeOfHisYouth ...she’s worth it
And for the record, I’m not interested in any of your daughters, Kevin. (I don’t even know if you have any daughters lol) you can rest easy.
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My opinions of someone can change. There's a difference between a young man trying to show me he would be a good husband to my daughter and him trying to pursue my daughter behind my back after I said no. Just the way I was raised you dont pursue without permission. Not a judgement of ya bubba.There's a whole back story to @WifeOfHisYouth ‘s post. It was her father’s own advice to her older brother... so it got turned back on him. It’s kind of an inside joke. He and i hit it off right away, and if he had been absolutely opposed to my taking her, i would have jumped through every one of his hoops to get @WifeOfHisYouth ...she’s worth it
And for the record, I’m not interested in any of your daughters, Kevin. (I don’t even know if you have any daughters lol) you can rest easy.
It depends a lot on the opinion of her father. If he sees no reason for him to be involved in this decision, then getting his permission is irrelevant - by seeing it as her decision, he has effectively given permission to whatever man she chooses. Still, in that situation if you ask for his "blessing", or (if he is not Christian), at least seek his advice & opinion before proposing, he will likely be flattered that you respected him enough to discuss it with him.
On the other hand, to go against the wishes of a father who did take his role very seriously would be completely inappropriate.
On the other hand, to go against the wishes of a father who did take his role very seriously would be completely inappropriate.
For me it was important to ask her father's permission before dating her, and he told me it was her decision. From there I suppose I never asked actual permission to marry her. Not that I remember anyways. But he did show up to give her away so I suppose permission was implied!
As for what I expect of a young man who wants to know about my daughter... I'm not sure yet. I think a lot will depend on how I'm able to raise my daughter. Or what i think about the young man. And if I can break my habit of purposefully tormenting people in awkward circumstances
As for what I expect of a young man who wants to know about my daughter... I'm not sure yet. I think a lot will depend on how I'm able to raise my daughter. Or what i think about the young man. And if I can break my habit of purposefully tormenting people in awkward circumstances
@Well loved wife and I were talking about this and I don’t remember if I asked her father for either permission or blessing.
Ours was an atypical relationship though. From early on both of us knew that he was totally on board with us as a future couple. In so many ways I was closer to him than my own father.
Come to think of it, he was probably one of the biggest factors in us being able to weather outside forces that were actively trying to divide us.
He’s been gone for 12 years now and I still miss the heck outa that man.
Ours was an atypical relationship though. From early on both of us knew that he was totally on board with us as a future couple. In so many ways I was closer to him than my own father.
Come to think of it, he was probably one of the biggest factors in us being able to weather outside forces that were actively trying to divide us.
He’s been gone for 12 years now and I still miss the heck outa that man.
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James A
Guest
What scriptual referrences does anyone have
Deuteronomy 22 and 1 Cor 7 both make clear that the father has authority over who is daughter marries.
But today most fathers have abdicated that authority and have left it up to her to choose. Even the suggestion he has some say in the matter is offensive to most modern Christians.
Now, I got permission of my father-in-law before asking. But it was made clear to me by my then girlfriend that it was required. Back then, the very idea that such a thing would be necessary had never dawned on me.
Today, I'm not sure I'd ask permission if the father hadn't already made it clear that was necessary. But...
There is this problem: many of these same parents who refuse to play any role in who their daughter chooses, when they don't like who she picks will undermine the new marriage or do everything they can to support her when she blows it up, instead of pushing back in support of the marriage. I've even seen church pastors aid and abet their rebellious daughters, leading to divorce. Maybe getting his blessing or even permission would help prevent that?
I don't know. But I've seen families terminally undermine marriages often enough that I pause at the thought of taking on a wife whose parents won't stand by the marriage. Which presents a bit of a problem given how most Christian's view polygamy.
But today most fathers have abdicated that authority and have left it up to her to choose. Even the suggestion he has some say in the matter is offensive to most modern Christians.
Now, I got permission of my father-in-law before asking. But it was made clear to me by my then girlfriend that it was required. Back then, the very idea that such a thing would be necessary had never dawned on me.
Today, I'm not sure I'd ask permission if the father hadn't already made it clear that was necessary. But...
There is this problem: many of these same parents who refuse to play any role in who their daughter chooses, when they don't like who she picks will undermine the new marriage or do everything they can to support her when she blows it up, instead of pushing back in support of the marriage. I've even seen church pastors aid and abet their rebellious daughters, leading to divorce. Maybe getting his blessing or even permission would help prevent that?
I don't know. But I've seen families terminally undermine marriages often enough that I pause at the thought of taking on a wife whose parents won't stand by the marriage. Which presents a bit of a problem given how most Christian's view polygamy.
I appreciate the level of self restraint that you have achieved
An aspect of our broader family tradition is for the parents of the potential groom to make an appointment (dinner or home visit of some sort) with the potential bride's parents and make a sort of family offer.
I didn't do that. I simply manned up and asked for my future FIL to take a walk with me. It's been many years now and I can't remember if I asked "permission" but at the end of the walk, he knew my intent and he never refused.
As far as a second marriage? I think that would depend n the level of involvement her father has with her. If he's a scoundrel who has not really been a father, then I wouldn't really care. I think I would like to make the effort to get him on board out of respect to him (I'm a father too).
I didn't do that. I simply manned up and asked for my future FIL to take a walk with me. It's been many years now and I can't remember if I asked "permission" but at the end of the walk, he knew my intent and he never refused.
As far as a second marriage? I think that would depend n the level of involvement her father has with her. If he's a scoundrel who has not really been a father, then I wouldn't really care. I think I would like to make the effort to get him on board out of respect to him (I'm a father too).