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A question about Divorce...

ADHERE

ADHERE

Member
Hello everyone,
This question was posed to me by a lady that I know who has been divorced twice. Her first marriage was in her native country when she was in her early twenties. They both had agreed that they would move to the U.S. To have a better life for themselves and there two small children, and she was expecting with their third child. When she got to this country, pregnant and with the two small children, her husband never showed up. Come to find out that he never had any intentions of coming to this country. Of course she was devastated, broken and hurt? Trying to take care of her children and preparing to deliver her third child, she tried unsuccessfully to reunite with her husband. Her words to me was.... He abandon me and our children. So she filed for divorce and stayed single for quite a few years.

Second part to her story.... She met a man and they became friends for and extended period of time, which was about 2to 3 years. They both decided that they wanted to pursue a closer relationship that would conclude with marriage. They got married and had a child together but.... The relationship with her previous three children become so hostile that it ended up with there being physical altercations with the children who were actually teenagers. He got so frustrated that one day while she was out he packed his stuff up and left the keys with one of the teenagers while their mother was out, and he never returned. They too divorced. After this whole aftermath, he came out of the closet as being gay.... And all hades hit the fan.

Her question is.... What is her position scripturally concerning her situation with two divorces? If she marries and becomes a part of a christian plural family, does she bring sin into the new family because of her previous two divorces? Does she make the husband a adulterer because of her previous divorces? She understands what Matthew 19 says about divorce and the laws of the OT, but what happens in her case when she was abandon twice? Both husbands are still alive according Romans 7 which says she is still bound to the law of her husband.

She wants to know:

What is her legal rights Scripturally?
 
Deuteronomy 24:2 is very clear that a divorced woman may remarry. I would say that both former husbands have sinned in divorcing her unjustly. But the guilt rests with them, and God will judge. She is free to remarry.
 
Yes.

If she were not divorced by her previous husband, but chose to go and live with another, she and the second would be in adultery.

If she is divorced by the first however, the marriage is no more. She is free to remarry, and will not be in adultery.

God loves His daughters and will not sentence them to a lifetime of singleness because of the actions of someone else. He will hold the first husband guilty, but not punish the wife who is herself the victim.

At least that's my understanding of it.
 
A prudent prospective husband would also look into the circumstances of the previous divorces further if possible to check whether her perspective she has told him is entirely accurate, and doesn't omit anything he needs to know and that could change this assessment of the situation. Everyone is biased.
 
Thank you for sharing that scripture in Deuteronomy - and the way you all discussed this calmly and with such love is a power of (good) example to me. j/L "Granny" Matrika / Rolling Buffalo Woman
 
Thank you Matrika52.... BF is such a blessing to me... This is why I always read all subjects in the forum... Because different views are discussed with reasoning minds instead of hostile responses....
 
Hi Adhere.

I do not find the situation quite so clear.

It appears to me that the wife divorced the first husband, not the other way around.

The first husband may have had a change of circumstances, we don't know that story.

But it looks like she initiated the divorce, not him.

I understand why she would have wanted to divorce him.

But you have asked what is the Biblical position.

He may well have wanted to keep her as a wife, and opposed the divorce.

I would be extremely cautious in this situation.

A Government divorce is not always equal to a Biblical divorce.

Its very complicated and I am deeply thankful I have not had to personally address this situation as I find it very difficult and unclear.

Cheers,

ylop
 
Thank you for your response ylop. Yes she did divorce him because he told her that he no longer wanted her or the children. Him getting her out of the country was he way of getting with another lady that he seemingly was involved with, who he did marry and have a family with. And with the second husband, he wanted the divorce, but pretty much made her pay for half of the divorce because he didn't want to pay for the full divorce. I hope this information helped....
 
Hi Adhere. Thanks for the extra info. I have not walking in the wife's shoes so I don't know her situation. However for me personally the divorce makes me uncomfortable. The husband has taken a second wife. That does not give automatic grounds for biblical divorce by the first wife. And we only know one side of the story. I cannot give a clear biblical guide on this. In the past I have seen someone's theology on divorce change rapidly when they discover a person of interest. I am really cautious on this one because I don't want to ever take another man's wife. Sorry I cannot provide a clear answer on this. Cheers, ylop
 
Ylop... You are right. There is always 3sides to a story. Husbands truth, the wife's truth and the scriptural truth. For me, I would never change my theology because of wanting something so bad that I'm willing to compromise my biblical beliefs. That I will not do.... And to take another mans wife is horrible, whether it was done knowingly or unknowingly... Great food for thought ylop.... Thank you!
 
Good points ylop. I would count the first situation, abandonment by the husband, to constitute a deliberate divorce on his part, regardless of who did the paperwork. I agree the other wife has nothing to do with it. However I also agree we have limited information from only one side of the story here, a prospective husband must be very cautious and do more research into the situation than this.
 
Hello, adhere:
The law of God allows for divorce in cases of abandonment (see Exodus 21:7-11 and compare to I Corinthians 7:5-15).

Note in the I Corinthians passage that the example Paul sets forth in verse 11 is of the WIFE departing, meaning that in this particular example the wife is the offending party and the husband is the victim of her abandonment. Should she remarry another man after abandoning her first husband she would be guilty of adultery. Conversely, if the husband abandoned the wife and she remarried, HE would bear the guilt of the adultery, not her. The law of God always takes note of who is the offending party.
 
Hello tship67,
Thank you for the scriptural reference. It has helped me to have a better understanding....
 
Exodus 21:7-11 allows for a female slave wife to be released freely into the community without any payment to her master; if the master or master's son marries another woman and then witholds food, clothing or marital rights from the slave wife.

I can perhaps see a broader principle, however it is a fairly narrow context.
 
Father defines requirements for how a man is to divorce a wife that supersede any prenuptial type agreement. A wife is not a slave so she may divorce a husband for any breach of contract/husbandly-duties as Father put no limits on her for divorce.

IMHO... I could be wrong but I'm not. ;-p
 
Qwnsknight, please back your position with scripture. What you have stated appears to be in direct contradiction to 1Co7:10-11.
 
My question concerning this situation, "is which former Husband gave the woman a Bill of Divorcement in Her hand" According to Dueteronomy 24; 1? I don't see that has happened. The Creator don't recognize the Commercial Divorce from the marriage License, because that a slap in His face anyway. The Bill of Divorcement is the Husband's relinquishing His property rights in the woman. If You've studied the Scriptures, You know about property rights, so don't break the law.

Me,
 
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