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Betrothal Negotiation and Contract

jay c

jay c

New Member
In a traditional marriage, there is some negotiating that takes place before an official betrothal. What kinds of things does everyone think should be included in those negotiations? If the parties decide that they want to make a conditional betrothal agreement (for example, I will betroth my daughter to you if you can do such and such), what do you think are legitimate or wise considerations/conditions to include in the contract? I don't mean a ketubah, which also spells out what is to happen during/after a marriage. I mean an agreement that only includes conditions to be met prior to making a formal betrothal.

Consider an ideal situation as well as the realities of our cultural condition. What are reasonable and realistic conditions that should be met or demanded by each party before agreeing to a betrothal if they are middle-aged, divorced parents with mortgages and 9-5 jobs?

Perhaps what I'm asking is, "What are reasonable and realistic conditions to be met before you would agree to marry someone?"

Wow. That was so much easier. :geek:
 
Consider an ideal situation as well as the realities of our cultural condition. What are reasonable and realistic conditions that should be met or demanded by each party before agreeing to a betrothal if they are middle-aged, divorced parents with mortgages and 9-5 jobs?

Perhaps what I'm asking is, "What are reasonable and realistic conditions to be met before you would agree to marry someone?"
Click to expand...

I think the conditions some might place would very diverse, due to the expectations an individual has?
Obviously, the condition of being equally yoked is mandatory, after that though what one group would consider "reasonable and realistic" another group would disagree on those conditions greatly. Much of it has to do with what an individual's expectations of marriage are; Is "the man" to be the prince charming saving the single mom from poverty, or Is the woman to be the epitome of a Proverbs 31 wife? Is marriage a way to financial security or the grounded social step one is wanting?
Basically it comes down to, why does each individual want to marry? After that what are the priorities in marriage they hope will be?
Due to the common divorce culture, it would be hard to form an universal list
I will make a list though of conditions I have heard (mainly from women) that I think are reasonable and realistic.

1) equally yoked - which will include a lot of issues
2) financially stable- mainly not in debt and firm control of spending habits, income level is negotiable
3) hold the same view on sex in a marriage
4) agreed on the raising of children


Obviously basic, but that is the most reasonable and realistic list that could be gerenally applied to both individuals in a potential couple.
 
Here's my two cents...

I agree very much with 'Becca, but I'd like to throw something in on it. Something you may not have considered before. One of the most important factors in a marriage is mutual goals. "Goals" are anything from a number of children to an income braket; from a fancy sports car to hours of sleep.

You mentioned having "realistic expectations" for the young-at-heart crowd, but I'm a firm believer that people become better with age. Oh, they might be rotten, but at least you'll know it. When you're young, there's so much potential and so little focus. As you age, you're forced to make those decisions. You make (and are known by) your goals. Trust me, even people who try to avoid decisions are known by their choices.

So if you are in the middle of considerations right now, I would say go with common denominators. There's nothing that can make or break a relationship quite like values.
 
Well Cecil,
You bubbling has led me to add some new parts to the Christian poly wedding covenants I offer for those who want to use them.
Here they are:

HER PART<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

I accept and recognize ____________'s polygynous relationship with __________. I accept my responsibility in Christ to show honor and respect to __________ (Rm 12:9-11; 1 Peter 2:17). It is my desire and will so I call upon Jesus to work and will in me in my relationship with ______________ His humility, gentleness, and patience in His Love (Eph 4:1-3). I call upon Father to work and will in me to walk knit together with __________in His Love in real knowledge and all discernment, as Christ loves me (Eph 5:1-3; Phil 1:8-10; Colos 2:1-3; 1 Thess 3:). I call upon Father to work and will in myself and ______________ so that together we may live in harmony, being of the same mind, one in purpose; in harmonious accord, mind and intention (Phil 2:1-3, 13)

I call upon Father to work and will in me to be doing good to __________, blessing her, praying for her, generous with her, being merciful to her, and refraining from condemning her (Phil 2:13; Luke 6:27-39). In Christ and in our family I accept my responsibility to let Christ work and will in me to show family affection with brotherly Love and hospitality to _____________, to share with her as needed and to live in peace with her (Rom 12:9-19). I accept my responsibility to call on Jesus to work and will in me to not avenge myself if ____________ wrongs me, to not repay evil, harm or injury with evil, harm or injury; to forgive her and after doing Matt 18:15-17 with her, leave the matter with King Jesus to resolve (Rom 1:17-21).

I call upon Jesus to work and will in me to Love __________ and _________with a Love that has long patience, is kind; is not emulous/envious; is not insolent and rash, is not puffed up, does not behave in an unseemly manner, does not seek its
own, is not quickly provoked, does not impute or take account of evil, does not rejoice at iniquity/unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; that always/daily, thoroughly and patiently endures; that always/daily thoroughly believes Jesus; hopes in Jesus thoroughly always/daily; that always/daily thoroughly and patiently remains, perseveres, and abides in Jesus; and that never drops away, never is driven out, never fails, falls away or becomes ineffective. (Phil 2:13; 1 Cor 13; 1 John 2 & 3).

HIS PART<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I accept as my responsibility before Christ and I call upon Jesus to work and will
in me to not show prejudice, favoritism, partiality or be partial in my relationships with my own ladies (Phil 2:13;Eph 6:8-10; 1 Tim 5:21; James 2:1,4,9; 3:17).

I accept my responsibility to call upon Jesus to work and will in me to Love my own ladies with a Love that has long patience, is kind; is not emulous/envious; is not insolent and rash, is not puffed up, does not behave in an unseemly manner, does not seek its
own, is not quickly provoked, does not impute or take account of evil, does not rejoice at iniquity/unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; that always/daily, thoroughly and patiently endures; that always/daily thoroughly believes Jesus; hopes in Jesus thoroughly always/daily; that always/daily thoroughly and patiently remains, perseveres, and abides in Jesus; and that never drops away, never is driven out, never fails, falls away or becomes ineffective. (Phil 2:13; 1 Cor 13; 1 John 2 & 3)

HER PART REVISITED DIFFERENTLY<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Do you accept and recognize ____________'s polygynous relationship with __________. Do you accept your responsibility in Christ to show honor and respect to __________ (Rm 12:9-11; 1 Peter 2:17). Is it your desire and will so that you call upon Jesus to work and will in you in your relationship with ______________ His humility, gentleness, and patience in His Love (Eph 4:1-3). Do you call upon Father to work and will in you to walk knit together with __________in His Love in real knowledge and all discernment, as Christ loves you (Eph 5:1-3; Phil 1:8-10; Colos 2:1-3; 1 Thess 3:). Do you call upon Father to work and will in you and ______________ so that together we may live in harmony, being of the same mind, one in purpose; in harmonious accord, mind and intention (Phil 2:1-3, 13)

Do you call upon Father to work and will in you to be doing good to __________, blessing her, praying for her, generous with her, being merciful to her, and refraining from condemning her (Phil 2:13; Luke 6:27-39). In Christ and in our family do you accept your responsibility to let Christ work and will in you to show family affection with brotherly Love and hospitality to _____________, to share with her as needed and to live in peace with her (Rom 12:9-19). Do you accept your responsibility to call on Jesus to work and will in you to not avenge yourself if ____________ wrongs you, to not repay evil, harm or injury with evil, harm or injury; to forgive her and after doing Matt 18:15-17 with her, leave the matter with King Jesus to resolve (Rom 1:17-21).

Do you call upon Jesus to work and will in you to Love __________ and _________with a Love that has long patience, is kind; is not emulous/envious; is not insolent and rash, is not puffed up, does not behave in an unseemly manner, does not seek its own, is not quickly provoked, does not impute or take account of evil, does not rejoice at iniquity/unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; that always/daily, thoroughly and patiently endures; that always/daily thoroughly believes Jesus; hopes in Jesus thoroughly always/daily; that always/daily thoroughly and patiently remains, perseveres, and abides in Jesus; and that never drops away, never is driven out, never fails, falls away or becomes ineffective. (Phil 2:13; 1 Cor 13; 1 John 2 & 3).

HIS PART REVISITED DIFFERENTLY<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Do you accept as your responsibility before Christ and call upon Jesus to work and will
in you to not show prejudice, favoritism, partiality or be partial in your relationships with your own ladies (Phil 2:13;Eph 6:8-10; 1 Tim 5:21; James 2:1,4,9; 3:17).

Do you accept as your responsibility to call upon Jesus to work and will in you to Love your own ladies with a Love that has long patience, is kind; is not emulous/envious; is not insolent and rash, is not puffed up, does not behave in an unseemly manner, does not seek its own, is not quickly provoked, does not impute or take account of evil, does not rejoice at iniquity/unrighteousness but rejoices with the truth; that always/daily, thoroughly and patiently endures; that always/daily thoroughly believes Jesus; hopes in Jesus thoroughly always/daily; that always/daily thoroughly and patiently remains, perseveres, and abides in Jesus; and that never drops away, never is driven out, never fails, falls away or becomes ineffective. (Phil 2:13; 1 Cor 13; 1 John 2 & 3)


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You can find the complete Christian poly wedding covenants in the Files/Documents section of the following:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/OrthodoxB ... gePolygamy 
http://groups.google.com/group/Biblical ... myPolygyny
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolyg ... gynyNJesus
http://biblicalmarriagepolygyny.yuku.com/forums/66
http://www.shtyle.fm/community.do?cid=41185
http://groups.myspace.com/BiblicalChristianPoly
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2648256332
 
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