Acquiescence

[Tndreamergal]

After discussions with other women in our group, more knowledgeable than myself; I have given much thought about roles in marriage, the specific internal growth required for plural marriage, and the concepts that should apply to any and all biblical marriage of any type.
I have been a single woman for half of my adult life, raising children and supporting myself. So it is sometimes hard for me to wrap my brain around certain aspects of my role now that I am a wife again, and likely to be a plural wife for the remainder of my life.
So these are only my personal thoughts on the subject that I wanted to publicly put out for comment and because by saying these things in print, I can better remind myself to hold to these beliefs.

1.) Only by accepting and trusting completely in my husbands total love for me, can I find acceptance in the fact he could love another woman in the same way.
2.) Submission or obedience are difficult concepts for me, even when they are important. So I have found a concept that fits better for me personally (LOL).....that word, one that I can honor toward my husband, and hope he can accept in place of the others that I struggle with, is simply "amenable" and is defined:
a. open or susceptible to suggestion; likely to listen, cooperate, etc.
b. accountable for behavior to some authority; answerable
c. capable of being or liable to be tested, judged, etc.

Does anyone, man or woman, have any thoughts on this. I would like critique, expansion, and if you might agree--than some further direction would be helpful too.
Pat

 

[FollowingHim]

Submission or obedience are difficult concepts for me, even when they are important. So I have found a concept that fits better for me personally (LOL).....that word, one that I can honor toward my husband, and hope he can accept in place of the others that I struggle with, is simply "amenable"

I think it is certainly better to be amenable to your husband than to be rebellious - but that is not what scripture requires of wives. Scripture requires submission and obedience. We cannot take what scripture plainly states and decide to do something different because we think it "fits better for me personally".

Trust me, it doesn't fit better. God knows what is best for you, and He has written that down plainly and simply.

I appreciate that when a woman has been used to being her own head for so many years it may be difficult for her to submit to another, out of habit. But everybody has particular areas they struggle with more than others - some struggle with a temptation to lust, others a temptation to steal, others struggle with their language, or attitudes, or to remember to pray. This does not give them an excuse to alter God's instruction on these issues, rather the exact opposite. Each person needs to work particularly hard on those areas that they struggle with, and God will help each of us in those areas because He knows they are problems for us.

You struggle with obedience. This means you must work extra hard on obedience, not abandon it. I think your attitude needs to be the complete opposite of what you present here.

 

[Tndreamergal]

I have read the verse, but I considered that in respecting his authority over me, but by my choice, I was living the concept of the law, if not the exact word.

But this has sent me on a study quest, because submitting to the will of God is important to me, and I find that in most translations the word is specific. You are correct, just as I would work on other shortcomings in the sight of God, this requires some more thought and prayer.

However, in looking at the bible, I find other directions that I am sure most Christian folk would struggle with understanding, as in another verse: Ephesians 6:5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.

So while I realize that this might be only semantics, submission to another human is still a rule that I have trouble with. But on the other hand, my husband is worth ever effort required to do this correctly.

 

[FollowingHim]

I have read the verse, but I considered that in respecting his authority over me, but by my choice, I was living the concept of the law, if not the exact word.

All submission to your husband is by your own choice. This is because we have no laws binding you to observe the Bible. It is your choice to follow ANY scriptural instruction that is not also mandated by secular law.

But you are to choose to obey him "as unto the Lord", ie in ALL things. You are not to listen to each instruction and think "do I want to obey this one or not", but rather to make a personal choice to obey every instruction, because that is what God requires of you.

Likewise, your husband is instructed to choose to love you, but not to think "will I love her today or not", but rather to choose once to love you ALWAYS - even unto death. He isn't to think "my wife is in danger, will I choose to protect her or not" - he is to choose once, by taking you as his wife, that he will ALWAYS protect you. Otherwise what is the point of the scriptural command "husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"?

Remember that God places obligations on both you and your husband. And yours are actually the least onerous. You just have to obey him. He's got to be willing to die for you, AND your sister wife.

But this has sent me on a study quest, because submitting to the will of God is important to me, and I find that in most translations the word is specific. You are correct, just as I would work on other shortcomings in the sight of God, this requires some more thought and prayer.

I am very glad you are looking into this further, it would be easy to just get offended at my blunt reply instead...

However, in looking at the bible, I find other directions that I am sure most Christian folk would struggle with understanding, as in another verse: Ephesians 6:5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.

So while I realize that this might be only semantics, submission to another human is still a rule that I have trouble with. But on the other hand, my husband is worth ever effort required to do this correctly.

I note that most Christians would find polygamy just as objectionable as slavery. This is a big issue and I won't get into the details here. But note that slavery is allowed in scripture, and had an important role in ensuring payment of debts, but is placed under very clear limits and guidelines aimed at preserving the welfare of the individuals involved. Submission to masters in that context is just as binding as submission to a husband, if God says it it MUST be right - even if our upbringing makes us squeamish about it.

I also take those passages as meaning we must obey our employers, and I don't mind obeying their authority, as without the obedience of employees businesses just couldn't function. If we would be happy to obey a secular employer (within the limits of our employment), why not be happy to obey a husband? Surely any less than complete obedience is to say a husband has less authority than an employer?

 

[Tndreamergal]

I requested your thoughts, I would not be offended by them. Wanting the knowledge of others more learned in the Word than myself was the purpose of the post. In directing my study, and consideration, you have given me assistance, not offence. From the core of who I am, I want to contribute to the success of this marriage.

My nature is to study, research, to try to correctly understand, in all areas that I face in life. So to read and compare bibical translations to embrace what God is communicating to my heart is perhaps the longest path to acceptance, but it is the only one I have. However, I must admit this is not the first, probably not the last, battle to give up the urge to put self first, and try to prove to myself that is the only bottom line I have to fall back on. I know this is not true, but there is fear in letting it go.

Pat

 

[FollowingHim]

Pat, I am very impressed with how you are approaching this. You recognise you have an area that you find difficult and need to work on, genuinely ask for and take advice (rather than just trying to find people who will agree with you to make you feel better, which is far more common), and express a commitment to work it out. If only more Christians were like you.

Keep praying, and God will help you solve this one. I think you know what is right, it's just difficult for you to do, but you'll get there.

 

[Tndreamergal]

I am grateful to you and the BF community. For counsel and advice, but even more for friendship and personal support. Thank you.

 

[CecilW]

Been keeping my mouth shut, Pat, figgering I oughta let someone ELSE talk, 'stead of me alla time. However, I, too, am impressed, proud of ya, etc. You are a keeper, and you are on the right track!

 

[FollowingHim]

I am grateful to you and the BF community. For counsel and advice, but even more for friendship and personal support. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I forgot to say that if you do choose to obey your husband in everything, he will let you down. One day he will instruct you to do something that turns out to be the wrong decision. Maybe if you had done it your way it would have been better in hindsight. This is inevitable, simply because he is only human.

When that happens, don't take it as proof you should never have trusted and obeyed him in the first place. Rather recognise it is inevitable, and it will be balanced out by the many times you will have obeyed him and found his instruction to be the right one. Nobody is perfect, but God still has an order in marriage that He has instituted, and there are many blessings in following it. One day we'll all be the bride of Christ, the perfect husband who will never instruct anything wrong. Until then we just get to role-play it in marriage, so we can practice how best to obey Him for eternity.

 

[CecilW]

[quote="FollowingHimI forgot to say that if you do choose to obey your husband in everything, he will let you down. One day he will instruct you to do something that turns out to be the wrong decision. Maybe if you had done it your way it would have been better in hindsight. This is inevitable, simply because he is only human.[/quote]

Agreed. Sorta. You have an absolute right to go before the Father as often as you need to to say, "I am absolutely choosing obedience through the Divine chain of command. That continues all the way up to You, Father, who do NOT make mistaken directions. So please lead my husband as strongly as You have to in the right direction, and I will follow trusting that in everything You are working to produce good."

I have been told by sources with experience that this is a prayer which God does answer.

 

[Andres&Christie]

Pat ,
I think your first statement is well thought and stated, accepting and trusting your husband's love for you is such an awesome and powerful thing, because with that trust comes a sense of security. A security in your place as a wife and a WOMAN without the inclusion of other variables (including but not limited to your husbands love for another woman), and with that security comes freedom from fear, and freedom from fear is power!

For the majority of my life submission and obedience have been difficult concepts for me. I think this was largely because the authority figures in my life were not people easy to obey because they were not honorable or respectable people and did not raise me with the love and security I deserved. I therefore became rebellious and didn't want to submit to or obey anyone...including my husband. I have grown a lot and have realized that my husband is a man worthy of my obedience...submission is no longer difficult for me because I don't feel threatened by his authority, nor do I feel he will abuse it. If I trust him why shouldn't I obey and submit to him as the lord commands! Sometimes simply trust is a more effective way to deal with aversion to submission and obedience than trying to dress them in an easier pill to swallow.