Father of the Bride

[ylop]

Okay, this is the bit I really struggle with. Being a bit old-fashioned, I feel I must obtain consent of the bride to be's father before popping the question. This was terrifying for me as a young fellow, but I did it nonetheless. I approached it from the moral position that if the father said no, then the whole thing would be off until I could somehow persuade him. Reason being that consent and authority are very important to me. Many years ago, I made a nerve-wracking special trip to my proposed bride's rural residence (they lived a long distance away), waited until the right moment, then asked if I could marry his daughter. After a bit of general discussion and an evening walk with both parents, he and his wife said yes, and I ran off and asked my wife to marry me. Fortunately she said yes and 17 years and 7 children later we are still together.

So my dilemma is this - what father in a modern western culture is going to consent to his daughter becoming someone's second wife (let alone third etc)? I really struggle to see it happening. And yet for me anyway, if a woman's father is opposed to the practice, I really would not like to create rebellion; it would just be a no go for me.

Has anyone here actually asked the father of their polygamous bride for consent? How did it go?

 

[Mark C]

That's an excellent question, ylop, and one which has occurred to me as well. In all honesty, I can't comment directly, since my own second wife had already lost her father to cancer before we met. (Both of us did, at a later point in time, at least once agree that he probably would have been thankful to know that his daughter was under my covering, and was greatly loved, however.)

But I would add this note:

I have become convinced (and written here in other threads, including one titled "Who gives this woman?" on the issue*) that the question concerns a transfer of God-given authority, from father to husband.

Once a woman has been married, however, that situation is far different. (Read Numbers 30; a husband is responsible for his wives' vows, but a widow, or woman no longer under such authority, is responsible herself.)

If you second wife choice is NOT under her father's authority any more, the question is more-or-less moot so far as the TRANSFER of that authority to you as husband is concerned. But it would no doubt still be nice to have approval - even if it takes a while to be earned.


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* Here's the link:
"Who gives this woman?"
viewtopic.php?f=17&t=563&start=0

 

[Shimon]

...what father in a modern western culture is going to consent to his daughter becoming someone's second wife...

My daughters have both married already. Now that I have come to an acceptance of PM, my concerns would be almost the same as the first marriage.
a. Are they Godly Men
b. Are they stable
c. can they provide a safe, secure environment for my daughter and possible children.

This is always a judgment call with unmarried young men. If a man is already married, his first wife's account should tell a lot about all of the above and how my daughter might fit into their household. I don't think I would be comfortable if there were too much of an age gap involved. It would depend on the people involved.

Dave

 

[ylop]

Thanks for your responses. I understand and agree with the transfer of authority concept, hence I was really posing this question for women who had not been married before, and hence were still under their father's authority.
Dave, I totally agree with your A, B and C of how suitable a prospective suitor is for my daughter's hand, however that is a structured and logical response from someone who I assume is at least sympathetic to polygamy.

The response I expect from the average modern Western father is something along the lines of:
A This guy is trying to seduce my daughter while cheating on his wife
B I dont want her to marry a crazy religious person, she will end up abandoned in a commune somewhere with a snotty 6 month old baby by her side
C Why cant my daughter just find a single guy
D What is the rush to get married anyway, cant you just live together and see how things go?
E I am calling the police, get out of my house

 

[Shimon]

The response I expect from the average modern Western father is something along the lines of:
A This guy is trying to seduce my daughter while cheating on his wife
B I dont want her to marry a crazy religious person, she will end up abandoned in a commune somewhere with a snotty 6 month old baby by her side
C Why cant my daughter just find a single guy
D What is the rush to get married anyway, cant you just live together and see how things go?
E I am calling the police, get out of my house

LOL
You're probably right. However, if he raised his daughter to be open-minded enough to be open to the thought of polygyny, then hopefully he will be as well - given the right approach. I personally would want him to know me well enough to have a good opinion of me already. I tried to raise my daughters to think for themselves instead of being like sheep led to the slaughter. I evidently did well. When I recently discussed the idea of pm with my eldest daughter, she was already accepting of it based on how she read the Word for herself. Like I said, when He wants it to happen, He will lead you, and it will, for He is forever faithful.

Dave