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A purpose of marriage

W

welltan

Member
Real Person
Male
This is something I wrote several years ago. There is a chinese website that keeps it up. So I thought I would retrieve a copy of it to share again with you lovely people.

A TRUE WORSHIPPER and A FATHERLESS CHILD

Last Sunday after Sunday School, I walked through the halls shaking hands with my Christian friends and made my way to the main auditorium for the church service. I shook hands and took my usual place in front of the two elderly sisters which always sit behind us. The week before they had leaned forward to complain confidentially to my wife about the church service using too many choruses and not enough hymnal pieces. As I remember, my wife had just smiled and said she understood, and later turned to nudge me, knowing I prefer the choruses over the hymnal. Today she must have been delayed by someone in the hall after Sunday School and I sat alone briefly waiting for her.

Halfway down the pew in front of me sat a little blond girl, probably about three years old, and her mother to the right. Having a four year-old girl myself, I felt it was my duty to wave to the active child, and give her a smile. Instantly, the cherub face disappeared toward her mother, but not before giving me a studied look of embarrassment and curiosity. I sat back against the pew and glanced around to see who else has attended church. One of the sisters, I never can remember their names, leaned forward to get my attention. She said, "That little girl’s father died right before she was born." I said, "What?" The smiling sister continued, "I think it was a tumor or something but that's right, he died before she was born." I looked towards the front of the church and then towards the small girl again. She was looking everywhere and seemed to be having a good time while staying within arm's reach of her mother. On impulse, I slid down a few feet on the pew and said hello to her mother and mentioned that her little one was a little bashful. Her mother smiled and agreed and told me her daughter’s name. I said that I had a little girl that had just turned four and waved again and slid back to my spot in front of the sisters.

My wife came in and greeted me and the sisters. I looked forward to a good worship service. As far as I could remember, we had arrived for church on time. No one in the family had an argument before church. The church and I felt like one of those Sundays when God was going to show up. If He didn't right off, then we would praise him with all the love we had until the Lord could not resist the adoration of his saints. With this anticipation resting on my heart, I turned to my wife and asked her if she knew the lady with the daughter. She searched her memory, shook her head, and said she didn't think so.

The singing began and we were just starting to heat up to true praise when the song leader said to shake hands with at least 15 people. I shook a couple of hands and then turned in the direction of the lady and her daughter. The small girl was looking right at me. I thought I would risk rejection again and lifted my hand to her along with my raised questioning eyebrows. Slowly, the little angel's hand came up and I took it and gave it the softest warm embrace I could muster. I felt accomplished and thanked God. The praise began again and it was just as good as I had expected. I do like to praise my God, and if you do not mind I will pause right here in my story to do exactly that. Blessed be my Lord. I do love my Jesus. And since I take it for granted that you who are reading have accepted Jesus as your Savior, I also love and praise the Jesus you know. We love Jesus as He becomes personal to ourselves. One step up is to love and praise Jesus as the personal friend He is to the others we meet.

It wasn't too far into the preaching that the child had to be picked up by her mother for moving around too much. Slowly her mother rocked her in her lap until she finally succumbed to a mother's presence and began to drift to sleep. Somewhat loudly the little girl betrayed her dreams and called out, "Daddy, daddy". Her mother switched her to the other side of her lap and the little girl called again, "Daddy." Her mother began to rise to take her out of church, but then the little girl was asleep and her mother stayed. A timeless moment engraved upon the inside of my heart. Jesus loves that little girl. And He walked right through my heart that Sunday morning to be with that little girl.

Many may feel that men believe in a plural home for many of their own motives. But in that moment I realized that God leads to plural beliefs for motives of his own. One such motive is that He just wants to love the fatherless.
 
I so strongly agree with the point you make so well here, that I moved this post to it's own topic.
I think that God may well be angry with our culture for how we have failed to provide for the fatherless, the widows, the unfairly-divorced.
I believe that this may be one of the prime reasons (along with his disgust for feminist changes in society) why He now appears to be laying plural marriage on the hearts of more people than in past centuries.

Gentlemen, seek your hearts - are your motives pure? If not, you may bring destruction to your family or yourself. If yes, ask yourself if God might want you to open your home, and family, to a single mother, and her children. It may not be easy, it will not be "about you", but the rewards may well be worth it.
 
This is one of the things that we have talked about. How if Christian men who love children and know how to be decent fathers and husbands were available to marry additional wives, there could be a reduction of the amount of people who recieve welfare and other forms of public assistance. If women are not forced to go to work and leave their children in unsatisfactory child care situations, then there could be a lot of societal changes. So many people look at the FLDS and criticize because of welfare fraud and other such problems, but what if Christian Polygamy was actually a way off of public assistance instead of a way to milk the system for everything people can get. What if Biblical Marriage is actually a way of getting back to a more spiritual way of having families?
 
I agree that there is a potential advantage to the lifestyle in many areas that receive less attention then just the fact that there is more than one. The fatherless child can have a father. A lady can work outside the home if she wants or stay home if she wants. The obvious question is what if everyone wants to stay home or everyone work? I think God can put a home together so it works, inclusive of personality differences. That molding of family is in itself a purpose, and gives God glory for what He has made out of a home.
Also, I agree one of the things that is not be a purpose of a plural relationship is collecting combined welfare from the state. This give the whole thing a bad name. Combined family income is fine, but the state is not family. Few men have the financial base to have such a home, but with team work, it should work. I do think that a man that is not willing to do actual work, not necessarily physical work, and has a history of not being able to provide for his home should rethink the desire to have such a home until that problem is solved.
 
Christian Polygamy can and will work if put to use by those men who feel led by the Lord to step into this type of marriage. They can make a big difference. The only thing is getting the main stream "church" to except this and to put it into use. Also, for those of us who have excepted and are living or wishing to live this way and who are over the age of 45+, and looking forward to early retirement......it is trying to get the 1st wife to now come to terms with the idea that......I as a Christian husband now feel led by the Lord to not only marry woman "A" who has grown children and does not wish to have any more but to also add woman "B" who still has small children and is of the age that she wishes to have an additional child/children by the "new" husband. I am not saying this could not work for I could see it working......it's just how does a husband now explain to his 1st wife and help her come to terms with this as well........lets face it.....this would most likely happen to someone in that age range due to his stable family relationship, stable job and his knowledge in raising children....than it were to happen to someone a lot younger.

just my 2 cents...will add more to this when my brain is working better and I get more sleep
 
I agree about the financial stability factor being important. However, it is an initial attraction and most American single women that have learned to survive a few years on their own, can never give up their independence. They have food on the table from government assistance. They have too much inertia in their own problematic life to take a new road. A woman entertains the idea that she would be the great wife if God would ever give her the great husband. However, she waits for it to happen and figures her whole personality will change if it does. Not impossible but it would be a double miracle. In a nutshell..........independence keeps them single and being single keeps them independent.....and they feel that since God doesn't give them the soul mate husband it is God's fault they are single. It is sad....waiting to be dramatically rescued, but unwilling to get in any boat. But some ladies with God's help do break free from such a lonely life.
 
Well I have to say something on here Welltan as I one of the few single women. Looking at your post I think that there are some things about women and our society that you (and perhaps other men on here) need to understand. Now I can't speak for even the majority of single women now. I do agree that the state has become a pseudo husband for some. In my case and many others that has been a result of not having fathers to protect us and support us until our husbands come take over the job. If you are raised in secular public schools where you are told that "girls can do anything"! (Translation: a career is essential, a family is optional. Your grandma got it wrong,men suck etc.) and if your family also gives you these messages then when you grow up you think that you don't need a man. All this while at the same time being taught that prince charming is going to arrive one day and save you from all this anyway. This is the very schizophrenic way that today's women have been raised! What do you expect?

I think many women are pretty comfortable in their singleness but not really happy. If they are "divorced" or "put away" then thye're trust has been shattered. Family is not very important nowadays and it is not only due to women wanting to be in comfortable "inertia" as you put it but to fathers who abdicated their jobs and responsibility to protecting their daughters. The state has made it their business to make that as difficult as possible(visit divorce court sometime). Also, men have decided that being financially comfortable, fighting for a political cause, or anything else self serving has been more important than family and have neglected their homes and left the moms to raise the kids almost alone anyway.

Finally if every man in your entire life has failed you time and again it is very hard to turn around and act like now the great christian man in your life is not another user. Very hard to shift gears like that if the story in your mind about men is only that one day they will give up on you. I'm sure it is not because she or any other lady wants to be alone but simply that the men have not passed the security test. I, for one, have never had a man who wanted my time or commitment actually sacrifice or risk anything to help me or to prove that they would do anything for me if I were their wife( The way Christ would). Until such time as that occurs I will wait and save whatever I have left ;) for him. Maybe that is what your sister is thinking. The burden of proof is on men since whatever happens to a family is their responsibility.
 
You have restated this problem perfectly from the woman's viewpoint. You mentioned "burden of proof is on men". This keys the next point. Are men who have shown they can be a good man for years able to show "burden of proof" again? It would be difficult, as what would further proof look like? But further proof hopefully exists in words and actions. A Christian woman can be attracted to a plural relationship because she somehow senses that these men and ladies are different. She sees that the first woman loves this man and is entirely safe and loved by this man. She finds it a miracle that God might allow entrance to be with some man like this man also. Somewhere, at this point, a Christian man who believes or practices a plural relationship must be allowed consideration to be living in a positive direction. This step is best supported by the fellowship of Christian plural women with other Christian plural women. (Why ask a man if you don't have to? ha) That is why going to retreats for men is such an important fellowship. Our beliefs are a great benefit not to attract a woman but for righteous fellowship with all like minded Christians. It is a testament to our being different that we believe truth usually ignored or rejected. But additionally our hearts are the Lord's, and in our hearts we grow a gardens of love, hope, peace and all those other good things and hopefully not too many weeds. The "burden of proof" though, perhaps is not an unreasonable request for a woman to ask. I suppose when they crossed the red sea a few called ahead to the others and asked "is it really dry ground out there to walk on". Someone had to respond back loudly "yes" and there is nothing wrong with seeking someone to respond back. And if a person hears a lady yell back (no!) then that may be the caution to heed. Most men who believe scripturally in a plural relationship for some reason will still never have a plural relationship, but take great pride and enjoyment at living their lives and guiding their homes in a way that would prove their dedication to God and their family.
 
another thing that causes it to be extra hard for the man whom the 'burden of proof' is put on to, is that he is already under tremendous stress from society because he's already so different already than most men in that he will consider plural marriage.
How much energy does a wife think a man has before he has the support of this woman? Yeah, I'll admit to my limitations... I'm quite human and know I can't carry the burden alone...
 
Hi, I am fairly new to this site. Just a theoretical question. If a woman had a child who has autism, would she still be considered to wed and therefore join a Christian family? If this child was 13 yrs old, and the mother in her mid forties, would this happen for her? Just a question to throw out there.
 
to me, the only real question is;
does she really, truely want to live for the Lord?
if she does, the rest is pretty much finding the right "fit" :)
 
I believe that there is a home and family for anyone who truly seeks one. Personally, I can't see anything precluding a person entering a Biblical Marriage.

As for the child, all children deserve a father figure. It may even be more important for a child with autism to have a family that includes a father. I think that God loves each of us and has our best interests in His heart. I would trust him to put you in a place where you will have peace, joy, and acceptance.

SweetLissa
 
hopefulwoman said:
Hi, I am fairly new to this site. Just a theoretical question. If a woman had a child who has autism, would she still be considered to wed and therefore join a Christian family? If this child was 13 yrs old, and the mother in her mid forties, would this happen for her? Just a question to throw out there.
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I agree with Lissa, if God is in it then God can make things work. I think that the blessings of God are for all his children, even those with natural difficulties.
 
Nathan7 said:
I so strongly agree with the point you make so well here, that I moved this post to it's own topic.
I think that God may well be angry with our culture for how we have failed to provide for the fatherless, the widows, the unfairly-divorced.


I've wondered for ages why we cannot provide for folks in need regardless if there is 'marriage' involved. Everything seems to slant to 'I'll only be able to assist you if you are willing to marry me in return'. I'm sure this probably isn't exactly the case but why would ones marriage potential help or deny provision from other believers to those in need.
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donnag said:
I'm sure this probably isn't exactly the case but why would ones marriage potential help or deny provision from other believers to those in need.
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The answer, for many of us, DonnaG, is that it doesn't. Many of us help others, including single women and children with or without PM being in the equation.

Our point is to not STOP there. If a woman is alone, then one of her needs is a husband. And one of her children's needs is a dad. Don't stop SHORT of that, saying, "I provided groceries, or paid some bills, or included them in our family picnic, or maybe even PRAYED for them and that was enough!"

No, hopefulwoman, having an autistic teenaged son does not disqualify you. Other things might, so far as my family would be concerned, (and, I suspect, quite a number of others on BF,) but not that. Wherever God places you, you and he will both be treasured.
 
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