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Bedrooms

Isaac

Isaac

Seasoned Member
Real Person
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I can't imagine all that practice this have multiple homes or multiple master bedrooms. I would think most do the best with what God has blessed them with...not waiting for the perfect "polygamy" house to follow God's calling and live this. Would love to know others experiences, situations, and solutions. And would welcome thoughts, solutions, or ideas on my situation...which is...me and wife moving into a new 4 bedroom (1 Master w/ attached bath and 3 equal size bedrooms), 2 bath (1 attached to the master and 1 in the hallway) home with new wife. Both new home and new marriage happening within short time of each other. Two of the 3 non-master bedrooms will be used by our 4 children as well as the hall bathroom.
 
One idea that Ive seen is where the adults sleep in the same room, same bed and when one of the wives wants some me time with the DH, they put his boots outside the door indicating that they need some private time for a while.
Or the wives plan between themselves if one of them feels the need for me time and they work together on it.

Ive heard that most women still feel the need for personal space. Not sure how to do that as described above but it could still be doable with separate walk in closets/sitting rooms? You are only limited by how YOU want your family dynamic and your imagination.
 
Judging by your wife's recent posts, she will need a room that is purely her own. And it would be good to offer both wives something similar.

Does the room called a "master" bedroom really need to be yours? Could it make an awesome big bunkroom for the kids with built-in bathroom? Then you can give each wife their own equal sized bedroom, which you alternate between. That leaves one bedroom for either an older or other gender child needing their own space, a nursery, or a guest bedroom.
 
FollowingHim said:
Judging by your wife's recent posts, she will need a room that is purely her own. And it would be good to offer both wives something similar.

Does the room called a "master" bedroom really need to be yours? Could it make an awesome big bunkroom for the kids with built-in bathroom? Then you can give each wife their own equal sized bedroom, which you alternate between. That leaves one bedroom for either an older or other gender child needing their own space, a nursery, or a guest bedroom.
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That seems like a good outside the box idea. Congratulations by the way.
 
@Verifyveritas76 and @FollowingHim,

Thank you for both of the suggestions. They're actually both ones that have come up as ideas in discussions already and have been considered but decided against. The master does not need to be mine. I'd sleep on the garage floor if it would be beneficial to them. Our current plan is to try the current plan. However, through conversation and that this is 2+ months away, the plan could change before then. :) I think it's safe to say that the important part is the philosophy of open and honest communication. If it's not working for someone, it needs to be brought up and discussed. Until we have a place that is ideal, we'll have to make due with what we have and make the best of it. There will be pros and cons to each setup, just have to find the one with the most pros and least cons for everyone. :)

As for the first wife's need for space, I definitely agree...and so does she. It's even a concern for the second as well. I just don't think, for us, right now at least, it outweighs the cons of going to that plan. But again, all subject to change if it doesn't work out. :) Current plan, they'd each have private space. Instead of being the same space each time, it's one of two. Not ideal, but so far we think best for us. Hopefully another place isn't far off that would provide them each with their own bedroom and bathroom for privacy.

I do want to say that all of this is kept in perspective for me and I try to help them to keep it in perspective as well. Most definitely these are 1st world problems. We are extremely blessed...WELL beyond measure. And I am so grateful for the house God has provided for us. I truly see his hand in leading us to this new home and at just the right time as he makes these changes in our lives and in our family. :) Through this whole experience, I am truly humbled and in awe of Him.
 
I think it would be very wise to give each wife a space they can actually turn into their own and feel is fully theirs, rather than have to swap and share every part of the house including their bed even. Where do they keep their clothes? Where do they hang up the special mirror that came from their grandmother? (Replace with whatever their treasures may be). Where do they retreat to when they just can't take any more and have to be themselves without constantly seeing reminders of that other woman that's really pissing them off today?

Ponder this very carefully. It's not just about physical space, there's an emotional element, and that element is far more important.

And you didn't mention you had a garage, that changes the equation entirely, a small amount of work and you've got 5 bedrooms. Even better. The garage can be a bunkroom, giving you the master bedroom, your wives their own rooms, and you still have a dedicated nursery! Just keeping encouraging lateral thought... :)
 
@FollowingHim

Thank you for your thoughts on this matter. And thank you for "doubling-down" and reiterating them in more detail. It's much appreciated and certainly gives me more to think on, and from a different angle. After poking around and seeing your history of posts and such, I value what you have to say. We'll definitely discuss it further as this is one of the biggest issues right out of the gate.

As for the garage, absolutely a possibility, just not anything I can do myself and can't afford to do any time soon. But again, thank you, as it's now something I can consider for the future.
 
SilverFox said:
I do want to say that all of this is kept in perspective for me and I try to help them to keep it in perspective as well. Most definitely these are 1st world problems. We are extremely blessed...WELL beyond measure.
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Smart man....
 
Regarding the garage, speaking as someone who moved at the age of 5 into a garage where my father had simply put carpet on the inside of the garage door for insulation as he hadn't had time to do anything more about it yet... Keep expanding your mind and thinking laterally! A whole extended family of poor Chinese would live in that garage as it is and feel rich! The range of possibilities is often wider than we have been conditioned to see. :)
 
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Can I just say that living with this guy can be terrifying at times. Like when he was thinking laterally and decided we should all live in a house bus, or in a shipping container, or with a compost toilet... Oh wait, we actually did that one. It's wonderful living with a guy that thinks and also very worrying at times.
Silver Fox, like Samuel said, there are various options when you open your mind to them. I've lived though a few experiments, some that worked and some that didn't. You can always try something and if it doesn't work, change it. Get all three of you working on the garage and I bet it could be done super fast if needed. Just be prepared to be flexible, that's all.
 
In the Darger's book Love Times Three, the wives have their own room and Joe doesn't have one at all - he rotates. He allows them to set up the rotation schedule. If you're into house designing, there's a thread that had great run a while ago. link is here. I recommend the 15 bed/15 bath :D
 
My prospective family and I have been talking about this. Their home is an older home that is actually a combination of four 200 year old homes that were brought together via horse and buggy years ago and just combined. There have been many additions on the home since then and so there are currently five bedrooms and two bathrooms. One of the bedrooms is a master suite downstairs that is currently their bedroom. We have discussed removing a wall between two bedrooms upstairs and creating a master suite for me up there and then just adding two new bedrooms to the section of the house that is currently being renovated to make up for the loss of the two rooms that would become my suite. Doing things this way gives us both equal room and separate spaces with hers being downstairs and mine being upstairs and then he would rotate between the two rooms. It seems like a great solution in this case, especially since my potential husband has his own construction business so is very handy with these types of things :D
 
SilverFox said:
I can't imagine all that practice this have multiple homes or multiple master bedrooms. I would think most do the best with what God has blessed them with...not waiting for the perfect "polygamy" house to follow God's calling and live this. Would love to know others experiences, situations, and solutions. And would welcome thoughts, solutions, or ideas on my situation...which is...me and wife moving into a new 4 bedroom (1 Master w/ attached bath and 3 equal size bedrooms), 2 bath (1 attached to the master and 1 in the hallway) home with new wife. Both new home and new marriage happening within short time of each other. Two of the 3 non-master bedrooms will be used by our 4 children as well as the hall bathroom.
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We currently live in 2 homes; one for each wife (in the 3rd world so it's not like we're living like drug lords :P ). We're moving towards one roof though as I feel that's the direction to go (after a bit of mentoring from @andrew ). Our set up will be:
1st wife keeps her current room at the "big" house, I'll give up my room to 2nd wife so they will actually be across the hall from each other, kids share the other room, and I'll sleep in the living room. I like the idea of being the first line of defense by the front door as the other section is not really easily accessible. Living room is nearest to the street.
I may get some japanese wall dividers and section off my own little area; currently I have my office in there anyway.
There's a big patio/balcony out back I think it will be nice to make that like the "family hangout area".

Maybe we can share notes/experiences @SilverFox as we move forward with integration?
How great is our G-d!
 
Have thought about this often.

One roof, but with distinct spaces for each spouse seems the way to go for us.

A basement would be awesome (if those are an option in your area).
 
ZecAustin said:
Lol, who gets kept in the basement? That seems fraught with the potential for offense.
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Easy there Zec. You obviously have not seen some modern, upgraded basements!:cool: It's potentially the best of both worlds (one roof and separate house). They can be a very nice separate living space literally under the roof of the top level house. Anybody living in tornado alley want to verify for me?
 
Mojo said:
Easy there Zec. You obviously have not seen some modern, upgraded basements!:cool: It's potentially the best of both worlds (one roof and separate house). They can be a very nice separate living space literally under the roof of the top level house. Anybody living in tornado alley want to verify for me?
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I'll do that! Especially if its a basement in a house built on a hill with one of its walls exposed to the south. Front entrance on the north or east side main level, deck on the south and east sides, and doors and windows for the basement on the south side. Pretty ideal if you ask me.
 
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