23 All is allowed me, but not all is expedient. All is allowed me, but not all is edifying.
24 Let no one be seeking the welfare of himself, but that of another.
I'm not seeking a second wife, but I know God wants me and the wife of my youth to be prepared to do so for whatever reasons He has. It could be simply obedience and a stronger relationship between the two of us. Or it could be that he has plans for more women for me. I certainly don't presume to know.
To my way of thinking, obedience in this will make the most ideal husband to a wife, and father to children whether that be monogamous or polygynous.
To that end I'm learning all I can and trying my best to conform to and become the kind of man God desires me to be. So the topic of fairness and equality is something I can see being a MAJOR source of contention in a plural marriage situation. Especially when it's counter-cultural and not common.
Forgive me if this is a thoroughly hashed over topic, haven't seen but a couple posts about it.
It seems to me like rather than pursue fairness, equality, or just splitting of time and attention etc.. That the goal should be harmony and seeking the good for the other. In my thinking, it seems like a terrible weight to bear and requiring a great deal of diplomacy, awareness, diligence, attentiveness, maturity, and assiduousness towards your wives. Seems like it requires a great deal of grace to be measured out and then a double portion on top of that. With the center of everything being seeking the good for the other. Without that core love and care, jealousy, selfishness, and bitterness will quickly root and grow.
We would be dealing with different women, with different needs and wants. Different personalities and drives. One might need lots of quality time, the other might need lots of words of affirmation, or little gifts, or acts of service. So it seems to me like a man would need to be crystal clear that communication needs to be instant and open, clear and often. That needs are being expressed, and that he act accordingly. And that all women involved understand that his heart is towards them, and that he isn't ever going to show favoritism, but that he will do justice to the best of his ability and seek the good for all involved. That there might be a week here or a week there where one relationship or the other might go through a deepening time and one or the other might get an "unfair" amount of time or attention.
I know this is much simpler in theory than practice, and the best of intentions amounts for little. But simply understanding and acknowledging these truths ahead of time and clearly communicating them might save a lot of heartache by establishing a firm foundation of expectations and goals.
I'd love to hear some thoughts from you on this. Personal experience where this might have or did help? Hindsight where you know this would have helped? Modifications to what I said here? Nick you're a rose glasses fool and you're just going to have to learn by fire? Practical solutions to equality and fairness problems you have come up with?
24 Let no one be seeking the welfare of himself, but that of another.
I'm not seeking a second wife, but I know God wants me and the wife of my youth to be prepared to do so for whatever reasons He has. It could be simply obedience and a stronger relationship between the two of us. Or it could be that he has plans for more women for me. I certainly don't presume to know.
To my way of thinking, obedience in this will make the most ideal husband to a wife, and father to children whether that be monogamous or polygynous.
To that end I'm learning all I can and trying my best to conform to and become the kind of man God desires me to be. So the topic of fairness and equality is something I can see being a MAJOR source of contention in a plural marriage situation. Especially when it's counter-cultural and not common.
Forgive me if this is a thoroughly hashed over topic, haven't seen but a couple posts about it.
It seems to me like rather than pursue fairness, equality, or just splitting of time and attention etc.. That the goal should be harmony and seeking the good for the other. In my thinking, it seems like a terrible weight to bear and requiring a great deal of diplomacy, awareness, diligence, attentiveness, maturity, and assiduousness towards your wives. Seems like it requires a great deal of grace to be measured out and then a double portion on top of that. With the center of everything being seeking the good for the other. Without that core love and care, jealousy, selfishness, and bitterness will quickly root and grow.
We would be dealing with different women, with different needs and wants. Different personalities and drives. One might need lots of quality time, the other might need lots of words of affirmation, or little gifts, or acts of service. So it seems to me like a man would need to be crystal clear that communication needs to be instant and open, clear and often. That needs are being expressed, and that he act accordingly. And that all women involved understand that his heart is towards them, and that he isn't ever going to show favoritism, but that he will do justice to the best of his ability and seek the good for all involved. That there might be a week here or a week there where one relationship or the other might go through a deepening time and one or the other might get an "unfair" amount of time or attention.
I know this is much simpler in theory than practice, and the best of intentions amounts for little. But simply understanding and acknowledging these truths ahead of time and clearly communicating them might save a lot of heartache by establishing a firm foundation of expectations and goals.
I'd love to hear some thoughts from you on this. Personal experience where this might have or did help? Hindsight where you know this would have helped? Modifications to what I said here? Nick you're a rose glasses fool and you're just going to have to learn by fire? Practical solutions to equality and fairness problems you have come up with?
fantastic!
...I do not even think about what the other wives have or don't have. It's not really any of my business. In my humble opinion, the relationship between a husband and each of his wives is just that. Each marriage is different. Each wife is different. My idea of a good time is probably not the same as Karin or Ali. We are 3 very different women. So while I love to hear that oh Steve did this or that, Or Steve sent me this or that, or I got to have the best conversation with Steve today...my happiness does not depend on what others may consider fair or equal. My ability to be the wife Yah intended me to be for Steve doesn't depend on his actions at all really. I willingly married him. I agreed to become a member of his family. So equal or fair doesn't play into it. I am still required by the law to submit myself to my own husband. I could sit around worrying about it or i could chose to be who Yah intended me to be. In my mind I don't even consider what he does or doesn't do with or for his other wives. I focus on doing what is right in my marriage. Bless y'all! 