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Do You Feel Like a Wife?
- Thread starter DaPastor
- Start date
sixth_heretic
Member
This is another one where I would like to hear what the women have to say. I would like my wives to both feel loved and special while squashing jealousy at the same time. How does one do that with out haveing to sleep on the couch?
Hello,
We may have a sister-wife joining our family within this next year (or sooner) and I'd like to comment on this from a first wife view.
I think a big issue for me (and I believe any woman) would be when my husband is spending time with me he needs to be completely
with me. A wife needs to know while her husband is with her whether intimately or just hanging out together that he is not thinking of the other wife.
He needs to be completely there emotionally and during that time focus only on her. He should honor each wife with his full attention when he is with them
individually. Hope this makes sense to you guys. Heidi Lee
We may have a sister-wife joining our family within this next year (or sooner) and I'd like to comment on this from a first wife view.
I think a big issue for me (and I believe any woman) would be when my husband is spending time with me he needs to be completely
with me. A wife needs to know while her husband is with her whether intimately or just hanging out together that he is not thinking of the other wife.
He needs to be completely there emotionally and during that time focus only on her. He should honor each wife with his full attention when he is with them
individually. Hope this makes sense to you guys. Heidi Lee
Heidi,
Our husbands need to make sure that none of their wives feel slighted or left out in any way. Of course our private times need to be private. I wholeheartedly agree with that.
But we also need to be aware of circumstances that happen. In life, there are times when we just need each other. So even if we have a "date night" we must be understanding if situations occur that affect our private time with our husband.
Some of these issues can be:
Weather (huge storms that affect power, driving etc)
Illness
Child care
Trips to the hospital
Death/grief of family or friends
Celebrations
I am happy that you are looking forward to having a new addition to your family. This is very positive and encouraging to others who are on the board and trying to understand the truth and how this kind of relationship could possibly be a benefit. Keep posting, Heidi as you go through the stages so that we can all learn from you.
Lissa
Our husbands need to make sure that none of their wives feel slighted or left out in any way. Of course our private times need to be private. I wholeheartedly agree with that.
But we also need to be aware of circumstances that happen. In life, there are times when we just need each other. So even if we have a "date night" we must be understanding if situations occur that affect our private time with our husband.
Some of these issues can be:
Weather (huge storms that affect power, driving etc)
Illness
Child care
Trips to the hospital
Death/grief of family or friends
Celebrations
I am happy that you are looking forward to having a new addition to your family. This is very positive and encouraging to others who are on the board and trying to understand the truth and how this kind of relationship could possibly be a benefit. Keep posting, Heidi as you go through the stages so that we can all learn from you.
Lissa
Hi to all,
I am not sure if this is the right place to get the answer, I am currently married to one wife and desire with all my heart to take a Sister wife.
I believe the Creator has supplied me with a beautiful lady who also desires to marry me and I would marry her now if this was possible, however I have my first wife so to speak to consider she is aware of my intentions and is not understanding me and is going through all the emotional things
The Sister wife to be is also feeling that I am not showing her an affection as I feel that I cant due to my wifes feelings etc.
What can I do any advice????
I am not sure if this is the right place to get the answer, I am currently married to one wife and desire with all my heart to take a Sister wife.
I believe the Creator has supplied me with a beautiful lady who also desires to marry me and I would marry her now if this was possible, however I have my first wife so to speak to consider she is aware of my intentions and is not understanding me and is going through all the emotional things
The Sister wife to be is also feeling that I am not showing her an affection as I feel that I cant due to my wifes feelings etc.
What can I do any advice????
Ravsam123,
I want to respond, but have to be at work in a few moments. JWH just recently posted on a situation close to yours. Please go read "Need some Advise". There is a lot of good information and advice there. Feel free to post with specific quetions or PM someone if your questions are too personal for the public board.
Please introduce your wife to the board and let her get to know us. She can talk to any of us ladies. Most of us have been through what she is feeling right now.
Take care and remember to stay in prayer. It changes things.
SweetLissa
I want to respond, but have to be at work in a few moments. JWH just recently posted on a situation close to yours. Please go read "Need some Advise". There is a lot of good information and advice there. Feel free to post with specific quetions or PM someone if your questions are too personal for the public board.
Please introduce your wife to the board and let her get to know us. She can talk to any of us ladies. Most of us have been through what she is feeling right now.
Take care and remember to stay in prayer. It changes things.
SweetLissa
I feel that a Godly plural marriage should be done the right way. Bringing the "other woman" into a marriage is going to hurt your marriage. I do not believe an adulterous affair should be forced on a first wife. If you truly want a Godly plural marriage you need to talk to your wife and make this decision with her. Then seek out a wife that is right for both of you and your wife can eventually consider a sister and a best friend. Trying to bring this woman into your marriage is only going to cause resentment and jealousy. God Bless you and your family. Jorge
I'd like to address the issue, raised by Heidi, of the man being "all there" with the wife he's with, if I may.
Have any of y'all read the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus books by John Grey?
One observation he makes is that women tend to emotionally move vertically. By that he means that they're up or down, but always "there".
Men, au contraire, tend to move horizontally. We're closer or further away, there or remote, in or out of our mental cave, however one wants to look at it.
He describes men as often withdrawing into our mental cave to think things through and work them out before emerging to share the results of our ruminations. To us, this is perfectly natural. To a woman, it can feel durn lonely -- "Where on earth did he GO? Why? Get back out here and TALK to me! I'm RIGHT HERE! Don't you love me? Don't you care?" Mars vs Venus!
On the one hand, this situation provides one of the beauties of PM. If he's off being true to his nature inside his own head trying to deal with "stuff", a second wife, whether up or down, is still "there" for company.
On the other hand, PM provides a new opportunity to feel slighted. "Is he off, in his mind, with HER? When it's MY time? And I'm RIGHT HERE?"
Of course that's not only limited to actual PM situations. Any wife can wonder if he's thinking about a former wife, former girlfriend, cute new choir member, whatever. Especially if she asks him "What is wrong?" and he mumbles, "Nothing".
Solution? I think it has to start by imputing to our partners a "good heart".
Wives, who need to feel loved above all, impute a loving heart to him, and start by assuming that if he's mentally off in a cave somewhere, it is not a byproduct of dissatisfaction with your own sweet self, nor fascination with another. Unless, of course, you've been ragging on him about something, which will likely have him feeling like his most overwhelming need, for respect, has just been stomped. In which case, he may well be praying, "Oh, God! Would you please just get me OUT of here honorably?!"
Hubbies, who need to feel respected above all else, (Wives, ever have your husband say during an argument, "I could live with someone who respected but didn't love me lots easier than I can stand living with someone who loves but doesn't respect me"? Did you stand there with your eyes crossing, going "Huh?" It is a commonly stated male sentiment! Mars vs Venus!) impute a respectful heart to her. If you gotta stay in your cave working something out, it won't hurt to pop out long enough to say, "Sorry, Sweetie! I'm just working something out back here in my cave. Sorry I'm not too 'here' right now. But I'm awful glad you're with me despite my preoccupation. I'll tell you all about it as soon as I get it figured out." That's loving, and easier to do if you understand that her request to know what you are thinking about isn't motivated by disrespect at all!
I suspect a wife might, in that scenario, still feel loved, and valued, and say something like, "Ok. Let's sit here and watch a movie together while you think. Snuggling and just being together is good!" Which would probably leave us fellas feeling so respected, we might even open up and talk a bit more as we work it out ... Which would feel even better and more re-assuring to our wives, which in turn ...
Or, at least, hopefully that is what is going on ... *grin*
Have any of y'all read the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus books by John Grey?
One observation he makes is that women tend to emotionally move vertically. By that he means that they're up or down, but always "there".
Men, au contraire, tend to move horizontally. We're closer or further away, there or remote, in or out of our mental cave, however one wants to look at it.
He describes men as often withdrawing into our mental cave to think things through and work them out before emerging to share the results of our ruminations. To us, this is perfectly natural. To a woman, it can feel durn lonely -- "Where on earth did he GO? Why? Get back out here and TALK to me! I'm RIGHT HERE! Don't you love me? Don't you care?" Mars vs Venus!
On the one hand, this situation provides one of the beauties of PM. If he's off being true to his nature inside his own head trying to deal with "stuff", a second wife, whether up or down, is still "there" for company.
On the other hand, PM provides a new opportunity to feel slighted. "Is he off, in his mind, with HER? When it's MY time? And I'm RIGHT HERE?"
Of course that's not only limited to actual PM situations. Any wife can wonder if he's thinking about a former wife, former girlfriend, cute new choir member, whatever. Especially if she asks him "What is wrong?" and he mumbles, "Nothing".
Solution? I think it has to start by imputing to our partners a "good heart".
Wives, who need to feel loved above all, impute a loving heart to him, and start by assuming that if he's mentally off in a cave somewhere, it is not a byproduct of dissatisfaction with your own sweet self, nor fascination with another. Unless, of course, you've been ragging on him about something, which will likely have him feeling like his most overwhelming need, for respect, has just been stomped. In which case, he may well be praying, "Oh, God! Would you please just get me OUT of here honorably?!"
Hubbies, who need to feel respected above all else, (Wives, ever have your husband say during an argument, "I could live with someone who respected but didn't love me lots easier than I can stand living with someone who loves but doesn't respect me"? Did you stand there with your eyes crossing, going "Huh?" It is a commonly stated male sentiment! Mars vs Venus!) impute a respectful heart to her. If you gotta stay in your cave working something out, it won't hurt to pop out long enough to say, "Sorry, Sweetie! I'm just working something out back here in my cave. Sorry I'm not too 'here' right now. But I'm awful glad you're with me despite my preoccupation. I'll tell you all about it as soon as I get it figured out." That's loving, and easier to do if you understand that her request to know what you are thinking about isn't motivated by disrespect at all!
I suspect a wife might, in that scenario, still feel loved, and valued, and say something like, "Ok. Let's sit here and watch a movie together while you think. Snuggling and just being together is good!" Which would probably leave us fellas feeling so respected, we might even open up and talk a bit more as we work it out ... Which would feel even better and more re-assuring to our wives, which in turn ...
Or, at least, hopefully that is what is going on ... *grin*