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Do Single Women Play Hard To Get?
- Thread starter Doc
- Start date
I think it is cruel.
If they are interested and they claim to be called uninterested it is called lying
Men then expect women to lie and these men turn into jerks who talk to other woman who are not really interested who they think are playing hard to get. Then these women claim harassment. So then men do not want to talk to women, so those women deserve to get shunned by the men they ignore and are interested in but pretend to not be interested in.
It is bad because it is lying and encourages men to talk to uninterested woman
Oh and if they are not sure they can just claim to be unsure instead of faking interest/disinterest
Oh and women who wait for men to ask them out usually lose their chance with respectful men they could have asked out and end up with some loser who asks them out, simply because he asked them out before the respectful man did.
If they are interested and they claim to be called uninterested it is called lying
Men then expect women to lie and these men turn into jerks who talk to other woman who are not really interested who they think are playing hard to get. Then these women claim harassment. So then men do not want to talk to women, so those women deserve to get shunned by the men they ignore and are interested in but pretend to not be interested in.
It is bad because it is lying and encourages men to talk to uninterested woman
Oh and if they are not sure they can just claim to be unsure instead of faking interest/disinterest
Oh and women who wait for men to ask them out usually lose their chance with respectful men they could have asked out and end up with some loser who asks them out, simply because he asked them out before the respectful man did.
I think part of the problem are those books and TV cod therapists advocating that dating is a ‘game’ or a ‘race’! It puts insecurity and desperation into the minds of both men and women, men apparently, do not like a woman who seems to keen, she is desperate, these same people say that men are really wracked with insecurity, they need to feel that they have beaten off all these other suitors by being more handsome, smart, brave or charming than all the other suitors this woman has, but if she doesn’t have any, than something must be wrong with her……
So, they tell the women, be elusive, mysterious and make him pursue you, be popular, if he thinks he has won something over on other men he will want you all the more!
If you show that you are keen you will chase the men away.
And so on…………….it is a nasty attitude and has probably led to more difficulties and stress with forming healthy relationships than any other thing.
Bels
So, they tell the women, be elusive, mysterious and make him pursue you, be popular, if he thinks he has won something over on other men he will want you all the more!
If you show that you are keen you will chase the men away.
And so on…………….it is a nasty attitude and has probably led to more difficulties and stress with forming healthy relationships than any other thing.
Bels
Andria
New Member
I'm not too good at hiding what I'm feeling. And I try to be the same person with everyone. But, there have been times where me just being 'nice' was taken as me being interested, which caused me to fall into a more reserved state because I don't want my friendliness to be taken the wrong way or to appear like I'm leading a guy on. But I don't have it in me to play hard to get. I have high standards, but if you fit them, I'm willing to admit I'd be easy to get 
itainteasy
Member
Andria said:I'm not too good at hiding what I'm feeling. And I try to be the same person with everyone. But, there have been times where me just being 'nice' was taken as me being interested, which caused me to fall into a more reserved state because I don't want my friendliness to be taken the wrong way or to appear like I'm leading a guy on. But I don't have it in me to play hard to get. I have high standards, but if you fit them, I'm willing to admit I'd be easy to get
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A
Anonymous
Guest
Oh boy, a thought provoking question. I agree with the ladies. I too am friendly
With most people I meet. The behavior of playing hard to get is learned
And not a desirable one. It is high schoolish and immature. Run, men, if you encounter
Her no matter how pretty she is :!: d
With most people I meet. The behavior of playing hard to get is learned
And not a desirable one. It is high schoolish and immature. Run, men, if you encounter
Her no matter how pretty she is :!: d
Graced By God
New Member
What is your definition of “hard to get”?
Hopefully it does not mean “hard to get in bed with”.
I think that one kind of “hard to get” is a good way to go.
I believe that it is good for a single woman to voluntarily put herself under some sort of chosen “head”.
This is a man (father, uncle, grandparent, son-in-law, etc) whom she trusts in helping her find a proper suitor.
He needs to be involved in “screening” and giving constant feedback as the relationship develops
(proper place to go, proper things to do, proper timing and limits on affection and physical contact).
Some men may think that this is playing “hard to get” but it is not. It is a way to protect the woman (emotionally, spiritually and physically).
A man usually thinks twice ( actually 3 or 4 times) before pursuing a lady who has a protector or “head” whom he must go through first.
The protector usually insists on seeing and visiting with the man from the start.
After the head's approval then the protector encourages a slow pace with lots of public events, activities and communication.
This is what I have found that is working for me. This is what a godly father would/should be doing for his teenage daughters.
I even know of a father who asks for the boy’s driver’s license at the door and copies it right there before he takes his daughter anywhere.
It is my belief that women of all ages need protecting.
Some women may think that they are strong enough and can do all on their own but many of us can’t and should not go it alone but seek help and protection.
I think that this kind of a “hard to get” is good! Blessings!
Hopefully it does not mean “hard to get in bed with”.
I think that one kind of “hard to get” is a good way to go.
I believe that it is good for a single woman to voluntarily put herself under some sort of chosen “head”.
This is a man (father, uncle, grandparent, son-in-law, etc) whom she trusts in helping her find a proper suitor.
He needs to be involved in “screening” and giving constant feedback as the relationship develops
(proper place to go, proper things to do, proper timing and limits on affection and physical contact).
Some men may think that this is playing “hard to get” but it is not. It is a way to protect the woman (emotionally, spiritually and physically).
A man usually thinks twice ( actually 3 or 4 times) before pursuing a lady who has a protector or “head” whom he must go through first.
The protector usually insists on seeing and visiting with the man from the start.
After the head's approval then the protector encourages a slow pace with lots of public events, activities and communication.
This is what I have found that is working for me. This is what a godly father would/should be doing for his teenage daughters.
I even know of a father who asks for the boy’s driver’s license at the door and copies it right there before he takes his daughter anywhere.
It is my belief that women of all ages need protecting.
Some women may think that they are strong enough and can do all on their own but many of us can’t and should not go it alone but seek help and protection.
I think that this kind of a “hard to get” is good! Blessings!
Andria
New Member
Graced By God said:
I agree, and have wanted this in the past and I think it would have spared me some hurt in the past, but where should a single woman turn when she doesn't have family who understand and agree with her intentions? There is absolutely no one here in my life that would support me in this. No man/family would be good enough. I'm very much independent because I've had to be. Not that I've liked it that way. I know I sure could have used some of that in the past, though.
A
Anonymous
Guest
I too agree about having a male authority for a single woman. Like Andrea, I do not have anyone in the family, church or otherwise. But, we have wise
men that are a part of this ministry and I have put my complete trust in their
wisdom. I have read their wisdom in their letters and the have been led to
them by leaders also from this ministry.
There is a negative connotation in playing hard to get and usually it fits. but being careful and making them prove themselves is a wise "hard to get"
dd
men that are a part of this ministry and I have put my complete trust in their
wisdom. I have read their wisdom in their letters and the have been led to
them by leaders also from this ministry.
There is a negative connotation in playing hard to get and usually it fits. but being careful and making them prove themselves is a wise "hard to get"
dd
Andria,
That is one of the reasons for BF staff. The leadership here realizes the problem it is for many to find and have solid spiritual leadership. The staff here believes that it is vital to have godly spiritual leaders to give solid biblical guidance doused in good experiential wisdom for life. We have some good ones here at work. To name some of the staff:
Pastor Doc, a devout believer in the Word who has years of both teaching and pastoral ministry experience. Brother Nathan who is the director and leader who has a great love for the saints and has many years of practical experience in polygyny. Pastor John who has been a shepherd for years and is a courageous warrior for the faith. The leaders here, and those are not all, are serving others in that role by looking over them and watching out for them.
It is always wise to have an older believer or set of older believers to be a guide to you in any area of life. Spiritual insight and spiritual wisdom are worth more than silver and gold and can make the difference in one's faith journey. Without these beloved spiritual guides in life a believer is more susceptible to serious sins. As I leader I even urge all women to never join any man if he is not a disciple of other older men in the Word. The Bible calls those rebels fools and they who reject wisdom, instruction, and knowledge from older believers in the Word are said to be simpletons and corrupt according to the book of Proverbs. They abound by the groves though in this day and age. Pride rules in the hearts of many and we all have to guard against it. One of the best ways to fight against pride is to have brethren around us who are mature in the word and who we trust and will turn to for spiritual guidance and insight.
That is one of the reasons for BF staff. The leadership here realizes the problem it is for many to find and have solid spiritual leadership. The staff here believes that it is vital to have godly spiritual leaders to give solid biblical guidance doused in good experiential wisdom for life. We have some good ones here at work. To name some of the staff:
Pastor Doc, a devout believer in the Word who has years of both teaching and pastoral ministry experience. Brother Nathan who is the director and leader who has a great love for the saints and has many years of practical experience in polygyny. Pastor John who has been a shepherd for years and is a courageous warrior for the faith. The leaders here, and those are not all, are serving others in that role by looking over them and watching out for them.
It is always wise to have an older believer or set of older believers to be a guide to you in any area of life. Spiritual insight and spiritual wisdom are worth more than silver and gold and can make the difference in one's faith journey. Without these beloved spiritual guides in life a believer is more susceptible to serious sins. As I leader I even urge all women to never join any man if he is not a disciple of other older men in the Word. The Bible calls those rebels fools and they who reject wisdom, instruction, and knowledge from older believers in the Word are said to be simpletons and corrupt according to the book of Proverbs. They abound by the groves though in this day and age. Pride rules in the hearts of many and we all have to guard against it. One of the best ways to fight against pride is to have brethren around us who are mature in the word and who we trust and will turn to for spiritual guidance and insight.
Andria
New Member
This is excellent advice...I really appreciate that. I used to be mentored by a married Christian woman in high school, but I moved out of my home town a couple years ago and don't have any real roots here or people like that. I'm not a member of any churches because I work on weekends and I'm the only one paying my bills. I haven't even *thought* about this in a long time, and I really really miss the accountability and growth I got from that. I'm not exactly sure where to turn for spiritual women I can trust. And I really don't know anyone on this site. And boy, to find a man who is a disciple of other older men, I guess I'll be waiting awhile eh? lol
A
Anonymous
Guest
Andria wrote,
I don't want to hijack this thread, but I must share in regard to this comment. Since I have come to the knowledge of Biblical and plural marriage, this has been one of my top concerns. I have a burden to reach men and help them become godly men and men of God. The Christian women out here have a real desire for real men and there is a dearth of men that will be men of God and good husbands. Such is the greatest need of our day. I am persuaded that most of the problems in poly world have less to do with the women and more to do with the men. When I stop and look at what we are expecting a lady to commit to, I am surprised that anyone does. Before a woman can safely commit to being a Biblical wife, whether first, second or more, she NEEDS to be able to trust the man and know that he will not change his mind at the first or second ill wind that blows. We want ladies to trust their husbands!!! How about the husbands being trustworthy!!!!!!!
AMEN PASTOR JOHN!
That is indeed the larger issue I think. I posted this in another thread but I think it applies here. Single women will be drawn to a man with a serious passion and mission. Why would God though draw a lady to any man who is not serious about the gospel and the Great Commission? We have too many men today who are unskilled, immature, and not concerned about the lost. This below is from that other post:
___________
I think the issue has to do with men who are not missions minded. A man who is serious about the Great Commission and seeking out those who are lost will make friends with many people, even ladies, who all who need the gospel. As this relationship develops there will be a natural draw or tendency for some of those ladies to be attracted to the man and since the natural discipleship relationship is already existing the union is developing in more of a natural sense.
Does feminism exist? Certainly but that is where gospel centered relationships are instrumental. A man who is mature will be dedicated to the mission of Christ first and foremost in seeking out the lost and then the other needs will fall in place if he is dedicated to that.
So I'm not sure it is the the goal to go "find" a woman. I think the goal is to go forth sowing the seeds of the gospel and truth and in that process of making disciples there comes with it secondary benefits of adding to oneself other members who can be an aid to that process.
The two main covenants of the Bible hinge upon this idea. In the OC it is take dominion over the earth and subdue it, and in the NC it is done through the gospel of Christ by the great commission of discipleship.
I'm not sure where or how that would fit the top down or bottom idea. It might fit in some way or another but the real issue is not about finding a woman but being busy for the gospel and in that process of discipleship being willing to add more to one's family in order to be more effective in that process. I hear men all the time talking about how they cannot find a woman. I always ask, how serious are you to seeking out the lost? Most of the time I have seen the men who can't find a woman too are the men who cry very little, hurt very little, pray very little, and seek very little for the lost souls whom Christ came to save.
I then ask these men: If you are not concerned about adding to God's family why do you think he should be concerned about adding to your family? What makes you think he should answer your prayer to give a woman when you're not even seeking to live out his primary desire for the Great Commission?
Some men then give a lot of lame excuses as to why it will not work and so far it is just that, excuses being used to cover the cloud their laziness or lack of skill in spreading the gospel and being gospel centered for the Great Commission. If the religious women don't desire the Judeo-Christian family lifestyle then see if they rightly understand the gospel. If they do and still reject it move along and go find others in the pagan fields who need to hear the gospel and get discipleship in the biblical sense from the foundation. Yes it will take time, maybe even years but Jacob waited on Rachel for many years in the OT and it is that kind of patient men need when doing the work of the gospel. Yeah it is even that type of patience needed if a union is formed as well because relationships are tough and they take patience. A man not mature enough to wait in patience as he does the work of the Great Commission in discipleship will not be a patient man in a union.
But beware, even pagans can see through a facade. A man who is pretending to be about the gospel in order just to find a woman will be exposed. People can sense rather you love them for who they are, a creation of the Lord who is in need of Christ, or if you merely using them as a means unto the end. This is why the work of the gospel separates the real men from the immature men who still need discipleship themselves. The work of the gospel has a way of exposing the skills of a man.
So it all as I understand the Bible boils down the gospel. Men who do not love the Great Commission yet are seeking a woman have got their ideas backwards. If their heart is foremost sold out to the work of the mission for Christ did he not promise to provide for every need if they are truly seeking his kingdom (see Matthew 6:33)?
Thousands of men and ladies are broken, ruined, on their way to hell, destitute, roaming around in bars looking for peace, working at jobs and finding they are still broke spiritually as well as physically. Their greatest need is gospel centered men who eager and passionate about the gospel and who will take the necessary time to love them into the truth.
That is indeed the larger issue I think. I posted this in another thread but I think it applies here. Single women will be drawn to a man with a serious passion and mission. Why would God though draw a lady to any man who is not serious about the gospel and the Great Commission? We have too many men today who are unskilled, immature, and not concerned about the lost. This below is from that other post:
___________
I think the issue has to do with men who are not missions minded. A man who is serious about the Great Commission and seeking out those who are lost will make friends with many people, even ladies, who all who need the gospel. As this relationship develops there will be a natural draw or tendency for some of those ladies to be attracted to the man and since the natural discipleship relationship is already existing the union is developing in more of a natural sense.
Does feminism exist? Certainly but that is where gospel centered relationships are instrumental. A man who is mature will be dedicated to the mission of Christ first and foremost in seeking out the lost and then the other needs will fall in place if he is dedicated to that.
So I'm not sure it is the the goal to go "find" a woman. I think the goal is to go forth sowing the seeds of the gospel and truth and in that process of making disciples there comes with it secondary benefits of adding to oneself other members who can be an aid to that process.
The two main covenants of the Bible hinge upon this idea. In the OC it is take dominion over the earth and subdue it, and in the NC it is done through the gospel of Christ by the great commission of discipleship.
I'm not sure where or how that would fit the top down or bottom idea. It might fit in some way or another but the real issue is not about finding a woman but being busy for the gospel and in that process of discipleship being willing to add more to one's family in order to be more effective in that process. I hear men all the time talking about how they cannot find a woman. I always ask, how serious are you to seeking out the lost? Most of the time I have seen the men who can't find a woman too are the men who cry very little, hurt very little, pray very little, and seek very little for the lost souls whom Christ came to save.
I then ask these men: If you are not concerned about adding to God's family why do you think he should be concerned about adding to your family? What makes you think he should answer your prayer to give a woman when you're not even seeking to live out his primary desire for the Great Commission?
Some men then give a lot of lame excuses as to why it will not work and so far it is just that, excuses being used to cover the cloud their laziness or lack of skill in spreading the gospel and being gospel centered for the Great Commission. If the religious women don't desire the Judeo-Christian family lifestyle then see if they rightly understand the gospel. If they do and still reject it move along and go find others in the pagan fields who need to hear the gospel and get discipleship in the biblical sense from the foundation. Yes it will take time, maybe even years but Jacob waited on Rachel for many years in the OT and it is that kind of patient men need when doing the work of the gospel. Yeah it is even that type of patience needed if a union is formed as well because relationships are tough and they take patience. A man not mature enough to wait in patience as he does the work of the Great Commission in discipleship will not be a patient man in a union.
But beware, even pagans can see through a facade. A man who is pretending to be about the gospel in order just to find a woman will be exposed. People can sense rather you love them for who they are, a creation of the Lord who is in need of Christ, or if you merely using them as a means unto the end. This is why the work of the gospel separates the real men from the immature men who still need discipleship themselves. The work of the gospel has a way of exposing the skills of a man.
So it all as I understand the Bible boils down the gospel. Men who do not love the Great Commission yet are seeking a woman have got their ideas backwards. If their heart is foremost sold out to the work of the mission for Christ did he not promise to provide for every need if they are truly seeking his kingdom (see Matthew 6:33)?
Thousands of men and ladies are broken, ruined, on their way to hell, destitute, roaming around in bars looking for peace, working at jobs and finding they are still broke spiritually as well as physically. Their greatest need is gospel centered men who eager and passionate about the gospel and who will take the necessary time to love them into the truth.