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A visitor named Sam.

Delta

Delta

Member
Female
My husband said this morning that it's weird not having Sam here.

Sam is a friend of mine who had come to stay with our family for about a week. She was very helpful, when we were spending time together, she seemed to equally share interests of my and my husband (that we don't necessarily share together. I hope that makes sense). She helped with our daughter, she helped with cooking, when we had a family member hurt, she helped to cook food so they wouldn't have to. I'm not saying these are the only benefits but it was certainly appreciated!! This person fit into our family better than I could have imagined. However, this particular person does not identify the same way in terms of faith - she has told us she has seen mediums and spoke of tarot, using supersititious expressions, etc. All of which are not things that I would want in my home.

When she left, our home felt more empty, I felt the lack of her presence deeply. I was sad when I woke up the next morning and remembered that she had gone home. I will admit, I go back and forth on the PM idea still but I missed having her here, not just as a friend but the idea of having a sister wife. (I know it's not the same but still) My daughter attached to her immediately and our dog seemed to really like her too (once he realized he didn't have to cower behind me and she was actually a safe person!! My dog is a huge chicken. Lol.)

A few days after she had left, I had dreamed that she was here and things were so peaceful in my dream. I was genuinely disappointed when I woke up and realized it was only a dream. (I don't recall the specifics but that was the gist of it).

Which brings me back to today, she has been gone for about a week and my husband says to me that he misses having her here too.

-----------------

Honestly, I think I am more so just processing out loud, the events that took place more so than anything else.

*name changed to help protect their identity. :)
 
I'll just throw in my 2 cents, which is that I believe it's a mistake to overemphasize having to be on exactly the same theological page in one's household. You miss Sam. This reflects my own belief, but I can't imagine that God or Christ are losing any sleep about belief in tarot cards or superstitions (or, as in the case of a Christian woman I pursued at length a few years ago, believing that she controls the wind). I'd never want a wife who denounces God's existence or Christ's Resurrection, but it's worth measuring on the scales which has more weight: her worth to you as a family member, or whether or not she has some strange beliefs that have nothing to do with her or your salvation.
 
I'm sorry you miss her and things seem off with her gone. I can understand about processing out loud, especially with poly. I go back and forth on it too.

Delta said:
However, this particular person does not identify the same way in terms of faith - she has told us she has seen mediums and spoke of tarot, using supersititious expressions, etc. All of which are not things that I would want in my home
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My opinion is that mediums, fortune telling, tarot cards, superstitions etc aren't a thing to play with. God has never seen these things as favorable or harmless, so I would not encourage anyone to think that they are. In our personal life, one of our friends was deployed for a year and while he was gone his wife starting seeing fortune tellers and playing with the occult. He was unaware until he got home and found she no longer believed in Christ. My opinion is that she probably wouldn't have been so led astray if she hadn't had been playing with the occult. There is a reason why God forbid the children of Israel from marrying the pagans and the heathens. I think it would very much be being "unequally yoked" to have someone practicing the occult inside a Christian family. "Bad company corrupts good character." 1 cor 15:33. So I would definitely be very hesitant about inviting anyone into the family that had such different faith beliefs.
 
While I know where I stand on these things, and if someone wants to make that choice for themselves - it is not my place to tell them what they can or can't do. I can share my perspective but that's about it.

@Keith Martin we are actually told not to participate in those sorts of things. (I'd encourage you to read Deut. 18 9-12). I agree that there are going to be things that we don't necessarily agree upon, but I hold such a strong belief about the 'occult' (to lump it all together) that I KNOW that it will be a source of arguments and discontent. Which I expressed to my husband and he agreed.

Further, I've heard it expressed that even Satan believes in Jesus... so I'm not sure about the 'as long as she doesn't denounce God' aspect. While it seems nice on the surface, and I understand that we are all in our own place spiritually and I can't control where they are, I'm not sure it's the best approach to take when seeking a wife. And I totally agree about seeing the whole picture and not letting one thing totally derail the whole thing, because let's face it, there will always be 'the one thing' but this is a pretty big 'one thing'

@RainyLondonFog thank you for understanding where I am coming from in the whole 'processing' aspect. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in the back and forth. And about the family you know, it's easy to fall down. I had it demonstrated to me years ago, (in a youth group actually) a person standing on the stage, and a person standing on the floor in front. Both trying to pull eachother. It was much easier to pull the person down then to pull them up. It's sort of a visual representation of the scripture you quoted.
 
Delta said:
I had it demonstrated to me years ago, (in a youth group actually) a person standing on the stage, and a person standing on the floor in front. Both trying to pull eachother. It was much easier to pull the person down then to pull them up. It's sort of a visual representation of the scripture you quoted.
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Whoa! That's is a great representation!!
 
Delta said:
And about the family you know, it's easy to fall down. I had it demonstrated to me years ago, (in a youth group actually) a person standing on the stage, and a person standing on the floor in front. Both trying to pull each other. It was much easier to pull the person down than to pull them up. It's sort of a visual representation of the scripture you quoted.
Click to expand...

Perhaps it is, but perhaps it's also more accurately characterized as being a dog-and-pony show distraction that really only proves something about the force of gravity.

As a non-Jew, Deuteronomy is secondary to me to the injunctions of Christ, especially those He shared with us through Paul. As for the pull-up, pull-down exercise, I'm going to be eternally grateful (at least I believe at this moment that I will be) that Christ didn't allow such an imagery exercise preventing Him from resisting the ne'er-do-wells with whom He associated and/or the human individuals and organizations stacked against Him from dragging Him down.

What gets forgotten in such an exercise is the raw power of how one who has conviction can drag up those who are attempting to drag that one down. You may have much higher capabilities than you realize. You may be the avenue along which Sam could relax her dependence on occult bad habits.
 
@Delta I too like to process out loud.. my husband gets the brunt of it lol

It sounds like Sam became a big part of your families life! Maybe she wasn't the right woman that God wants in your family but rather presented a learning opportunity and brought understanding that you all desire to have such in your life and more!
 
That is awesome that you had such a great experience with her there and could see and feel the benefits that plural can bring. Maybe God will use that time she spent with you to change her heart on matters.. or maybe she isn’t one that God has to join your family, but He would use that time to bring light of the benefits that could bless you too.
I’ve been there, I’ve missed friends when they have left and could try to overlook some (when I’m missing them) of the things that in the long run were things that were not compatible for our family.

Pray and maybe God is opening up the door for someone that would be a better fit to come your way while you have been able to work through the emotions.
 
As others have said, first and foremost take this experience to heart whenever you "go back and forth on the PM idea". PM sounds scary theoretically. But, when you see it as involving a real person you love, it can look completely different. I well remember an early conversation I had with Sarah, when she was feeling equally unsure about it all. I asked "But what if it was X?" (X being a mutual friend). She said something like "that would be ok, she's different"! This may have simply been what God needed to show you in order for you to fully accept that PM is a valid option for your family, even if it never involves Sam.

I agree with you on the occult, it is not to be trifled with. However, it may be that the occult is her way of filling a hole in her life, that a fuller understanding of God would dispel. God may wish to use you and your husband to help her come back to Him, fully.

In further interactions with her, you will therefore be torn between two desires:
  • To win her for you and your husband.
  • To win her for God.
These are not mutually exclusive - but need to be prioritised. The second is far more important as it matters for eternity, the first is virtually irrelevant by comparison. The second is also vital before the first is an option. But Satan can use your natural, fleshly desires for personal comfort and happiness to get you to focus on the first, and just hope the second might be achieved along the way as an afterthought. That, in my opinion, would be his way of bringing danger into your home, while having you think you were working for God. Ponder these two objectives / desires carefully, and what they mean in practice.
 
You and your husband are walking together in the light. That is huge! He is not hiding his affections and you are not protecting your selfishness or jealousy. That you both can talk about these things is beautiful. I can see Jesus in what you wrote.

Since you and your husband walk together in the light I think it would be good to encourage Sam to walk in the light and put away the Occult. Then maybe God will lead on to more good things.
 
Slumberfreeze said:
It's all good till the mountain lion she saw while meditating is interpreted by her spiritual adviser to be an omen saying that she has to leave her family to save their lives.

Then it is less good.
Click to expand...

It's all good until the daydream she had while praying is interpreted by her pastor to be a vision saying that she has to throw her out of her family to save their lives.

Then it is also less good.

Meanwhile God will decide whose heart to write His name on.

Maybe even Sam's.

Maybe shunning her will twist His arm.
 
FollowingHim said:
As others have said, first and foremost take this experience to heart whenever you "go back and forth on the PM idea". PM sounds scary theoretically. But, when you see it as involving a real person you love, it can look completely different. I well remember an early conversation I had with Sarah, when she was feeling equally unsure about it all. I asked "But what if it was X?" (X being a mutual friend). She said something like "that would be ok, she's different"!
Click to expand...

I have seen this multiple times with my @Well loved wife. The stranger danger that is felt by the first wife from a nameless, faceless theoretical person joining the family is not to be underestimated or taken likely. This will inevitably be a non factor when another lady they know and respect is the candidate you are discussing.

@Delta, I’d say that you are probably approaching this in the right way, however, just be careful to realize that you and your family may be the vessels of living water that she is destined to drink from. Just be careful to vet her conversion before you consider her as a candidate for your own family. It most likely wont work the other way round
 
Delta said:
My husband said this morning that it's weird not having Sam here.

Sam is a friend of mine who had come to stay with our family for about a week. She was very helpful, when we were spending time together, she seemed to equally share interests of my and my husband (that we don't necessarily share together. I hope that makes sense). She helped with our daughter, she helped with cooking, when we had a family member hurt, she helped to cook food so they wouldn't have to. I'm not saying these are the only benefits but it was certainly appreciated!! This person fit into our family better than I could have imagined. However, this particular person does not identify the same way in terms of faith - she has told us she has seen mediums and spoke of tarot, using supersititious expressions, etc. All of which are not things that I would want in my home.

When she left, our home felt more empty, I felt the lack of her presence deeply. I was sad when I woke up the next morning and remembered that she had gone home. I will admit, I go back and forth on the PM idea still but I missed having her here, not just as a friend but the idea of having a sister wife. (I know it's not the same but still) My daughter attached to her immediately and our dog seemed to really like her too (once he realized he didn't have to cower behind me and she was actually a safe person!! My dog is a huge chicken. Lol.)

A few days after she had left, I had dreamed that she was here and things were so peaceful in my dream. I was genuinely disappointed when I woke up and realized it was only a dream. (I don't recall the specifics but that was the gist of it).

Which brings me back to today, she has been gone for about a week and my husband says to me that he misses having her here too.

-----------------

Honestly, I think I am more so just processing out loud, the events that took place more so than anything else.

*name changed to help protect their identity. :)
Click to expand...
I had a similar experience only I was the "Sam" and then it was just gone and I know my life would have been so much nicer had I heard the feelings were mutual. I say tell her and then let things progress as they should. Maybe she feels the same but doesn't know how to say it.
 
@Keith Martin I meant the pulling up vs. Down as a warning to be careful, to be wise, within your interactions with some people. To surround yourself with people who are working together to keep each other up. I would never consider ‘shunning’ her because that will only drive her closer to the practices which she is keeping.

@Foxlily and @WifeOfHisYouth Thank you for the encouragement. She may be the person, she may not, I don’t know. It definitely made me aware of the possibilities that come with having another person in our home and in our family. I will be praying about this. :)

@FollowingHim do you know if there is a thread which discusses the things that are holding you back from fully embracing PM? I like that you brought up the filling a hole. She has been through a lot in the last few years. Anyone have suggestions as to how I could start a conversation with her? About the religion/ faith? Sam and I were able to have a conversation about us exploring the idea of pm so that wouldn’t be a totally new conversation with her.

@Paulsen it might have something to do with the fact that it was me who was the first to bring this up. I think things might have been different if it was the other way around.

Thank you @Patricia C for sharing the other side of this! I so very much appreciate it.
 
We had something similar happen in our life just recently. A few years ago we meet someone who it appeared that God had brought to us who claimed to be a Christian and displayed all the right 'characteristics'. We went through a couple of years pre-courtship, I guess you would say, as she worked though some of her personal issues and, even <wife> working though her's, not to mention me though mine. Anyway, it turned out <wife> and I grew to know that PM is meant for us even more through it all, but for her she grew to decide it wasn't for her. Too much independence, to much past family baggage and life, to many promises broken. The fact came that she only wanted a relationship with me on her terms and she really didn't care about <wife>, so it was ended. Even people who claim to have the same faith aren't necessarily meant to walk the same path.

Then came someone who was the complete opposite. She cared about <wife> first, wanted so much to make sure she was comfortable. Knew all about PM and wanted so much to be in a PM relationship. She truly appeared to be a gift from God to replace all the hard work and time and pain from the last relationship. But there was one thing that didn't add up, it was the differences in faith. She claimed to be spiritual and at first I couldn't figure out what that meant. She had no problem us believing in a God, even a Savior. She believed she could talk to her dead grandmother. She believed in crystals and other new age things. It wasn't really obvious at first because she was so comfortable with our faith. But in the end she couldn't deal with all the stuff we believed in and needing her to at least desire to find out about our faith, and so that ended too. All because of the differences in faith. I tried to think it would work out, hoped that God hadn't made a mistake. I pray for her salvation and journey to find God. It may be we were the ones that were brought into her life who would care enough about her to pray for her that way. Apparently no one else had. I believe one day she will be saved. I prayed God's will for her I am sure, so I believe it to be so. But maybe that's all this whole thing was about. My family was used to reach another woman who I wouldn't have been able to interact with unless there was the possibility for PM.

I understand what @Keith Martin is saying, sometimes God may bring someone into your life to bring them into a relationship with Him. Their 'spirituality' might be weird but it just might take the love of a family to straighten it all out. But in the end they have to go with you on your path to God and you can't follow them in their wandering.
 
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Delta said:
My husband said this morning that it's weird not having Sam here.

Sam is a friend of mine who had come to stay with our family for about a week. She was very helpful, when we were spending time together, she seemed to equally share interests of my and my husband (that we don't necessarily share together. I hope that makes sense). She helped with our daughter, she helped with cooking, when we had a family member hurt, she helped to cook food so they wouldn't have to. I'm not saying these are the only benefits but it was certainly appreciated!! This person fit into our family better than I could have imagined. However, this particular person does not identify the same way in terms of faith - she has told us she has seen mediums and spoke of tarot, using supersititious expressions, etc. All of which are not things that I would want in my home.
Click to expand...

You are right to be concerned. The Bible says these things are real. read 1 Samuel 28 for example.

Delta said:
When she left, our home felt more empty, I felt the lack of her presence deeply. I was sad when I woke up the next morning and remembered that she had gone home. I will admit, I go back and forth on the PM idea still but I missed having her here, not just as a friend but the idea of having a sister wife. (I know it's not the same but still) My daughter attached to her immediately and our dog seemed to really like her too (once he realized he didn't have to cower behind me and she was actually a safe person!! My dog is a huge chicken. Lol.)

A few days after she had left, I had dreamed that she was here and things were so peaceful in my dream. I was genuinely disappointed when I woke up and realized it was only a dream. (I don't recall the specifics but that was the gist of it).

Which brings me back to today, she has been gone for about a week and my husband says to me that he misses having her here too.

-----------------

Honestly, I think I am more so just processing out loud, the events that took place more so than anything else.

*name changed to help protect their identity. :)
Click to expand...

I enjoyed reading your story.

It is not quite clear what "Sam's" religion is. Just because she has seen these things does not really mean all that much. Would she be open to Bible study? I would not marry her unless she became a Christian, but people can change. Why could that not be a possibility?
 
cnystrom said:
You are right to be concerned. The Bible says these things are real. read 1 Samuel 28 for example.



I enjoyed reading your story.

It is not quite clear what "Sam's" religion is. Just because she has seen these things does not really mean all that much. Would she be open to Bible study? I would not marry her unless she became a Christian, but people can change. Why could that not be a possibility?
Click to expand...


Thank you :) I've really enjoyed sharing and being somewhat open about what we are going through. For sure its always a possibility! (I am reminded of the thief who was being hung on the cross in Luke 23).
 
Keith Martin said:
It's all good until the daydream she had while praying is interpreted by her pastor to be a vision saying that she has to throw her out of her family to save their lives.

Then it is also less good.

Meanwhile God will decide whose heart to write His name on.

Maybe even Sam's.

Maybe shunning her will twist His arm.
Click to expand...

Not marrying =/= Shunning.
 
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