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Can A Woman Marry Without Her Father's Consent?

M

Maegirl

Member
Female
Hello Everyone! :)

I'm sorry if this has been discussed before, but I couldn't find any mention in the forums...
My husband and I were discussing the fact that almost none of the women we have talked with who are seeking to be a second wife, third wife etc., are doing so with their father's approval. We had always believed there was strong Biblical evidence that a father's consent as the head was necessary before his daughter could be married; but it seems a man who agrees with his daughter joining a polygamous family is more elusive then the women that are willing to do so. If we are using the Bible as our support of a father's headship in monogamous situations, it seems that would naturally transfer over to plural as well since they are both marriage to God. So what are everyone's thoughts? How important is it to gain a father's consent? Is it actually a sin to marry a woman in defiance of her head, or simply unwise?
 
I actually had a conversation with my dad about this about a year ago. My dad is very religious. He was raised Southern Baptist. He had a really hard time with my older sister. She finally came out as Bi-sexual to my dad. And he was really struggling with it. I asked him simply... "Do u still love Cambi" he looked at me and said "always" so I asked him "why does it matter if she is Bi? She is happy and that's all u want for us is to be happy" he said if we are happy then what he thinks doesnt matter. He raised us to think for ourselves. Sure he might have issues with our decisions but he loves us for us. Now is it a sin to get married without our fathers permission, that really depends. I my self do not think its a sin. If the father knows and disagrees then there really isnt anything u can do to change his mind. As long as he is aware of whats going on then I think its ok to get married. But if a woman just marries into a plural family and doesnt tell her father at all then I think that isnt right. Thats my view anyways.
 
Maegirl, the 'law of liberty' would suggest that you'll need to figure this out on a case by case basis.

For myself, in addition to the applicable civil statutes requiring parental consent, I'd say that any woman still living in her father's household is still under his authority and covering. For single women living on their own and supporting themselves, there's going to be more divergence of opinion on what's appropriate.
 
I believe that a man should at the very least attempt to get a father's blessing. If the father doesn't approve and there is a valid reason, which I know can be open to interpretation, then steps should be made to meet the standards the father has set for his daughters suitor. In my opinion, the daughter is still a part of her fathers house hold whether she lives with him or not and is fully or partially supported by him. An "Independent" woman who honors and respects her father should still want her future husband to show the same respect to him. In my wife's and my case her father was not a factor in her life when we met. I went to her Brother and Granfather for their blessings. Its more than just a fathers rights issue its a respect issue as well.
 
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Good point re making an attempt. It's always going to be better to have a healthy working relationship with a father-in-law then not to have one, and it's always more likely you'll have one if you make every effort on your end to start it off on the right foot.
 
Kevin said:
I believe that a man should at the very least attempt to get a father's blessing. If the father doesn't approve and there is a valid reason, which I know can be open to interpretation, then steps should be made to meet the standards the father has set for his daughters suitor. In my opinion, the daughter is still a part of her fathers house hold whether she lives with him or not and is fully or partially supported by him. An "Independent" woman who honors and respects her father should still want her future husband to show the same respect to him. In Jessica's and my case her father was not a factor in her life when we met. I went to her Brother and Granfather for their blessings. Its more than just a fathers rights issue its a respect issue as well.
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Yes a man should ask the fathers permission. I remeber my hubby asking my dad for permission, funny thing is my sosters hubby never asked. They just did it. Without my dads consent so he didnt attend their wedding. So when my husband asked I thought my dad would gover permission and then not attend. My dad came to me crying and said you have my permission and he walked me down the aisle. It was the most amazing thing.
 
ZecAustin said:
two different categories to deal with here. Lawfully divorced women, and I'm pretty sure widows, are free to marry whom they will. Virgins require their father's blessing.
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This comes from notes I have and my tablets not letting me just select parts or delete parts so apply what's relavent.

God's command to women is to submit to the authority of her husband. [Ephesians 2:22-24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1-6]

• The commands to the husband are to be responsible for his wife in a loving and cherishing role. (taking her under his cover) [Ephesians 5:25-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:7]

• God will forgive the woman, and hold the man responsible.

• If the woman has no father or husband to provide this covering, then she bears her own responsibility before God.

• God loves the woman, and His best desire is for her to have the protective covering of a loving father or loving husband.

Numbers 30:3-5

If a woman vows a vow to the LORD and binds herself by a pledge, while within her father's house in her youth, and her father hears of her vow and of her pledge by which she has bound herself and says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every pledge by which she has bound herself shall stand. But if her father opposes her on the day that he hears of it, no vow of hers, no pledge by which she has bound herself shall stand. And the LORD will forgive her, because her father opposed her.

Divorced and Widowed

When a woman marries, she leaves her fathers house and is under her husband's cover. If her husband dies or Divorces her she has no cover therefore is accountable for herself. Free to marry whom she chooses there is scripture to back this up.

I want to correct something I said earlier.
Kevin said:
attempt to get a father's blessing....I went to her Brother and Granfather for their blessings.
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When I said Blessing I meant permission. I asked permission first then blessing. There is a big difference and I find myself not making the distinction at times.
 
IN the end, you need to have a clear conscience with your maker.

I personally feel that if a father has abandoned or abdicated rule and authority by being absent on purpose, then a daughter may want to just inform, but not necessarily get approval or blessing.

If a father is present, then, in my opinion, every effort should be made to inform and get consent.

How a woman interacts with her father and seeks to respect him and his wishes is a key indicator of how she will respect her husband in marriage.
 
I would suggest considering Numbers 30:3-16. Women "while in her father's house in her youth" are subject to their fathers to the point of him being able to cancel her vows. This fits in with Exodus 22:16-17 which speaks of the possibility of a father refusing a marriage for his daughter who has been enticed. However, Numbers 30:9 makes clear that vows of divorced women and widows stand on their own. Numbers 30:3 may imply that if the single woman is no longer at home, then she may make her own decision.

However, with that said, it can be very hurtful to family to have them not included in major life decisions such as marriage. I asked permission from my father in law just before I proposed as a matter of respect, even though she wasn't living at home. Fortunately, he said yes because right or wrong I was just about ready to say, "Well, I'm going to do it anyway!"
 
joe88 said:
single woman is no longer at home, then she may make her own decision.
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If she is reliant on her father in any way when regardless of residency she is under his cover. If she has yet to marry and he has not withdrawn his protection. She is still under his cover. This means he is responsible for her and under his authority. If she is disinherited i.e. abbandoned, then you are absolutely correct.
joe88 said:
. I asked permission from my father in law just before I proposed as a matter of respect, even though she wasn't living at home
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Man, that's great. It's just as much about respect.
 
Mojo said:
How a woman interacts with her father and seeks to respect him and his wishes is a key indicator of how she will respect her husband in marriage.
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I have heard this somewhere before;)
 
Did you mention it?

I've long heard advise given to both men and women: "Watch how he interacts with mom and how she interacts with dad. It's the best way to predict the future."

Also, there seems to be some pop psychology (don't know if there are scientific studies to prove it) that says that in our free choice societies that people tend to choose mates most similar to their opposite sex parental roles. True?
 
Mojo said:
Did you mention it?

I've long heard advise given to both men and women: "Watch how he interacts with mom and how she interacts with dad. It's the best way to predict the future."
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I thought it was Good advice you had given me, but I had to go read something and it was Good advice @mystic gave me. Either way it's good advice.

Mojo said:
Also, there seems to be some pop psychology (don't know if there are scientific studies to prove it) that says that in our free choice societies that people tend to choose mates most similar to their opposite sex parental roles. True?
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I've seen that in alot of cases of cases. Unfortunately it's not always a Healthy relationship. A lot of poor role models but I think that's another line of thought far from the topic.
 
I have always been taught , have respect for your elders . To me that means your future father-in-law. At age of forty I went to talk to this cranky old man. He was a retired military officer and he was a little ruff around the edges . He told me she is thirty-five , that is her business. With all respect for him , I got to see the man smile for the first time in years . When you show respect for your elders , that does not go unseen by God . At age forty-four I got to retire ,thanks to God and a cranky old man that I loved dearly.
 
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